Letting go

Chapter 4

Molly

"Molly... I want you to come with me."

"Huh, you what now?"

"I want you to come with me. You me and the whole world at our feet." He's smiling at me but I'm pretty sure I look like a goldfish right now.

"But why? This is a once-in-a-lifetime trip and you need to make the most of every moment. The last thing you want is a grieving widow stuck to your side."

"I want you with me, baby girl. I want to experience every moment with you. I want to make Archie a part of this trip and I want to do it all with you at my side. Please say you'll come?"

"I don't know, Tom."

"Molly, I don't want to sound mean but what do you have to stay here for now? You are on your own. You have to start your life again so why not take some time away from here before you do that huh? "

"Your right and I know you are but I have to start my life over no matter what I do, whether I stay here now and do it or come back

in a year and do it."

"That's where you're wrong my little bubba. You see we'll go away and explore the world in Archies name then I'm moving to Texas to be with my family and you're coming with me."

Thomas's dad inherited his parent's farm just over six years ago and his parents decided it would be a great fresh start and so they sold their home and moved the whole family to Texas. I've never been there but I hear that it's a beautiful place to be but still, me moving there?

"I'm what now?"

"Do you think that I'll leave you to come back here to live on your own and be surrounded by people who h-"

"Who hate me, It's ok you can say it."

"They only hate you because they don't know the truth," He raises one of his perfectly shaped eyebrows at me and I know where he's going with this.

"And they won't know ever ok? You promised you wouldn't tell them!"

"And I won't but you're not living here among them so get packing because we leave here tomorrow at 10 am. If there's anything you know your gonna want to keep but don't want to travel with box it up and we'll ship it to the ranch before we leave with my stuff

ok?"

"Let's do this, let's go on the trip!" His smile gets wider as he piles me on the bed and I take a few deep breaths as I realize exactly

what I have just agreed to but why not? I have no home left after the fire.

My husband is gone and my best friends leaving, and I'll have no one here so what exactly is there to stay here for? I can stay and live in hell or I can make the most of life with Tom and live out a dream that was a part of Archies life.

I've barely slept my mind has been a constant whirlwind all night going between sadness and grief about the past and excitement and anxiety about what's to come. Unfortunately, while I've not been able to sleep I've also managed to keep Tom awake too and now it's 5 am and we've spent the last two hours laughing and crying over the memories that we've shared with Archie and I love that I have him to share those moments with.

"Why don't we get dressed and head to the house? I know you don't want to go there but I think you should before we leave, you need to say goodbye to the place baby girl."

I want to argue it and I want to refuse to go there but deep down I know he's right and I'm also pretty sure that it will be my last chance to go there because after a lot of thinking and talking it through with Tom I've decided to take him up on his offer and head to Texas with him after our trip to make a fresh start.

We pull up outside our home and I'm reminded that this must be hard for him as he lived here with us. I lost my home and my husband and he lost his home and one of his best friends.

We both take deep breaths before stepping out of the car and taking in the view in front of us. The windows are either smashed and boarded up or black from the smoke, I look up at what once was my bedroom to see the smashed window.

The new front door looks out of place, it's red with a brand new shiny knocker and looks nothing like the rest of the house, it was put on after the old one was broken down and I hate it.

"You're not welcome here murderer!" I turn my head to see Jenny my next-door neighbour standing on her doorstep with a look of hate and disgust on her face.

"Oh pipe down sweet checks!" Tom shouts back while I look down at my feet unable to say a word, the letter that's in my pocket feels like it's burning my skin but I shake the feeling aside and look back at my home, well what's left of it anyway.

I feel Tom's arms wrap around my shoulders as he nudges me forward and my feet move of their own accord. "Come on baby girl,"

He pushes the front door open and I fight back the sobs that want to leave my body. I've come here so many times over the past week but I've never been able to make it past the front door, never been able to even open it.

"Molly... Molly!"

"Sorry, Tom."

"It's ok sweetie. I know that this is hard but you'll regret it if you don't do it so how about we take a look around and box anything we want to keep yes?" I agree and let him pull me around by the hand as I take in the view of what once was my life that's now just ash.

I manage to find some stuff that can be saved, some jewellery that Archie bought me, and some photo albums that show the last 9 years of our lives. Unfortunately, I only find one photo from our wedding but one is all I need.

The place is so quiet that when Tom's cell rings we both jump and his cursing soon brings a small smile to my face. "Sorry Mol, it's Christian I should take this and make sure everything's ok."

I nod as he steps into the other room while I make my way around the house collecting everything important to me that is saveable, not that there's much but thankfully my memories weren't destroyed in the fire. They didn't burn away and no matter where I go in life they will always be with me and for that I'm grateful.

Before I leave my home for the last time I head up the stairs and toward my bedroom. I step inside and even though I knew that the room would be ruined I'm still taken aback by the sight that greets me. Everything is either now ash or charred and it breaks my heart.

I find myself staring down at what once was our bed and before I can stop myself I start laughing real belly-clenching laughter. The door creeks as it opens and Tom comes in with a smile on his face but it's a strange smile, I think he's confused and I get it but I can't stop.

Tom walks over to me and places his hands on my shoulders and just as quick as my laughter started it changes to tears, gut-wrenching, throat-burning sobs wracking my body and I feel myself crumbling to the floor but I don't hit the floor instead I feel

strong arms pick me up and I'm cradled to Tom's chest as he lowers us to the floor and holds me tight while I cry like never before.

30 minutes we sit on the dirty floor of my bedroom. 30 minutes of us both crying and laughing and talking and as hard as it was I think I needed it. I've cried since Archies death but not much as I've tried to keep strong but I see now that it wasn't helping me if anything it was holding me back.

Once we are ready we head downstairs and I take one last look around the house before we step outside knowing that this will be the last time that we will step foot in here. This is goodbye and it's killing me.

"What the f**k are you doing here?"

"I just came to pick some stuff up, Gemma. I'm leaving now don't worry."

"You should be ashamed of yourself for coming back here after what you have done Molly. My brother loved this house and it's because of you that he died here!" Her voice gets louder and louder but I don't move, don't say a word. What can I say? Again that letter seems to burn through my pocket and onto my skin.

"Ok that's enough Gemma, leave her alone!" Tom walks over to me, grabs my hand, and pulls me toward the car. The whole time I remain quiet while Gemma continues to shout out to me but in all honestly I don't hear a word of it. He sits me in the car before walking around to the driver's side and getting in next to me. He goes to start the car but I stop him and get back out of the car and walk over to Gemma while he calls out to me.

"Gemma despite what you may think I loved, love your brother more than anything else in this world and I will always miss him.

Look I came here to get some stuff because I am leaving and I'm not coming back. Can you give these to Clare, please? You were right about one thing, Archie loved this house we both did and he wouldn't want it to be left to rot so I'm giving it to Clare and I'll have my solicitor draw up the papers so that I can sign it over to her."

Now it's her turn to be the silent one as I hand her the keys and walk away from her without another word. I get back in the car and we head straight for the motel so that we can get ready to leave and say goodbye to this place and the life that we knew.

This is for you, Archie.