Burned by Rejection (Book 4 of Wolves of Milano )

18.Dangerous thoughts

He won’t give up? After everything she had done to him. After, she pushed him away, twice. After she told him she’s a total mess and that she’s thinking of suicide. He still cares for her. She damaged their bond and he still cares. He found her and he’s helping her. She doesn’t deserve him. But there is that image Veles showed her. It’s stuck in her mind, she sees it every time she closes her eyes. She is afraid to sleep, because she will dream about it. Deep down, she knows Veles is right. He showed her what she was too afraid to see.

Now, she has Elio right here. He is giving her another chance. He is holding her and keeping the darkness away. He is her rock. He is her connection to the world. He can stop her panic attack. And she wants him. She knows that she will ruin everything if she gives in. It’s her way. She always destroys everything. Alessio stuck by her because he’s her brother. Elio doesn’t have to be here. But he is. He said he loved her. He is willing to be with her. But she can’t! She knows she can’t. She can only do one thing at a time. She can study and work. And work is only possible because it’s so closely related to her studies. It even counts for points in the practical part. Basically, it’s study time she gets paid for.

She knows it’s a bit of a mixed message for him right now. She sends him away and then she clings to his t-shirt and cries. He is patiently taking it. He holds her and lets her cry. Nobody else would do it. Even Alessio lost his patience every now and then. What does she say? What can she say? She will only make it worse. She is terrible at this. She has never had a boyfriend before, now she suddenly has a mate. Mates are for life! She can’t do that. She can’t!

She has to get out of her head. He is waiting for an answer, but what was the question? What were they talking about? Did she space out? No! She’s taking the pills. Why can’t she remember what they were talking about? Damn! She misses her wolf. She could have told her what she had missed. She is the best backup possible. She remembers things. What was it? Would it be too weird to ask?

“Any ideas?” Elio asks her. Damn! What is he talking about?

“About?” Allegra inquires. He can’t know that she blacked out and can’t remember their conversation. Was her panic so severe? Even with the pills? That is just too embarrassing. She can’t tell him.

“My plan to hide you away for the wedding day? Do you have a wish? What would you like to see? Where would you like to go?” He smiles at her. Did he peel her off of his chest, or did she lean back on her own?

“Venice would be nice.” She whispers. “But, don’t you think Vito would notice you gone? I don’t want to put you in danger.”

“Don’t worry about me. I can take him. If he forces me to, I will take him out. We can worry about pack structure later. I am willing to lose a fight with your Aunt Marra right after.” Elio scoffs. “There is so much you don’t know about me, but neither does Vito. He can underestimate me all he wants. In the end, he will lose.”

“No! I can’t let you fight him. What if he kills you?” Allegra protests.

“You care?” He looks at her. “So do I. I care for you. I hate to see you like this; afraid, alone, and in hiding. You are not meant to be like this. You’re supposed to shine and thrive and create.”

“Gods! I miss all that. I would love to go to a party. Go out and not worry about anything. I would love to see my brother back here and just get a cup of coffee at Sammy’s.” Allegra tells him. “I would love to be free again. Now I look over my shoulder every time I step out of my home.”

“You could be. You will be. I promise you that.” He smiles at her.

“I don’t deserve you. You know that?” She tells him.

“It’s not about what you deserve. It’s love.” He smiles. “Come on. Let me make you tea.”

-/-/-

Elio gently lifts Allegra up and takes her up the stairs. He is thinking that there is more to the story than Marra told him. This girl is a mess even when she’s on the pills. Are those wrong for her? Would she need something stronger or different? He can’t force her to go see a doctor, but he is concerned about her. She is fragile and easy to break. She rejects help and she can’t trust her own family. Maybe he should get Kara to talk with her? He knows the pastry chef is one of the few reliable wolves in this pack. And the girls are good friends. He saw Allegra at the Gallery gala event.

He makes her some chamomile tea and sips his own cup. He likes the taste of it and he’s surprised that she does, too. He knows she will need some convincing, but he was sincere with her before. He would do anything for her. He loves her, he wants her safe. And he wants her with him. He is glad that he can help her fight the anxiety. He’ll have to find more time for her. And he will need more time to convince her to give him another chance. The chance? Whatever he calls it, as long as it’s there.

“Would you stay the night? I hate to be all alone.” Allegra asks him. Did he hear her right? She asked him to stay? What rules will she tack on this invitation? Does he care? He will be here with her.

“To sleep on the sofa?” He inquires. That thing is not big enough for him. And it doesn’t look comfortable at all. He would prefer the floor.

“There is a bed in the second bedroom. I would never force you to sleep on this castaway sofa. It’s not even comfortable to sit on.” Allegra smiles.

“Good. I accept.” He answers her. She is up to something. He knows it. He can see it. She is plotting something he won’t like.

“I was thinking…” Allegra trails off. Here we go, he thinks. But he smiles at her to encourage her to talk. “We could try the previous arrangement. My anxiety is very bad when I’m on my own.”

“You want me to pretend again?” Elio gapes. She surprised him there.

“Yes. Would you?” She nods. She is afraid. Of being alone or of him?

“What are you so afraid of?” He inquires.

“Everything.” She whispers. “But mostly being alone. Or being in a crowd. Some days are really bad and I don’t even go out.”

“I don’t want to pretend. We’re mates.” Elio sighs. “Let’s make it for real. Get to know me. The real me. I won’t hold anything back. I will tell you all my secrets if that makes you feel better. Just don’t shut me out.”

What will she say? Will she throw him out? Was he too fast to demand a real relationship? Is he pushing too hard? Should he just give her more time? But he doesn’t have the luxury of time? Does she know that? Was she ever told that rejecting a mate is not a good thing? That they can both go crazy if they stay apart? Does she know and not care? Or maybe she doesn’t? Her education in all things werewolf is seriously lacking. If he tells her that, it will only add more pressure on her. But keeping it for himself was not what he promised her. Now he had gotten himself into a precipice.

“I don’t know if I can. I have never had a relationship before. I don’t trust myself. What if I freak out? Or worse? What if I black out?” She says quietly.

“I don’t care. I’m here for you. I will wait it out with you and bring you back. I’m not a therapist, but I do understand you.” Elio winks at her. He knows it’s distracting her. He can feel the tension in the room. She wants him too, but she is resisting. He can wait for that. He wants her trust first.

“I hear your words, but I have a hard time believing them. Everyone leaves me. I only have a handful of friends that don’t know what a mess I am. Most leave at the first sign. Even Alessio left me.” Allegra shakes her head.

“I will show you that I’m not like that. I’m not leaving you.” Elio tells her. He kneels by her side and takes her hands into his. “Alessio didn’t leave you voluntarily. He was forced to go. Do you want me to take you to him? I think I can get it done.”

“No, you can’t. But thanks for offering.” Allegra smiles. “Alessio and Grazia are in Iceland with Marco and Morrana.”

“When did that happen? Last we spoke, he was in Castelletto.” Elio wonders how did they even get there? Iceland is even more remote than Japan. He’s been to both, just on a military flight.

“When I got the keys from Grazia, she told me they were there. And Morrana came here with her.” Allegra tells him.

“Great. He will be safe there. And it’s pack.” Elio nods. He would hate to lose a friend, but getting him back will be tough.

“You two really hit it off? My brother has a lot of so-called friends. But most will never call unless they need something. That biker club gang? They only know him when they need medical care. Alessio never said no.” Allegra scoffs. “His school friends ditched him the minute he became a firefighter. He’s not good enough for the snobs now. Do you know he studied to be a doctor? He could have been a surgeon or something.”

“I know. He told me. I admire that about him. He stood up to your mother and he took his destiny in his own hands. He does what he loves, not what she planned. So should you.” Elio nods. She really should take a page from her brother’s book and do what she wants. She is on the right path. She said no once.

“You think so? I try so hard to be myself, but I get lost so easily.” Allegra sniffs. He calmed her down to get her thinking again. Good going, he reprimands himself.

“Don’t think about it now. There is time for that tomorrow.” He smiles at her. “Shall I tuck you into bed? I don’t do lullabies, by the way.”

Allegra laughs at his last statement. And it’s so great to see her happy for a moment. He lets her get a shower and then he tucks her into her bed, making sure to leave the light on in the hallway and the door slightly ajar. He takes his clothes off and slips into the guest bed. He is tired of this pack’s mess, but at least they made some progress today. She asked him to stay. That is the start of trust. He can slowly build that up. Make her open up and tell him more. Then he can help her. After that, he can open her eyes and make her see that they are good for each other.