Knights of Hell

Chapter 4 :0

"You're a demon! A Knight of Hell at that!" Kai yelled the moment Azure closed the bedroom door.

He was too scared to turn around, to face Kai after keeping the secret hidden for so long. He didn’t know why he thought he could keep up with this for as long as he wanted.

“Azure!” Kai snapped.

The knight exhaled before he slowly turned around to see Kai sitting on the bed they both slept on when Kai was spending the night at his. "Kai, let me explain."

"Explain what!? You're a demon! You lied to me!" Kai snapped, throwing his hands in the air, his brown eyes narrowed on him.

"Okay, I can't really explain that, but I-"

"You what?! You know exactly how I felt about them! I trusted you! You made me-"

Azure hesitated. He wanted to tell Kai he was in love with him. He knew if he didn’t tell him now, he would never be able to tell him. But, he couldn’t, not when Kai was looking at him with so much hate in his eyes.

"I never made you do anything!" he yelled instead. "I never did anything to you. Don't you dare say that I hurt you. I did everything I could to protect you!"

Ah. The whole situation just seemed to dawn on him. Kai knew. Kai knew he was a demon and a Knight at that and there was a chance he could lose him. “Don’t hate me,” he whispered.

He could deal with everyone else hating him, just not Kai.

"Azure!" he yelled, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air.

"I'm sorry, okay, I didn't know how to tell you. That's a lie, I just didn't want to tell you. To be honest, I was never going to tell you. But now, you're in bloody danger! The demons know you’re important to me, they think you’ve made me weak. Why didn’t you just exorcist them?!”

“It’s exorcise. The first thing they did when they walked in was tape my mouth so I couldn’t speak. Azure, you know, I- when I was a kid-"

"I know," Azure said, interrupting him. He took a step towards Kai, who darted off the bed and took two steps back. Azure’s face contorted. He didn’t want Kai to move away from him. “I know what happened,” he said, staying put. He didn't think he could manage to watch Kai take another step away from him. “I was there with you. If it helps, I found him and killed him.”

"You what? Wait, what do you mean you were there?"

"I mean," he said, shrugging a little. "I've been with you since you were a kid. A tiny child. And I watched you grow up in the shadows."

"Wait, really? Wait. No, I don't care. A demon's a demon. You're a monster. You all are."

Ah. He called him a monster.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell him. Kai would hate him. Maybe they could go back to being friends. But if he found out Azure was in love with him. He would most likely stay away from him forever.

And forever was a long time.

“Kai, I would never hurt you. I swear, I wouldn’t let anyone else either. You have to believe me. Why did you think there were no demons near you, even if they were crawling there? Because I made sure you were never harmed.”

“Azure,” he said. He tried taking a step closer but he took two more back.

“Please stop moving away from me,” he whispered.

“No. I- just. I want to go home. I’m going home.”

Azure hesitated. Kai wasn’t fully healed, he couldn’t risk getting hurt anymore. Azure watched him, he didn’t look hurt at the fact he had lied, in fact, he looked more scared. Azure swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I meant what I said,” he whispered.

‘Azure. We’re at the church where Kai works. He’s following an angel,’ Feather hissed through the line.

Azure’s eyes landed on Kai, who was looking at him warily.

“The church you work with. You’re under the rule of an angel?” he whispered.

"I kill demons, you know this," he said, calmly.

"You never mentioned anything about an angel!"

"Because you didn't need to know."

‘Holy s**t, Azure. There are pictures of us. All five of us. Even the seven, and Lucifer’s spawn too. And the horsemen. What the hell has your human gotten himself into?’ Feather hissed. ‘Also, our nephew? You said he was Kai’s kid. So what, you screwed him? Wait, no, no he screwed you.’

‘No! Ask Mint, he'll explain,’ Azure grumbled. ‘Also, do you know anything about angels and collars?’ he asked, his eyes landing on the choker around Kai’s neck. He always refused to take it off.

‘Collars? Why?’

‘Yes or no will do Feather.’

‘No, but I’ll have a look into it.’

"Why are there pictures of me in the church? Of all of us?" Azure asked, and the confusion and worry that had previously been on Kai’s face disappeared.

"There aren't," he replied.

"Do not lie to me, Kai. Feather and Yua are there. They've seen it. Them. So how could you act so surprised when you knew?"

“They want you dead. All of you.” Kai wasn’t looking at him. No, he was looking at the wall and Azure didn’t know how to feel about any of this. What exactly was he meant to do? “You can’t know what I know. Imagine how I felt. My best friend was a knight of hell. And you hid it from me.”

Ah. So, that meant Kai had known all along. But when he had touched him before, he didn’t mind, and now every time Azure tried to take a step closer, Kai would always take on back. Maybe he had minded, maybe he had been acting like everything was fine, when in reality he had hated it. Oh.

Those few moments Azure treasured. Did those same moments send shivers of disgust up Kai’s spine?

Azure looked away from Kai. He didn’t know what was going on. His whole world was falling apart and he couldn’t do anything about any of it.

When he tried taking a step forward, towards Kai, and when Kai took one back until he was hitting the bedroom wall, Azure froze. Had he really created such a big gap between them just so Azure couldn’t get close to him?

He swallowed a lump in his throat. “And you?” Azure whispered.

"What about me?" he asked. He was tense. He was so f*****g tense.

"Do you want us dead?"

"Yes," Kai whispered. “I do.”

"Do you want me dead?" he asked, instead. All he wanted to hear was Kai didn’t want him dead and they could forget all about this and continue as if everything was fine.

He didn't reply. Azure didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Yes. Even you," he said, face blank and voice even. Azure looked up at him, and he couldn’t see an ounce of emotion on his face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. "All monsters deserve death. They're those things that don't care about anyone but themselves. They love no one and nothing. They don’t have the heart to love.”

"That's not true," Azure whispered, his mouth dry. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How do you feel about all of this?”

Azure saw how he tensed and a deep frown settled on the human’s face. “We’re not talking about me, here.”

He swallowed. Kai didn’t truly believe that, did he? He knew Kai. He had watched as he had cried himself to sleep on multiple occasions. Of how he thought he was unlovable and most of all didn’t deserve it. But why couldn’t he see that Azure was in love with him? That Azure would do anything for him, thus proving both his thoughts untrue. He was lovable, and Azure was in love with him.

“It’s not true, Kai. Demons can love.”

“You’re lying!” he hissed.

"I am not. I know because I love,” he hesitated when he saw the way Kai’s eyes narrowed in on him.

"Who? Who exactly can a demon like you love?"

“Nether.” Ah, s**t. Couldn’t he pick someone better? No offence to Nether, but when his name left his mouth, Kai had looked taken back. “I’m in love with Nether. But Nether has feelings for Cedar and Cedar has a thing for Feather and, well, it’s a very messy situation.”

It turns out, he couldn’t tell him. On those days when all he could really feel was his love for Kai, he had imagined just how he would tell him. But when the opportunity was there, he had chickened out. He would have to apologise to the rest of the idiots for Kai thinking they were all in love with one another, but that was another day’s problem.

"Really?" No!

"No,” Azure said, sighing. He couldn’t lie to him, not about this. “That was all a lie. I do love someone. A lot, actually. But they don't feel the same way."

"How do you know?" he said. "How do you know they're not in love with you?"

He wanted to laugh. How did he know? Because Kai had just told him he wanted him dead.

"I mean look at me,” Azure whispered. “I'm not really worth loving. Everyone around me dies. I don’t want them to die.”

Kai didn’t reply and Azure hadn’t expected him to. Whatever they had, was gone. Things were never going to be the same.

“You said you wanted to leave,” Azure said, not looking at him. “Just let Cedar check you, make sure everything is fine with you and then you can go. Oh, and I can take your memories of me too. You won’t have to remember me.”

He paused for a minute, Azure ignored how badly it stung, but he wasn’t surprised. Kai had just told him he wanted his family dead. Him dead.

"No. I want to keep the memories of us."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I don't want just a chunk of my memories missing. It will annoy me to no end."

"No, you won't realise they're gone."

"No, Azure. I want to keep my memories."

Azure wanted to touch him. Just one last hug, but from the way Kai had been moving out of his area of touch, he didn’t think it would be possible.

He didn’t want this to be the last time he ever saw him, the last time he ever spoke with him. It couldn’t be.

“About what you said earlier,” Kai said, looking at him. Azure stared at him, he had said a lot of things earlier. So, he wasn't quite sure what Kai was referring to. “You said you were there with me, how long have you been with me, exactly?”

Azure didn’t know if Kai showing interest was a good thing or a bad thing.

“I’ve been with you since you were first held in your mother’s arms.”

“My mother? You’ve seen her?” he asked, his eyes wide. Azure smiled a little as he nodded.

“Yes, Kai, I’ve seen her.”

“Was she happy?”

He nodded. “Yeah, she was.”

“Oh, thank you then,” he said, not looking at him.

Azure frowned. “For what?”

“I have this vague memory. I was at the orphanage and I had a fever and was bedridden, I was lonely and cold and I missed my parents. I remembered someone running their hands through my hair, telling me I wasn’t alone as they pulled the blankets up for me. That was probably you. So thanks. I guess.”

Kai looked like he was about to ask something else and Azure wanted him to. He didn’t want to let go of him, not yet. But Kai nodded, he turned on his heel and left the room. He stood frozen in his spot for a few minutes trying to comprehend what had just happened, but he said nothing, did nothing. For the first five minutes, he stood frozen but then, he walked to the door he had left open and closed it before walking back to his bed and taking a seat on the edge.

And the memory of when he first saw Kai as a child crept up.

It happened more than twenty years ago, so before the split. He had been down in Hell, Lucifer wanted him down there for something, and so he had gone. But while he was there, he was attacked by some demons. He had killed two but three were still on him, but they had managed to wound him, and afraid he would lead them straight to his home, he went to the hospital on the surface.

The smell of death that lingered in the hospitals should have been enough for the demons to lose his scent. And he had found himself in the maternity ward. He had landed outside of a woman in the middle of labour, and despite needing to run, he went in through the doors and he witnessed Kai’s mother, sweat, scream and swear until everyone in the room cheered as Kai was born. He hadn’t cried, no, he had fussed a little as he was cleaned, wrapped up in a blanket and handed to his mother. And despite her being exhausted, she smiled widely as she held him close to her.

Azure, against his better judgement, went around and stood behind her as he watched Kai open his eyes for the first time, and he was sure the newborn would scream when he saw Azure. He was aware babies could see them in their true forms, but no, he stayed quiet.

And then his father and mother argued. He said she should have some rest and that he would look after the child, but she did not want to let him go. She looked down at him and smiled as she rubbed the back of his finger on his face. “I have a name for him,” she whispered, looking up at her husband.

“Oh,” he had said. “What name?”

“Kai.”

He smiled. “That’s a lovely name, Kai.”

The nurse came in and she took Kai, and for some reason, he followed after her. She measured and weighed him before taking him and putting him in the nursery. He knew he shouldn’t have gone in, that all the babies in the nursery would have started screaming and crying the moment they laid eyes on him, but he had done it anyway. And just as he had predicted, all the children did just that. Every single child surrounding Kai began crying, and the nurses all rushed in, trying to see what had started the chaos.

But Kai hadn’t. No, he had opened his green eyes, which he had gotten off of his mother, and he just stared at him and a smile appeared. Azure knew it was just a reflex, but the sight of baby Kai smiling at him, despite everyone else crying, was a memory he held near and dear to his heart.

Azure had even become Kai’s imaginary friend. It had been an accident but it had happened. He had just come in to check on the family. He had heard horror stories of how some humans treated children and didn’t want Kai to go through the same thing. But Kai had seen him in his true form and not batted an eye. He had invited Azure to play with the cars he had and when his parents asked who he was playing with, he had always replied with ‘my friend’ and his parents had always brushed him off.

He had stopped being able to see Azure when he turned 8. And then he didn’t see him again for years. Lucifer had been calling him to Hell regularly and he was always tired by the end of the night, so he would always go straight to bed.

He hadn’t found out about the split until three hours after it had happened, and the first thing he had done was rush to the surface and go to Kai’s place. He’d been too late.

Two demons had broken in, relishing their newfound freedom, and they had raided Kai’s home. But Kai was, he was. Well, the good thing was that he was alive. Azure took his memories, however, he couldn’t take them both, as it was too risky for a growing mind, so he took the more traumatic of the two. Well, what he found to be more traumatic, and he still questioned if he had taken the correct memory.

But then he would always remind himself that Kai could live knowing he had watched his mother and father mutilate right in front of him at the ripe age of thirteen. Watching as his unborn sibling fell from the safety of his mother’s womb onto their oak flooring. The other memory, well, even Azure didn’t like thinking of it too much.

What surprised Azure was when his door handle rattled and then, two minutes later, his door swung open and in came Church, looking annoyed.

“Mr Azure,” he deadpanned.

He sighed as he ran a hand down his face. “What is Church? If you can’t tell, I’m not in the mood right now.”

“No, Mr Azure, I can tell. But tough shit.”

“Excuse me?” he asked, staring at the teenager.

“You know, respectfully. But I have two things I need to say.”

He groaned. “What is it?”

“Okay, so you know Mr Nether?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, what’s his deal?” he asked as he took a seat on the bed beside him, Azure could feel him staring into his soul. But his eyes widened when he realised what he was hinting at and what Mint had asked him earlier in the day.

“Oh, Lucifer. Don’t tell me you like him?”

“What? No. I’ve known him for less than 48 hours. However, do I want him to absolutely rail me into the bed? Yes.”

“You want to f**k him?”

No,” he groaned. “What don’t you understand, I want him to f**k me, it’s not that hard. Hell, I can see the similarities between you and Mint now.”

Azure stared blankly at the boy.

“You can’t sleep with Nether.”

“What, why?” he whined.

“Because I said so. What was the other thing you wanted to say?”

“You can’t be sad.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Look, we all see how you're in love with Mr Kai and you never told him. And that’s your fault, but you can’t do anything about that now, so there’s no point in being upset about something that’s never going to happen, now especially considering all the things that have happened between you. That’s just wasting energy that could be put towards something else. Something like helping me get Mr Nether to sleep with me.”

Azure groaned. “He’s not going to sleep with you, Church.”

“Oh, do you want to bet?”

“No. Because, in his eyes, you are a child.”

“I am a grown-ass man.”

“You’re a twenty-year-old uni student. Like I said, a child.”

“I was serious about what I said, Mr Azure,” he whispered. “I know it’s going to hurt and it’s going to hurt a lot, but you need to accept the fact that you lost your chance and there’s nothing you can do about it. So, instead of wasting your energy on this, why don’t you try finding something else to do? I saw you had a lot of ingredients. Why don’t you bake something? But you need to accept the fact that you’ve lost Kai and you have to live your life without him. Now, why don’t you leave your room and come watch me swing off of Mr Nether!”

Before Azure could reply, Church had already left the room and Azure didn’t move.

He knew humans and he knew how small their lifespans were compared to his, and he had gotten attached to them and he had watched them grow old and die, and instead of mourning them, he would always celebrate the life they lived, the memories they had created,

But Kai had only become aware of him for three years when they accidentally bumped into one another while Azure had been walking around in his human form, doing some errands for Lucifer on the surface. And Azure had been thrilled to see he had lived and he was doing well and they got to talking and quickly became friends.

But why did it hurt so much more with Kai? The thought of having a shorter time with him than he had planned stung more than anything else. Was it because Kai was still alive and despised him and probably would for as long as he lived or because what he had been scared of the most had happened and he had lost Kai?

But it really dragged out the question. Could Azure imagine his life without Kai?

~*~