Everyone was already asleep including my sister she was sleeping next to me. I don’t know why I was still awake scrolling the news feed on f*******:. On the search button, I already had written Asif Rauf five times but I was still going for sixth. Again his profile picture took my breath, he was wearing a black suit and paint, maybe he would have gone to the wedding. I scroll down as I did earlier, he was looking stunning in every pic but girls next to him were making me angry constantly. As earlier I again shut down the mobile and tried to sleep but it wasn’t coming. This time I stopped myself from doing the same mistake again and again at last I don’t know when but I slept. When I woke up in the morning it was already 8 am, my collage was starting at 9, horror. I hurried into the bathroom and took a quick bath. For the first time while dressing I took advice from my sister.
‘I knew you would change after getting into uni but this soon’, she mocked me continuously all the time. She put mascara in my eyes and lend me her hair iron. For the first time, it was my choice to heat my hair.
When I reached college I wasn’t the throne-like that day. With confidence I went to my classroom sat on the same chair with the same people. Asif looking awesome as always came and sat with the same girl. ‘b***h’ my heart was aching to see him with her. Soon at 11 am it was lunchtime, me along with five girls went to the cafeteria. Asif was sitting with the same girl on one of the dinning at the corner with five other classmates. I also wanted to be there but how?
One of the girls in my group Ange was forward in this area she took the meal and went to sat there with Asif, the rest of us were just watching her going that way. There was no room for four of us so we simply sat on one in the middle. The food wasn’t going down my throat, ‘why can’t I be like Angi, life was so straight forward for her?’
‘How can she leave us and sit with others, how selfish of her’, Mahma exclaimed in anger. I didn’t utter a word because I would have done the same if I had little more courage. When we went to class Angi came to us again. ‘I thought u forgot us’
‘sorry Mahma, but we should try to introduce with others in the class too. I was just increasing my friend list that’s all’
‘Did you talked with Asif too,’ involuntarily these words jumped out from my mouth.
‘That guy from your department. I think I have a crush on him, he is too sweet. I think he is single’
‘But you said you like Asutosh the most in the class yesterday’
‘yes, but that time I hadn’t talked with Asif. He is totally my type’
Angi was blonde with boy’s cut hair. She was one of the most pretty girls in class. She could get every boy she likes. In front of her, there was no chance for me. I felt stupid. The whole day I didn’t even look at him.
Despite being combined with the environment department some classes and practicals were separate. That day it was our first practical class groups were meant to be made that day. We were 20 students on Applied physics 19 boys and me the only girl. Teachers divided the group with three students on each. Punkuj, Asif, and me were in the same group. Now it was a horror for me, I didn’t want to raise my hope on him but we were going to do the project together for the whole year.
Our first project was newton’s ring. The teacher took us to a dark room with set up on the table. He gave us a paper with procedures to produce it and went outside. Now it was our turn to work. We set up the lens and mercury lamp, now we had to rotate the slit to see the fringes. I went to see that first, I peeked down the hole but no fringes were seen I rotate the slit but still, there were no fringes.
‘I cannot see it’, I said in dismay.
Asif came closer to me and lowered his head to peek down from the hole. His face was just some mm far from mine, I was listening to his breath and my heart rate was increasing with time. I tried to maintain some distance slowly and succeed in that too but ‘What?’ he was smiling as I went far from him. ‘Does he think I am a loser?’ my mind was questioning my heart and I became pale in a minute.
‘It can be seen now, it seems like you rotated the slit a bit fast’
I went down to hole, he was right the fringes were clearly seen now, After me Punkuj disassemble the setup and again set that up for practice we wrote all the data that were required and after 3 hours our practical was done for that week.
Asif was a bus student, he used to come and go from school bus so there was no way we were going home together. After the lab, he directly went to the uni bus stop. While I and punkuj went together outside. Punkuj was shorter than me as most of the boys were there, he was sweet to me from the beginning. He began to ask me about my family and I did the same, as I expected he called me a sister from the beginning and that was more than alright for me.
A week went by, Upisa still used to come with me while going home after class except for lab day. I was a little more used to with her prattle but it was still irritating. It was a lab day. Again, we, Asif and Punkuj went for practical together it was double pendulum day, Near to our division, there was another for electrical engineering group. Seeing Asif a guy came from that group and jumped upon him as a monkey jumping upon a tree. ‘What are you doing here?’ said Asif looking at him.
‘It’s our lab day too’
‘Your group is calling for you’
‘we will meet after lab then’
The strange guy went to his group while I was still looking at Asif like a total nuisance.
‘He is my friend from school, he is like a brother to me’, he said looking back at me.
I nodded my head and looked in other directions in total embarrassment. During our project, the guy came to visit there more than thrice. And when the project ended he was there with us. ‘Are you going on collage bus too’, asked Punkuj to the guy.
‘No I am going on local’
‘Then you can go with Kusum’, said Asif
‘Horror’ I didn’t want to go with that guy but unfortunately he was happy to return together.
He was talking the whole way but not about himself, ‘where do you live?’
‘What is your favorite food?’
‘why do you chose physics?’
Bla Bla Bla in some instant I was thinking Upisa was far more better than him.
But there was no option for me rather than answering his questions.
Finally, I reached my stop.
‘It’s my stop’, I said intending to get down from the bus
‘It was nice to meet you’, shouted he from his seat.
He was chill just cool, complete opposite of me, although it was irritating to answer his every question but for some time I stopped thinking about Asif so I was happy
‘It was nice to meet you too……,’
‘Yosuf my name is Yosuf’, he shouted when the bus ran off.
I went to my room. As it was beginning lots of assignments were already assigned to us. That day was lab day so I decided to finish my report first but no, I again went for mobile and searched Asif Rauf. What was happening to me, this way I was becoming psycho. I even didn’t dare to send him a friend request. Thinking of him I didn’t know when I slept, I woke up by the sound of mobile notification tone. It was already 9 pm. My sister came to the room and asked me to come with her for dinner. Without even touching the mobile I went after her.
‘How is your uni going?’
‘fine, better than I expected’
‘She asked me for advice for her clothing this morning’
‘Maybe the air of uni has started influencing her’, mocked my mom laughing at me.
‘Please mom’, I exclaimed wearily, and finishing my dinner went to the room.
I was willing to finish my report before sleeping but I couldn’t help my heart, I again went for a mobile.
“Asif Rauf send you friend request’
I couldn’t believe my eyes. My heart was fluttering with joy. We had fifteen mutual friends including Angi, Upisa even Mahma, and other classmates all bitches.
Without any delay, I accepted the request with a big smile over my face.
‘Have you completed the report?’ a text appeared on the screen
‘No, but I was going to start it’
‘can you provide me with data, I forgot to note it’
I click a photo of data from my notebook and send it to him
‘Thank you very much, Good night’
Then he went.
That’s all did he send me request for data only, how selfish of him. I felt used.
Next day Yosuf and I were on the same bus while going to uni.
‘I searched you on f*******: yesterday and regretted not asking for your last name’
‘Really, it’s Paudel’
‘Mine is mununkarmi’
‘mununkarmi? I never heard of a surname like that ever in my life’
‘Yeah, most of the people say that, it’s kind of unique’
‘From when do you know Asif?’
‘he is my best friend from junior school. Me enrolling in this uni is also because of him’
‘oh my god, I am afraid of your friendship now’
‘friendship, do you think I came to this uni because of friendship. I came here because he has lots of girls around him and I hope someday he will lend me one or two’, chucked he
‘You are sweet’, he made me laugh a lot the whole way.
When we reached uni Asif was getting down from his bus he came to us,
‘so you two together today huh’, said he looking at us
‘yeah, coincidently actually’, I hurried
‘Kusum it’s time already let's move to the class’
The word Kusum from Asif mouth hit me like a cold wave and every pore of my skin was feeling like they were expanding. It was the first time he called me by my name.
‘Yeah, let's go’, I said shaking my voice.
‘Kusum, give me your number, we can go home together from now on I will call you’, Yosuf asked me from behind. ‘horror’, I was in dilemma whether to give him my num or not then Upisa came into my mind. They both are talkative they will talk with each other whole way and I can escape their attention that came into my mind. I gave him my number while Asif was waiting on the side.
‘you gave him the number without thinking twice’, asked Asif looking at me.
Again questions began to arise in my heart, ‘is he jealous?’
‘Does he want my number too, I can give him my room address number is of no issue?’
‘He is sweet isn’t he’, he again poured me a question.
‘yes’, I answered simply
‘You are his type, during high school he was cheated by his girlfriend with whom he had given 3 years of his life. After then I saw the old him again today when he was with you. He has a very good heart’
My type my type. He was pointing to think about his friend when I was unbelievably falling for him. His word ruined my day. And due to him, I started hating Yosuf too. I made up my mind I am not going to pick up his call ever.
It was already 10 miscalls from Yosuf, Upisa was constantly asking me to pick up the call. We were still on the collage periphery. The mobile rang again this time out of dismay I picked the call.
‘Where were you? I was calling you from the last half an hour?’
‘Mob was on silence so I didn’t hear it’
‘where are you?’
‘I was just about to return, I am at the gate now’
‘I am near the gate, wait for me’
He cut the call. I didn’t want to be with him but ‘Kusum’ sound came from behind. He was running toward us with an enthusiastic look in his face. I regretted not picking up his call. None of it was his fault.
All the way Yosuf was talking about returning home together. That time Upisa was also quietly listening to him and it was like a miracle to me.
When I went home, Yosuf had already sent me the friend request, without any delay I accepted it. Then his message started to came continuously. At first I pretended not to see it but later on I couldn’t help it and replied. Whole-time he was pointing out about me, I knew he was interested in me but I didn’t want to raise his hope because for me he was just a sweet boy with whom I forgot my every problem but it wasn’t the attraction for sure. I wanted to clear him but I couldn’t tell him about Asif as he was close to him, I thought about telling him the whole time but I couldn’t.
Next day I woke up from his call, ‘Good morning’
‘Why are you calling so early in the morning?’
‘just be ready it will be late for uni otherwise. Just like yesterday, we are going together. I will call you when I take the bus, you must take the same, okay’
Before I could say anything he cut the call. It was becoming uncontrollable now, I should hurry and clear things between us. I willingly delayed and pretended as if I missed his bus. But I wasn’t feeling good about that either. Wearing whitening cream, mascara, and little lip balm was now my daily doing. I became late that day. The teacher was already inside the class when I reached there. A new face was seen on the front row, she was sitting with Asif. I went to Mahma and asked her about the girl.
‘Maybe she is the latecomer.’
‘Then why is she sitting with Asif’
‘I don’t know, they were talking with each other when I reached here’
Anji who was listening all this looked behind and said, ‘They were on the same college bus, maybe they are an old friend. She was hugging him when they came here, I feel like killing her already’
The teacher kept on teaching us while my eyes were stuck to them. When class ended for lunch break the new girl came toward me.
‘Hi, I am Asma from Applied physics’
I don’t know what I was supposed to be, she was another girl in our department. I expected this news would0 made my day but no I wasn’t happy and I still don’t know the reason behind it.
‘Hi’
‘Asif and I have decided to have today lunch with all Applied physics department. We will get to know each other and as I am new here I will get to know about you people’
‘It’s amazing, even I don’t know all of them’
‘so it’s done. Let’s go there’
Asma pulled me. I bid Mahma and the other four of them goodbye and walked behind her.
‘It’s already three weeks from when class started, why are you late’
‘I was planning to study in foreign but on last moment my visa got canceled’
‘okay’
‘Asif told me about you in the bus, he said you will be happy to see me as I will be gender company’, she chuckled
‘Yeah, I was happy. It means you and Asif know each other from before’
‘No, I just met him on the bus. I thought he was handsome and went to sit by his side but later on, I knew he was from the same department.’
My heart was at little ease at that time. But competition was getting more and more intense. We reached to the cafe. On a very huge dining in the middle, all boys from our department were sitting leaving two seats for all in the middle. We all brought Rice with chicken. We talked about each other and mostly about physics. Asif was talking about stars and their mysterious nature. I had to say I liked their company. While we were eating without asking Asif dropped his chicken into mine.
‘I am not used to eat chicken bone piece,’ said he
I never liked people messing up my food but I didn’t hate what he did that time. I just thought he was comfortable with me.
Asma was an extreme extrovert in nature. She knew every member there more than I understood them for three weeks. She was just like my friend Kareem, due to her I was talking with them.
From that day onwards Asma was like a medium to talk with others. Asma was always by my side. She placed her chair near mine in the class too. I just knew Punkuj and Asif before but after she came I get to know everyone. I didn’t need to worry about searching for a reason to talk with Asif as she used to go to him every time she gets a chance. Due to her, I get to see Asif other sides too, Yes, I used to be jealous of her sometimes but mostly I was thankful to her. I wasn’t worrying about my uni life then. While returning home seeing Asma and Asif going on college bus together used to clench my heart but there was nothing I could do about that.
One day when Yosuf, me, and Upisa were returning home. Rain started to drop every student began to run for shelter. I was wearing a jacket when it started raining I put on the cap of the jacket and begun to run with Yosuf and Upisa, it was that time when Yosuf who always used to walk by my side, went away. He was avoiding his eye from looking at me. I found it strange but as it was raining heavily I just ignored that act.
We ran for the bus and finally get to one. All the seats on the bus were occupied. So we had to stand. My hair, jacket all were wet and drops of water were falling from it. Yosuf came to my side and still was avoiding my face. “what happened?’ I asked looking at him. He brought his face close to mine. So close that his breath was touching my neck giving me goosebumps. He slowly took his lips near my ear almost touching it,
‘You are looking so beautiful today in that cap and rain, that I am afraid if I look at you now I can’t divert my mind again’ his whisper almost stopped my heart. He lifts his head and looked in another direction again. I was in a dilemma about what to say and what not to say. I stayed quiet until my stop came. When I went toward the door for departure I felt someone holding my hand. It was Yosuf’s I looked back at him, he was looking at me with so much love and care in his eyes, for a minute I almost fell for it. The bus was already moving forward, so pulling my hand from his grasp, I went for the door.
I was cold, wet, and puzzled, I knew Yosuf expectations were increasing day by day, and somewhere it was my fault. I should have made that clear long time ago. I made up my mind, on telling him about my feeling soon.