Something Borrowed

Chapter 4. Ghosts of Ex-friend

Chapter 4. Ghosts of Ex-friend

(Tamara)

After two hours of long torture, and after what felt like a million photographs in a million poses, they were back at the Zealous office. Tamara closed her eyes with a sigh. Her eyes hurt from the constant flashes. Million elephants were stomping inside her head and her joints were creaking and groaning as she stretched in her chair. She wished she could find a corner and go to sleep. Oh, but Marianne would murder Tamara and bury her where no one could find Tamara's body, if she ever caught Tamara snoring.

"You were amazing, today. I sent some pictures to Fabien and he said so, as well. I hope Sophie gets diarrhea every time," Sebastian said, his eyes shining and he gave her a wink and Tamara shook her head. No way in hell. She didn't know how Sophie could do this every day. Tamara could take Marianne and her constant nitpicking and grumbling... but smiling for two hours, looking into the camera, pretending to love it, it was not easy. Not at all.

"Oh, stop it, you idi*t. I am not going to do this ever again,” Tamara huffed, feeling itchy and headachy. Looking into the camera for hours could do that to your eyes. But more than that, Sebastian was getting on her nerves. He laughed at her lazily and then smiled some more, his eyes shining in mirth.

“Why can't you take a joke, bellisima? And you are a natural. You are denying the world of your magnificence,” he said softly before traipsing past her, swaying his ass in an exaggerated way as he walked away.

And Tamara could hear the collective sighs and looked up to see her coworkers' eyes fixated to his particularly amazing ass, their glazed eyes filled with thoughts Tamara probably didn’t want to hear.

“Guys, your next ‘to do list’ is not stuck on his ass.” Tamara said coolly before hitting the back of Anita and Alisha's head with her binder. They both turned towards Tamara with a glare.

“If you can't appreciate art, that is your damn problem. Let us do it in peace, Tammie. Do not distract us,” Alisha stuck her tongue out with a teasing smile and Anita agreed her with a deep sigh.

"Oh, I have appreciated that particular art before," Tamara said with a teasing smirk and Anita gasped in wonder as she looked at her, her eyes inquisitive.

"What? When? How?" Anita Sharma asked, her hands clasped together. "Do tell, Tammie. My head is going to explode if you don't start spilling..."

"Only a kiss, Anita. Okay, maybe more than a kiss, but I don't kiss and tell. I am not that kind of woman." Tamara said with a teasing smirk and Anita rolled her eyes at her.

"Look at this smug b*tch," said Stefan as he pushed a box in front of Tamara. "Lunch for you, from Seb. Oh, and here...." Stefan made a kissing noise, "that was from him, too."

"He is an idi*t, and thanks Stefan." Tamara said as she picked up the box and opened it to see Risotto and thick chicken gravy. Tamara smelled it with a grateful smile. It smelled delicious. The aroma of butter and saffron wafted around as soon as she opened the box, teasing and tingling the senses...

Even though Sebastian teased and tested Tamara's patience with every chance he got, he really was a good friend. A great friend.

This place had been Tamara's home for two years, even though the mother—managing editor, Marianne— was more of a stepmother and the father —chief executive editor, Annabelle Sullivan—was an insane tyrant, this was still family in every way.

Her current best friend, Alisha, who Jade had met during the first day of her job, two and half years ago, was amazing, and the exact opposite of Tamara's ex-best friend.

Tamara took a bite of the creamy chicken and ate the Risotto, moaning as she did. The thick luscious taste of the chicken was like a seductive song on her tongue. She closed her eyes with a sigh. Whoever made this scrumptious meal should be given a Nobel peace prize or something equally big.

Food had always been Tamara's one guilty pleasure. Next to Lucas.

I hope he is alright... Tamara thought with a sad smile.

Some days, Tamara had this itch to ask Holly about Lucas, about how he was, where he was, what he was doing, but she had kept it all in, because she knew the questions would only bring back all of the unwanted emotions and feelings she had securely locked in a box and pushed to the back of her brain.

Tamara didn't need the pain or the suffering the memories would bring, the answers would incite. So she never asked Holly and Holly respected her wishes.

Though, some nights, when Insomnia knocked on her door with its long talons, when the boxes were opened without her permission, Tamara would turn and twist in her bed, wondering about how Lucas was doing, how June was doing. It was a torture, to think, to imagine them together, somewhere, laughing, living, loving.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't just stop and she would feel the sting of betrayal, again, just as fresh as it had once been and she would resent June all over again. It was an endless, unbreakable chain reaction. A nitrogen bomb that couldn't be stopped. The explosion always left a strange aftertaste in her mornings, on her smiles. It was as if June's ghost always followed her even before June was dead.

When Tamara finished eating her risotto, she threw the box in the garbage can and started working on the template for her articles for the next edition. And then she started typing the article. She had already had all the bullet points. She just needed to put it together so that it flowed on the page. This month's second edition was due in ten days and if Tamara had to go to the funeral—she still hadn't decided whether she was going or not—she had to be ready, just in case. She had to finish her work or Marianne would not let her go to a friend's funeral, she wouldn't even let Tamara go to her own funeral.

When Tamara had almost finished her articles, her mail box pinged. She opened it to find a email from Fabien Alanzo, the fashion icon. Tamara had always loved how Fabien's designs were so out of the box, yet somehow relatable. His designs were wacky, just as the man was, and they were incredible.

Tamara, darling, the pictures Sebastian sent me... Oh, Bella, they are stupéfiant, magnifique. If you want to walk in Paris runway, give me a call. I would love to have you showcase my brilliance. - Fabien.

Oh, and yes, Fabien was also amazingly arrogant. He did it with such finesse, though, and no one cared about the French man's hubris. He even made art out of his hubris, too.

His dress designs were as unique and equally impressive as his arrogance and so everyone always looked at his designs and ignored his ego.

Tamara didn't know why everyone was gushing at her and saying how marvellous she looked. She knew she was not Sophie. Sophie was gorgeous, Sophie was elegant and fragile, whereas Tamara was gauche, unsophisticated, and curvy, like really curvy. Of course, Tamara knew was beautiful in her own way, and she was comfortable in her own skin... but she knew how she could not be compared to Sophie, who was like this fragile porcelain doll, just like June.

Tamara scrolled down the mailbox and stopped when she found the mail from June. She sighed. She wanted to open it, but she didn't want to, as well. It was confusing. She gave in and clicked it open.

From: JuneM@gnet.com

To: Tammytalks@zealous.com

Dearest Tamara...

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have the audacity to hurt you... but, I have always been selfish, had I not? I have always been inconsiderate and greedy and even then you had stayed. When everyone left, you had stayed and I...

Tamara stopped reading and closed her eyes. If I was the best thing that had ever happened to you, why did you destroy me, June, why did you destroy our friendship like it had meant nothing?

Tamara rubbed her head with a tired frown. Her head felt like a million pounds of solid rock.

It still pained Tamara to think that the last time June and she spoke, it was to fight with so much vengeance and anger and hatred.

Tamara shook her head as if to make June's betrayal go away, but it still lingered even as she got lost in her work. The stench of June's death lingered, as well, in the space around her, and with every breath she took, she could smell the burnt pages of their friendship.

The e-mail from June sullenly sat in Tamara's mailbox, begging to be read again, fully. But Tamara just couldn't move. She had no energy to go down that blackhole again. If she went it, it would suck her in and she would be lost in the vast emptiness and inky blackness. There would be no way out of the monstrosity of feelings... How could she let herself do that? But Tamara knew the battle was already lost. She knew she could never stop herself from reading it.

Why won't you leave me alone, June? Why won't I let you leave me alone?

* * *

When Tamara was getting ready for bed, her phone rang again. It was once again her mom and her mom kept pushing her to come to June's funeral. It made Tamara angry.

"I’ll try mom, but stop telling me over and over again.” Tamara snapped, feeling irritated and bothered.

The funeral was tomorrow, at three in the evening, and Tamara still hadn't decided what to do with the e-mail that sat in her mailbox, haunting her with every breath she took or this feeling of guilt pulsing through her veins. She still hadn't made a decision about the funeral. She wanted to go, but she also didn't want to. Somehow she had this weird feeling at the bottom of her stormy heart that something was going to be utterly wrong if she went back to St. Charles.

“Tamara Andrea Garrett, don’t take that tone with me, I am still your mother.” Her mom huffed.

"Okay, sorry, mom, I am sorry, but then again, I wasn't the one calling you in the middle of the night.” The moment she said it, she regretted it. She was Tanara's mom after all, and yes, sometimes, she could be a little bit irritating and bossy, but still...

“Tamara, it’s been too long since you've visited us. You grew up, yes, but you’re still my baby. Come for me, if not for June. Neil, Natalie, and Holly want to see you too, not to mention your dad.” Her mom said, finally playing the family and love card, knowing very well Tamara would not be able to say no to that. Tamara instantly fell for that, like the stupid moron she was.

She just couldn't say 'no' when someone begged. Like really begged. Even when she knew it was just a trick, or not really true, she would just give in. She had always been like that and it was the root of all her problems. She could never really say NO. She always ran from real confrontations.

“Okay mom, I’ll be there,” Tamara sighed.

St. Charles, Illinois was her home. Once upon a time, St. Charles had been everything to her, but June had stolen, even that from her.

After the explosion of Tamara's life—she was exaggerating, but only a little bit—her parents and Holly and Neil and Natalie visited her in Los Angeles during Christmas and whenever they could, but it was hard, as well, when Holly got pregnant and when Neil and Natalie became busy with high school.

In the past two years, Tamara had gone only once to her hometown, after Holly had promised June was not there. It was the first and only time she had met her nephew, little Ray.

Tamara had stayed only for two days, even though she had wanted to spend time with the little bundle of joy, she was afraid she would overstay and would stumble across June... so she ran as fast as she could, back to her life in Los Angeles. After that her hometown had become a stranger's home and sometimes Tamara missed it, missed the familiarity, the faces, but the faces also had ghosts of memories written on them.

Tamara sighed as she opened her laptop and booked a ticket on the first flight to Chicago, cursing herself for being a weak-bellied idi0t.

She packed a single bag and fell on the bed... she turned and twisted in her bed for a long long time before she finally fell asleep, and then her alarm was ringing and it was time to go home. She said bye to Alisha and booked a cab and waited...

* * *

(Lucas)

"Yes, Lucas, of course, but have you made all the arrangements? You still have patients in post-op, right? What about any new cases and surgeries?" Lucas looked at the woman in a deep red suit as she asked him questions even as she looked through a file. She was the dean of Medicine and his superior, and she absolutely looked the part in her dark suit. Her heels were just the right size and her hair was cut efficiently short. She had once been an amazing doctor, and now an amazing administrator. She ran Mercy Memorial Hospital without any missteps or mishaps, like a trained soldier.

"Yes doctor King, I talked with doctor Ahamad and he would be taking over my patients for now. I will be back in two weeks. I have one new case, as well, and Dr. Ahamad would take it over, too. I have also talked with Nurse Esme about my other patients. I wouldn't go if it was an emergency." Lucas explained to her.

"I understand," she said and he bid her goodbye and walked out of her office, his mind tangled in thoughts of June.

The last time they had met, they were in the presence of a judge and two lawyers in family court, contesting about legal guardianship over Joel, their baby boy. Lucas was ready for the shared custody, but June had no problem dragging him and their kid through the mud. It had always been easy for June to make big, bold moves that might end up hurting someone else.

June wanted drama in everything, the oomph as she would say, and she never hesitated that her actions might wreck someone else.

As long as June was happy, anything was permissible and sometimes that was not such a bad thing, to look after yourself, but undermining someone else's life to get your happiness, that was what Lucas had a problem with.

Lucas sighed and rubbed his temples. Just thinking about her gave him headaches.

His phone rang as he walked into his office.

"Hey Hols..."

"So how are you taking the news, Luc?" Holly sounded concerned.

"To be honest, I feel like the cages are finally open, like I can finally breathe again, properly. Like I can finally, finally start living again." Lucas said. Even though June and he were married only for a year and were divorced a year ago, June still had her sharp claws around Lucas' throat. She refused to let go, she refused to let him move on.

Her madness was hidden behind the curtain of sweet, saccharine smile that everyone missed the flash of it. But when it came closer... it was like a raging, storming inferno, pulling debris and burning anything and anyone who stood closer.

Lucas had lived with her madness and he had to break free. Or he knew he would get pulled inside her insane vortex. That was not a good place to get lost in.

"You are allowed to feel that, Lucas. She is... I know it is wrong to talk about a dead person, but she was just so- she was such a manipulative b*tch and there was no way she would have let you live in peace, if she had lived." Holly sounded angry and Lucas smiled a little at that.

Holly had always been so protective of him. When he first told her about June, she was very vocal about how much she hated it. He should have listened to her, but there was no use in thinking about what ifs. Also he never regretted meeting her, because if not for her Joel wouldn't exist.

Tomorrow he would get his baby boy back. His son would be set free from June's prison and that made Lucas feel the fresh spring of hope for the first time in a long time. June had been like the sting of smoke in both their lives and they couldn't breathe past her for a long time, past the twisted truths in the dark rooms of her head. Now they could, they would.

"I know, and I am not guilty to feel it, Hols. I can't wait to bring Joel back with me. I can not wait..." He said as he opened his laptop.

"I am booking my flight ticket right now." Lucas said as he took a sip of the bitter coffee in a dark red mug.

"Good, good, can't wait to meet you, Luc, it had been an year." Holly said with a sigh.

"Hey, Hols?" He said with a nervous smile.

"Yes, Lucas?"

"I- I saw Tamara today." There. Done. He still felt guilty about thinking Tamara like that, but he didn't plan on it. It was so sudden, the rush of endorphins. He was a doctor and he knew sometimes it was hard to control the chemical reactions, even the unwanted ones.

"You did?" Holly sounded surprised.

"I did. It was like an insane coincidence." Lucas said as he thought about Tamara and how he felt when he saw her. No way he was going to tell Holly about that, but...

"Did you talk?"

"No, I mean... she didn't see me and I got paged, so I have to go back to see my-"

"Lucas?" Holly cut him off with a chuckle.

"Yes?"

"I know you are this incredible brain surgeon, but you are also my best friend and you can't lie for sh*t. You didn't talk with her, because you are still afraid of her, aren't you?" Holly's voice was amused. Lucas could almost imagine Holly shaking her head with a big smile on her face. He missed her, he missed home.

"Can you blame me? She terrorized me growing up..." He said with a frown and Holly laughed.

"That she did."

"Okay, bye. I will see you tomorrow." Lucas hung up with a small smile on his face.

___