Earthshaker

Chapter 35-2

There was a stream a half-mile away, at the edge of town. One of the tributaries of the river, Rough Run, cutting through a culvert under the road.

I found it on my walk from the motel. Felt drawn by the sound of the trickling water, the sight of the moonlight gleaming on the rippling surface.

I scrambled down the bank from the road to get a closer look. Stood for a while with my sneakers sinking in the mud, watching the stream meander through a scrubby field.

It took me a while to relax, but I finally did. The rage seeped out of me and ran off with the stream, escaping into the night. Leaving me with the sound of the water and the wind and the chirping crickets, the occasional whisper of a passing car on the road above.

I felt like a stranger to myself. Utterly strange in my own skin. Full up with contradictory thoughts and feelings. Weighed down and rootless all at once.

I found myself wishing for the return of blissful ignorance. Wanted to go back to the freedom I'd taken for granted, the way it had always been for me. Memories all in a row, straight as a railroad track. Clear purpose and trust in my guardian. A friendly relationship with my crimefighting buddy, Sheriff Briar, that never crossed into new territory. A life that never left me vulnerable.

And now here I was. Feeling betrayed, in different ways, by both of them. Let down by Duke, who'd kept the truth of my life secret for so many years. Rejected by Briar, who'd scolded me for pushing Laurel off the deep end at The Tipple.

I felt like just walking away from both of them, from everyone. Wandering off along the course of that meandering stream, following it all the way down to the sea. Disappearing. For good. Maybe even going the way of my past self, killing myself. After all, I'd done it before, hadn't I?

The allure of giving up. Escaping the pain. Embracing sweet nothingness. Except for one problem. If Duke was right, I'd just end up starting over. Starting a new life.

So much for that idea. As if I could've given up without finding the answers, anyway. As if I wanted anything in the world more than finding out the whole truth about my life. And the truth behind Aggie's murder, of course.

As bent out of shape as I was, as hurt and let down, I knew I had to finish what I'd started. I had to press forward and find the killer and the answers about my life, which I believed were intertwined. Find one, and I would surely find the other.

Like the tributaries of a river. Follow them back, they all come from the same source. They all have the same beginning.

And no matter how rough the run, that source can eventually be found, and the course of the tributaries changed forever.