Strategically Careless

Chapter 6

Blake's POV

    I can't believe that Colby would rat me out like that. Ugh! Just blurting out that I got shot to Katie's mom like that. If there wasn't pizza out there I would stay in my room all night and not talk to him. Ugh, I need more comfortable clothes... and a drink. Why am I like this?

    I throw on a sweatshirt and some leggings as I wallow in my own self-pity. I hope that Colby doesn't want to talk about the kiss. I am not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that. I don't want to hurt him. Ugh, I better get out there.

    I walk out to the living room to see Katie, Collin, and Colby sitting on the couch eating pizza. The second I walk into the room Katie looks up at me and smiles, "Want to watch a movie?" she asks while holding a plate of pizza up to me. 

    I grab the plate and take a seat, the only empty seat is next to Colby. Great. "I don't know if I can make it all the way through a movie but I can try," I answer.

    "Yeah, I am down." Collin smiles at Katie who blushes at him.

    "Same here." Colby chimes in. I settle in on the couch and get comfortable. I didn't make it far into the movie before sleep took over me. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A little later...

    "That was a better movie than I was expecting it to be." A voice wakes me up.

    "Yeah, it was really good," Katie says. I recognize that. She must be talking to Collin.

    "I agree." a deep voice says sounding close to me. That's Colby. I recognize that voice too. "But I can't stay awake any longer I have to go to bed. I don't want to wake her up though."

    "Oh, no did she fall asleep on you?" Katie asks faking sympathy. Did I fall asleep on Colby? I don't want to open my eyes to check. f**k f**k f**k.

    "Yeah," Colby says. s**t. Way to go Blake. 

    "I'm sorry. I'll wake her up." Katie says. Good. I can just act like she woke me up and pretend I don't notice I fell asleep on him.

    "Wait. Let's let her sleep for 5 more minutes. I can wake her up." Colby says. Shit

    "Just warning you, she is a monster if someone wakes her up," Katie says. Wow, thanks bestie. "I can do it. She won't punch me." Katie says. Dammit, Katie! He shouldn't know about that.

    "It's fine. I can do it. Plus she is just a girl, it won't hurt me that much." Colby says. Ok, I can just act like I'm slowly waking up and didn't just hear this whole conversation. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

    "Suit yourself. I am going to go do the dishes really fast." Katie says and I hear movement.

    "Have you gotten a chance to talk to her yet?" Collin asks. s**t, Katie left and they're talking about me. Fuuuuuuuck. I didn't work fast enough. 

    "No, but I really want to," Colby says sounding sad. I feel like he is looking at me. Act normal. Act normal. Don't make this awkward.

    "Then tell her that," Collin says. 

    "I feel like it will scare her away," Colby says.

    "She doesn't seem like the person who is scared of much," Collin says. I'm not scared of much. But my biggest fear is commitment. 

    "Maybe it's that I am scared. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I just want to be near her and know her. I want to see her smile every day. And it kills me when I see her with other guys because I want to be the one that is making her smile. I probably sound stupid right now." Colby says. f**k. That sounded so sweet. And he is sweet. But I'd ruin him. And Liam, god I thought at least her would at least be able to keep his feelings in check. I'm not stupid. I knew he was a gangster the second I met him. But even he likes me now. What the heck is wrong with these boys? I need to put some distance between me and them. How fast can I move to the north pole? I'm short. I'll get a job as an elf at Santa's workshop. Nobody will ever find me. That's a great plan!

    "Not at all. I understand what you mean. I feel that way with Katie. It's like the only thing I care about now is making sure she is happy. I miss her when she isn't around and I spend all my time thinking about her. I am going to go help her with the dishes. Good luck man." Collin says. Ohh that's so sweet. I'm so happy for Katie. I know she likes him a lot but I wasn't sure about him. I didn't want him just hanging around to get in her pants. That hurt her so bad. And Katie falls in love so fast. 

    "Hey, Blake. Wake up." Colby says and I feel whatever I'm leaning on shift a little bit. Oh yeah. I got to pretend to wake up now. Maybe if I really do punch him like Katie said he won't like me. Haha, fucker.

    I quickly sit up and punch Colby in the stomach. Not hard but enough to hurt some. "Ouch" Colby groans holding his stomach.    

    "I'm so sorry." I gasp putting my hands over my mouth looking shocked. "I didn't mean to punch you." I lie as I hide my smile behind my hands.

    "You have a mean right hook." Colby jokes quickly recovering. 

    "Can I get you some ice? I'm so sorry." I continue my performance. 

    "I am fine. I have to go. You fell asleep on my shoulder and I didn't want to wake you but I need to go to sleep too." Colby says moving to stand up. 

    "Oh, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep it's just been a long day." I ramble. "Anyway, you don't want to hear about that. Good night I guess." I say standing up too.

    "Yeah, good night," Colby says and walks to the door. He really believed me. I've not lost my touch after all. I can't help but smile to myself when Colby has his back turned to me.

    "Here. I brought you an ice pack." Katie comes back into the room side-eyeing me and offering the ice pack to Colby. 

    "I thought you were kidding when you said she would punch me," Colby says to her.

    "No. She really punches people if they wake her up. She doesn't mean to but she does it when she is still half asleep. We have gotten it down to just one punch though. It uses to be four before she would fully wake up and realize what was happening." Katie says as I glare at her. That's too much information, Katie.

    "Yeah, I don't know if I could take four of those punches. She is stronger than she looks. At least I am not as upset about when I first met her and she got beaten up by some guy she met at the club. If she punched him anything like that, he got what he deserved." Colby says. 

    "Yeah, she did" Katie nods.

    "Thanks for the icepack," Colby says taking it from Katie. "Good night." Colby waves to us both.

    "Night," Katie says as he walks out the door. Katie turns to me to say something but stops when Collin walks into the room.

    "I better go too. I have to be awake early tomorrow." Collin says.

    "Ok if you're sure you have to leave. Goodnight." Katie says. Collin kisses her quickly before walking out the door too. 

    Once Collin and Colby are both out of our apartment Katie turns to me crossing her arms. "You ok?" she asks. 

    "Yeah." I nod. "Thank you. I just had to get out of there." I say. Katie looks at me sympathetically for a second. "Katie..." I mumble. I know she isn't going to like this part.

    "Yeah?" she asks.

    "I woke up before he woke me up," I confess.

    "I know. I'm your best friend. You don't fool me. So why didn't you say anything?" she asks.

    "When I woke up I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want them knowing I was awake. I heard Collin and Colby talking." I say.

    "So? What's so bad about talking?" she asks.

    "You should have heard the things they were saying?" I try to defend myself.

    "Like what? Was it something gross?" she asks now getting a little concerned.

    "Yeah" I nod.

    "I knew Collin was too good to be true. What were they saying?" Katie says getting upset.

    "He really likes me. Colby told Collin that he wants to spend time with me and get to know me. He said he wants to make me smile." I shutter. 

    "I thought this was something serious." Katie rolls her eyes.

    "I am being serious. Who says that?" I complain. "I don't know why I kissed him. I don't want to hurt him but I don't want him thinking that I can ever have anything more than a fling." I say letting myself get upset for a second so Katie knows I'm serious.

    "You can have more than a fling. You just don't want to." Katie says crossing her arms. "He obviously has some sort of effect on you. I have never seen you act like this," she says.

    "I don't think I can," I argue. "You know me very well. I hook up with guys as long as it is fun and a distraction. The second I like one or one likes me I cut and run. And you heard him, he wants to get to know me. I am not a good person to get to know." I argue. "And once he gets to know me he will hate me. I just know he will. So I figured I will save him the trouble. I knew that you would have told him that I punch people who wake me up. So I punched him. Maybe now he won't want to spend more time with me." I say.

    "Blake" Katie says running her hand down her face in exhaustion.

    "Want to know the worst part. When I was laying on Colby's shoulder hearing him say that he likes me, all I could think of was Liam." I say, maybe he wasn't all I thought about but she doesn't need to know that. 

    "Liam? You are seriously messed up in the head." Katie says.

    "Yeah. I don't know why. I guess it was because everything with Liam was so uncomplicated. I just feel bad now." I lie

    "You were shot because of Liam." Katie crosses her arms.     

    "We don't know if was for sure about him." I point out. "And he isn't the one who shot me. Someone broke into his house, he couldn't control that any more than you or I can." I argue.

    "Just promise me you won't do anything stupid. I want you to be happy. But I also want you to be safe." Katie says exhausted. 

    "I want you to be happy too," I tell her. "And Katie.. I really think Collin is perfect for you." 

    "Really?" she asks hopefully. 

    "Yes. He was saying the sweetest things about you to Colby." I smile and Katie looks like a love-sick puppy dog. 

    "Oh I love him so much," she says dreamily looking like she could cry.

    "Don't cry about it. Let's just go to bed on a happy note." I tell my best friend.

    "Ok," Katie says taking a deep breath. "Goodnight," she says walking down the hall. Well, that was a whirlwind of emotions. Should I text Liam? Yeah. He can handle me better than Colby could. I can't ruin Liam's life as much. And if I make it seem like I'm interested in Liam maybe Colby won't be as upset. I pull out my phone and text Liam 

    "Hey, Liam. Can we talk?"  I text him then lock my phone and put it in my pocket.

    Before I can put it in my pocket it dings. I pull it back out and unlock it, "Yes! I miss you. I am so sorry for everything." Liam answers me.

    "Just you. None of your guys can know." I text him. He should feel bad about me getting shot. And if he likes me I think he should know the truth.... well part of the truth at least.

    "When and where would you like to meet?" he responds immediately.

    "I will text you an address tomorrow," I answer.

    "Sounds good. See you then." Liam responds.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Next Day...

    I sit at the table and eat my bagel and drink my coffee as I wait for Liam to meet me on my lunch break from work. I spot Liam outside the window as he walks towards the door. I continue eating as he walks up to my table. 

    "Can we talk?" he asks sounding worried. 

    "Yes. I am ready to talk." I say leaning back in my chair some as Liam sits down. 

    "I am so sorry for everything. You were never supposed to find out. You were never supposed to get hurt. I don't know if you remember because you were fairly in and out but after you were shot I couldn't pull myself together. Wes was trying to help you and I just stood there. The thought of losing you terrified me. I couldn't talk, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I froze. And these last few days without you it felt like I was losing you all over again. You mean so much to me. I am sorry that I put you in harm's way. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you." Liam rambles looking at me with his face full of concern.

    "Liam-" I try to cut him off.

    "I know you might not like me saying it. And I know you might not feel the same way but I have to say it. Blake, I like you and I want to be with you." Liam continues. I put my bagel down on the plate and look at him.

    "Liam-"

    "You don't have to answer right now. I just want you to know how sorry I am and how much I care."

    I put my hand on his hand that on the table to get his attention. "Liam. It's my turn to talk." I say and he finally stops talking and looks at me. "And you might not like it but you have to promise me that you came alone first," I say.

    "Yes. Nobody knows I am here. None of my guys, not even Trevor and Wes." Liam says nodding but obviously still confused. "You're making me worry," he adds.

    I talk a deep breath then blurt it out. "I used to work for the CIA."

    "What!?" he asks surprised.

    "It feels like a different life but I did. I won't turn you in. I understand if you are done with me now." I say carefully choosing my words and keeping as neutral as possible and keeping my hand close to my knife I always have on me. I don't know how he will react but I'm ready for anything.

    "That was honestly the last thing I expected you to say. Ummm... I have so many questions. I guess it makes sense why you knew exactly how to treat Wes's stab wound." he says thinking back on our time together.

    "If you think I know too much, I understand if you and your guys want to come after me now that you know. But I want you to know that I won't go down without a fight." I say.

    "No. I would never do that to you." Liam denies. I eye him suspiciously and he seems to be telling the truth. 

    "But that's why I asked you to come to a crowded cafe during the lunch rush alone. And now you know one of my secrets. I'll see you around." I say standing up.

    "Blake, don't go. I still have so many questions." Liam says looking hurt and a mixture of other emotions. I guess the more time I spend with him after this will make him less likely to try to kill me. Or sneak attack me at home later where Katie could possibly get hurt.

    "After today, I don't plan on ever mentioning this again so now is your time to ask." I sit back down in my chair.

    "When? Why? Why did you leave? Is Blake even your real name? Who else knows? How did you even join?" he asks every question that crosses his mind. 

    "It's nowhere near as exciting as it sounds. Summers during college I would just do administrative stuff like file papers and make copies. Although when I graduated I went through all their agent training and was offered a job. I did not accept the job. I did it so I didn't have to go home and make some money. Blake is my real name. I was never too deep into it. Katie is the only other person that knows." I answer all the questions with my scripted answers I know by heart. Only Katie knows more details but not the full truth.

    "Is that why Katie wouldn't call your parents while you were in the hospital?" Liam asks.

    "No. That has nothing to do with this. Any more questions?" I deny

    "No not at the moment." he shakes his head.

    "Ok. I hate to do this but I have to..." I say taking a deep breath. "Because I worked there, I know things that I am not supposed to. If certain people find out, I am in danger. I might not still be in the CIA but I still have contacts if I need them. If you sell me out. I have enough to put you and every one of your men behind bars. I do not want to do that but I will if I have to." I threaten.

    Woah. I won't sell you out. I won't tell any of my guys. Your secret is safe with me." Liam says.

    "Good. Now that that's done." I sigh in relief. "I can help you."

    "What?" Liam looks at me confused.

    "I was never mad at you that you were dealing drugs. Or getting shot. I don't care about that." I shrug. "The CIA knows everything about me though. I regularly am checked on to ensure my safety and to make sure I am not selling secrets. I was upset that they may now have something on you since you have been seen in public with me. If we were together at any point while they checked up on me, they have looked into you. That's why when I found out I had to leave your apartment to try to protect you. Obviously, I couldn't explain that to you at the time, so I had to make you believe I was mad. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I just wanted to keep you out of jail. You and your guys need to be careful." I explain.

    "Do you think that the CIA may be the reason that the shipment was messed up the day you were shot? Trevor and Wes said something was off. It felt like a setup. Would they have sent someone to kill you or my guys?" he asks. 

    "I wasn't sure at the time but I was suspicious of it. That's why I pushed Wes out of the way. I don't want anyone dying for a mistake I have made." I say.

    "Wow Blake, you really aren't like other girls." Liam sigh with a half-hearted laugh. 

    "I am trying to be normal but it's not working well at the moment." I shrug taking a bite of my bagel.

    "Why would you want to be normal? Normal is boring and you are not boring." Liam says. "You are incredible, exciting, and mysterious. You find new ways to surprise me."

    "Liam, just because I told you all this doesn't mean I want to be together. I was telling you the truth when I said I don't do relationships. Even when we were doing the whole friends-with-benefits thing, we weren't exclusive. My life is too much to handle for serious relationships." I explain and try to comfort him. I can't exactly end it with him to make him angry or sell me out. Oh, I didn't think this thru.

    "There isn't much you could say or do to scare me away," Liam says. Then he leans closer to me, "Don't you get it Blake. I don't care about your past. I just want to be a part of your future." he says. 

    "I have to go. My lunch break is almost over." I say standing up and gathering my trash. This conversation just got way too serious for me. 

    "I really mean it. Just take some time to think about it. Even if it is just as friends, nothing more." he says again.

    "Ok. I have to go now. Bye." I wave.

    "See you later." Liam waves and I leave. 

    The rest of the day slowly passed. I couldn't stop thinking about Liam. I didn't want to tell him about my past but I couldn't stand the thought of him being mad at himself for hurting me. I just wanted him to go back to his normal, happy, confident self. Back to the guy I liked being around. I still have to tell Katie. I don't want to. I know she won't like that I told him. But whatever Liam decides to do can put Katie in harm's way. I know he said that he wouldn't tell anyone but I can't be 100% positive I can trust him. Hopefully, I can convince her to spend the night with Collin, so if something does happen at least she is safe. Tomorrow I will go check on Liam to see where his mind is at. For now, all I can do is wait.

    I walk into the apartment after work and immediately search for Katie. "Katie? Katie? Are you here?" I yell thru the apartment. 

    No answer. 

    I walk into the apartment further, still no sign of her. Weird. Her work is closer to the apartment than mine, she normally beats me home. I walk into the kitchen "Katie?" I call out again. 

    Still no answer. 

    Maybe she's in her room. I cautiously walk down the hall towards Katie's room keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of anyone. I open her bedroom door and walk-in. "Katie?" I call out again.

    No answer.

    "Katie are you in here?" I yell louder. Ok, I'm starting to get worried. I head out of the room back to the living room. 

Knock. Knock.

    Who could that be? I walk to the door and open it while holding my knife at the ready but out of view of whoever is at the door. I open the door and see Katie standing there and instantly relax. "There you are!"  I say pulling her into the apartment and closing the door behind her. 

    "Sorry I forgot my keys this morning so I took my time getting home," Katie explains. 

    "Thank god!" I sigh in relief. I look  at Katie seriously, "Katie I told Liam." I say.

    "Told Liam what exactly?" Katie asks hesitantly.

    "That I worked for the CIA during college," I explain and Katie's face pales as her eyes got big. 

    "WHY!?" 

    "I don't know. I didn't want him to feel sorry for himself anymore. Not all of his business is completely legitimate. He told me that he wouldn't tell anyone. Not even his men." I shrug. "I don't know if I trust him though. Is there any way you can spend the night at Collin's?" I ask. "I will go talk to Liam tomorrow to see where his head is out. I just want you to be safe tonight." I plead.

    "Of course." Katie knows me well enough to know I wouldn't be asking her if I didn't really think her life was in danger. "You should come too though." she also knows me well enough to know I would never take her up on that.

    "No. If they can't find me I don't want them to start looking for you. I have weapons here if something happens and I played it down like I only did clerical work to make myself look like an easier target. That's our best chance." I explain.

    "You have weapons here?" Katie asks looking surprised.

    "You know I always have a knife on me at least," I say with a pointed look. Katie nods. "But I have more weapons in my room." I shrug. 

    Katie takes a deep breath and nods. "Are you sure you will be ok?" she asks sounding concerned.

    "Yeah, I will be fine." I nod. I used to do this thing all the time. Worst-case scenario I die and Katie's safe. Either way, I win. 

    "Ok I am going to go get changed and grab some stuff I need," Katie says eyeing me suspicious almost asking with her eyes if I think she has enough time for that. I nod and she moves past me going to her room. I stay by the door at the ready for anybody else who might come to the door. I'm going to watch right here all night.