Only Yours

Loving An Idol

It was tiring.

However, I tried.

My eyes kept flickering even though there was no much than a beam of light. A gleam of sunshine pouring in through some hindrance that had blocked its path. I preferred to keeping myself composed, and calm. Every movement could be captured by my hawk's ear. Maria often talked about how they caught the heated water's roars, or the washing machine coming to an end. She however carried a hearing aid, so it was no doubt why she would praise me.

"Loving oneself and others is important"

Granny!

In the excitement, I opened my eyes. The exhaustion rushed in, and so did the awe. I thought my eyes had been playing with me. Because it was what called 'de Ja Vu'. I knew this was still a dream, and being so sure, I failed to close my eyes. I had wanted to keep staring. Keep enjoying it. The warmth. The better feeling of seeing him there, in casual wear as normal as it could be.

Laughing at someone's joke. Staring at the window, back to his phone and now to me. I gave him one of my beautiful smiles, and so did he, but it was gross. It stopped midway, as he looked elsewhere. He looked worried, concerned about something.

It was when I came to the present.

My back pulled up, pushing me into consciousness. Still a hazy tinge, his image felt blur but nothing could feel more real. Desperate, I looked around. There were the upper bunks, middle ones, and the lowest. I confirmed I was on a train alright.

"I am in one!"

My scream brought Granny to look at me. She flashed a weary smile and gestured to come closer. But I was stuck, looking at the five boys who sat there across, on the long comfy blue seat, staring at my face. They all bowed but I failed to return it.

Something is wrong with my eyes.

I rushed to the bathroom, after whispering,

"Granny! Gotta poop...will be right back"

"Is this even real? Can any of this be true? Can it be? Am I hallucinating? Or is it a de Ja Vu? Then what-"

"Hey, girl you done in there?"

I gasped and brushed fast. Having ensured, I washed and cleaned my armpits which did tend to stick out a little, I exited and made slowly for my seat. The seat across making it feel as if I had reached a palace chamber.

My eyes did drift to them, and my astonishment was noticed by everyone. Maria who was dozing off at the top had known nothing.

"These, are great pop stars. You seem to know them", Granny remarked.

I ran my eyes over them, as they all smiled except for the last one a bit too much in familiarity. I blushed but tried to just let it go.

"Hello, my name is Emma. I come from Kinsley. Nice to meet you"

Introducing myself, I shook hands. The last guy a bit too pleased by the long handshake. I tried to concentrate despite my eyes in the trauma of the reality running to them always. He kept staring, making everything much hard.

"Have you ate, children?"

They nodded, agreeing. I couldn't understand Granny, because she kept speaking loudly about love to the ones around her. The mentioned 'ones' would include her grandchildren who were accompanying her to the ancestral house, the lawyer who snored apart from listening, and some awful other people who were idle.

"So, when Noah expressed his love for Natan, she sighed and said, "I would have loved had matters been easy for me. But I am no you. Neither are you, a bit of me. WE are different. In love, in life, and in all other matters. Shouldn't we same, to love each other"

Somehow, those words hit hard. Only because I knew, how much I had gone through to confirm my love with an idol. A feeling for his passion. His body all upon mine. Living with him, maybe two to three kids. It was all I thought and desired for. But all that would remain was in the noose of my head, just going to be imagination or another dream I failed to accept.

In the thoughts, a tear came falling.

And he noticed it.

His wrists lifted themselves to come across my hair, to comfort my sorrow but the surroundings stopped him.

And the wind of the speeding train had dried them off, even before I realized it.

Night came.

There were quite some plans about playing games, while the oldies dozed off. Being a long ride, the days were running as if it had to just pass by, unlike when I would count seconds back home waiting for the favorite TV program, or about spectacular 5's comeback national telecast. Speaking about them, they were sitting on the seat, Tatoo and Falcon vibing to pretty pop songs, through headphones making it harder for me to see which.

Key was admiring the beauty of the window, an ear still seeking whether we were playing or not. His excitement was like the babies, which just made him even cuter.

Granny ended the story, even before we knew because she had fallen asleep again.

Lion seemed to be busy, penning down notes. But later, I discovered it was his dairy.

I wouldn't have if it hadn't been for Yolo.

"He loves writing his love, every day"

I jumped in fright when I saw his eyes upon me.

My face looked around, to make sure nobody was actually noticing a glimpse of this. He frequently captured my emotions, and he did this too.

"..Umm..hello! My name is Yolo, a member of....the Spectacular 5"

I took his handshake and shook it. The warmth made my tummy fly.

".....I am Emma..."

He nodded and bowed in respect.

So did I.

He pulled down the mask, and I gasped.

"No.. it's fine..just don't.."

"Are you a fan?'

My eyes went up to him as if he didn't know. He chuckled, which made my intellect grab that it was done for whoever was watching.

"..yeah..But I just end up listening to songs..nothing more"

I looked around again, which did feel hard, now that his face was leaning. His elbows holding his face; a piece of a masterpiece, he smiled while he stared at me. We were both nearby the windows, the air flashing across my hair as it flew while he stayed put like a statue made of gold. The best hair color I loved. Gold.

As my strands of hair were messy, it kept getting to my hair, my fingers slightly pulling them down.

"..Don't worry. You are prettier when the hair falls"

The flirt sounded so amazing, I seriously bit my lower lip. But again, our eyes drifted everywhere to see if anybody noticed. Funny enough, but the phenomenon wrecking the world's biggest boy band was here, traveling along with normal usual people and nobody seemed to notice them.

His eyebrows arched at my silence.

"..You know what? Our managers made sure to book reservations where old people ended up. It's the youngsters who basically know us...well, with you as an exception"

Reservation?

"So..does that mean you knew I was going to Haneun?"

He didn't give an answer. he just winked.

That gave off the secret.

The fool! He just had to...didn't he?

My thoughts made my days go faster, and so did the four-day trip.

Hilarious, but they became good friends, sons, and brothers.

Thankfully, I and a grandchild of Granny knew them beforehand. All the others just marked them as 'polite unseen good kids who were born to good parents'

However, I should have known someone hadn't loved them too much.

I should have.