Feel Me Love Me

Painful Thoughts

April's POV

The music from downstairs was on top volume and the sound should be elating but it wasn't for me. It was just a reminder of what I would never have. A reminder of what I should have but never would because of a costly mistake on my mum's part.

My name is April and up until recently I had always thought I was an Omega. At least I was born an Omega. Everything I have had up until the moment I got to know I was not an Omega was gotten from my toil and sweats.

My mum had made me believe I was an Omega. She had lied to me all In a bid to keep me safe. She had also been misled into giving drugs coated with wolf's bane that had made my wolf weak. I didn't hold it against her. A mother will go to any length to protect her child. She had not known that the drugs were doing more harm than good.

My best friend since childhood, Raven had found her mates, the Alphas of Luna's Den now the Kings of our kingdom. Yes, my best friend is the Queen.

The thought of Raven brought smile to my face. When my mum had taken Raven in, it was a mere way of caring for an orphan but the moon goddess had made it so that Raven had been the connection that brought my parents back together and gave me a family.

I grew up having no family but I now have immediate and extended family. I am related to Raven's mates. My father is the Uncle to the Kings of our kingdom. That made me a royalty myself.

I always feel bad about the fact that I am the only one who didn't have a wolf in the extended family. It was painful but I had to smile through it all to put everyone's mind at ease especially my parents.

I had died and resurrected the day the doctor told me that I might never get my wolf again.

It became too weak and disappeared. All I have left is the sharp vision. How that was retained is beyond me.

I had cried that day as if my heart would break. I had been unconsolable. I made my parents and Raven's mates promise not to tell her. She would be too heart broken. She was already dealing with a lot with her mates then and I didn't want to top it by adding my own worries.

I had tried to come to terms with the fact that I would never get a mate because of my lack of wolf but it was too bitter a pill to swallow.

The coronation of my best friend and her mates as the Kings and Queen of the Kingdom was holding but I kept feeling as if going downstairs was a reminder of what I will never have.

I know that my parents love me without reservations but I also wish to have the love that comes with having a mate. Someone to connect with. I knew that I could fall in love but I didn't want that. I don't want a chosen mate, I want my destined but that my be impossible with my wolf gone.

My parents are not destined mates. They met and fell in love. My father's destined mate died and my mum's destined mate rejected her after he discovered that she was pregnant with me before they met. But I have never seen two people so in love with each other despite the fact that they are not destined mates.

'Hey what are you doing here?' Roman, one of my friend's mates popped his head into the room. Instantly he saw my face, he frowned.

'I will be downstairs shortly,' I said trying to hide my face.

'April, are you crying?' Roman asked coming into the room and closing the door.

'No. Something got in my eyes,' I said.

'April you and I know that you are lying. Besides, the line you just used is already overused, don't you think?' Roman asked.

'What are you doing here Roman?' I asked facing him. There was no use hiding my face from him. He already saw me crying.

'Raven is worried. She knew you and Selene got the same makeup artists and got dressed for the occasion together. Selene has been downstairs for the past fifteen minutes so Raven asked me to come see what's up with you,' Roman answered.

I was not surprised that Raven noticed my absence, we were best friends for a reason; she knew me too well. And I wasn't surprised that she sent Roman to come check up on me. Roman was the most approachable of her mates.

Raven had said something about Roman being the most vicious of her mates but I still found it difficult to believe. He smiles more than Roy her other mate and he was a dotting brother to Selene their baby sister.

I decided to open up to him. He had aura around him that made it easy to talk to him.

'Truthfully Roman, what you, Roy and Raven have is a constant reminder of what I will never have,' I said sadly.

'Hey, don't talk like that. Come here,' Roman said as he pulled my hand and made me sit beside him on the couch at the base of the bed.

'Roman, look at me in the eye and tell me that you can feel my wolf,' I said.

'April that does not mean that your mate will not be able to feel you if he sees you,' Roman said.

'So I have to just wait around and hope he finds me. How will I be sure he is the one and not some random person who is trying to play a fast one on me?' I said bitterly.

'Nobody except family knows you don't have a wolf. Anyone could easily think that you are so even tempered that your wolf rarely shows her presence. Besides, nobody will want to incur the wrath of the Kings and Queen by coming to lay false claim on you,' Roman said and I nodded.

'What if he finds me and knows I am the one. What if he feels me but can't love me because of my deficiency?' I asked.

'What deficiency do you have my beautiful lady?' Roman asked pretending as if he didn't understand what I was talking about.

'Do not make light of the situation Roman. Who will love a wolfless female who can't even shift in the presence of danger?' I asked in anger.

Roman stood up and pulled me up with him. He took me to the mirror and pointed at the mirror.

'What do you see there, April?' Roman asked.

'You and me,' I answered.

'Wrong answer. Look again and tell me what you see,' Roman said and I frowned.

'I see you and me Roman,' I said rolling my eyes at him. I was confused. I didn't know what he wanted me to say.

'No. Take a careful look at yourself April. Those expressive eyes, those beautiful lips, those queen like cheeks.' He stepped back from me a little before he continued talking. Look at them critically, look at your body shape, the curves, the angles, your skin April. If you were your mate and you met your mate who looks exactly the way you do. Will you reject her?'

'No,' I answered before I could stop myself. I smiled at Roman through the mirror. 'You are a smooth talker you know?'

'That is why ladies fall for me,' Roman muttered.

'Want to say that again?' I asked raising a brow.

'No. Raven will kill me if she ever heard that I said that,' Roman said scratching his hair.

'I thought so too,' I said smiling. 'Thank you Roman. I feel better. Raven is lucky to have you.'

'No, I am the lucky one. Now make your face look more beautiful than it is and we go downstairs. Every male both mated and unmated will be eating from your hands today,' Roman said and I laughed.

I realized then why Raven had sent Roman instead of Roy. She knew what I was possibly going through that was making me stay away from the ceremony.

I cleaned my tears properly, blew my nose and reapplied my powder. As I followed Roman downstairs, I had a resolve in my heart to enjoy the night and have as much fun as I could.