Burned by Rejection (Book 4 of Wolves of Milano )

24.Insecurities, part 2

That amazing scent is all around her. She can feel his hands on her body as he carries her to her bed. She can hear what is going on around her and she doesn’t like it. Now he will see what a mess she really is. All she  knows is that  he came, but why and how? How did he know to come? She can hear Alessio close by. Did her brother call Elio? Why? Alessio had no reason to come over in the middle of the night. He couldn’t have known that she needs help. She can’t move. She can’t talk. She can’t tell them anything. She is locked in her mind. She wants to scream, but she can’t. 

She can hear one set of footsteps getting further away. Is someone leaving? Who? The scent of rain on the grass is still potent. Elio stayed with her. Will he spend the night? Will he give her comfort even though she doesn’t deserve it? Can his presence help her break this paralysis? How did she miss the signs? Was she too much in thoughts? Was she daydreaming and then she fell down the well? Should she have taken the pills? But she misses her wolf so much. This is all just a huge mess and it’s inside her own head. 

The bed dips down behind her. A set of strong arms envelops her. She can feel a warm body press up against her. He is going to stay! She feels better just because he’s here. His presence drives the darkness away. She is not scared anymore. She can close her eyes and relax. She can breathe! She is light as a feather. She floats in bliss. She falls asleep in his embrace. She is safe with him.

Allegra wakes up in the morning and she feels happy. Elio is still there. He is sound asleep. He probably never moved, because they were still in the same position as when she had fallen asleep. She closes her eyes and just feels. She breathes in his scent and purrs. He calms her. He makes her feel normal. He makes her feel wanted. Could she really have this? Have him? She is a mess and he’s got a nice life of his own. Could she put all of her problems on him? Why would he take her on? She doesn’t deserve it. There is nothing she can give him, save more problems.

“Don’t overthink it. Just enjoy the moment.” Elio whispers into her ear. 

“How do you know what I’m thinking about?” She wonders.

“I don’t know.” He tells her. “I know your type. I know you’re all up in your head. Don’t go back to the same thoughts that pushed you over last night.”

“Did Alessio call you?” She asks. She needs to know why he’s here.

“No. Your wolf did. Alessio let me in. I didn’t want to wake the whole neighbourhood by tripping your alarm.” Elio smiles. She can feel it on her cheek. He is all snuggled up to her and it feels good. She is afraid to move and break the moment.

“My wolf called you? How?” Allegra inquires. She needs answers, badly. She has no idea about the werewolf thing at all. Has her mother done this on purpose? She kept her in the dark all these years. She never told her anything important. Why?

“Can you feel your wolf? Can you feel our bond? It’s there, but damaged and faint.” Elio asks her. “Your wolf is probably passed out somewhere deep in your subconsciousness. She managed to call for help and it woke me up.”

“I’m grateful. I felt like I was drowning.” She whispers. “I never wanted you to see me like this. I kept sending you away, but you came when I needed you the most.”

“Mmm.” He grumbles and the vibrations shake her. It’s a weird feeling, but it feels nice somehow. “We need coffee if we’re having this conversation. I just don’t want to let you go. Five more minutes of peace. That’s all I ask.”

“Since you never asked me for anything…” Allegra smiles into her pillow. “But don’t get any ideas. I can feel your body.”

“I just want to hold you.” He whispers back. “I won’t force you. I can wait.”

“I don’t know if I can get over this. I don’t know if I can be normal. I’m only half of me when I take the pills. And I’m too much of a mess if I don’t. You deserve so much better than me.” She tells him. She regrets so many things, but he is her biggest regret. She can’t be a good mate. She is too damaged for that.

“You don’t know me, darling. There is so much I should tell you, but I am selfish. I don’t want to lose you,” he says. He sighs and lets her go. “I’ll get the coffee going.”

She stays in bed and watches him walk out of the room. His limp is still there. Is he feeling better? Why is that still bothering him? It’s been a couple of weeks. It should have all been healed by now. She can hear the opening and closing of the cupboards and the fridge. Is he making breakfast? In her own kitchen? She is so bad! She can’t keep exploiting him like that! She gets dressed fast and practically runs to the kitchen. Way too late! There is fresh toast with bacon and scrambled eggs waiting next to her coffee. He can multitask in the kitchen? The man is a keeper, but is she the one to keep him?

“You shouldn’t have.” She tells him. “I’m a terrible person. I dragged you here in the middle of the night and now you’re making me breakfast? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiles at her. “I want you to do something. Please take your meds. I’ll help you fight this. I’ll be there for you. I won’t give up or run away. I promise.”

“You have no idea what you’re signing up for.” She shakes her head. She takes the pills and washes them down with coffee. She will even be a good girl and eat the breakfast he made her. But how can she let him do that? How can she take everything and give nothing in return? She can’t give in. She likes him, but she can’t be his mate. 

“Get to know me. You will soon realise that I’m stubborn and that I never go back on my word.” Elio smiles at her. “And my wolf really likes you. You are perfect with your little flaws and imperfections. I don’t want a doll, I want someone real.”

“I can’t give you what you need.” Allegra protests. She feels bad for taking his help.

“You don’t know what I need. You are making assumptions.” Elio responds. “If you must know, I need my mate to be alive. I said I would not talk about this, but you give me no choice. I need you. However, I can get you. I need you close to keep my wolf sane. I need you to take back your words. Have you any idea what you set in motion when you rejected me? I bet your mother never told you anything about what it means to be a wolf?”

“No. She didn’t. What did I do? What mess have I created for you?” She shakes her head. It’s not the conversation she wants to have, but somehow she thinks this is more important. 

“The mess is for us both. When you rejected me, you damaged our mate bond. You condemned us both to die a slow and painful death. That is why I told you where to shoot. If you’re hell bent on killing me, have some mercy and just shoot me. Don’t let me go mad first.” Elio tells her. His face is serious, he’s not making this up. She can feel it when people lie to her. Even with the meds, that ability doesn’t go away.

“I didn’t know that.” She whispers. Did she really do that? Is she killing him?

“Have you talked to anyone? I didn’t want to force your decision. I wanted you to hear this from someone else first. I’m not telling you all this to make you feel guilty. I want you for my mate, but you have to want it too.” He looks at her. She can see the sadness, she can feel it. He is giving her the choice even if it kills him? Why is he doing this? She knows he’s different, but she would have thought that he would just be selfish like the rest and take her by force. She heard things, but maybe she understood them wrong? She never had the full picture of anything. She has no idea what the mate bond really is.

“Why can’t you tell me?” Allegra asks him. She doesn’t have to go talk with anyone. He had never lied to her before. She has no reason to doubt him now.

“Fine…” Elio sighs. “The mate bond is a sacred bond between two wolves. It can also be between some other shifters or humans. It all depends on who Fate thought would work best for you. It’s not unusual to never meet your mate. Many wolves marry out of love or political gain. I know Mrs. Ellena had a political marriage. She and Vito weren’t true mates. That is why she survived the spell to break the bond. She will recover. I have no idea if we can. If you really don’t want me, talk with Veles. Maybe he could do the same for you.” 

“He won’t do it. I asked him and he said no.” Allegra tells him. “He didn’t explain why. He only said that I should give you a try.”

“I never met him in person. I know what Vittorio or Mrs. Ellena told me.” Elio shrugs. He is looking at her with that deep sadness in his eyes. She doesn’t like it, but she can’t risk her heart. She just can’t.

“So there is no way to correct my rejection?” She wonders.

“You can take me back. I promise I won’t hold you back.” He smiles, sadly. “You know that I always keep my word.”

“I don’t know. I have to think about it.” She hangs her head. She can’t even look him in the eyes. She feels so guilty, but at the same time, she can’t let go of her reservations. Can she give him a chance?

“Don’t think too long. We have about three weeks and you used up one already.” He says, “Just keep in mind that I’ll be there for you.”

“I’m not good with deadlines. I can’t do this and college. I’ll fall apart just like last night.” She shakes her head. 

“Is it really one or the other? What if I support you in everything? I can drive you there and come get you. I can drive you to work and back. I can find the time to spend a few hours with you every day.” He suggests. “If you take your pills you should be fine. I will take care of everything else and keep you safe.”

“It sounds too good to be true. How can I trust you, if I can’t trust myself? I feel betrayed. My own wolf conspired against me,” Allegra whispers.

“Trust must be earned. Give me a chance to earn it.” Elio winks at her. Gods, he is sinful. She would want nothing more than to crawl into his lap and kiss him. The traitorous thoughts are hers this time. She likes him a bit too much. 

“I’ll drive you to college. Do you want me to pick you up later?” He offers it to her after breakfast.

“How about you come pick me up after work? I promise to take my pills.” She says. She is thinking that spending too much time together might give him the wrong idea. She is still not convinced she wants to try this mate thing. She might not have a choice, but she will do it on her own terms. When she wants it. He said so himself. She has to want it too. Does she want it? She needs to think about it some more.

“I can do that. We have to think about sleeping arrangements. If you can’t sleep on your own, I can stay over here. Will you let me bring some clothes?” Elio asks her.

“As in sleep together?” She looks at him in wonder.

“Yes. Just sleep. Your mate is supposed to be your comfort. Your safety net and the one to give you strength.” He nods at her. “You also sleep better with your mate close by. We don’t have to do anything.”

“Maybe. We’ll see. I can’t say yes. I need more facts.” She nods. “I will ask Vesna.”