Earthshaker

Chapter 34

Chapter 34After Laurel and I finished eating, I walked her back across the street to the motel. Got her situated in our room for what I hoped would be the rest of the night, then left to see Duke and closed the door behind me.

At first, I didn't think he was going to let me in. I knocked and called his name with no answer, then did it again and again. Wondered if he was even in the room at all.

I was just thinking about getting someone from the motel office to open the room when I heard the chain lock slide. Then, the deadbolt clicked, and the doorknob turned.

Duke cracked the door and looked out at me. "Hello, Gaia. What can I do for you?"

"Talk," I said. "Got a few minutes?"

Duke looked back as if I'd interrupted something, then checked his watch. "A few." Then, he stepped back and opened the door the whole way. Waved me in with an attitude and let his arm fall heavily at his side, letting me know he wasn't thrilled with the company.

As I walked in, I noticed the TV was off, and the remote control was on top of it. The bedcovers were wrinkled in one spot, at the head of the bed on the nightstand side. The lamp on the nightstand was lit, and a thick book rested at the foot of it. I read the title: Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein.

Duke shut the door and stood stiffly in front of it. "What do you want to talk about?" I could tell he was still angry.

"I want to apologize." Still didn't think I was wrong, but I needed to clear the air. "For insisting we not wait to go to Parapets."

Duke shrugged. "I'm just worried about you. I want to keep you safe. You know that, Gaia."

"Sure I do." I nodded. "And I just want to strike while the iron's hot. Before the killer can make another move and get away from us. You understand, don't you?"

"You make a good point," said Duke. "Not that I still don't think you should wait, of course."

"Of course." I felt better already. Hated to have any negativity between us, ever. "Please don't ever stop looking out for me, Duke. Or telling it like it is, okay?"

"You know I won't, Earth Angel." Finally, he cracked a smile. "I couldn't even if I tried."

I guess I'd known that, too, though I'd needed to hear it from him. "Thank you, Duke." I hesitated before pressing onward, didn't want to risk spoiling things now that we'd made up. But I had to ask. "Now what did you mean when you said you won't help me kill myself again?"

Duke's smile disappeared. "What?"

I folded my arms over my chest. "In KFC, you said you wouldn't help me kill myself. Not again."

"Are you sure?" said Duke.

"Yes." Not a doubt in my mind. The way he was acting confirmed it. "What did you mean when you said that?"

"Just that I'm worried about you." Duke planted his hands in his pockets. "Like I said, I want to keep you safe."

"There's more to it." I locked my gaze with his. "There's something you're not telling me."

He stood calmly, his brown eyes steady, but I sensed his agitation. I knew he was holding back. I could read it in him as easily as I could read where a stone had come from just by touching it. Which was odd.

Because I'd never been a walking lie detector until now.

Duke reached for the doorknob. "Why don't you hit the hay, Earth Angel? We could have a big day ahead of us tomorrow if Corinne or Mahoney come through."

No one in the world was closer to me than Duke. He'd always seemed so up front with me about everything. It hurt that he might be keeping a dark secret from me. "Please, Duke." I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Tell me what it is."

Duke was pulling the door open, and he stopped. "What did you say?"

"Tell me what you're hiding," I said. "Tell me what you meant about not helping me kill myself again."

Duke sighed and closed the door. As he turned to me, I was surprised by the look on his face. I'd expected irritation, maybe anger.

But what I saw was relief.

"Please try to understand." Duke pulled over a chair from the table by the window and sat in front of me. "There are certain things I can't do in this new life of mine."

"Right." For the first time all day, my "smooth sailing" mood was letting me down. I felt like I was on shaky ground, my footing uncertain.

"I'm what some people call a golem. Literally, a man made of earth, animated by magic. But in a way, I'm like a computer," said Duke. "I have to follow my programming." His fingers fluttered slightly, as if he were playing an invisible piano. "I have to follow the instructions given me by my programmer. By my maker."

I nodded. Felt like I was in a daze. He was telling me things I'd never heard before.

"For example, my maker told me to keep secrets," said Duke. "From you. She programmed me to hide certain things. For your own good, she thought."

"Okay." I felt him becoming more agitated. About to reveal something, I could tell. Something important. Even as I leaned forward, dying to hear what he had to say, I wondered if I should have left well enough alone.

"And I've kept those secrets all this time," said Duke. "My programming wouldn't let me do otherwise. Until now." He reached over and took my hand. Squeezed it. Held it. "You see, there was one loophole. One way I could break my programming: if I were given new direct orders by the one who'd programmed me."

I stared at him, utterly confused. Trying to sort out what he'd just said and grasp the implications. "What?" Failing, because they seemed so impossible. "What are you saying?"

"Gaia." Duke gazed at me with such intensity, it was almost a physical force. "You are the one who programmed me. You are my maker."

I thought about what he'd said. Came to a conclusion. "No, I'm not." Pulled my hand from his grip and sat back. "I think I'd remember something like that."

"Not necessarily," said Duke.

I frowned and shook my head. "You're trying to tell me I was with you all these years and never knew I made you?"

"Yes." Duke nodded. "Because you have no memory of your life before this one."

"What life before this one?" I said.

"See what I mean?" Duke managed the weakest of smiles.

But this wasn't a joke at all. He reached for me, and I pushed him away. Got up from the edge of the bed and rushed to the far corner of the room. Everything spinning inside me as if I were a snow globe, and he'd just given me a rough shake.

"This is bullshit." My voice was low and trembling. "Just bullshit." But in that case, what reason could he have for telling me?

"Gaia, listen to me." Duke got up from his chair. "I can imagine how hard this is to take in."

"Let me see if I have this straight. You're saying I made you. But I don't remember making you." I ticked off the points on my fingers. "Because I have no memory of my past life."

Duke rolled his head to one side. Looked embarrassed. "Past lives, actually."

"Past lives? Past lives?" I threw up my arms in exasperation. "How many were there?"

Duke shrugged. "That's something I don't know."

"Then how do you know I had any? How do you know I had more than just this one?"

"I know about the last one because I was part of it." Duke sat back down in his chair.

I felt myself edging toward hysteria. Not because I couldn't follow his story. Not because I couldn't believe him. Because I could. Because I already lived in a world full of things most people would think were crazy and unbelievable. Because this was Duke telling me, and I'd always trusted him. And because, with all the visions I'd been having, it wasn't hard to believe I had past lives under my belt. It actually made sense. And it changed everything.

I stood still, my back to Duke, and forced myself to take deep breaths. Backed away from the hysteria. As my thoughts came into clearer focus, some of the things Duke had said fell together in my mind. I connected some dots and realized something.

"Oh my God." I spun to face Duke. "You were there at the end of my past life. That's why you said it." My heart pounded like a caged monster in my chest. "That's why you said you wouldn't help me kill myself."

Duke nodded grimly. "Because that's what happened to you in your last life."

I stumbled to the bed and dropped onto the edge of it. "Suicide."

"Yes." Duke hung his head. "And I didn't stop you."