Burned by Rejection (Book 4 of Wolves of Milano )

16.Options

She can skip classes for a day. There’s nothing important on the schedule today anyway. She knows Veles will be at the tower around ten. Vannessa’s introduction to the world of finance and business endeavours is still ongoing. She can visit him there, because nobody would ever expect her to go. She puts the address into her phone’s navigation, because she has never been there before. She needs directions. Her wardrobe won’t do for this. She has to look the part or they won’t let her in. Luckily, Grazia didn’t have time to empty out her castaway clothes from the second bedroom. 

Allegra takes full advantage of her friend’s closet. She had permission to take something new, so she knows Grazia won’t mind if she takes the old. She can combine a few pieces that will look great on her. It’s not her usual style, but it just makes it that much better. She is in hiding. She walks out of the house in an elegant pants and jacket combo in dark blue. Her own black shoes are perfect for it. But the white coat she found was flashy. Just perfect. Nobody will expect her to wear it, so they won’t even look closely. She gets a pair of Jackie-O sunglasses and pulls her long hair into a tight ponytail. She feels like she’s suddenly ten years older. She wouldn’t even recognise herself.

Proud of her new look, she takes the city bus and walks the two blocks over to the tower. Offices upon offices of various businesses. She knows that Veles owns the top two floors. Will the security guard let her in? Will he question her? What should she say? If she makes something up, he could expose her. She can’t afford that. So she walks over to the desk and smiles brightly. 

“Hello. My name is Allegra Tottzi. I’m the personal assistant of Vesna. You know the designer, right? She sent me over to get a file from her brother.” Allegra starts.

“You sure are a better sight than Marco.” The guard chuckles, but he signs her in his little visitors book. “Top floor.”

“Thank you.” Allegra smiles. She walks over to the elevator thinking that this was just too easy. She went with a hunch, not knowing that this was an option. Vesna never sent her over, but it looks like she did it with Marco.

She looks for the flashiest door on the floor. That is bound to be the boss’ office. The huge mahogany desk in front of said door is currently occupied by a bored-looking secretary. Allegra approaches her slowly. To give the older lady time to notice her. No smiling this time, it would have been lost on the lady. She can charm men into doing anything, but it never works on mature women.

“Hello. Vesna sent me over.” Allegra greets quietly.

“Sure. Walk right in.” The lady shrugs. She pushes a button on her desk to open the door for Allegra. How nice is this? Automatic office doors?

The office itself is decked out in marble and glass. Veles has a huge black chair behind his desk. It’s facing the window right now, so all she can see is the backrest. The view is amazing from up here. No wonder he wants to have the best office space in town.

“Allegra.” Veles says. He swings his chair around to look at her. “To what do I owe this pleasure? The truth this time.”

“How do you know what I said to the guard and your secretary?” She wonders.

“Oh, please, child.” He chuckles. “You’re forgetting I’m a god. I already know why you’re here. I want to hear it from you, though.”

“I want to know if there is a way to break a mate bond?” She tells him.

Veles looks at her for some time. He is letting her stand there and hope. Wait for an answer and steam in her own self-doubt. He is a master of this game she is trying to learn. She can’t even hope to live long enough to reach half his level. The cool, calm, and collected look on the god’s face gives away nothing at all. At least she gets to admire perfection for a few minutes, before he has her removed. Is he letting his hair grow a bit longer than his normal haircut? It suits him. His chiselled, perfect face is framed by dark locks. His icy blue eyes stare at her and she wonders if he’s thinking of answering or just letting her squirm. 

“Oh! Stop torturing yourself. It’s not fun if you create all these scenarios in your head. Now, I have lost my train of thought. You would be a great torturer, too bad that profession is no longer available.” Veles speaks up. He is smiling. Is that a good thing? She had never seen him smile before.

“Will you help me?” She dares to ask. If he kills her right here, she has one problem less to worry about.

“I like you.” He chuckles. “Just one worry less, if I kill you? What do you have to worry about when you’re dead?”

“Can you stop reading my mind? Please?” She begs him.

“No. You are way too entertaining. I bet Ty has trouble keeping a straight face with you around. He just can’t help himself. He reads people’s minds all the time. Vesna doesn’t. Ever.” Veles tells her. “I’m still not decided about helping you.”

“Do you want me to get on my knees and beg?” Allegra inquires.

“No. Tell me why you want to have the bond removed? I thought you wolves craved your mates. Or did you find yourself mated to someone you can’t stand? In that case, killing the guy would be a better option.” He shakes his head. What did she expect? She is asking the god of the Underworld for help. She could have gone one step up and asked Morrana. That would result in a fast death.

“My mate is the best guy ever. I am the one who messed things up. I want him released from me. He deserves better.” Allegra tells the god.

“I see.” He nods. The silence stretches on for a few more minutes. “There is something you should know about this. If I take your bond, the pain you will feel can drive you mad. While I can give you something to ease the pain, he will feel everything doubled. Are you true mates? In that case, he might die in the process. Are you willing to kill him?”

“No. I want him to be free. I’m not a good mate. I don’t want a man in my life. I’m too messed up. I can admit that now, my own wolf tricked me into taking the pills.” Allegra explains to Veles. “Is there another way? Rejecting him didn’t work.”

“Would you give up your wolf? I can make you human.” Veles inquires. “But that comes with a side effect that you might not want.”

“What is it? What can be worse than losing my wolf?” Allegra wants to know.

“You can never again see your mate. He will forget about you in time. But if you ever meet, he will recognise you as his mate. The only change will be in you. You will be a human drawn to a wolf.” Veles tells her. 

“There is no way to get out of this with our wolves intact?” She wonders.

“No. Magic takes sacrifice.” He shakes his head. “Why do you want to do it? Because of Vito? Are you trying to protect this guy?”

“Yes. But I want to protect him from me. You see my thoughts, my anxiety, my fear. You must know what I did. All I manage is to hurt him.” She whispers. She is heartbroken and she sees no other way to set Elio free. If the god won’t do it, then it’s up to her. She will end it.

“Don’t you think you will hurt him even more if you kill yourself? He will feel the pain, he will miss you. What makes you think he would survive your death?” Veles asks her. She knows his questions are justified. She hadn’t thought about Elio’s feelings at all. She is selfish as always. She does what she wants. She never asked Elio what he wanted.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I panicked. I ran. I deserted him. I rejected him. I hurt him every time we are together. I’m no good for him.” Allegra sniffs her tears back. She will not cry. She will not break down. She will not act all pathetic.

“Come closer. I want to show you something.” Veles beckons to her.

“What?” She sniffs. The tears are threatening to flow over, but she will hold them back. She steps a bit closer to the desk, only to get drawn in. Veles engulfs her hands in one of his and she panics. What is he doing? She doesn’t want to die so soon? She is paralysed, she can’t move, she can’t talk. There is darkness all around her. What did he do?

She can see images flashing around her. It’s like one of those 3D movie effects. But it’s her life! She can see herself at the drawing table. There is a pile of discarded drawings on the floor. She is doodling a face. His face. But he’s not there. She knows it. He is with another and she is all alone. What good is a career if she can’t share it with her mate. She cries while she draws. There is a grey streak in her hair. There are lines down her face. There are scratches on her arms. The deep sadness that she feels reflects in the clothes she designs. Everything is black. She has fallen down the rabbit hole into gothic wear. She is miserable. Alone and miserable. She misses her wolf and she misses her true love.

Allegra can feel tears running down her cheeks. She can smell the pungent scent of fear and misery in the air. Is this what her future looks like? But she thought that the gods can’t see the future? Is this one option for what might happen? Is this how Veles sees her? She doesn’t want that. Black is not her colour. She has no idea about gothic wear. She is not doing that, she would rather be dead.

Another film starts playing in front of her eyes. She is in a deep hole. It looks like the well she had fallen into as a child. But she’s all grown now. She is wearing a tattered dress, her nails are bloody and broken, her face is streaked with tears and her throat is sore from screaming. Why doesn’t anyone hear her? Would nobody come to save her? Where is Elio?

“Oh, you’re dead in this one. This is your punishment for suicide.” Veles’ voice echoes around the well. It hurts her ears, so she huddles into a small ball on the bottom of the well.

She is back in the bright office and Veles is holding her against his chest. She feels like a child, so small in his lap. Her tears are flowing freely and her heart is heavy. Is there really no other option? Is misery the only companion left for her? 

“You can always accept him and find happiness.” Veles tells her. “I don’t know the guy, but I have seen him through your eyes. He seems like a decent wolf.”