Obsessed with the Ceo

19

I wake up with a cold wet cloth on my forehead and mumbling voices.  I sit up, my body shaking uncontrollably. I almost fall from the bed.

“Calm down, calm down.”  I look up, brightness filtering in my weak eyes.  I squeeze my eyes just enough to see doctor Smith in front of me. I try to control my shaking body as he puts his warm hand on my shoulder. 

“This is going to sting a little bit.” he says and before I can flinch or question him a thick needle enters my arm.  As if my skin is more fragile a burning sensation erupts around the entering needle. I clench my teeth as he takes the needle out with a concentrated face.

“What was that?”

“Something that will make you feel better.”

The shaking has stopped and my body feels still and relaxed.  I close my eyes, trying not to think about what he’s possibly doing to me.  Is he using me?

“How are you feeling?” he asks taking a clipboard from the table next to him.

“Fine.”  I say, giving him a hard look.

“Any memories coming back?”

Memories.  I’m pretty sure that my memory is f****d.

“No?”

“I’m pretty sure that as soon as this drug wears off and it’s completely out of your system, you’ll start to remember everything.”  he says in a professional manner.

I’ll start to remember everything.  I gulp my gathered spit and feel beads of sweat form on my skin.  Tension builds. I feel afraid to receive my memory.  Even though I know that’s what I need. I feel too afraid.  What’s going to happen if I get my memory back?  Who am I going to be then?  What’s going to become of me?

“Memories?  I barely whisper.

“Yes, I’ve done quite some research.”  he inhales deeply.

“But what if I don’t want my memories back?”

“Then you will need to keep on using the drugs.” he purses his lips and roll his neck.  

I suck in a sharp breath, the oxygen burning my lungs. I give him a curt nod wanting to be alone.

“Is there anything I can get you?” he asks in a gentle voice.

I look up at the ceiling, the movement making my neck ache.

“Music.”

He nods and starts to write on his clipboard as if he’s a waiter taking orders.  I suppress the laughter building in my stomach and comb my fingers through my hair.

“A shower.” I say next, needing to desperately clean myself.  Wash away all the worries of the future.

“And burger king.” I say feeling hunger starting to build in my stomach.

“The kitchen is preparing food for you but we can get you burger king if you’d like.”  I nod with a bright smile.  I can’t help thinking about Stephen who always bought me burger king since I met him.  Thinking about it now, he probably only did it to put the drugs in it.  I bite my lips feeling anger rising in my veins.

“The bathroom is next door.” he says and walks out of the room. 

I sigh.  I feel weak and defeated.  And I don’t know what to do other than to sleep everything off.  Someday everything will be over.  Over and forgotten.

I sit and wait, my feet dangling off the edge of the bed. I feel the pape in my bra, each touch making my heart bolt in electricity.  Wondering if Stephen is in here, lying helplessly in a hospital bed. I rest my head on my hand feeling bored until the doctor comes in, holding a medium sized radio in his hands.

He smiles uncomfortably and hesitantly puts the radio in an open space on the table.

“Burger King is on it’s way.”

“Thanks.” I say and climb off the bed.

I fidget with the radio, pressing on the buttons until I hear a woman with a chocolaty voice singing with the melancholy piano.  I would have liked to play music from my own phone but this doesn’t sound too bad.

“Thank you.” I say again as he keeps his eyes on me watching my every move.

“You’re welcome.” he turns and slowly walks out of the room, making me frown after him.  This guy is a freak.  Even though he’s a doctor he just gives me off vibes.  I sit back on my bed and let the music draise through my ears.  It calms me and I close my eyes, letting sleepiness take over.

---

I jerk awake with a ruffling noise next to my bed.  I lift my head to see the receptionist standing with a paper bag in front of me.  Her hair is in a high neat bun,with feathers of hair falling around her face.

“Brought you some Burger King.” she licks her lips as she speaks and I laugh.

“Thank you.”

“I also brought you some clothes.” She lifts her black gym bag from the ground. “It can’t be nice to be in a hospital gown for a week.”  

I look down at the light blue hospital gown I’m wearing, it feels very comfortable against my skin, but I also don’t want to wear it the whole time.

“Thank you, it’s very nice of you.” I say, giving her a genuine smile.

“You’re welcome.” She seems genuine as she looks at me and I can see her feeling sorry for me.

“Am I like a guinea pig here.” I wonder why she looks so sorry for me.

“No, why?” her voice is guilty and I know she’s lying.  I purse my lips and stay silent.  

“I think Doctor Smith just wants to find out about the drug you’re on.”

I bite my lips and nod.  Of course he wants to.

Taylor Swift- Blank Space plays on the radio and I wish to be alone and dance around the room.

“If you need anything, you know where I am.” she says and leaves. I roll my sore neck in circles, trying to get rid of the stiffness.  I stand and throw the gym bag she left over my shoulder and go to the bathroom next to the room.  The bathroom is small and smells of strong alcohol.  Stronger than the rest of the hospital.  I close the door behind me and strip from the gown I’m wearing.  My eyes catch my reflection on a tall mirror on the side of the white tiles wall.  I almost gasp, seeing myself.  My face is so pale it almost looks yellow and dark circles ring around my eyes. I quickly look down, not wanting to see myself anymore.

I turn the knob on the wall making drops of water stream from the showerhead.  I go under the stream, the coldness awaking my body and skin.  The water’s temperature slowly becomes warm until it’s burning my skin. I don’t move away, not worrying that my cast is getting wet.  I’m at the hospital after all. I open the bottle of sandalwood soap and smell it before I smear it on my body and like there was a lock in my mind it slowly opens.  As if it was always there and just all of a sudden it appears in colorful visions.

I was showering in a mustard coloured bathroom and the stream was very hard on my skin. My hair was shorter than it was now and I didn’t have a fringe or anything.  My face was so much younger but also not too much.  I was busy washing my body with the exact same bottle of sandalwood soap.

Stephen came in a look of shock in his face and I yelped trying to cover my nakedness.  He didn’t move and I didn’t tell him to as we kept staring at each other. I remember being thrown with imaginary stars as his eyes shifted up and down my body and I didn’t cover anymore.  He looked at my face with vulnerability as if asking for permission to rake my body.  I felt so warm and fuzzy as he took a step forward.  My hand opened the shower door inviting him with open arms.  It felt as if my heart was going to explode when he closed the bathroom door behind him.  His hair was cut short, unlike now. He took off his black shirt and pants until he only stood in his red silky boxers.  Before his hands slipped it off he asked in a whisper, “You sure?” and I nodded.  I tried not to look at his manhood as he entered the shower.  I remember how he was looking down at my breasts and how we started kissing as if we haven’t seen each other in years.  His lips were desperate on mine and mine of his.  I remember how I never felt that way before as he touched my back and my boobs, his hands slowly going down my stomach.  I rolled my head backwards unable to stand anymore.  So he pushed me against the shower wall and my hand accidentally touched his manhood.  It was big and just like he started rubbing on my I started rubbing on him.  I knew then that I didn’t know what I was doing but it all came natural.  I remember feeling a throb in my lady parts so bad I wanted to put his manhood in but he stopped me, “Not now.”

He respected me.  And then I felt so much love towards him.  It felt as if vibrant colors of love were drifting towards him.  All I wanted to do is love him.  And as his fingers entered me I gasped and digged my nails in his back.  I tried to stay quiet but faint noises of my moaning escaped my mouth making him breathe hard and grunt a few times.

“You don’t know how bad I want you right now.” he said through a breathy voice, making a shock appear from my heart towards my lady parts.

“Then take me.” I said. But he just shook his head, continuing to finger me.

“You’re not ready.”  and then I knew I wasn’t ready, but I didn’t care.  I just wanted him.  All of him.  And at that moment, I knew that we would be forever.

I shudder thinking about it now, wishing that Stephen’s here.  It is true.  My memories are coming back and I want more.