Burned by Rejection (Book 4 of Wolves of Milano )

19.Dangerous thoughts 2

Is he out of his mind? How can he possibly want her back after what she did? Is love blind? How could she know? She'd never been in love before. She’s not sure she is capable of love. What she feels for him is attraction. Her libido is on high alert when he’s around, but is that something she needs to take seriously? How can she see past that? How can she peel her feelings away from that? How can she be sure?

What is love? Is that this warm feeling she has inside when he’s around? Is that why she trusts him, when she doesn’t trust her own parents? What makes him different? Why him? Who determined that? Why didn’t she ask Veles what she really wanted to know? How come all the things she wanted don’t matter anymore? She was looking at this situation from the wrong side. It’s not her wolf that is the problem, she is. She is the one with all these insecurities and fears. Does she need to fear him? He never did anything to warrant that. So why is she afraid?

Allegra hugs her pillow closer and turns to her side. She can’t sleep. She has all these questions running through her head and no answers. She needs her wolf. She needs her best friend to brainstorm and bounce ideas off of. How can she see what is on her mind clearly without her wolf? Can she bypass the pills and get her wolf back? She should be able to reach her wolf in a semi-dream state. She has to try. She needs answers. She closes her eyes and slows down her breathing. She lets her consciousness slip and flicker. She calls for her wolf in hopes of reaching her. It used to work when they were little. The wolf is always there. She just has to answer the call.

‘What’s wrong? What did I miss?’ Her wolf asks. She is in a white room with a white doggy bed. Allegra sits on the floor and smiles at the wolf. It’s been so long, but she did it.

‘Uncle Vito went overboard. He torched Rialto.’ Allegra answers. ‘And Elio is asleep in the guest room. He found me.’

‘Good for Elio. May I go snuggle up to him?’ The wolf brushes her body against Allegra’s. They can have contact in this weird non-dream state.

‘Later, maybe.’ Allegra smiles. ‘I need to know what to do about him. Veles turned me down. He refuses to take the bond.’

‘I see. Good. I don’t want to die. Why don’t you try to be his girlfriend? Make some rules, but try it. What if you like it? What if he really is the one? What if he can make the fear go away?’ Her wolf adds more questions. But she does have a point.

Allegra nods to the wolf and lets her take over. The shift takes longer because of the pills, but it will burn away the residue they leave in her body. She doesn’t care about that now, she is happy to have a connection with her wolf again. She can go back to worrying tomorrow. Especially if her wolf messes things up. Allegra has no control over her wolf right now. She has taken the backseat and allowed the wolf to do what she wants. She can’t get out, because of the double locks and alarm system, so there is no danger of anyone seeing the wolf.

The wolf padds over to the door and nudges it open with her head. The light in the hall is redundant, but she can’t reach the switch to turn it off. Elio left his door slightly ajar as well. Is he awake? She listens carefully to hear his breathing. She thinks he’s asleep, but there is only one way to find out. She slips inside the room and padds silently over to the bed. She is for once grateful for the carpet. Her claws make no sound as she walks. The wolf sits by the bed and watches Elio sleep.

She thinks he is trusting her too much, but that is what love does to a wolf. She can feel his inner wolf. He is trapped, but happy. How can a wolf be happy like this? He never shifts, he never gets to run, but he is content to be there. He loves her. They both do, the man and the wolf. She likes that. She likes the feeling. However new it is, it gives her peace. She hopes Allegra can feel it too. She hopes Allegra can give him a chance, because their mate is gorgeous. Sleeping like this makes the lines of his face softer. His commanding aura is toned down and more relaxed and she likes what she sees. He is a different creature around her. She knows that not many get to see this side and she counts herself lucky that she does.

Watch time is over. The wolf is sleepy, even though she has slept most of the day away. With nothing to do and locked away behind that veil the pills create. But since Allegra was up and worried all day, that affects the wolf as well. She climbs up on the bed and crawls over to him. She would snuggle up and hope to sleep in peace for one night. He is warm and she loves the scent of rain on the grass. It’s perfect for him. Manly. Hers.

-/-/-

Elio wakes up around four in the morning because he’s too warm. He is used to sleeping nude, with a thin blanket. Did she come over and cover him up? Why does he feel fur on his skin? That must be the reason he feels so hot. He turns over and comes nose to snout with a wolf. Allegra’s wolf. She shifted and spent the night with him. Does she trust him that much? But she doesn’t trust him not to break her heart? He would never hurt her, he has to make her see that.

He reaches his hand over and sinks his fingers into her fur. It’s so soft and warm. He would love nothing more than to spend eternity with her like that. He loves the shape of her ears. And the way they twitch with every stroke of his hand down her side. He leans over the wolf and whispers: “I love you.”

The golden eyes of the wolf shine in the dark. She is awake, she hears him. She crawls closer and licks his face. He wasn’t ready for her to do it and he shuddered. He laughs right after and hugs the wolf. He will let her lick him if she wants to, because he is certain that Allegra won’t. The girl is fighting their bond, but the wolf isn’t. He hopes the wolf can bring some sense to the girl. She managed to break the ties of the pills and she shifted. The wolf is much stronger than she is. The wolf is a warrior the girls should have been. Is it possible that that one event from her childhood shaped her so much? There has to be more to it, but he will let her tell him. He would not dig or force her into anything.

He hugs the wolf and leans against her. He will gladly suffer the heat if it means he gets to sleep with her. He wishes it was the human part to trust him this much, but he knows they have a long way to go to get there. He understands her fear. He needs to deal with it, but slowly. She is liable to push him away again. He breathes in her scent of vanilla and smiles. She is an innocent one. He wishes he could keep her this way forever. He tries to sleep some more. He needs it. Tomorrow will be bad. And it’s all Vito’s fault.

He wakes up again some time later. The bed is shaking and it’s not him. He can’t feel the fur anymore, but there is a warm human body pressed up against him. Allegra, his mind supplements. She is the one shaking. Is she cold or scared? He pulls the blanket over her and wraps her up well. He hugs her over the blanket and the shaking stops. She is still asleep. She probably doesn’t know that she shifted again. Should he carry her over to her own bed? He probably should, but he will be just a bit selfish and keep her here with him. Her presence soothes his wolf and gives him peace.

Trying to sleep is futile now. He will watch over her till morning. It’s not long anyway, just about an hour or so. She looks so peaceful right now. He wishes to give her that every day. Some peace, some solace, some comfort. He wishes to bring her brother back home. She must be missing him. Alessio became a good friend for Elio in the few days they spent together in the woods. He wouldn’t mind a repeat of that over a weekend. Maybe they could make it a thing? Or bring a few more wolves along for the ride? Vittorio is a great company as well.

‘Don’t overthink it.’ His wolf scoffs. The animal is lounging in his den and gazing dreamily at Allegra.

‘I won’t. I can make the suggestion and see what the guys think about it. They accepted me.’ Elio answers. He has their trust. He won’t break it.

‘They don’t trust you with all their secrets. We still don’t know what Vannessa is.’ The wolf muses.

‘I will know when it’s important. She must be something very powerful. The god, Veles, wouldn’t be keeping an eye on her otherwise.’ He smiles. He knows that she is special, that is why he doesn’t ask about her.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry. I fell asleep and hogged your bed.” Allegra exclaims suddenly.

“It’s fine. I liked your wolf, all snuggly and friendly.” Elio chuckles. “You don’t have to apologise.”

“She does what she wants. I don’t control her in the confines of our home. Outside, it’s a tight reign of reason.” Allegra explains to him.

“I’m just happy you trusted me enough to sleep so close to me.” He smiles at her and she turns red.

“I will let that slide, because I slept. I admit that you give me peace. I am grateful that you stayed the night.” She tells him. “But it still doesn’t change anything.”

“I see. I will convince you that we’re meant to be together.” He winks.

“Let me get dressed. We have to talk.” She responds. She leaves his bed, still wrapped in the blanket, and he smiles. She wants to talk. That is good. Now he worries about what weird idea she came up with this time. It doesn’t bode well for him, that’s for sure. But the picture of her in the same bed remains. She can’t take that away from him. It will give him solace for a few days. He held her one night. She gave him that all on her own. He doesn’t care that it was her wolf's side that did it. He got to hold her. He gets up and dresses in his yesterday’s clothes. He will shower later and get a fresh shirt. He hopes that today doesn’t bring even more trouble for him. He’s deep in s**t as it is. With her, with the pack, with Vito. He doesn’t have room for more. But wishes and horses and all that…