The Passion House

VI (Part III)

Harris just sits there listening to my story. He doesn’t even bulge; he doesn’t even judge; he does not give me an exaggerated reaction, too. He just sits there with a cigarette in his hands and he is staring at the sky full of stars as I do. I like it, this way, the way he listens with no judgment and bias, I have known I needed this. This might be the reason why I can’t open this up to my mom, or to anyone else. I might have known beforehand that I needed a Harris to open up to.

“I couldn’t believe it at first,” I continued. “She’s the last person who I have known who can do that to me.” I notice that right now, I really want to cry but my body might have dried out of tears, I can only breathe out heavy sighs. I gulp more of my words. “You see, Harris, that issue has been a big deal with my company for weeks now. It all started when one of my critiques stumbled upon a less-read novel with a different title but the same content as mine. The Author’s notes of it have been disturbing, too. The writer somehow low-key believes that her work has been stolen. I got quite confused at that time. I said to myself, This is impossible. My novels are a product of my sleepless nights. It is a world where the people in my head live. They knock on me to put it on paper every single hour and yet- someone wants to claim ownership of them other than me. It turns out that the culprit is actually Trisha. She’s the first and only person to whom I have trusted to show my works before I give them to my publisher. Yet she-”

I start to feel agitated as a sudden surge of anger comes rushing through me. I clench my fist and I hear my voice get heavier with every word I speak. My heart beats faster and my head starts to ache. I realize that I have the right to be angry for me, something that I have forgotten to do for the past month. “She even has the nerve to upload it 2 days before I release my written chapter so that it will seem like I have been the one who has been stealing from her.” I pause.

I have to calm myself down as I feel the urge to find myself some things to throw to relieve my aggression. I exhale a few breaths. I flatten my hands on my knees and look down. In a calmer tone, I say, “Who would even believe me? It will all come out as if I am the one who has been taking from her. I have been successful one. People will take pity on her because they will always side with the one who seems to have been the oppressed-”

I have been cut off by Harris as he gently puts the hair that I haven’t realized has been covering my face behind my ears. I look at him sideways and I see him smile kindly. He wipes the tears from my cheeks. Wait, what? Am I crying? There are still a lot of tears in me that I am capable of pouring out? But I thought my eyes were already dry earlier. This is embarrassing. I wipe my tears away. As he gently massages the back of my head.

“You must have cared for her so much,” I hear him comment. I get confused. I give him a questioning look. “You stayed silent for her and that ruined you in the process.” I hold my breath. I honestly didn’t see that. All this time, I have been trying to protect her, to protect them. Even if they can’t do the same for me.

“Don’t worry, we believe you.” He says and holds my hand that is resting on the bench we are sitting on. Slowly, the time starts to feel like it is ticking slowly. I feel the hair on my arms standing slowly. I start to feel my heart beating slowly- like the whole world is about to go into a pause. My breaths come heavily and slowly like a rhythm to a beat. His eyes are so reassuring I feel my walls crumble before him leaving myself bare and wide in the open. I look at his smile, I stare at his lips.

I snap myself out of it. Seriously, Amy? Out of everything you have gone through, you feel the urge to kiss this complete stranger in front of you right at this moment? I stood up, “It’s getting cold.” I say and rub my arms, “Let’s go back inside.” I start to walk towards the open door. I notice that he isn’t following me so I look around and see him standing there watching me, “Anyway, thank you for lending your ear and for listening. It means a lot to me.” I tell him in complete gratitude. He smiles back as he runs towards me. 

“It’s okay. Let’s go inside. They might be wondering where we went.” I look at the stars above and for the first time in a while, I have this sense of hope I have not felt for some time.

I feel refreshed going down the staircase like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I look at this man before me as we are climbing down. A knowing smile gently creeps on my lips. I’m so grateful for this man. Ever since I came here, I can see that luck has been by my side. 

Everyone is half drunk when we arrive at our table. The disco lights are flashing everywhere and the crowd has gone wilder than earlier. 

“Oh! The two are finally here!” Steven shouts when he sees us.

“Where have you gone?” Stacey immediately comes to me and clings her right hand to my left arm.

“We went out to get some fresh air, “ I smile and tell her. 

“What did you two talk about?” She interrogates me.

“Trisha,” I tell her.

I get surprised when she lets go of my arms and stomps her feet, “That B*tch! I’m going to kill her once I see her.” And she clings to me once again. 

“Where is Melvin?” Harris asks Steven. 

“He’s back there doing the beats,” Steven says as he stands up and comes towards me. Staggering, he pokes my cheeks, “Yep, she’s real,” as he hugs me.

“Why are you hugging her?” Stacey tells his brother pouting as she removes his arms around me and slightly pushes him away.

“You even cried in front of her earlier!” Her brother re-butts back and looks at me straight to my eyes, “If only you know how relieved we are to see you here.”

I feel someone take my hand and pull me away from the siblings, it is Yohanne, “Stop it, guys. We should make the two of them have some drinks since they are already considered late to our drinking spree.” She makes me sit down and lay 3 mugs of beer in front of me. “You have to catch up to us.” She says and winks.

“Hey, isn’t that unfair?” I hear Harris protest as 3 mugs of beer also are served to him by Yohanne.

“You two are the ones who are unfair,” She tells us. “And you’re the worst!” she points to Harris. “How dare you have Ariah’s attention all to yourself.”

“Oh, please, Yohanne, just call me Amy,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry,” Harris apologizes as he drinks a mug of his beer. I also take a glass of mine and chug it in one shot as I am feeling very lighthearted right now because of the comfort Harris has provided me back on the rooftop.

“Woah~” The three’s reaction to my drinking habit. Before everything happened, I have been a heavy drinker because I needed to attend invitations to parties and celebrations. This is nothing for me.

“I heard that this is your first time coming here, Amy,” Stacey asks me as she sits on my left and lays her left elbow on the table as it supports her head while looking at me. 

“Yes, it is,” I confirm to her.

“Then you’ve come to the right place to relieve your stressors,” Stacey sinks at me.

“People keep on telling me that, can you tell me what it means?”

“That means,” Yohanne inserted, “You can do basically everything here. There’s no law here. There’s no right and wrong. There are also no real consequences that are going to project in the real world,” She says while chewing some chips served on the table.

“Yep, because of the freedom this place offers, anyone can do whatever they want here. This is basically like the Devil’s Lair,” Stacey points out. I continued drinking my beer as she comes near to my ear to whisper, “You can do anything here,” she pauses. I get so surprised I turn to look at her and see her smiling mischievously, “and that includes what you want to do with Harris.” 

I almost spit my drink as my gaze runs from her and goes to Harris. I see that he is looking at me, too. I feel my spine shiver as I look away. You can do anything here and that includes what you want to do with Harris. Like a broken record, it keeps on repeating in my mind I drink another mug in one shot. I am now starting to feel dizzy. Wow, their liquor here is strong!

“What are you whispering to Amy, Stacey?” I hear Harris ask Stacey.

“Nothingg~,” In her drunkenness, Stacey giggles as a sign of delight because of what she has said. 

You can do anything here and that includes what you want to do with Harris.

“NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” I can hear Melvin shout from his microphone as he starts to play a piece of wilder music and people start jumping and dancing their hearts out.

I finish out my last mug and invite them to dance. I should get what Stacey has said out of my mind, “Let’s go dance.”

“Let’s go!” Stacey excitedly stands up and drags Yohanne along with her.

I have never been a good dancer, but maybe because of the liquor, I have gained confidence in dancing that I no longer mind all the people around me. Stacey, Yohanne, and I play and goof around like longtime friends as we dance all the heaviness we have carried. Stacey and Yohanne are wild! It is indeed true that they are very used to this place. One moment, they are dancing with me, the next, they are grinding with men. I smile to myself. I haven’t really done this before as my ex never allowed me to visit this type of place nor did he bring me along. The nerve of that bastard, he is afraid of me cheating because he wants to be the one who will do the deed. I continue dancing and after a while, I feel a pair of hands on my waist. I turn around to slap the man but I get surprised to see Harris. It is his hands.

“You seem lonely,” He grins like a boy. “Let me accompany you,” he whispers smiling, “or else a creepy stranger might come to you.” 

“You’re technically a stranger to me, too,” I tell him, and he giggles.

“At least we’re confidants now,” he winks at me and we dance. I keep on laughing when I realize that just like me, Harris is also not a great dancer. But that’s not a big deal. The most important thing right now is that we are having fun. Our bodies are so close as we both dance with each other. Me not wanting to go away from him, and him not allowing anyone except him to come to me.

I look at Harris having fun and the feeling of being in a slow-motion slowly comes back to me. His hazel brown eyes and enlarged irises seem to bring me to him, drawing me into him. Maybe it is because of how the loud party music must be affecting my heartbeat, or maybe because I am already tipsy of the drinks I have taken before, or how the lights kiss his kind face making me feel like I have been sucked to a pit of no return. Slowly, I lose awareness of everything around us as I feel his hands on my back and mine rests on his neck. Is this all one-sided? I should snap out of it.

“H-harris. I-,” I try to push him away as I notice how near our faces to each other are before I lose my sense of reason. I can feel his perfume and his breath to my nostrils and he smells like menthol and beer all at once. One of his hands reaches to my hands that are on his chest to stop me and smiles at me one more time. In this dim light, I feel myself melting and he’s holding me up to keep me whole. I’m shaking as I feel his heartbeat match mine. My gaze falls down to his lips that are so plump and red which I have to admit that I am doing everything in my power to stop myself from kissing him.

“Amy, can I kiss you?” He asks me. My eyes go back to meet him in disbelief. “If you don’t want to, it’s oka-,” I stop him from speaking as I put a finger to his mouth to shush him. I am allowed to do this, right?

“Yes,” I go near him and close my eyes to give a peck on the finger on his mouth, our lips faintly touching each other. For now, I won’t hold back. This won’t do me harm, anyway.

I slowly let go of him and notice that his eyes are wide open because of the shock. Once he realizes what is happening, he puts his free hand behind my head and gently pulls me to a kiss in the middle of the crowd.