ZERIAH'S POV:
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Zeriah…Happy birthday to you!”
I am sure that for 18 years, I have been living most of my life inside my head. Today is my birthday and I have been alive long enough to consider that during this years of my late adolescence, birthday parties do not appear appealing to the celebrant anymore. I do not understand why my parents still decided to throw a party for me.
“Thank you for your warm greetings.” I bowed my head to the guests who sang together with my parents as a sign of respect. Although I do not know how to respond properly at times like this, I hope that this simple gesture would help.
“Zeriah my son, here’s a gift from me and your dad.” My mother proceeded to hug me uncomfortably as she gave a box wrapped in a colourful sheet of paper which appeared to be some kind of a birthday present.
“Yes…Since today isn’t just simply your birthday, your thesis award is worth celebrating too!” My father stated as he opened a bottle of champagne while the guests clapped their hands oddly.
Yes, I remembered getting an award for the thesis I made last week. But I didn’t realize that it should be celebrated as extravagant as this together with my birthday.
“Come on, son…Give us a smile in three, two, one!” Mother happily uttered before one of the guests pressed the shutter of the camera in front of us. The flash of light startled me so instead of giving a happy smile. I just stood there expressionlessly awkward. I really hate spontaneous things.
The flash of light suddenly reminded me of my 3rd year in elementary school. At that time, I was only 4 years old and majority of my classmates are way older than me. For some unknown reason I couldn’t understand back then, my parents always tell me that I was born gifted. I was born ahead of my time and that I should use my brain well before it expires.
“Your son is extremely intelligent in almost all the academic fields there is ma’am. I think he can totally pass the Epstrille AP exam. Why don’t you give it a try?”
The year was 1978 and I was sitting beside my mother inside the principal’s office of Gernard Academy. I heard the teacher convinced my mother about something but I did not bother to ask what it was. All I remember is the smiling face of my mother and her high updo before I asked for her permission about going outside.
“Can I play, can I play?” I tugged her blouse and it made her annoyed. I looked outside the window from the office and envied the children riding the swing in the playground.
“Excuse me for a sec…” I heard my mother whisper to the teacher she was talking to before turning to face me.
“Zeriah…” She fixed my eyeglasses and patted my head before rubbing both my shoulders.
“What did I say about playing?” She kneeled before me while looking directly through my eyes.
“It’s for the older kids.” I responded as I bowed my head down in disappointment.
“That’s right. Very good. Being a younger child, what does Zeriah should do instead?” She kept asking things I found dumb each time I look back in the past.
“Study.” I replied just as what a naïve and innocent child would say when his mother forbids him to do something out of leisure.
“Good boy. Don’t test my patience again, okay?” She added as the tone of her voice shifted from being feminine to being serious. I also saw her clench teeth in secret so the teacher in the office would not notice.
The blasting sound of the two humongous speakers in the living room brought me back to the present day. Right now, I am sitting in the farthest area of the couch away from people as much as possible. I take delight in observing them from afar while taking sips from my wineglass.
There are about 10 visitors in the house and they are all workmates of my parents from the office. Currently, they’re indulging themselves with different foods catered at the dining area.
“Hey! Congratulations on your paper, and happy birthday, handsome!” Out of nowhere, a woman came to sit beside me just a few inches away. I moved aside to make room for my personal space before fixing my eyeglasses.
“Thank you.” I said simply as I shifted my body in an angle that would slightly face her direction.
“So…Do you have a girlfriend?” She asked as she moves closer and touched my necktie. This is way too uncomfortable for me so I moved aside a little bit more.
“No. I uhh—have no interest to form such relationship with someone.” I replied formally.
“Why? Don’t you like girls?” She took a sip of champagne from her glass and tried to maintain a conversation with me. I sat straight with both my arms on my lap while thinking of the proper response to her knowing that I am extremely terrible at interacting with people.
“That’s not the case. I am a heterosexual man but I find no delight of being in a heterosexual relationship. I have nothing against homosexuals, though, if ever that concerns you.” I smiled towards her briefly and this made her gasped.
“Haven’t you ever fallen in love?” She moved back from her seat and crossed her arms while looking suspiciously at me. With this, I thought of 2 things: first, thank God she recognized my personal space and second, I remembered one of the significant events in my senior year in college when my professor in Psychology was discussing love.
“In an evolutionary perspective, love functions to attract and retain a mate for the purpose of reproducing and then caring for the resulting offspring. ... Evolutionary theory on love also predicts that promiscuity benefits both men and women because it increases their chances for offspring and resources.” He explained as he leaned back on his chair and discussed the complex topic as clearly and as simple as he could.
The year was 1980 and what my professor had explained made me ponder about the idea of love on the spot. I carelessly made the worst decision of my life to put my question into words and speak loud enough for the whole class to hear.
“Why do people find love so special then, sir? Based on your explanation, it’s something like just a scientific feeling in layman’s term.” I raised my arm before standing up and speaking in a silent atmosphere. My voice was the only thing clear aside from the chirping of birds.
The moment those 23 words came out from my mouth, I heard my classmates laugh at me and it sent me in an extreme traumatic situation that I could not forget up to the present day.
“Child, how old are you?” My professor stood up and smiled at me while asking me about my age.
“16, sir.” My answer put all of the people inside the classroom frown and caused them to have mix reactions.
“Wow…” My professor uttered before walking towards my seat.
“You must be very smart to be able to study in advanced schooling at that age.” He patted my back.
“I was told that I was gifted, sir.” I replied while avoiding his gaze and speaking in the softest volume possible.
“Haven’t you ever experienced falling in love?” He questioned.
“I don’t think so. I guess?” I answered hesitantly and once again, I heard my classmates laugh.
“Seriously, Sebastian? You’re missing on a lot of things!” Gabby Andrews butt in with me and our professor’s conversation and I heard the rest of the class agreed with him. The audacity of calling be by my surname. I remember getting infuriated with him for embarrassing me.
My professor stared at me for a few seconds before taking steps back to his table. And in between his steps, I heard him speak the words which left the biggest impact on me.
“See class, the thing is… Sometimes, the more intelligent we are, the more we forget that some things are better left unexplained. There are things which can only be felt. I want you to remember that.”
“Like…love?” One of my classmates asked.
“Exactly. Several scientists tried to explain and propose theories on love but at the end of the day, the ideas still remain theories. Why? Because love is a complex thing and no matter what perspective we use, it will always be unclear for humans.” He stated while extending his arms and looking at me. He showed a wide grin before proceeding with his lecture and writing some words on the board.
“Hello? Zeriah? Ugh, you are so weird.” The woman beside me snapped me back again to the present time as she rolled her eyes in disappointment the moment she realized that I zoned out of her question.
I surveyed the scene again and saw my father having a nice talk with one of his companions near the swimming pool. The music is still loud on speakers but my thoughts are louder. Thanks to the question of that woman, I acquired a new topic for my study.
I need to write a paper about love…
I need to produce an academic paper about the feeling of love. I need to go back to that professor and slam him with my proof that love is not something complex. When he explained the idea to the whole class, I was the only one who disagreed. Back then, they all laughed at me but the moment I publish my successful work, let us witness who will be laughing then.
“Father!” I called out to my him in the middle of the loud banging music thumping with the beat of my heart. He did not notice me.
“Father!” I called for him again. This time, I stood up from my seat and take a walk towards his location. Some guests tried conversing with me on my way to the garden where my father is, but everytime they initiate a conversation, I politely decline.
“Father…will you excuse me for a second?” I grabbed his arm the moment I reached the pool where he is at with his officemate.
“Excuse me, Paul.” He turned to bid a brief farewell to his officemate and turned to look at me. Thankfully, that person he’s talking to decide to look away and not become nosey of what I was about to say. By this time, the music is still loud and I had a trouble talking to my dad since he is struggling to make sense of my words.
“Dad, I want my present for my next birthday.” I said.
“But that’s still a year from now…” He laughed and patted my shoulder in return.
“I know but I need to get it now.” I added.
“Come again?” My dad crossed his eyebrows and made me repeat what I said. Damn it, the music from the speaker even got louder. And at the moment, we are a few inches away from it.
“I said…I want it now!” I screamed.
“Oh, I see… Tell me, what is it?” My father is almost yelling as well.
“I want you to fund my next research.” I replied and once again, he had trouble hearing me.
“What? I’m sorry I can’t hear you, the music’s too loud.” He replied as he points out to the speaker above us.
I cleared my throat before speaking again.
“I said…”
Suddenly, the speaker fell dead silent and the guests stopped doing whatever they are doing to turn to look around and figure out what happened. This is such a wrong timing for me. The moment the music stopped, is the same exact time that I screamed as loud as I can while talking to my dad.
“I WILL BE WRITING A PAPER ABOUT LOVE AND I WANT YOU TO FUND MY RESEARCH!”
Cricket sounds filled the atmosphere and now, every person in sight is looking at my direction. I surveyed the scene and I saw the confusion in their eyes. I never felt so humiliated like this before.
I wish I could just go back to college and have my classmates laugh at me again. That would be way, way better than this.