Hopelessly Hoping

"You know, you don't have to do this.." Tony muttered, standing outside of Peter's doorway. "He is right," Steve agreed. "Maybe you're not ready yet." Peter slipped on his black converse from the foot of his bed. "But I really want to." He said. Today is supposed to be his first day of school. As an eleventh grader. He had been homeschooled all of his life since getting the diagnosis of lung cancer from the age of four. Until he was ten years old, he was mostly bedridden and lonely. His naive childlike self-was too young to understand what was actually going on. All his Dad and Pa said was that his body wasn't doing so well, and he will be home before he knew it. His childhood was mostly hospital visits, chemotherapy, and radiation, surgeries, and then maybe a month at home if he was lucky enough before the whole cycle repeated itself for years on end. Until he got really sick when he was ten and went through this surgery that basically saved his life. They thought that he wouldn't make it through the procedure because he was too weak to actually breathe on his own.  But it was either going through the surgery that might've saved his life, or death since he was expected to die in a couple of weeks. The doctors said that it was a miracle that he even survived.  After he recovered and had some tests done, his family found out that the cancer was still bad, but not as fatal as before. Although the cell division slowed down it was still very abnormal. He was able to leave the hospital and finally reconnect to the outside world, but the happy news was short lived. He still had to take an anti cancer medication called Taxol. It slowed the growth of cancer in his lungs and helped keep it from spreading to other parts of his body. It was nice having a sense of hope because it was supposed to keep his cancer stable. But deep down, Peter knew that it wasn't really a cure. He had a nasal cannula wrapping around his head, behind his ears, and down his shirt helping him breathe. The tubes were connected to a small oxygen machine that he carried around with him everywhere. He was kind of a lonely kid growing up, his parents were either at work or, visiting hours at the hospital were over. So the tiny machine was his first and only friend for a while. It was like a small backpack with wheels that he rolled around.  He wasn't in perfect health, but beggars aren't choosers. All those years ago, his illness was so severe that he wasn't expected to survive past age ten. But he did since he would be turning seventeen in about nine months. Peter stood from his bed and slid his backpack on. He walked towards his parents by the door way. He put on a reassuring smile for the both of them. "I'm going to be okay, I promise," Peter said. "I really really want to try this." At this point in his life, he would've given almost anything to feel normal. He had spent most of his life at home with his parents or with doctors and nurses at the hospital. He knew how desperate he sounded, but he really wanted friends, or at least, a friend. Star's brown eyes went from Peter to his husband, Steve. The look he gave was pleading but already embraced in the essence of defeat. "Do you have everything in your bag?" He asked. Peter nodded. "Read them all out to me," Steve commanded. His voice had a natural strong ness to it, but his eyes and his body language said otherwise. "I'm not six-" Peter tried to object. Tony and Steve crossed their arms, staring Peter down. "Okay okay.." Peter sighed. He cleared his throat. "Emergency care numbers, Star industries phone numbers, your phone numbers, and my medicine." Peter put on a small smile. 'I've got this.' He said to himself. Tony pulled his son's body into a large hug. "I'm so proud of you." He whispered, his voice breaking a little bit. "How far you've come, and what you've been through.." Peter returned the hug. "Thanks, Dad." He pulled away and wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm going to miss you so much." "It's okay, everything is going to be fine." "Peter-" Steve said, his voice much more firm than before, but his eyes were more gentle. "If anything goes wrong, we're pulling you out immediately." Peter slumped his shoulders down. "Yeah... I know." He mumbled. Peter guessed that things going was something like his lung having a seizure due to the smallest irritant and he ends up not being able to breathe. That would be unfortunate.   "Now come here." He said his voice on a lighter, happier note. Large, muscular arms wrapped tightly around Peter. "I love you so much.." Steve's voice whispered in his ears. "Same...Pa..." he barely managed. "but can't...breathe..." Roberts pulled away, "Sorry." He shyly apologized. Once Peter regained his composure. He let out a bright smile that made his parent's souls smile and ache at the boy he was all those years ago, and the man he was becoming. "I'm ready for my first day of school." ╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳ Peter didn't realize how nervous he was until their car pulled up to the front of Midtown Science High school. His heart was racing in his chest as his palms began to sweat. He was having trouble breathing, but it was because he held his breath for too long. His eyes were glued to a number of students walking in and out of the gigantic front doors. They all seemed like they knew each other. Guys walking in large groups, and girls surrounded by large cliques. And then there was Peter. The new kid that knew no one. "Peter?" A voice rang, interrupting him from his thoughts. "Are you having second thoughts?" Peter whipped his head towards his parents, who were staring back at him with concern. "N-No." Peter stuttered. "Really? Cause we've been here for seven minutes." Steve said. "It's okay if you want to go home, and try again tomorrow.." Peter slowly turned his head to face the school. 'Why did I even want to do this?' He thought. "I'm-I'm fine.." Peter said nervously. "I can do this, I'm going to do this." His brown eyes locked onto the features of the men sitting before him. "I love you guys, thank you.. for everything." "Remember," Steve said. "If you need anything, call us, alright?" Peter gave a weak nod. "I will, I promise." ╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳ Peter didn't know what he was expecting. He kept his head down while he was walking through the courtyard, and no one noticed him very well. But as soon as he stepped into the school... Stares, upon stares, upon stares. The piercing eyes followed his every footstep. Filled with a mixture of curiosity, pity, and humor. It was as if he was a specimen on display for everyone to gawk at. He wanted to lift his head and make eye contact, but he decided against it. Their piercing eyes would've made him crawl back inside of his defensive shell. In all honesty, he probably would've run back into the bathroom and begged his parents to pick him up. 'No!' 'I am a lot of things... but I'm not a quitter.' 'I'm just going to make it through one day.' It wasn't the stares that got to him the most though, he had gotten used to them whenever he went outside. It was the whispering. Peter heart sunk in his chest as he knew that this was a bad idea. What possessed him to think that someone like him, could fit into and actually socialize with people like this? If they all knew that he had cancer, they would for sure treat him differently. Maybe with more pity. All Peter wanted was to feel like he was someone's equal. His converse padded along the tile floor of the hallway. His head elevated up, but his eyes were downcast. In all honesty, he was more focused on stepping inside of the tiles and not on the cracks. It was the only thing keeping him slightly sane at the moment. Once he turned the corner to reach his locker, he thought that the morning torture would be over. But he was wrong. There were two of jocks swarmed around his locker section. One had blond hair and another had brownish hair with hazel eyes. Peter knew thoseguys from every cliche high school movie. They were the mean jocks that were probably on the football team dating the head cheerleaders. At first, they didn't notice him until he spoke to them.   "Excuse me.." Peter mustered up the confidence to say. The blond turned towards him and snickered. "Were you talking to us?" The obviously more athletic, meatier guys stared down at him, making him feel smaller than he already was. "I... umm... just need to get to my locker." The blond squinted his eyes staring at Peter up and down. "I can't believe the rumors were true..." one of them murmured. "Can you believe it, Wade? Timothy Star's son is actually attending our school." "let me guess, you got kicked out of one of those fancy boarding schools?" He began to laugh as he nudged the shoulder of the other male next to him. "Your parents are faggots so why wouldn't you be?" "And let me guess." Peter murmured. "You must play football..." The blond was taken aback with Peter's quote. "Of course I do." He said. "What the hell does it matter to you?" Peter let out a small laugh. His hypothesis was proven correct. "What the f**k is so funny?" Flash asked. His sudden tone made the humor that Peter had, vanish. Peter then put his hand to his chest and turned his laughs into fake coughs. "Nothing." He said. "Absolutely nothing... just my umm... asthma." The other male, Wade, had a frown spread on his face as he was shaking his head slightly. He held his hand on his friend's shoulder attempting to calm him down. "Flash..." He sighed. "Let's not throw a tantrum today..." "Your parents are disgusting." Flash spat. "And so are you." "You don't even know... you don't know them..." Peter mustered out. A lot of people judged his parents and he hated it so much. They weren't any different than anyone else... even to this day, he still didn't see what the big problem was. He has two dads, he had two loving parents... that was enough. That would always be enough. Flash leaned in closer, an obviously disgusted grimace plastered on his face. "I'm surprised that the school even allowed someone like you to be here. Can you even control yourself around the other boys?" "I wouldn't be attracted to someone like you," Peter said, narrowing his eyes. Flash walked closer to Peter. Their chests breathing on one another's. The bigger males jacket pressed onto Peters shirt, causing him to smell the leather that it reeked off. With one sudden motion, large hands pushed Peter backward and onto the ground. "Just because you have rich homosexuals for parents, that doesn't make you better than me or anyone else." He was lucky that he didn't land on his oxygen tank and break it cause that would've been devastating. It probably would've stopped the supplemental oxygen to his body and that would cause his lung to have a seizure.  Peter stared upwards at them in fear, he didn't know what to do, his body was frozen on the ground. Flash seemed like a total douche, and the one named 'Wade' wasn't even doing anything, not really. Peter didn't know how to deal with bullies, his parents usually felt with the kids teasing him when he grew up.  "FLASH." Wade snapped. He pulled his blond friend away from the scared figure on the floor. "Control your testosterone.." He muttered. "Stay out of our way." Flash grumbled under his breath. "I don't want HIV." Wade and Flash walked in the opposite direction of the brunette. Flash was still worked up. Clenching his fist and grumbling profanities under his breath. But for a split second, the other male had a bit of empathy in his eye. Peter wasn't sure that he could survive another second of this high school. He had already managed to make someone hate him just for being who he was, What was he really expecting to happen anyway? That someone could actually like him for him? "Why are you on the floor?" A feminine voice rang. "Are you okay?" He looked up and focused on a pair of bright green eyes staring intently at his. Her blond hair in a tight ponytail with bangs that rested on top of her forehead. "I..umm.." Peter began. But the girl held her hand out for him to grab. She helped him up to his feet, smiling warmly at him. "I'm Gwen." She said. "Gwen Storms. What's your name?" "You-You don't know my name?" Peter asked dumbly. Apparently people already seemed to know him before he knew them. "No, I know your name. " she smiled. "And I'm pretty sure a lot of other people know your name too." "I just want to make sure you know your name." "I'm P-Peter." He said. "Peter Star-Roberts." "Or Peter Star." Peter mumbled on, nervously running his hand through the fluff he called his hair. "Or Peter Roberts." Gwen was extremely pretty, and it made Peter extremely nervous. Why was someone like her, spend time with someone like him? He was literally a nobody, and in all honesty, he reminded himself of a sac of potatoes.  He didn't think he was attractive, at all. "The order doesn't really matter." He continued laughing nervously. Gwen nodded slowly, a small and awkward smile on her face. "O-Okay I-" "Wait." Peter interrupted her. "H-How do you know my name?" He asked. Gwen let out a small frown. "You're Timothy Star's son. I'm pretty sure everyone knows who you are." Peter internally sighed. He hoped that who his parents were wouldn't change how people treated him. But ofcourse it did, it always did. He already managed to make an enemy because of it. "Nice to meet you though." Gwen said. "I-It's pleasure.." Peter mumbled shyly. ╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳ Gwen helped Peter to his first class which was history, luckily she had it too. They sat in the back together since Peter didn't want even more people staring at him. Unfortunately, his tactic didn't exactly work. As soon as they recognized his face, some students already started asking questions about him and his life. _______________________ "Is it true that Timothy Star went for all of Maxim's cover models?" "Is it true that... y'know... you have two gay dads?" "Do you know who your real parents are?" _______________________ Peter had Gwen by his side like a shield. She was blocking off all the questions asked by the other students, protecting Peter.    But when history was over, Gwen had AP Biology and he had English. She guided him to his class before she left, reminding him where the cafeteria was. He was so grateful they had lunch together, at least he wouldn't be eating alone today. English was pretty boring. Some Shakespeare on the first day, ofcourse. The staring and the whispering were just a couple of things he had grown used to. Some people still asked questions, but Peter gave them vague one worded answers. Peter slowly made his way to the cafeteria, he found the table where Gwen was with a red haired girl siting across from her. "MJ." Gwen began. "This is Peter." "Hi." Peter smiled warmly. Peter was waiting for it. That thing that most people did when they met him. That annoying thing they did with their eyes. Instead of meeting his eyes, the first thing they would land on was his nasal cannula and they would follow the tube down to his oxygen tank. Only a couple seconds later would they actually meet his face with an apologetic smile filled with pitty that was obviously written all over it. "Hey... there... It's nice to meet you, I guess." MJ fake smiled. Peter could tell that she was trying her best not to stare at the tube wrapping around his head, but she wasn't very good at hiding her wandering eyes. "Same." Peter whispered. He averted his gaze to his bag to pull out two tablets of Taxol and a granola bar. He needed to take it three times a day, before each meal. For lunch, all he packed was something small since he didn't each much anyway. This medication that was keeping him alive affected almost every aspect of his life negatively. It was alright though. He would rather live uncomfortably with cancer than die painfully of cancer. Gwen cleared her throat, breaking MJ's trance. "Peter." She whispered. "Hmm?" He said. "Okay." She began. "Don't look, but I think Wade is looking over here." 'Wade... that name sounded so familiar.' 'Oh right, the guy who stood there doing nothing while I got verbally assaulted by Flash.' 'That Wade.' Peter could feel his face turning red. Ofcourse he got stared at all the time, but usually it lasted for a couple seconds before the other person got bored and moved on. They didn't hold the gaze for over a minute. 'Okay. Be cool about this.' Peter slowly turned his head towards Wade. He was sitting at one of the round circular table with other guys that had the same build as him, including Flash. Peter awkwardly smiled but he was ninety five percent sure it came out as a grimace instead. 'oops' Peter let out a tiny wave as he stared at Wade. 'Be friendly.' He saw a tiny smile grow on Wade face as he shook his and turned his attention away from Peter back towards his friends. 'Okay then.' "Well that was..." MJ murmured. "Stupid of you to do that." "What did you think you were doing?" She asked, bitterly. Peter looked at her, shaking his head. "Nothing.. absolutely nothing. Just trying to be friendly." "You're obviously wasting your time if you think that you two could actually be friends." "I mean." She scoffed. "Take a look at him and then take a look at yourself, string bean." "Right." Peter murmured. Another insult, he hadn't heard "string bean" before, that was new. "If you want him to acknowledge your existence, you have to get inside of his circle." She said. "You'd be lucky enough if he even bothered to remember your name." "Does he know your name?" Asked Peter. "Ofcourse he does." MJ said. "I've liked him since middle school, and we've talked like... six times." "He definitely knows my name." "But you're not in his circle, are you?" "I will be." "Why is he so important?" Peter asked. "Do you have eyes?" MJ asked. "Have you taken a good look at him?" Peter felt his face go red, again. "Umm yeah... he's pretty attractive... I guess." "Oh please." MJ rolled her eyes. "I don't have a chance wth him, yet." She said. "So don't think that you would ever." Her blue eyes locked into Peter's physique, her judgemental stare made him feel uncomfortable. "I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want you anyway." 'Of course not.' ╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳ When lunch ended, Peter had to go to his last period of the day, AP Biology. It wasn't too far, but he somehow managed to get there late. He internally cursed when most of the students already took their seats. He was the last one in the classroom which meant that when he walked in, everyone was staring up at him. He tried to ignore the stares as he tried to find an empty seat. And he found one. He was relived that he wouldn't be standing in front of the class for what seemed like an eternity. But he his stomach churned when he saw the person that his desk was next to. Wade Woodland. 'Ofcourse it was him, why wouldn't it be?' Peter bent his head down and made his way towards the empty lonesome seat. He heard Wade's quiet laugh as he sat down next to him, at the large desk that fit only two people. ╳╱╲╳╱╲╳╱╲╳ Peter was still and uncomfortable, he could feel his hands begin to sweat. He was one of the guys from this morning. Standing there while he and his parents were getting bad mouthed by that Flash guy. The brunette averted his eyes, making sure that he wouldn't see the Wade out of the corner of his eyes. Thank goodness the teacher came in just in time to introduce himself. "My name is Mr. Banner." He said. He had dark curly black hair with some streaks of grey flowing though. He had rectangle glasses that hung on the tip of his nose. "I will be your biology teacher this year. Nice to meet you, class." The class mumbled a jumbled hello as they grimly pulled out their books. "I will give you all time to introduce yourselves to your partner. You'll be sitting with them for a while, so I advise getting to know them." 'Well shit.' In only a matter of seconds, the classroom grew to a loud roar of students chatting with one another. Peter stayed silent and kept his eyes glued to The endless array of biology posters in the classroom. "So... are you just going to ignore me all period?" Peter turned his head just the slightest to meet the hazel eyes of Wade. He was being stared at in a what Peter interpreted as mocking manner that made his skin crawl. The look inside of the hazel eyes made Peter feel like he was being internally laughed at. It made him feel even smaller than before. Why couldn't someone just treat him like he was normal for once? He had cancer... that didn't make him any less human than anyone else inside of the room, so why was everyone acting like it was a big deal? Peter stared back at Wade and noticed something else... he couldn't tell what it was to be exact... but maybe is was... something else... Wade's jaw line looked like it was crafted by angels, and his chin had a sexy amount of stubble that made Peter's heart beat rapidly in his chest. 'stay calm.' "You already know who I am... and I know who you are. We met this morning... remember?" Peter said flatly. "All I know about you," Wade said scooting closer. "Is your name.." His voice slowed, lowering in an octave. He was practically pressed onto the brunette as he kept his eyes locked onto his skin.  Peter didn't know what this feeling was, but he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. He was slightly uncomfortable but soothing at the same time. This was the closest a stranger had been to him... and being this close to Wade and observing all of his beautiful features made never want the moment to end. He was really attractive... extremely attractive. But Peter knew better, he knew not to hang out with People like him. He seemed like a mean person from their encounter this morning. His and his friend were insulting him and his parents, how could he be friends with someone like that? "Don't." Peter said, pulling away from the touch. "I'm also the son of two faggot parents, remember?" Wade paused. The cockiness he had, shifted into a defensive expression. "I didn't say anything about you this morning." He admitted. " and Flash was just joking, don't be such a hard ass." Peter rolled his eyes. "But you just stood there and stared at me... saying nothing." "Sorry." He murmured. "Flash just has... issues. I didn't want to say anything that would make him even more upset." The brunette remained silent, turning his attention back to the posters around the classroom. A tiny apology wouldn't make him feel better. The words had already been said, he was already hurt. Even for a couple minutes, he still felt a gaze pierce his back side. Wade continued to stare at Peter's scrawny physique before him. People had stared at him all day. In the class room, in the lunch room, and even in the hallways. But this look felt different. It  His elevator eyes moving up and down. Peter turned his gaze back towards his lab partner, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "Why do you keep looking at me?" He asked. Wade shrugged, throwing a sly smile at Peter. "I'm just trying to figure you out." He said. "You seem like the emotional lonely type of person.." "Why don't you tell me about yourself?" 'emotional lonely type?' Peter thought. 'The only reason why he didn't talk to anyone was because he couldn't really relate to them. They had spent their childhood on school or actually enjoying themselves. He spent his inside of a hospital. "No." Peter said. That baggage was apart of his past. He didn't want to think about that now. He was turning a new leaf, leaving all of those sad memories behind him. Wade finally fell silent as he continued to stare into the brown orbs that were Peter's eyes. The other male was amusing if anything... he seemed different but in a good way. He wasn't like everyone else that went here. But ofcourse, how could wake make assumptions? He had barely known him for a day. "Why do you keep staring at me?" "Why do you care so much?" Woodland asked. "Half of the school is staring at you, Why can't I do it too?" "It makes me feel really uncomfortable." Peter admitted. "And you're not even saying anything either... it's kinda creepy."  "Well... I'm just thinking..." he began. Peter raised his eyebrow. "About?" He asked. "Since we're friends... I need a nickname for you.." Woodland said.  "Friends?" Peter asked. "I don't think-" "Prove me wrong... don't be the loner type..." Wade whispered in a joking manner. "Even if we were friends... you don't need a nickname for me. My name is already short enough." Wade ignored his comment, his eyes were distant before finally focusing back on the brunette infront of him. "How about.." He pondered. "Baby boy?" "Baby what?" "Baby boy." Peter tilted his head in confusion. Out of all the names he had been called in his entire life, the positive and the negative ones, this one just made no sense. Was it a compliment? Was it an insult? "Why would you call me that?" "Well..." Wade hesitated. "Why not?" "Are you one of those people that are into those weird kinks? Because I'm really not into-" Peter tried. "No, baby boy." Wade smiled. "Not really." "I'm serious." Peter said. "Quit it with the weird nickname." "Yeah yeah baby boy." Wade shrugged him off. "I'll stop calling you baby boy." Today was going to be a long day...