Mr. Average

Scott and Joel meet each others' parents.

"Would you like to hold her?" Scott's mom had an expectant--almost hopeful-- look on her face.

I was startled out of my daze, my eyes flickered to Ree, the newest member of the Faire family. Her wide brown eyes matched Scott's and their father's.

I bit my lip, "I'm... not really good with... kids..." I explained slowly, it was sort of lying, considering my sucess with Lydia. "Actually, why not!" I surprised myself with the words.

Scott's mother, Carmen,'s face brightened, she scooped up Ree and handed her to me. Ree blinked at me with her curious chocolate eyes. She grinned, toothless. I grinned back, she was adorable--no surprise there-- and puked on my shirt.

I knew this was a terrible idea.

THE DAY BEFORE

"Joel, can you put that remote down for a couple moments?"

I sighed, lowering the helicopter onto the cafeteria table and facing Scott. "Yes, my beloved?"

Scott rolled his eyes with a grunt laugh and scooped up the helicopter. "You're obsessed with this."

"It's a hobby," I bit back through clenched teeth.

I yanked back the helicopter and let it go airborne. Scott rested his forehead on my shoulder, almost growling in boredom.

"Joooeeellll," Scott bit my shoulder, I swatted him off. "I think we should meet each other's parents!"

I froze, letting the helicopter dwindle in the air and fall. "What?"

"I mean, it's weird! We've been going out for a while, and I've only met your mom when we were nearly killed in a car wreck, and I've nver met your dad, it's insulting."

I looked at my shoes with a small sniffle. "My dad died a couple years ago."

Scott's face dropped, he put his hand on my shoulder, "Joel, I'm so sorry..."

I erupted into laughs, "Nah, I'm f*****g with you."

He looked stunned for a moment before matching my laughs with his own, "Stop trying to change the subject, Meryl Streep."

I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder, "I'm just nervous, I guess. You're out, right?"

Scott shrugged, "I never formally told them, they sorta found out."

"How?"

Scott tapped his chin, "There was this deal with a guy who was dry humping me, and Carolyn burst in and blabbered."

I gasped, a nervous laugh exploding from my chest. "How subtle!"

"Tell me about it," Scott laughed, putting his arm around me. "So, what do you say?"

I sighed into him, snaked my arm around his waist so I could hold him closer. "If we do--IF-- then we'd have to go to yours first, I need time to prepare my family. Because the family's kind of a package deal that I'm not apart of."

"That's kind of sad."

"No, it's not like I'm not included or anything. It's more like Romeo and Juliet, how Juliet is apart of her family, the Capulets, but doesn't really scheme with them and definitely doesn't hate the Montegues. Does that make sense?"

Scott grinned, "Nope. But you're adorable when you talk about old people books, so I don't mind."

"I don't read that many old people books, Scott." We had had this conversation before.

"Remember when you called me Mr. Darcy?" Scott poked me playfully, I swatted him off again.

"Well, that was just a clever reference!" I said, defensively.

"Joel, you're holding one right now."

I look down, seeing my copy of Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I stuff my tuonge in my cheek, thinking of a comeback.

"I'm just more cultured than you.", bu

"Oh, p'shaw!" Scott scoffed.

I gesture to the iPod in his pocket, "You're play list is full of old people music, not to mention you have the Catcher in the Rye audio book, Mr. Modern."

Scott chuckled, "I'm putting the 'hip' in 'hypocrite'!"

I laughed, crawling onto his lap and pressing our lips together. His tongue trailed my lower lip, but before he gained entrance he pulled away, "About the parent meeting."

"Ugh, you're so boring!" I exclaimed, pushing our lips back together.

He pulled back away, "I'll get you a cloth bound Lady Susan!"

I gasped, lightly smacking his chest. "That's impossible!"

Lady Susan was the only Jane Austen book I didn't own in a gorgeous clothbound cover. And, trust me, I had all of them in cloth bound, beautiful, expensive covers. I also have a pile of crappy, beat up, small paperbacks of them that I actually use for reading, the cloth bounds are meant for admiring and taking pictures of them to post to i********:. I had a crappy paperback of Lady Susan, but it all felt incomplete without the cloth bound.

I had searched far and wide, every time my family went on vacation it was tradition for me to search every heard of bookstore in the area for it, but I never could. I had vented this to Scott numerous times, and he always just smiled and murmured, "You've told me this already."

Damn, I just realized how nerdy that sounded. Why does Scott put up with me?

"I know a guy." He said, shrugging.

Our lips crashed together again. "Fine. You convinced me."

PRESENT

"Ree!" Carolyn exclaimed, scooping her up. Ree was giggling gleefully.

I knew I was practically steaming at the ears, so Scott grabbed my hand. "I'll go help Joel get washed up."

He lead me to the restroom. His family was very wealthy, at least to the standards of our town. The restroom had sky blue everything, sink, counter top, toilet, shower, and the shower curtain had a floral pattern. They weren't exactly rich, but very close.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" I hissed into his ear, stripping my filthy shirt off. Scott gave me some latex gloves, (why they had latex gloves in their restroom, I had no clue.) I pulled them on and scrubbed the goop off of my shirt.

"I can't let you put a drenched shirt back on, Joel. Let me give you one of mine." It was an offer, but Scott made it sound like a command.

Before I could refuse, he whispered a "stay here" and left the bathroom.

I sighed, putting the blue toilet cover down and sitting on it.

Scott shortly returned, with a maroon collared shirt. He tossed it to me, "Hang on," he said, running water over a rag and dabbing it onto my chest.

"I'm really sorry about this."

I chuckled, "It's not your fault."

"I know, but you can't blame it on a baby, so just blame it on the guy who brought you here."

Scott let the rag drop to the floor and pushed our lips together, his finger tracing my jawline.

"This isn't a lost cause, Joel." Scott said against my lips, "We can still make this a successful dinner, right?"

I sighed, pulling away and resting my head against his chest. "I don't think your parents like me."

Scott chuckled heartily. "Sometimes they poke fun at guests, just don't appear weak, they'll treat you like a meal."

"That's comforting."

He chuckled again, it was like music to my ears. I relished in the sound, it was like a warm blanket.

"Listen, if the rest of dinner is disastrous, I won't force you to introduce your parents to me." Scott said, rubbing my shoulders.

The weight on my shoulders decimated, "Really?"

"It's only fair," he sighed, "I made you do this and you're clearly not enjoying it."

I smiled, "Deal."

_~_~_

The rest of the dinner went surprisingly smooth, I gave Scott's parents nothing to work with, so they were unable to tease me, to my glee.

This, if course, meant I had to take Scott to dinner at my house.

The night before, I had taken my entire family through a mini classiness class. I knew Scott's feelings for me wouldn't sway because of my family, he had a sample of my Mom's worrisome ways-- worrying to be hip, worrying that I'm happy. I could tell that there was a panic attack on loop behind her eyes after the car wreck, but not wanting to take physical form in fear of embarrassing me in front of Scott, and I couldn't be more grateful.

He also had a glimpse of Finn, and I really couldn't tell what he picked up from Finn. Ever since Adonis and I came up with the Lydia-porn scheme, Finn has been distant, hard to read. It was unnerving, since Finn always got even. I remember a few years ago, he had gotten his first car and I took it out for a stroll with Victoria, and the next day he forced me to run a mile. I don't remember how he convinced me, but I remember being so angry and exhausted it felt like someone stuck me in an oven and set it to 'broil'.

But I'd been certain this dinner would make every first impression shift into perspective for Scott, and that made me nervous as hell. I know that my family is a package deal that I'm not apart of, blah blah, but my family was still my family, and what Scott thought of them was a lot more important than what Scott thought of my LC, and I struggle hard to make sure that they're all close. If any of them don't trust the other, my social life falls apart.

If my family and Scott don't get along, how is he supposed to pick me up for school and dates? I might be over thinking this, and this might make no sense, but I was still anxious.

We were driving to my house the next day, he saw me hunched over, lost in my thoughts, when I felt his hand stroke my back.

"Are you alright?"

I smiled slyly, "Nervous."

"Don't be," Scott chuckled, "It'll be fine."

I lean against the chair, "I sure as hell hope so."

We parked in my driveway and he knocked on the door, grabbing my hand, his soft thumb circling my knuckles, as he's done occasionally in the past. It was uncomfortable at first, but it quickly became soothing.

The door swung open, to reveal my dad rubbing a fresh rag over a shiny shotgun.

I gasped aloud, squeezing Scott's hand tightly. Dad never seemed like the overly protective type. We didn't even own a gun! There was no reason too, there was practically no crime in our town besides the unfortunate drunk driving incidents once in a blue moon, and we definetely weren't hunters. Lydia cried everytime she saw a deer head on someone else's wall, if any of us physically killed a deer, she would run away, no exaggeration.

I guess I wasn't used to this. I've had boyfriends before Scott, even a girlfriend when I was ten, (before some major self-discovery, obviously), but I had never felt comfortable, or serious with them, enough to bring them home for an awkward family dinner. But Scott was exposing me to new levels of romance I didn't think I'd have until I was in my 20's, or in the afterlife.

"H-Hello, sir," Scott sputtered, eyeing the gun.

"Hello, potential predator."

"Dad!!" I hissed, wanting to hide behind Scott.

Scott did his signature gravelly chuckle, that usually melted hearts. Not just mine, pretty much everyone at school, not that he was the usual jock that girls like Madison swooned over. Well, to me he was, but this chuckle could soften the hardest eyes. It was just... cute, to be blunt. Not much else to describe it. Scott was cute, shocker, right?

Dad's eyes didn't soften at the chuckle, they just narrowed. "Tryna be cute with me, boy?"

"Dad!" I snapped, through clenched teeth, "A word?"

He glared at me for a couple moments, "Fine. Will Pretty Boy over here join us for this word? Or will he finally give you some privacy."

I fumed, "Scott, will you--"

"Sure thing," Scott broke me off, squeezing through the little space Dad offered him.

I prodded Dad's chest with my finger until he backed away, closing the door. "Whatever this charade is, that you have going on, it's not cute."

"I don't trust him."

"You wouldn't trust him if he had won a Nobel Peace Prize award for saving a basket of toddlers and kittens," I bit back.

"Not true!" Dad whispered, "I trust Adonis! Why can't you bring him home?"

"You trust me with a muscular college kid than with a nice kid my own age?"

Dad glared at me, "Good point, but I know Adonis. I don't know this kid-- Scott."

"Then get to know him, or you can have dinner in the bathroom," I spat, storming to the dinner table.

"Sorry 'bout that," I laughed, walking into the dining room. Only to see that they hadn't heard me. Mom, Scott, Finn, and Lydia were all laughing, as if the dinner had been going on for hours.

Scott just had this atmosphere, that made people think they had known him for their entire life.

The rest of the dinner went surprisingly smooth, when Dad came in, Scott didn't miss a beat. Any awkward thing Dad threw his way, he took in stride.

After the dinner, Scott and I went up into my room. I jumped into his arms, circling mine around his neck and pressing our lips together.

"You're amazing," I said through smooches.

I thought our relationship would never end, that the warmness in my chest that bubbled and spread through my body when Scott was in my general area would never diminish.

I had no clue how quickly that would crash down.