Vanilla

"Dani Hills." my name echoed from the microphone on stage. It was said loud and clear, but I didn't recognize it. My name felt different. Like the person I am isn't real. "Dani." a girl whispers next to me as she taps my cold, sweaty hand. "They called your name. Go up." I nod and get up. I walk onto the stage to retrieve my certificate. A heavily framed certificate for the honor roll. This is great to get, but I never think it's good enough. Being perfect to do everything is too much for me. I have to do everything I can to please my grandma. She's the reason I am here standing on this stage holding this, and she is the reason that I am still alive. I can't let her down no matter what. The principal called more names up to the stage, and my mind wasn't on this ceremony anymore. I was thinking too much of grandma. I'm afraid of letting her down so much, but I also want to tell her the truth-that I lost myself. I used to love to draw art onto a blank white canvas, but once I was brought in by my grandma-I didn't seem to find interest in my talents anymore. Holding this in my hand. It's useless to me, but useful for grandma. Why can't I smile at the students in front of me? They are smiling for me, but I'm not smiling for them. If I do, I'll cry-I'll cry knowing I hate being someone else. Even fake smiling seems wrong, I can't lie to anyone about how I'm feeling. I need to shut up these negative thoughts in my head and pay attention to the ceremony. I can't allow myself to think harshly at a time like this. Focus Dani. Focus. "Lauren Brooks." A girl with a thick head of long tight curls, and a heavy amount of make-up walks onto the stage to retrieve her award. It was for an honor roll. She stood next to me as she smiled at the students in front of us. I wish I could smile like her. Just as I was thinking that, I smelled a strong scent of her perfume. It was a sweet scent-Vanilla. I wasn't suffocating in this scent like the others, but it seemed to calm me down by just smelling it. I took a breath and looked at the students and smiled. I smiled as if it wasn't hard to do. It wasn't. I couldn't tell what suddenly helped me smile; her scent of vanilla or her. If only I could tell her how much she helped me, but I can't-I don't talk to people. I'm an introvert. I don't have many friends here except two, and they're very protective of me. "Melanin Jackson." Melanin is one of the first friends I made in my entire life. All thanks to my mom, who made sure I had playdates with her as a kid. I have known her for so long, she's like a sister to me. She can get a little strict with me like how my mom used to be when a guy attempts to talk to me. She'll question him to see how he treats his women, and she'll question me to see what I intend to do with him. I can't argue with her about her actions. She's just trying to protect me as much as she can. She's been doing it ever since my mom died. Melanin stood on the other side of me since we didn't have to stand in order. She uses her elbow to poke me in the side and smiles at me as she shows me her certificate. I'm proud of her. I smile back. I'm lucky to have her as my friend. My other friend, Lexie Daniels, isn't here due to her low grades in class. She isn't failing, she's just not scoring high enough to receive an award. She's been my friend since elementary school. Melanin fought her over a barbie that she stole from Lexie. I stopped their little fight, and ever since then, we have been friends. I never seem to understand something about her though. She never seems to want to talk about herself to us. We know things about her that only she tells us, but as long as I've known her. She's been keeping secrets from both of us. The principal called the "T" names up, and I looked over to the girl next to me. Her scent never faded-it's all up my nose. It's strong as hell as if the whole room could smell her, but Melanin looked like she wasn't bothered by it. Why not? Can't you smell her? Why does she smell so sweet? Can't she just stand at the end of the line? Why stand next to me? The ceremony finally finished, and we went back to sit in our classes. As I walked to my class that was in a separate building, my friend Melanin caught up to me. "I can't believe I got an award! Can't you believe it? All that studying was worth it!" she says as she hugs her award. "Yeah...great," I said in a low voice. "What's wrong with you? You were smiling earlier. What happened?" she asks. "Did you smell anything weird?" I ask. "If you mean that girl wearing that cheap perfume, then yes I did-I also smelled a bunch of others. Why do you ask?" "She smelled sweet to me. I don't know. Maybe I stood next to her too long." "To be honest, Lauren never really wears perfume. For someone in her rank in the class, she always seems to wear her natural scent." "I need something to override the smell of her." "Want to grab some Indian food with Lexie and me? It'll definitely help." "You just want to eat food." "I'm also trying to help my best friend." I reach the door, and Melanin stops walking as well. "What time are you two leaving?" "One o'clock. Lexie has to write an essay for her English class, so I have to wait for her to finish before we can leave." "Okay, I'll meet you at the back door then." "Okay." She turns around and leaves. "See you then, Dani." I walked out the door to the "E" building and passed everyone else that was walking to their classes. I spotted Lauren talking with some guys by the "A" building. She seemed to get along with everyone. If only I wasn't so shy to people, and I could be just like her. I could talk like it's an everyday thing. I made it to the "E" building, walked inside, and headed to my class. I open the door, and my teacher looks at me from her desk. Everyone else seemed to be in their own world as usual. At least I wasn't being looked at this time. I walk to the teacher's desk, and she hands me a packet with a sticky note on it. It read the due date. I sighed as I walked to my desk. It was the fourth desk on the third row. I sat closer to the back, and also by an i***t that seemed to take joy in harassing me. "Hey, Dani," Shawn whispers to me. He is seated directly next to me, so no matter how much I try to ignore him. He'll try anything to catch my attention. I look at him without answering. He smirks at me, "You didn't answer me last class." I roll my eyes. I never speak to him or reply to him. He knows I won't, but still tries to force me to talk. Great. Not only do I have to deal with him the rest of the year, but I have to work hard both at school and at my job. I work at my father's work, but I never call him my father-he doesn't deserve to be called my father. He is just my income, until I graduate so I can move into my own apartment. It's fifty dollars an hour, and since he knows I'm his child-he wants to try to treat me better than his other workers. He's a rich man. But he'll never convince me that he changed. I work on my packet that my teacher gave me, as I forcefully listen to Shawn talk about what positions he can put me in. I never thought about having s*x with anyone, not even with a player like him. I've been so busy working my a*s off that it's the last thing on my mind. Grandma had that 'talk' with me in middle school, she said all boys want is to overpower you. They only want you for your body, and afterward, they'll throw you away like trash. I can tell she went through harsh break-ups in her life. Boys. I never really thought about boys. I look at all of them and think of how many times they'll tell you they love you before they tell that to another girl. I never once was in a relationship - Plus, I'm a virgin, and I don't plan to lose it. I don't care how people talk bad about me. It's my body and my decision. "Dani, I think a threesome would be sexy. We can invite your little s**t friend, Melanin, too. She seems to get it on in bed perfectly. I wonder how I can fit in her." Shawn says as he touches his crotch. He might have talked trash about her, but I can't argue with him. Not about his little disgusting p***s being inside her, but how well she is in bed. Unlike me, Melanin already lost her virginity in middle school to a jerk. But ever since then, she's been doing it just because she wants to. I won't call her a 'ho', but I worry about her health a lot. She says she makes sure they wear protection, but catching something deadly isn't a joke. Another reason why I'm not losing my virginity-I'm scared of catching a disease. It's weird, I know, but I can't risk my grandma going into shock if I did something that reckless. But what has been on my mind besides my studies is dating. Not s*x. Dating. I think two people can survive a relationship without doing it with each other. But these days, I can't even open up my mouth without having anxiety from trying to talk to someone or text someone. In my class, I'm known as the quiet girl and the smartest girl. No one wants to date me anyway. Not because I'm smart or anything, but because of my family's background. Everyone heard of my mother's death, and they heard of my father as well. As rumors spread about my family, I feel like an outcast. But it can't be helped. My dad's an asshole, and my mom is sadly a rumor in this school. The reason for her death is even worse. These days I bury myself in books to forget about it, it works. Sometimes. I was on my fourth page, and then a freshman came running down our hall screaming. "Oh s**t! They're fighting!" I don't care about fights, not my thing. I was about to finish a question until a sophomore's voice I recognized shouts something that made me stop everything I was doing to run out to that fight. She shouted. "Damn! That girl Melanin and that other girl Lexie fighting! Where!" Turns out, they were fighting in building "D", and the reason was something I never thought I'd ever hear. My two best friends. They were fighting for the second time in their life. I can't believe this. s**t.