The Passion House

VI (Part IV)

Is this love? Oh. I know this isn’t love. But what is this feeling?

In the darkness, I can feel how his lips touch mine. He’s kissing in a soft and slow motion, so gentle it warms my heart. It feels like he’s carefully handling something so precious that I actually feel so fragile in his arms. After a short while, he breaks the kiss and looks at me straight into my eyes. Pleading, wishing, as if he’s asking m for something only I can give. And under this flashing lights of Pink and Blue, and the wild beats of the bass, among the shouting crowd, towards his deep and brown hazel brown eyes and kindest smile, I give in.

He has the brightest and manliest smile I have ever seen since. His perfect set of white teeth shows and he gets so shy to look at me as he looks away. It’s obvious that he is trying to not let it show but I notice that he can’t help it. He looks like he just won a jackpot from a lotto draw! Even my ex who I have made love to before never looks at me this way. Maybe that’s because we have gone so used to each other that physical contact has become a chore. But with Harris, I feel quite excited that even my conservative ass is shaking behind me.

Running, we sneak out from the crowd as we laugh so hard and steal kisses from each other from time to time. We make sure that Yohanne and Stacey will not notice our departure from the party. 

Ding! The elevator chimes. I did not even realize that we have reached the elevator outside the Iodestone already. It opens and shows us 2 middle-aged women chatting. I immediately stand away from Harris while entering the Lift. I think that is my automatic reaction to make it seem that I’m not with him. I didn’t mean to ignore Harris but thinking about what we are going to do makes me feel really shy that other people might notice what we are planning to do. We choose to stand behind the women who are happily talking about their day. But even though we are pretending not to know each other, Harris keeps on flirting with me. He keeps on reaching out to my hands which are behind me and playing with them while trying to stay unnoticed. The two women step out on the second floor of the hotel and we are getting out on the third. Once the door has closed, With a giggle, I see Harris pinning me on the corner inside the elevator. He touches my hair and puts it behind my ear.

“Why did you do that?” He asks me understandingly.

“I was shy,” I say. He is about to kiss me when the door dings again, signaling our arrival on our desired floor. I quickly manage to escape from him while laughing and he follows me with his playful smile.

“Your or mine?” He asks me. I look behind me and see him with his arms crossed in front of his chest. I pout to show him I am thinking.

“Mine!” And I run towards the door of my room 

3064

and lay my back on the door. I see Harris slowly walk up to me. Why do I feel so playful right now? 

“This is your room?” He looks quite surprised.

“Yup, why?” 

“I stay in room 3066,” He says.

“Woah, Come to think of it, our bodies are basically sleeping next to each other now,” I wink at him and pull him to a kiss. And now, Harris is no longer holding back. He inserts his tongue to play inside my mouth and I gasp in surprise. I hear him laugh and conquer me again.

Should I be doing this? It might be because of the otherworldly liquor we have taken. Everything about this feels so wrong, yet feels so right. Should I stop this? But I may not be able to do this in reality. F*CK it. What’s more important is the now. Because I am here, now.

I do not know how I have been able to open my room door while still kissing Harris. Doing this alone is already proof that I am now out of my mind. He pins me to the wall as he gently caresses my body and my hands have found their way to his soft and clean hair, on his neck, and to his broad shoulders, pulling him closer to me with every breathe we take from each other. His left is roaming on my body, underneath my shirt, as his right is on my thigh. He is supporting my body so I will not lose my balance. His lips leave mine so he can whisper to my ear, “Let me carry you.”

I giggle. I jump to him like how I imagine what a koala would do when it sees a branch of a tree. He laughs at my state yet still manages to hold me well. 

“What are you laughing at?” I ask him

“Nothing,” he says, “You are so cute,” and he kisses me again. He lets go of me and lays me on the bed as he lies his body on top of me. We stay silent like that, and he’s just looking at me straight to my eyes. I admit I have never felt so seen before. I feel so vulnerable. He rubs my left cheek with the back of his hand and I rub myself on it to make him feel the warmth. I am willing to do it with this man. 

Now, he smiles as he kisses me again, almost burying me in the bed. I wrap my hand around him and trace the shape of his face, his jawline, down to his neck, and to his shoulders. His lips bites mine softly. Like he is inviting me to go with him to a world he knows is safe for me. I let out a moan when his tongue enters my mouth to deepen the kiss and I give him back the same intensity, the same passion.

I feel his hand roam on my body as he inserts his right hand inside my shirt and he leans over so he can slowly remove it for me. He then goes down to kiss me on my cheek, to my earlobes, down to my neck, to my shoulders, and he plants small kisses on the top of my breasts.

I push him. He seems surprised and quite scared that I might pull myself away from this. He might be thinking that I will back down. I see it in his clear bright eyes that shine in this dim-lit room. I know for a fact that if I want to stop then this is the right time, but I don’t. I push him down to my side and go on top of him. He giggles at my actions and allows me to kiss him more passionately. I remove his jacket, I remove his shirt. I plant kisses on his eyes, to his nose, down to his mouth as I brush his hair softly as he makes my hand roam down his chest, to his abs, down to his navel. Touching every part of his body. Offering himself to me. I go down on him.

-

I stand up and one by one, I pick up my clothes on the floor. With my back facing him, Harris is sitting on the bed still naked and the white blanket covers the lower half of his body. I can feel his stare on me as I dress myself up in front of him. There’s nothing to hide anymore, and we won’t remember any of this tomorrow anyway. All of this is going to be just a happy dream. A one-night stand that has happened in another realm. 

I go to the mirror to fix myself but I’m surprised to see that I do not see myself staring at back. I see my body on the bed sleeping well and alone. The assistants must have finished their job on me already and just allow me to sleep peacefully. This must be the mirror that can help me wake up. I reach out to it but I have not noticed that Harris has already gone behind me.

“What are you looking at?” with a jolt, I take back my right hand.

“I see me,” I tell him in a whisper, “Sleeping.”

“Really?” He looks into my mirror. “There’s no one there. We can’t see ourselves in the mirror,” he says.

“My assistant Adel has told me earlier that if I ever wanted to wake up then this is the exit,” I tell him while pointing at the mirror.

“So do you want to leave now?” He turns me around to face him and I find out that he’s still naked. My eyes grow wide at the sight and I feel that familiar warm surge of blood going up from my body to my face, again.

It’s okay, Amy. You have seen all of that earlier.

“What are you doing?” I softly punch his chest while giggling. I try to look away from him, “You should go and wear your clothes now.”

“Don’t tell me...” I hear him trail off. Amy, there’s no need to be shy, “Amy, there’s no need to be shy.” I shot him a glance. Can he read my mind? “You’ve seen this earlier. You’ve already seen and touched my whole. There’s no need to pretend that we haven’t done anything.” He tells me, grinning. “Right?”

You see. I still feel a bit awkward. I might have gone quite wildly earlier because for some reason I have thought that this might be the first and last time that we will see each other. We will go back to our normal lives tomorrow and there’s a high chance that we will not remember this, too, as something real. It’ll all just go down to be a wet dream.

My silence might have caused him to feel off that his smile slowly leaves his face. Realizing what I am trying to imply, makes him step back, away from me in low spirits.

“I- I should go out and find my mom,” I tell him and stands from the vanity chair. “I want to her check out and see how she is enjoying her night.” I head towards the door.

“O-okay, I’ll just wear my clothes,” I hear his voice sound rather sad but I choose to not think rather much about it. 

“I’ll see you at the bar later.” I tell him as I open the door and before I leave the room, I hear him say, “Anyway, Amy, I really enjoyed this night because of you.” I close the door shut behind me without looking back. I then start to walk back towards the casino to see my mom.

One thing that I am not ready for now is attachments. There’s too much going on in my real life that I should not feel any emotions toward anyone, especially in this realm because this is not my world. This place is only temporary. I’m not even sure if these people will remember me once we open our eyes tomorrow. I have been so drunk on the idea of freedom that now I am sober, I do not know what to feel. For now...

I just want to see my mom.

I just want to tell her that we should go back to the real world now because I know within myself that somehow, I want this world to be my reality which is wrong.

Wake up!

Amy, Wake up!

I stop in my tracks when I felt that someone is calling my name. The hair behind my neck starts to stand up as I feel a shiver down my spine. I decided not to move to hear the faint whispers around me start to disappear. I notice that the voice gets fainter and fainter that like it walks before me and tells me to follow it. I decide to do it and it has led me to a plain white door on the farthest corner of the hallway. There is a faint cry behind the door. My heart starts to beat wildly as my hands shake when I reach out to the knob. It is a voice of a little girl. It keeps on saying Stop!

Leave this place!

Right now!

Under suppressed sobs. I turn the handle and as I push the door open, the haunting voice suddenly stops. A complete silence suddenly envelopes me as I notice an empty spiral gold staircase behind the door. It looks exactly like the fire exit Harris and I have gone to earlier. I am tempted to go down but I remember my mom. 

I have to get out of here and I can’t leave my mom behind.

And I run towards the casino.