The Tears of Faith (Tagalog/Filipino)

Chapter 9 │ TWO-FACED JEALOUSY

"IS SHE alright?"

"I don't know, Ma. Hindi pa rin siya nagigising."

Naramdman kong may humawak sa kamay ko. "Faith, anak? Please wake up."

I’m awake... pero bakit siya umiiyak? I have to reach that voice and tell her I'm okay.

Please... don't cry. I'm still here...Can you hear me?

Someone gasped.

"What is it, Ma?"

"Look! She just moved her hand, Patricia."

"Faith... naririnig mo ba kami?"

Yes...

"Thank God! She's okay!"...

"Saglit lang, Ma. I'll tell everyone she's okay."

* * * * *

I FELT my bed dipped and I opened my eyes.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty," Patty said smiling at me. "Welcome back."

It wasn’t my room. Where am I? Bakit ako nandito? I wondered as I looked around my surrounding. It was a big room painted with white and green wallpaper. And then fragments of images, memories came racing through my head and with them was the emotions I could not suppress.

The pain... Alex... Savannah... Lexie...

I fainted again, didn't I?

"Si Xander?" I regretted asking as soon as the words came out. Kasi alam ko na ang magiging sagot sa tanong ko. The fact that he wasn’t here was enough reason to believe he didn’t care.

"He's with Lexie," sagot niya sa mababang tono. As if sensing my distress, mabilis na dinugtungan niya iyon sa masayang boses. "Pero tumawag naman siya kanina para itanong kung gising ka na."

Oo. Tumawag siya pero hindi man lang niya ako tiningnan. Couldn’t he make it so obvious that he despises me too much?

"Bakit, Faith? May nararamdaman ka ba?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Patty. Hindi ko napansing nakasimangot na pala ako.

"I'm okay." Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. Though I could still feel the dull pain, hindi na iyon gaanong masakit kagaya kanina. “I'm feeling much better now."

She smiled and I saw the relief from the way her chest heaved. "That's good. Mom was so worried kanina. I think nasa ibaba siya. Sandali, tatawagin ko lang siya. I'll tell her you're awake." Tumayo na siya bago ko pa siya mapigilan.

Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pag-ayos ng kama. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari kanina, kung bakit ako nahimatay. Maybe it’s because of shock after seeing Lexie. Or perhaps the pain of hearing Alex and Savannah talking... or maybe it’s just because of that intense headache.

I suddenly felt pathetic―well, I really am pathetic.

I’m lying here sick and my husband was nowhere near concerned. Malamang iniisip na niyang pakana ko na naman ang lahat. Kaya siguro mas pinili niyang bantayan si Lexie kesa sa bantayan ako pagkapos ko na naman siyang ipahiya.

Who’d blame him?

Mayamaya’y dumating si Tita sa kuwarto and she looked distress. Pero napahinahon ko rin siya pagkatapos kong ulit-ulitin sa kanyang maayos na ang pakiramdam ko. I had a feeling she might suspect something. But she must not find out the secret I was withholding.

Kinuwento ko sa kanya ang mga nangyari noong wala ako, iyong mga pinagdaanan ko... lahat. Pati mga tumulong sakin. Naisip kong huwag sabihin nong una dahil baka magtanong siya. But I trust those people won't say a thing without my consent. They know the risk.

* * * * *

The party resumed. Children are, after all, resilient. They tend to forget about almost everything so fast. Kaya nga masuwerte na akong children party itong napuntahan ko. Because what happened was a grand candidate for a society gossip. Imagine what Alex will be facing if it leaked out.

Pinagpahinga na lang ako ni tita habang hinihintay ko raw si Alex na dumating at pinatulog na lang ako sa isang guest room. It was four in the afternoon when he came. Three hours siyang wala. Tatlong oras ko siyang hinintay.

Pagdating niya’y kaagad din siyang nagpaalam. "We're leaving now." He didn't even bother to stop and ask if I was doing okay.

"Call me often, okay?" sabi ni tita sa akin bago kami umalis.

I nodded and waved goodbye.

Tahimik sa loob ng kotse habang papauwi kami ng bahay. It was a different silence, hindi katulad noong umaga. This was a forbidding silence. I could almost feel the force of his suppressed anger.

What was he mad about? Dahil ba sa nangyari? Was that so humiliating to him that he could be this mad? What was I supposed to do? Hindi ko naman sinadya iyong nangyari. It was an accident.

But of course, he wouldn't believe me. His mind was fixed and there’s nothing I could do, not a word I could say to change it. Kaya mas mabuti na lang na manahimik. Lalo lang lalaki ang galit niya kung magsasalita ako. There’s never a moment he smiled at the word I said or things I've done and I don't think he would start now.

Mabilis kaming dumating sa bahay dahil halos paliparin na ni Alex ang kotse sa pagmamaneho niya makalayo lang sa akin. Pagbaba ko’y hindi pa rin siya lumalabas ng kotse. Yumuko ako at nakita kong may kausap na siya sa telepono.

"What?!" he said. Tila may nangyaring hindi maganda at pati ako’y kinabahan. Pero agad iyong nawala at nahalinhan ng isa pang pakiramdam nang magsalita ulit siya. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

She...

Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa pintuan ng kotse. Balak kong isara iyon nang malakas dahil pakiramdam ko may kung anong kumakain sa puso ko.

He’s worried about someone, but not me.

"Yes, I'll be there―and tell Sav to stay calm. Okay?" mabilis na pinutol niya ang linya.

"Hindi ka pa ba papasok?" I asked and I’ve never felt so stupid.

Hindi niya ako tiningnan. He’s only looking straight ahead, staring in space. "Hindi na. I have to go somewhere else. Isara mo na iyong pinto."

I wanted to stop him but he was already shifting the clutch. I had no choice but to close the door and step away as the wheels screeched on the ground and he drove away.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang sandali akong nakatayo doon. Kanina pa nawala iyong tail lights ng kotse ni Alex pero nanatili pa rin ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi ko magawang alisin sa isip ko ang nakita ko ngayon lang. Kung papaanong nag-alala si Alex sa ibang tao kanina. Ang hitsura niya nang marinig niya ang balita. Kung papaano niya paliparin ang sasakyan papunta sa iba. At ang katotohanang lahat ng iyon ay hindi niya magawa sa akin.

He left me there at the party while I was unconscious. He didn't ask if I was okay. He just called if I was conscious so he could go home. I don't know if he was even worried about me.

I'm not sure if he still cares...

* * * * *

ANG UNANG ginawa ko paggising ko nang umaga ay tumingin sa labas ng bintana. At tama ako.

Alex didn't come home last night. He stayed with her.

Somewhere at the back of my head, a voice talked to me. “That's okay Faith. You don't need to be sad. You just have to be strong to let him go and let him find happiness again. You need to set him free to give him that. So, it's okay. This is okay…”

And just like that, I started my day burying that hurt deep down.

"Hahahaha! Nakakatawa naman ‘tong palabas na 'to, ‘di ba nay?"

Tiningnan lang ako ni Nay Julia na parang tinubuan ako ng isa pang ulo.

"Hindi po kayo natatawa?"

Ngumiti siya pero ngiting aso.

"Hindi talaga kayo natatawa?" nagtatakang tanong ko ulit. Nakakatawa naman talaga ang palabas.

"Anak, may nangyari ba kahapon?" tanong niya bigla.

Binalik ko sa TV iyong mga mata ko at umupo ng maayos. "Wala naman po. Ba't niyo naitanong?"

"Dumating ka kagabi nang parang wala sa sarili tapos ngayon, para kang sinapian magmula noong umaga."

"Nay, may mga pagkakataon talaga na ganoon ang buhay. Minsan malungkot, minsan masaya. Pero minsan kahit nasasaktan ka, kailangan mo pa ring tumawa. Kasi ang mahalaga, lumalaban ka."

Biglang sumeryoso ang mukha ni Nay Julia.

"Huli ka!" binuntunan ko pa iyon ng malakas na tawa. "Grabe, nay. Nakakatawa ang hitsura ninyo kanina."

"Ikaw talagang bata ka. Naglololoko ka na ngayon." Tumayo siya habang naiiling. "Ikukuha na lang kita ng maiinom, baka mabilaukan ka sa pinagkakakain mo diyan ng kung anu-ano."

Nawala ang ngiti ko nang umalis na siya. Ano ba 'tong pinag-gagagawa ko? Nawalan tuloy ako ng ganang manood.

* * * * *

I STOOD beside the railings overlooking the grand view of the sea and I watched there as the water turned into an orange hue as the sun dipped to kiss the horizon. But I couldn't even appreciate the beauty in front of me.

Isa na namang malalim na hininga ang napakawalan ko.

"Ang lalim no’n a."

My mouth hung open as I looked at the man who’s suddenly standing beside me, startling me.

"Jed!" I cried and he quickly greeted me with a hug that I mostly needed at the time. “How did your come here? When?”

"Kararating ko pa lang. They said you're out here, for the past two hours." He turned those laser gaze to me. "Is there something bothering you again?"

I looked away, terrified of what he might see. He’s too close I thought he could see my n***d thoughts. Jed had a knack on tapping in my head. He just always knew what’s inside my head. And I hated it.

"You always do this, you know, when you're thinking. You sit and watch the sunset for hours until it gets dark," puna niya nang hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita.

"So what, are you a psychologist now?" sinubukan kong ngumiti.

"I'm a friend, and friends talk to friends at times like this."

I gave up. There's no use pretending. I couldn't deceive him. "Bakit ka nandito? Ang Daddy mo? Hindi mob a siya kasama?" I asked warily, praying that he didn't come only to take me back.

"ako lang ang nagpunta rito. Dad is still busy with his research. Ikaw? Did you tell him yet?"

Huminga ako nang malalim, hoping against hope that he will understand me.

"You didn't, did you?" aniya bago pa ako makasagot.

Napapikit ako. "I couldn't."

His mouth pressed, then relaxed. But his brows were still in knots. "Faith, we need to move fast. Time's running out."

"Jed, calm down. Everything's fine, okay? I'm okay. Wala pang nangya―"

"You fainted yesterday!"

Nagulat ako dahil sa dalawang bagay. First, this was the first time he got angry with me. Second―how did he know about what happened?

As if reading my confusion, he answered me. "It’s Mrs. Smith who called me, your mother-in-law." And now there’s hurt in his eyes. "You promised, Faith. You promised to call if something happens."

"I'm sorry." But even though I am, I still couldn't tell him about the headache... or that I feel exhausted nearly every day for the past few days. “It just happened, I thought it was okay. I have been having a hard time since I came back. I was just stressed out. Kaya hindi na kita inabala."

He wiped a frustrated hand to his face. "Kaya nga dapat sinabi mo na kay Alexander simula pa lang."

"It's not that easy, Jed.”

"You're not telling me something, Faith."

I looked up at him, unaware of the pain visible in my eyes. "It's between me and him."

I could tell by the way he clenched his jaw that he didn't like what I said. Then something crossed his face. "He didn't believe you."

"Will you stay out of my head for once?" I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. "Look. You made me choose and I've made my decision. I came home. Pero kailangan ni Alex ng oras para tanggapin ang totoo. Hindi madali ang gagawin ko. I would risk another failure if I tell Alex so soon. And I won't do that. Just give me some time and I'll go."

"I’m sorry. Naiintindihan ko iyon. If it's me, I'd give you time as long as you need. But it's you I'm worried about. You don't have much time, Faith."

I closed my eyes and my ears to the words. "I know that. But..." I have to try. Because this might be the only chance I could ever have.

"How long do you plan to stay then?"

I looked at him. He stared at me. "Four months."

"Four? Faith, do you know how much time is that? Baka hindi na tayo umabot. We need to do that operation soon."

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya at pinilit na pakalmahin siya. He’s freaking out but I had to tell him. "Jed, listen to me. Hindi ako babalik hangga't hindi ako napapatawad ni Alex. I couldn’t go through that if I know I don't have anyone to go back to. Naiintindihan mo ba iyon? I need a reason to come back."

This time, I could see he’s really looking inside me, and I let him.

* * * * *

GABI na nang ihatid ko si Jed sa labas ng bahay. "Don't worry. I'll talk to Dad about this. Akon a ang bahalang magpaliwanag sa kanya."

"Thank you, Jed." For everything...

"Kaibigan kita kaya gagawin ko ang lahat para matulungan ka. It's my job to take care of you." Punong puno ng sinseredad ang boses niya, pati ang mga salita niya. Kaya hindi ko napigilang yakapin siya. He's always been there for me. At hindi siya humingi ng kahit na anong kapalit. Though he didn’t really need to be so protective of me, he never left my side.

Mabilis kaming naghiwalay nang may sumabog na ilaw sa paligid namin. Then I heard a sound of an engine. Sa tunog pa lang ay alam ko na kung kaninong kotse iyon.

Alex was back.

Namatay ang ilaw at bumaba si Alex ng kotse niya. He closed the door hard. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Jed dahil sa gulat.

Did something bad happen to Savannah? Bakit ganyan ang mukha niya? He looked pissed.

I didn't notice I was still holding Jed's hand until Alex's eyes moved downward. His dark, dark eyes expertly assessed the two of us and they came to rest on me. I don’t know how but I could somehow see every malicious word running inside his head.

I opened my mouth to stop him from thinking the worst but Jed came forward and offered him a hand before I could even say a word. “I’m Jed,” pakilala niya.

But Alex, being Alex, ignored him and walked over to me, never breaking his eyes off me. The force of his hushed anger made me stagger back. Nguniit mabilis na pumulupot ang braso niya sa beywang ko para pigilan ako sa paglayo.

I looked up at him confused. "Xander―" But my words were smothered by his cruel, hard lips.

Shock rendered me stiff from the onslaught. He wrapping those strong arms around me and pulled me closer into him as if the distance wasn’t enough for him.

Even though I couldn’t feel any gentleness in his kiss, my senses were still overwhelmed because of him. His scent, the feel of his lean chest against my palm, and his mouth… I was suddenly melting and the world just completely vanished away.

Just when I thought I could die happier, he pulled away so suddenly—just how he suddenly kissed me and dumped me back to the ground. I didn't even realize Jed was watching us.

I was too shocked to even walk away when Alex pulled me tight into his side and smiled dangerously to my guest. His hold was like a death grip. I could already feel his fingers against my bones. But to our audience, it must have looked like a tender gesture.

“I'm sorry, baby. I haven't been around the whole day to help you entertain our guest,” bigla ay sabi niya. He sounded like a dotting husband, even the way he reluctantly looked away from me. He could've been nominated in an acting award. But he deliberately doesn’t hide the extreme loathing in his eyes every time he looks at me. "And you didn't mention he would come to visit."

Hindi ko alam kung para saan itong ginagawa niya, o kung pinagseselos niya si Jed. Jed is a friend and he’s acting like a total jerk!

“It’s okay. Si Faith naman talaga ang sadya ko,” Jed said as polite as he is.

Alex tightened his hold on me, making me inhale sharply from pain. But Jed couldn't see what was happening. "It's nice to see you again, Alexander. Let’s grab a drink sometimes." He smiled and waved at us as he walked near his car. Pero tumigil muna siya bago siya sumakay. "Remember what I said."

I nodded. He’s reminding me about my deadline. But I wished he’d just left that out. Now, he just gave Alex something to be suspicious about.

As I watched the departing car, Alex promptly dropped his hands as though I was something contagious. "Get inside. Now."

I opened my mouth but he quickly cut me off. "Not. A. Word."

I didn’t argue and went inside the house. Nagmadali akong pumasok at umakyat, ngunit bago pa ako tuluyang makaapak sa hagdan ay nahagip na ni Alex ang braso ko. "How dare you? How dare you bring that man inside my house?"

I winced in pain. “Xander, please, you’re hurting me.”

I swayed back, holding my hurt arms when he let me go—or more like pushed me aside.

"I was gone for just a day and you couldn't wait to bring him here." His mouth twisted in disgust as he gave me a scathing glance. "And here I thought you were so sick but again, you fooled me. So, what did the two of you do while I was gone?"

His words felt like a whip.

"Stop it, Xander. Huwag mong lagyan ng masamang ibig sabihin ang pagkakaibigan namin ni Jed."

He advanced dangerously I thought he would really hurt me. But he stopped. "Kaibigan? Was that all you call him?" he laughed a grim laugh. "I don't even know the word." His face turned darker as he closed our distance. "Don't ever do this again. Because if I catch his head sticking inside my property, I'm telling you... I won't be held responsible for my action." And he stormed away.