Vanilla

Chapter 4

Days have passed, I have spent my school days walking to class with Lauren. I didn't take up on her offer yet, I still can't picture myself picking up a paintbrush. What would I even paint?

"Dani," she says, pressing her finger against my cheek.

"Yes," I said looking at her. "What is it?"

"You were spacing out again."

"I'm sorry. I've been missing sleep lately."

"The exam isn't for another two weeks. Why are you missing sleep?"

"My father has been trying to have a father-daughter date with me. I tried to say no, but he would stop by my grandma's house to get me to come with him. My grandma doesn't like him either, so she makes sure I don't go with him."

"Why do you hate your father so much? These days you talk about your father like he's a criminal or something."

"I'm disgusted by my father, to be honest."

"Why?"

I tell her what my father has done that caused me and my grandmother to hate him.

"That's horrible!"

"I know."

"Why do you work for his company? Don't you hate him? Money can come from anywhere."

"He gives me more than these other jobs. Once I graduate from this school, I'm going to live on my own. Somewhere far and beautiful."

"Is our city not beautiful?"

"It is. But I want to live somewhere else."

"How much do you even need to move out?"

"Don't know, but I know I need more than a few thousand to survive out here. Those taxes, insurance, and other things are expensive."

"Wow, I'm so glad I'm staying with my parents."

"What for? Don't you want your freedom?"

"Freedom? My parents basically give me space. They're a little old, so I'm going to live with them until they die. I want to be there for them."

"Well...enough about our parents and family. Let's talk about your crush on me. "

She blushes, "W-why? It's just a weird feeling."

I lean closer to her, "Tell me what part of me made you like me. I'm curious."

Her breathing changes as if she's nervous. I didn't know I had that kind of effect on her. I eyed her lips-an urge to kiss her was strong. I could smell her vanilla scent like a d**g-something about her signature perfume is drawing me in.

"You love to read, s-study, you're not afraid to talk sometimes, and you didn't laugh at me when I used to be overweight."

"I would never laugh at someone's weight. You're beautiful no matter what."

She stares into my eyes and wraps her arms around my neck. "Really? I'm glad."

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"I don't know. I think I want to kiss you. I want to know how you taste." she says as she inches her face closer to mine.

The urge to kiss her vanishes, I unwrap her arms from my neck and sighed as I gently pushed her away from my face. "I don't want to kiss a girl yet. I'm not sure of my sexuality yet. I don't want to confuse you. Sorry."

She looked hurt. I didn't mean to reject her kiss. I knew if I allowed her to kiss me, and I didn't say anything about it-she would've been attached to me even more than she is now. She might have kissed lots of people before me, but I would rather not be like them and kiss her just because of how she looks. Looks don't matter to me, but I want to see her with all that makeup off too. Anyway, I never thought of my sexuality, to be honest. Whether I like only girls, only boys, or both. I never put any thought into it. I've always kept my nose in a book. I've experienced being with a girl and a boy from a book's perspective of it.

As you can tell, I am a virgin for both kissing and s*x. I have never been in a relationship either. So if I want this girl, I have to be sure that I have feelings for her, and make sure I know what my sexuality is. The only person I know that is a part of the LGBTQA plus community is Lauren, so I am stuck trying to figure it out.

I looked at her with the sorriest eyes and hugged her. "Please make me fall in love with you, Lauren."

She looked confused, "What?"

"You love me, right?" I pull out the hug and look her in the eyes "Then teach me how to love you."

"How? I don't know how to teach a person to fall for me. People usually walk up to me saying they love me."

"We're going to go on dates, walk together, talk together, etcetera."

"It sounds like you're trying to get me to fall even harder for you."

I felt my heart thump when she said that. I never had someone love me before, but for me to act like this-she must have a love spell on me or something.

"I don't mind if you do," I said. I don't why I said it, I just did. "If you don't mind helping me figure out my sexuality without any kissing or..." I stopped. I never said the word 's*x' out loud before.

"Or....what?"

I blush and turn my face away. "S-sex...I want to wait to have s-sex."

she blushes also, "s*x?" she turns away "I am a virgin. I don't think about that."

I look at her, "You never had s*x?"

"No," she touches my chest. "I never touched anyone."

"You're touching me now."

"Because I wanted you to be the first breast that I touch."

"I don't know how to respond."

"Don't." She leans in and kisses my cheek. "Let's just talk about us, and solve our problems together."

"You love kissing my cheek or something." I smiled and used my hand to stroke her cheek. "You always kiss it."

"You never want to kiss on the lips, so I kiss the cheek-is that bad? Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head and leaned in and kissed her cheek. "No, you can do it. I'm not against it."

She smiles and feels the cheek I kissed, "I'm glad."

The bell rings and we both stood up, we were outside on the grass talking for fresh air. I'm glad we came out here. We went back inside to resume our day as usual. But how we acted in front of others changed. We weren't shy to show that we were interested in each other, and I don't care either-I'm going to show the school that she will soon become mine. And I will become hers. Soon.