Hopelessly Hoping

Chapter 2

Relief washed over Peter when he was one of the first students out of the biology classroom. Surprisingly, they already had classwork to do, which was looking at the stages of mitosis in onion cells. Peter was doing all the work while Wade was blabbing on about all of his sports achievements? College? Food? Peter didn't really know, he wasn't actually paying attention. All he did was nod along pretending to listen because Wade would start touching his shoulder or take his pencil out of his hands trying to get his attention. 

Luckily, Peter had been watching the clock from the corner of his eye. He even packed up five minutes early and already had his backpack slung over his shoulder and the handle of his oxygen tank in his hand.

'Be kind, always.' He thought to himself.

He bit his tongue and took many deep inhales to keep from saying something he would regret to the babbling teen. He just wanted him to stop talking, just for thirty seconds. To this day, Peter didn't know it was possible for someone to talk for over an hour without taking a break once.

it was slightly impressive.

When the bell rang, Peter practically shot up from his chair.

He just wanted to leave.

But the brunette turned around to focus his attention to Wade who was shoving his books inside of his backpack so he could continue his conversation with Peter outside of the classroom. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like the skinny brunette slipped through Wade's fingertips. In one second, he was standing up, and in the other, he was halfway out the door.

The last thing Wade heard from his baby boy was a quiet goodbye. 

Wade smiled, he thought he was doing a pretty good job of actually trying to make a friend. Considering everyone practically threw themselves at him, he didn't actually know how to talk to people that well.

He could already feel a strong friendship growing between the two of them. Peter seemed nice and slightly optimistic, but not too naive. He actually seemed like he was an interesting person, not a narrow-minded jock. Like the ones he hung out with because those were the people, he could tolerate on a daily basis.

Maybe even something more than friends. 

Definitely.

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

Peter was sitting down on the bench in front of the main office waiting for his dad to pick him up. He was alone, no surprise there, skimming through some Wonder Woman comics on his phone, his all time favorite superhero. When he saw Gwen and MJ approach him from the corner of his eye.

Peter put on a smile as they stood near him. MJ's features lit up as she was squealing and laughing. Her red hair was bouncing all over the place with the fits of laughter she produced.

"Are you okay, MJ?" Peter asked. Her face was becoming as red as her hair.

'Was it possible to die of laughter?'

"GUESS WHO GOT A DATE WITH WADE Woodland?" She screeched, jumping up and down.

'Damn.'

Peter kinda liked Wade. Just a little bit.

The brunette shrugged off the thought. It was impossible for him to think that he and Wade could really be in a relationship. From his standpoint now, it seemed like a joke. Wade probably didn't even like men.

Shame.

Guys like him only liked girls, that's the way it always was.

"You did?" Peter asked, trying to keep his voice level. He internally scoffed. His heart was broken by Wade and they weren't even dating.

How depressing.

She nodded with excitement and smiled brightly at Gwen and Peter.

"Congratulations.." Peter said, faking his excitement. In all honesty, he was kinda jealous.

Only a tiny bit.

"It isn't exactly a date.." Gwen interrupted. Her features informative and apologetic at the same time. "All he did was invite you to his party."

"That's basically a date, right?" She asked.

Gwen raised her eyebrow as her eyes bounced from MJ to Peter. "Isn't there something you need to say?"

MJ's eyes bounced from Peter to Gwen before she shook her head. "No." She said.

"MJ."

"I bet he doesn't even want to come..." Red pouted.

"You didn't even ask him," Gwen sighed.

"Someone like him wouldn't want to go anyway... We're better off not even asking."

'Wow, okay..'

"I'm still here.." Peter waved sarcastically.

Peter could see how hard MJ was trying not to scowl. Her features dropped into a frown when she turned back towards him. "Wade wanted me to ask you if you want to come." 

'Oh damn... maybe he actually likes me-'

'No... he doesn't. He's only inviting me as a friend... or as a joke.'

'How could he like "someone like me" anyway?'

"Umm.. n-no.. I probably shouldn't." Peter murmured shyly. A large party filled with high school students was the last place he should ever be. Even dealing with all the people at the grocery was hard enough. Someone people still stared and managed to trip on his oxygen tank. If that happened at a party, he wouldn't be able to last ten minutes.

"Told you!" MJ said, trying to hide her excitement. 

She whipped her head towards Peter and did that judgmental glare with her eyes. "Don't worry about going." She said. "It's not your scene anyway."

He felt a pang of hurt when he saw that the red head didn't want him to come. There was absolutely nothing going on between him and Wade.

There never was.

So why was she so worried?

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

When Tony finally arrived most of the students had already left as there were only a few roaming through the hallways. Peter entered the car silently and put on a fake smile despite how he was feeling. What MJ said hurt way more than it should.

'Someone like him wouldn't want to come.'

And even the hurtful words from Flash made him feel worse about himself, what was his problem anyway?

He thought that he should've gotten used to them now. The remarks and all of the assumptions... but apparently, they still hurt as much as they did before.

"How was your first day?" Tony chimed. He had a bright smile on his face and his eyes glinted with excitement.

'Today was kind of... crappy.'

"Oh...um..today was fine.." Peter mumbled out, fiddling with the tube on his oxygen tank.

Tony froze as the smile fell off of his face. "What's wrong?" He asked. "You've been excited for months and all I get is fine?"

"What happened? Are you okay? Did something happen? You know you can always talk to me."

'Just forget about Wade, MJ, and Flash.'

"Sorry... I didn't know what I was expecting to happen." He smiled halfheartedly. "I found my classes easily and I made a couple friends."

"Did you take your medicine?" Asked Tony.

"Yeah."

"Did you eat something for lunch?"

'No, MJ's remarks ruined my appetite.'

"Yes." Peter lied.

Tony nodded slowly, "You know if something's wrong, you can tell me right?"

"Of course."

Peter's father paused, raising his eyebrows. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to find out myself?"

'No, I can't tell dad about Flash or what MJ said. Not only would I be embarrassed, but MJ would get a verbal beat down. And we were friends, right?'

Peter hesitated, he needed an excuse for his obscure behavior. "Nothing is wrong... I'm just not feeling very well..."

Tony's eyes widened. "Are you okay, I can call you Steve from work.. you don't have to go to school tomorrow if you don't wan-"

'crap'

"Wait, Dad... I'm just tired... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." He shrugged, "The nerves and stuff."

"Oh... okay.." Star sighed in relief, "Let's get you home then."

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

It took twenty minutes for Peter to convince Tony to go back to work.

"I'll be fine dad, I'll just be catching up on last nights sleep." He reassured him. "I won't find a way to combust, I promise."

"Dinner." He pointed, "Is in the fridge."

"Yes, I know" Peter sighed. It hurt how did dad didn't have enough faith in him just to spend a couple hours alone. He wasn't six anymore, he was sixteen. "Heat the oven to four hundred and twenty-five degrees and cook for twenty-five to thirty minutes. And then let it rest for five minutes."

"And if anything happens, please don't hesitate to call me, alright?"

Peter nodded. "I won't. I promise."

A hurt smile flashed on Tony's face. "I love you so so much, you know that, right?"

Peter embraced his father into a long hug. "Of course I know." Peter murmured. "You tell me that every day." 

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

Peter was lying on his bed, staring down at his biology homework in front of him. It was almost impossible to concentrate. The words that were said to him were still roaming around his head. 'Someone like him wouldn't want to come.'

Peter didn't know why, but each word that repeated in his ears broke his heart a little more each time. He knew he shouldn't care, he knew that he shouldn't be offended, but he just was.

Why were people who barely even knew him already making assumptions about his life? Like they knew him better than he knew himself?

He sighed as he got off of his bed. He went downstairs as his mind went to the only thing that seemed like it could distract him.

Food.

Peter walked downstairs and headed towards the kitchen. He was a little bit hungry. He had a tiny breakfast and no lunch. He knew he should really start to change his eating habits, but that was easier said than done. 

He wouldn't lie, the medication he was on really f****d up his entire body.

But then again, living painfully with cancer was better than dying painfully with cancer.

At least, that's what everyone else said.

Once he entered the kitchen, he opened the fridge to find some leftover pasta from last night. There wasn't much, but it was something. He wasn't in the mood for cooking. Not that he could anyway, his parents didn't trust him at all.

With anything.

It was rare that he was actually home alone. His parents were like hawks that loomed over him every second of every day. Peter didn't see what the big deal was, he felt okay, he felt fine. Maybe he couldn't breathe perfectly on his own because he had more scar tissue in his lung then actually healthy lung tissue, but at least he wasn't back at the hospital.

Deep down, Peter felt like his own parents just didn't believe in him. They still saw him as the fragile, sick, and bony eight-year old that cried him self to sleep because he was in so much pain.

But Peter knew he wasn't that kid anymore.

He was the sixteen-year-old kid that lived longer than all the doctors thought he would. That got past the waves of chemotherapy, the radiation, and the surgery.

He was okay, he was going to be alright. Why couldn't his parents just trust him on that?

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

A soft knock on Peter's door woke him up the next morning.

"Peter?" A voice called. "Are you okay in there?"

Peter lifted his heavy head to gaze at the door. "Yeah... I-I'm fine." He groaned. He was absolutely exhausted, he didn't sleep too well last night. 

Nightmares.

About the same thing, each and every time.

He pulled off his blankets and grabbed his oxygen tank from the side of his bed. His feet slowly as he made his way towards the door. As Peter opened it and saw Tony on the other side, a smile rose to his father's face. 

"Nice bedhead." 

The brunette ran his free hand through his head trying to tame the fluff he called hair. That didn't work out very well. "Thanks." He murmured.

The happy tone shifted when Tony spoke again. "If you're not feeling up to it today, remember that you don't have to go." He said.

"It's okay." Peter lied. "I'm fine. I'm feeling a little bit better."

Tony raised his eyebrow. "Really?" He asked. "Cause I've been knocking for five minutes. You were dead silent."

He scratched the back of his head nervously, "Sorry about that," He mumbled. "I was still sleeping."

Tony nodded slowly, "Okay. Come down for breakfast when you're ready."

"Yeah, of course.."

Peter closed his door after his father left and went over towards the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, trying his best to not look like a zombie.

He went over towards his closet and tried to decide on something to wear. He needed to find something that actually fit him decently. He was pretty small for the average sixteen-year-old because of the medication he took which caused him not to have a normal appetite.

He was quite scrawny, so he couldn't wear jeans without the support of a belt. And most of his shirts seemed to have a slightly baggy appearance on his arms.

He chose a black long sleeve sweatshirt with some dark blue pants, and of course, his black converse. He even attempted to brush his hair, but that was a joke. It was still a mess of different directions.

Once he made sure that he had everything before slipping on his backpack and heading downstairs.

When Peter was only halfway, he stopped abruptly when he heard Tony in a deep conversation with Steve.

"I feel like we should pull him out of school, Steve."

"Why? He seemed fine when I saw him yesterday."

"He told me he wasn't feeling well and that he didn't get enough sleep last night. Remember the last time he told us that?"

Peter heard Steve sigh, the weak one he let out when he was deep in thought. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I don't think that this is a good idea for him. I still feel terrible about leaving him alone last night, but sending him away with other people, alone? For hours every day?" Tony whimpered.

"Peter is a teenager, he can handle himself. We're not going to be by his side forever, you know that right?"

Peter felt his chest tighten. 'My own father doesn't trust me.'

The thought ruined his appetite, but he knew that if he stayed in his room all morning, they would worry even more.

Peter stumbled down the stairs to make it look like he just came from his room.

He saw Tony's expression change as soon as they locked eyes.

"Good Morning Dad, Good morning Pa." He smiled brightly.

"Hey, kiddo," Steve said, looking up from his newspaper paper briefly.

"Morning, Pete." Tony chimed. "You feeling up for breakfast?" 

'No'

"Yeah..of course.." Peter said, walking towards the kitchen. Maybe he could sneak off with just eating an apple and a banana. Something small, but quite filling to him.

Right when he was about to enter the wooden floor of his kitchen, Tony blocked him from entering. He had such a maternal look in his eyes that made Peter pause in his tracks.

He put a warm smile on his face as he let a small nervous laugh escape his lips. "No, it's okay, sit down, I'll prepare something for you."

Peter had no choice but to accept his father's offer. "Oh okay, thanks, Dad." He muttered nervously.

He sat down and internally prayed that he had enough of an appetite to eat what his Dad will make for him. He could tell that it was hurting his parents when he didn't eat, but some days, it was hard to keep anything down or find the strength to put anything in. In the basement, they even had an at home IV treatment for whenever Peter felt too sick to eat anything. It gave him the minerals, vitamins, and fluids he needed just to make it through the day.

He had those days sometimes, but he always managed to pull himself through with his parents reassuring words.

"You didn't tell me what happened yesterday." The blond male said, eyeing Peter carefully.

"What?" Peter asked. "Nothing happened..."

"That's not what your father told me."

Brown eyes traveled to Tony curiously. Peter didn't remember doing anything wrong..He did all of his homework, he ate dinner... his lung was getting itself together...

'The car.' Tony mouthed.

The memory came back to him. After school when he said he wasn't feeling well because he was tired. His parents took everything he said about his health too seriously.

It made sense though.

"Oh..." Peter trailed off. "I was a little sleepy after school yesterday, that's all."

Eyebrows raised, demanding a further explanation.

"I didn't get much sleep the night before..." He admitted.

"Do we need to put you back on triazolam?" Steve asked, sternly. But tiny hints of compassion shone in his voice.

"N-No.." Peter stuttered. Being back on the hellish drug would be his worst nightmare. Apparently, he was "depressed" after he got released from the hospital and wasn't sleeping often.

The doctors put him on triazolam to help him fall asleep until his body got back into the cycle of sleeping without the heavy doses of anti cancer medication. But the agent made Peter's body feel extremely tired. He slept for about sixteen hours every day. And when he woke up, he could barely keep his eyes open.

At one point, it was so bad that when Steve and Tony brought him in for a check up, the nurses thought he developed chronic fatigue syndrome.

"I'm fine." He continued on. "It was just the nerves... first day of school jitters I guess..."

"Okay." Steve nodded. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

The car ride to school was fairly silent except for the continuous chatter of Tony taking on the phone to his assistant, Pepper, about some work related things.

Once they pulled up to the school, Peter let out an obvious sigh. The thought of the stares and the whispers still haunted him from the first day. The taunts and all the question about him and his family made him want to curl up and hide. Why did so many people want to know everything about him? 

"You okay, Pete?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Peter said. "I'm fine."

"Look kiddo, I understand if you don't want to go back. A high school is a rough place. There's no shame in wanting to come back home."

'He's doubting me, again.'

'I'm going to do this. I'll go through at least one year.'

"No, it's okay," Peter reassured his father. "I want to be here, I want to do this." 

"Okay.." Tony whispered timidly. Peter could tell that he wasn't very convincing. "Remember if you need anything, just call."

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

Once Peter walked back into the school for his second dose of his daily scheduled torture, 

Stares, upon stares, upon stares.

Again.

He kept his head down and tried not to notice the other students continuing to stare at him. They went from his tank to his body, and then towards his sweatshirt. The feeling made the hairs on the back of his neck stick up and his heart sink in his chest. Do normal kids experience things like this? No.

'Why couldn't they just leave me alone?'

Once Peter turned the corner to get to his locker, he was internally praying that Wade and his goon, Flash, weren't there.

Luckily, he got his wish when his locker section was mostly empty. The only exception was a of couple of girls talking to each other.

Peter opened his locker with ease and got some of his materials for his next class. But, the longer he stayed, the sharper the pang in the side of his neck became when he one the girls look at him.

It felt pretty f*****g embarrassing.

When he was done, he felt a small tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw a black haired girl in a dark dress. Her bright blue eyes were scanning Peters physique head to toe. But not with judgement like MJ, it's was with empathy.

"You're Timothy Star's son, right?" She asked.

"Umm." Peter shifted his weight awkwardly. "Yes... I am."

"I heard this rumor yesterday... and well... I kinda read it online a couple years ago... but... Is it true that y'know..." She side eyed his oxygen tank as her words danced around the subject she was trying to ask about. "You... have lung cancer?"

'Stage four that metastasized to my liver.'

"Um, yeah." Peter mumbled. "The rumor is true."

"Does it hurt?" She asked suddenly.

For the first time in a long time, Peter was actually honest with himself. 

'I want to die most days.'

But he wasn't honest with her. If there's one thing he has learned over the years, it was to sugarcoat the story that was his life. He should only talk about the happy moments to keep everyone else from feeling bad for him. It was better that way, he received way less pity.

"When I was younger." He admitted. "But I'm doing much better now."

"I'm just... happy to be here."

╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳

Peter's morning classes passed rather quickly and silently. He sat in the back, alone, as usual. The questions and the stared dialed down as his classmates were slowly getting used to him. The teachers lectured on about material that the class could care less about considering only about one eighth of them were paying attention. The rest were on their phones, talking to their friends, or simply sleeping.

When lunch finally came around, Peter found the all too familiar table that consisted of his only two friends, Gwen and MJ.

"Hey." He says, flatly.

"Hi, Pete." Gwen smiled.

But MJ didn't even notice Peter sit down at the table. Her backside was turned, staring lustfully at the table behind her. The place where Wade and his friends sat.

"It seems like I've known Wade my entire life." She murmured. "At the party, I am going to ask him out."

"I've been waiting for this moment since I could remember." She continued. "He's so alpha isn't he? I bet he's perfect relationship material."

Peter turned towards Wade's table and noticed him staring at Flash with a bored expression on his face. The blond was babbling on about something that Wade looked like he couldn't give two shits about.

"Yeah." Peter said. "He seems nice."

MJ turned her head and stared down at Peter. "What?" She asked.

"I mean..." Peter trailed off nervously. "He seems like... an um... really nice guy y'know? And I'm sure that he is... perfect relationship material... for-"

"Just stop talking." MJ rolled her eyes.

"Okay." Peter murmured.

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

Peter checked his phone curiously when he realized he got a text message. Strange, he hadn't given his phone number to anyone except for Gwen , and she was lost inside one of her textbooks, and MJ.

He checked the number. Random, the series of numbers weren't saved to his contact list.

"Heyaa baby boy." The message read.

Of course Wade somehow got his number.

Not that he cared, Ofcourse not. Wade only got it from someone else for school work. Just in case he needed homework... nothing more, nothing less.

Peter didn't want to himself.

He turned his head to see Wade holding his phone in his hands. His hazel eyes stared right at Peter for a couple seconds before letting out a quick wink and a friendly smile.

"Gwen!" MJ squeaked, whipping her face to face her blonde friend. "Did you see that?! Wade winked at me!"

Peter ducked his head down and broke eye contact with Wade. This must've been a big joke. Wade was simply having fun. After all, everyone else in the school liked doing that too.

Peter was... Peter. Who his parents were and his condition peaked an interest into of him and his life from the other students. They loved to gawk at him and ask questions about his life for fun. Why wouldn't Wade do it too? He locked his phone and placed it face down, ignoring Woodland's message.

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

When MJ whipped her head around to Peter, it looked like flames as angry as her engulfed her face. "Aren't you going to get that?" She asked, annoyed.

"Yeah...Sorry.." Peter murmured.

He really didn't want to. The more he hung out with Wade, the more he knew he would grow to like him even though he knew he probably shouldn't. How could he?

Wade was... Wade. The soul embodiment of a god. Everything Peter knew he wasn't. The hazel eyed boy was too perfect to actually have something going on with Peter. The brunette felt like Wade could do so much better with someone else.

In all honesty, Peter felt like he was the embodiment of a potato sack. He wasn't attractive or athletic.

He was just Peter.

Nothing more, but maybe less.

"Stop ignoring my messages."

"Pleaseeeeee."

"I see you."

"H"

"E"

"Y"

"B"

"A"

"B"

"Y"

"B"

"O"

"Y"

"How did you get my number?" Peter finally texted back.

"I asked MJ for it and she gladly gave it to me. She's nice, isn't she?" Wade replied.

Peter knew that if he wanted to suppress everything he had for Wade, he had to resist.

"Are you here to interrogate me?"

"Did little red tell you about my party?"

"Yeah, thanks for the offer, but I'm not going."

"Why not? I can tell that you're basically a highschool virgin. You have to experience at least one party."

"And I feel like it should be mine."

'Because... I don't want to like you.'

"I have more important things to do."

"Like mope around all alone at home?"

Peter rolled his eyes.

"Yep, moping is apart of my daily schedule. Have fun at your party. Not going."

Wade's series of messages hesitated. But Peter could feel his gaze still locked onto his backside.

"You're friends with MJ, right?"

'More or less.'

"Obviously."

"She's only allowed to come if you come. Can't you see how excited she is for this party? You wouldn't want to let her down, right?"

"Just say yes, baby boy." 

"We can stay together, just you and I. Don't worry, we'll have fun." Wade texted.

'f*****g hell'

"Stop using MJ to get to me." Peter replied.

"Is that a yes?"

"Fine." 

Peter was ninety percent sure Wade was smiling from his seat across the cafeteria. 

"Dress nice. <3 "

'f**k off.'

Peter remembered the last time someone told him to 'Dress nice.' He ended up hiding every inch of his skin for months. He wore long sleeves and long pants all the time, even when the warmer weather was quickly approaching. He was too scared to tell his parents what was really happening when that sick p*****t, Westcott, came over whenever they went out.

Gwen's voice ripped Peter away from his phone. "Are you okay? You look kind of pale."

"Oh, yeah..." Peter shrugged. "I'm fine.."

"What happened?" She asked.

"My Dad.." Peter lied. " I asked him about the party this Friday..."

The word "Party" snapped MJ's attention towards him. "You're not going, are you?" She asked. Her voice sounded almost pleading. Peter felt that deep down, she knew that Wade was paying more attention to him than her.

The words that soon left Peter's mouth looked like they made MJ's heart shatter and then quickly get put back together with thick threads of jealousy.

"I changed my mind." He whispered. "I am going to Wade's party."