Oh, La-la!

Chapter 14. Ash

It’s been nearly a month since Beth left and I’m finally starting to feel like I can start to get back to the things I used to enjoy without dwelling on how quickly I’d been forced to rebuild the picture of what my life would look like from now on. Things had gotten so weird between Kayla and I over the past few weeks, and I feel like that’s completely on me, but I don’t know how to fix it. Seeing her pal around with Brett at the company picnic had filled me with a jealousy I hadn’t been prepared for. It’s stupid. She’s said it so many times, we’re ‘just friends,’ even though every time she says it I want to break something. I figure going back to art class will give me the outlet I need to sort through these emotions without putting too much pressure on me to be social. Getting back into a routine should help me feel like I have some control over my life. At the very least, it’ll be a good distraction from how much time I seem to have on my hands these days.

“We have a special model joining us today!” Suzanne is a fantastic art teacher, but she never misses an opportunity to be in the spotlight. Normally, I find it amusing, but I guess I’m still a little too much in my head right now, because tonight it’s mildly annoying. I just want to put pencil to paper so I can zone out and give my mind a break for an hour or so. “She normally models at the Metro Art Center in the city, but I managed to convince her to make the trek out here today.” My stomach clenches as she walks out of the back room and joins Suzanne on the modelling platform wearing a thin silk robe that swirls around her ankles as she moves. “Everyone please welcome Kayla!”

My breath hisses through my teeth as she slips the fabric off her shoulder, making her glance in my direction. Her eyes widen for a moment when she recognizes me, before regaining her composure. Sh*t! This is not what I needed! Suzanne is chattering away about different poses, completely unaware of the sudden lack of oxygen in the room. Ok, I can do this. This is fine.

Every time she tries a new pose, it’s like a kick in the gut. I start to wonder if I can fake it; I’ll just draw something without actually looking at her. I glance up again and forget how to breathe. I’ve seen her in some skimpy outfits- the dress at the gallery opening, and those tiny shorts she wore to the picnic- but nothing could have prepared me for seeing her like this. Her creamy skin is the color of a sandy beach, and she’s all gentle curves and softness. By the time the rest of the class settles on a pose, I’m struggling not to hyperventilate. Thankfully, the final pose has her positioned with her back to me- mostly anyway. Ok, I can do this, I repeat over and over like a mantra. I try to concentrate on the fall of her hair, the contour of her shoulder, and ignore the hint of her breast and the sinuous curve of her spine that leads to the sexiest triangle on her lower back that I’ve ever seen. I close my eyes and try to swallow, but my mouth feels like a desert. Sighing in defeat, I start to sketch with short, jerky movements.

Every attempt is utter crap.

“Ash, that’s not like you!” Suzanne exclaims as she comes up behind me on her lap around the class. “This is such a graceful pose. Look at how the line of her side creates another shape of negative space that echoes the overall form of the pose. Long, smooth strokes!” I grit my teeth and silently will her to move on and leave me alone. At the very least, lower her voice. I couldn’t help but notice Kayla wince a little when she heard my name. “Look at the shadow where she’s sitting,” Suzanne continues. “You practically have her floating in mid-air!”

“Suzanne, please,” I finally hiss at her through my cramping jaw. “Today is just not the day for it, ok?”

She pats me on the arm like a loving aunt. “That’s ok, sweetie. We all have our off days! Good for you for fighting through it!”

I want to run. I want to just bolt from the room and never come back. Maybe I could change my identity and live out my days driving a taxi in Alaska or something. My face is burning, and I’m sure everyone in the class must think I’ve completely lost my senses.

By the time the timer buzzes to signal a break, I think my head might explode. I desperately need fresh air. As Kayla slips into her robe and Suzanne announces the 15-minute break, I slam through the door, barely hearing any of her words over the roaring in my ears.

The private terrace is typically where the smokers would light up during the break, but the same cold breeze that’s cooling off my flaming cheeks has made them head to the front of the building that’s more sheltered. I’m grateful for the rare moment of privacy while I try to get a grip on myself. I stand at the railing and close my eyes, trying to slow my rapid breathing and fighting off the images of Kayla that are now permanently burned into my brain.

“Ash?” I stiffen at her quiet call, but I can’t look at her right now. If I look at her now, I’m afraid I’m going to lose this thin grip of control I’ve wrestled to me and say or do something I’ll regret. “I just wanted to make sure you’re handling this ok. This isn’t a big deal.”

Not a big deal? Is she serious? I look over at her, shivering in that damned silk robe that makes her look even more enticing than her nudity, if that’s possible. I know I must look intimidating when her breath catches, and she stops moving towards me. “Ok, so you’re not dealing very well,” she says slowly. She takes a cautious step forward like I’m some predator that may devour her. I can’t say the idea hasn’t crossed my mind. “This isn’t a big deal,” she says again, laying a trembling hand on my arm. Her skin is cool and soft, and I feel a vibration run through my entire body at her touch. “This is art, that’s all. It’s just a body. This doesn’t need to change anything between us if you don’t want it to.”

“And if I want it to?” The words are out before I can think twice. My voice sounds thick and raspy and I watch as a shiver passes over her. Her mouth opens as she looks at me, eyes wide, her chest rising and falling with every breath. I turn to face her at last, and let my arms circle her waist, dragging her against me. She feels amazing, like she was made to be here, in my arms. I shouldn’t do this, torture myself by holding her as if I have any right to her. I pause, giving her time to pull away, to say no, to be the sane person here. Instead, she leans in to me.

Need spikes into me, and before I can second guess myself, I lower my mouth to hers and it’s as though the rest of the world ceases to exist. It’s just her and I and this moment that means everything. At first, the kiss is gentle, testing. It’s a question I’ve been wanting to ask for a very long time. I run my tongue along her lower lip, and she opens up to me on a sigh, inviting me in. Our tongues rub against one another, a prelude to something more. She tastes like home, slightly sweet, and welcoming. I feel like I could kiss her forever and never tire of her taste. My hand slides down and I cup a firm buttock, pressing her even closer into me as her hands cling to my shoulders.

My head is swimming with the feeling of her, and I pull back, slightly afraid of going even further on this terrace. She sways slightly in my arms and I hold her close, unwilling to let her go entirely just yet. She rests her head on my chest and lets out a contented sigh, making me smile.

“Sh*t, you’re freezing,” I whisper as she shivers. I wish I had thought to bring my sweatshirt out here. “You should go inside before you get hypothermia.”

“I’m ok,” she whispers back, but she steps back and looks up at me, her eyes dark with lust and her lips slightly swollen from our kiss. At some point during our embrace, her robe had shifted, and I can’t deny the hunger that jolts through me at the sight of the curve of her breast. With something approaching regret, I reach over and pull her robe closed, indulgently letting my thumb trail along her jaw. My smile widens as her eyes flutter closed and her breath comes in short gasps.

“Come on,” I tell her, “you need to warm up before the next half of class.”

“Are… are you going to be ok?” she blinks up at me. She looks so vulnerable and fragile and somewhere in my neanderthal brain, I want to cart her off to my cave and keep her protected and safe.

I grin down at her and she visibly relaxes. Oh, if she only knew the things looping through my mind right now! “I think so. After class, though, we need to go somewhere…”

“Mmm…” her low hum makes me chuckle. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s primal brain is threatening to take over.

“To talk,” I laugh.

Her smile is pure feline mischief, “That, too.”

“Woman, you’re going to be the death of me,” I groan as lust curls inside me and I fight the urge to reach for her again. If I start kissing her again, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop.

She turns to go back inside, but glances over her shoulder at me when I don’t move to follow her. “You coming?”

“In a minute,” I say, shifting my weight. “These pants are a little tighter than they should be.”

She smiles, but doesn’t say anything more as she walks back to the warmth of the classroom. I don’t feel the cold anymore as I watch her hips swing through the door, and the tiny flame of an idea starts in my head. Pulling out my phone, I dial the Indian restaurant around the corner. Thursday night should be pretty quiet and I probably don’t need a reservation, but I’m not willing to risk it if there’s a wait. I need to do this right, and I’m not sure how long I can hold off. But I know if I rush Kayla into getting naked and sweaty with me, she’s going to get the wrong idea. I’ve never been the type of man to sleep with a woman just because it’s convenient, and I don’t do rebounds. Kayla is special, and I need her to understand that.

I walk back into class just as Suzanne is calling us all back. My feet don’t even hit the floor and I can’t get the smile off my face. The pose we settle on this time has Kayla facing me, and I couldn’t be happier. Suzanne stops to admire my work with soft praise. “Glad to see you shrugged off your funk,” she tells me. “This is possibly the best I’ve seen you do!” I’ve concentrated on Kayla’s face, and I have to agree with Suzanne’s assessment that I’ve never drawn better. Little does she know, I know every contour of that face. I know how she looks when she’s happy or sad, in deep concentration or wild abandonment. It’s a face I haven’t been able to get out of my head for weeks, and now, for the first time, I feel as though those thoughts are allowed. I smile at Kayla as our eyes meet before her gaze darts away again.

As class wraps up, I challenge myself to take my time packing my stuff and chatting with the other students who all want to compare our work. If I can’t control myself now, how could I ever trust myself to take it slow with Kayla when we’re alone again?

Kayla asks me to wait for her and I bite back a laugh. This girl. There’s no way I’m leaving here without her. She has no idea that I’ve already made up my mind to woo her.