Chained Desire

Chapter |18|

C A I T L I N ‘ S P. O. V

It feels strange to even drive down the highway leading into New York. The route is all too familiar to me, in fact it's the same route I travelled on the 180 bus to get out of here. Now I'm heading back, all on my own accord too.

I thought for sure Knox would have to force me into the car, kicking and screaming, Saph would be laughing at me, all ready for the journey.

Instead, I'm heading back weirdly calm. Even a little excitement flutters in my stomach but my nerves manifest into dread at all the possible outcomes. Especially the bad ones.

"How much of the truth do you think I should tell them?" Knox easily switches the gear and then clasps my hand again with a reassuring squeeze.

"Everything. Total honesty time, sweetheart. It's the only way we'll ever gain back their trust."

"Even the parts Aaron won't like. I think telling him I was a stripper and then an escort might push him over the edge." My brother is known to lose his calm quickly. Something I used to find funny to exploit.

"Hey," I glance over at Knox. He's always cool and steady, despite the fact my brother may actually murder him. Of course, I'll never let that happen, but part of me can't help but believe that he's hoping for it.

At least then he wouldn't have to deal with the backlash of dating me - wait are we even dating? Or is this supposed to be some casual hookup thing?

He's still holding my hand, still smiling at me with that charm I can't resist. Weirdly it feels so natural, it feels right, like this is what I've always been missing.

Yet I know once we step foot into the mansion, everything changes.

"You know what's weird?" I turn to him, forcing a smile. "I'm actually going to miss that son of a bitch."

"Aw, did someone make a best friend for life? Don't worry you'll see him again, you still have to return the Tesla."

"No, I just mean Rhys wasn't a complete annoying prick."

I nudge his shoulder, laughing. "See, I have good taste in men." A low growl omits from his throat. I laugh even harder. "What the hell Knox? You're not a bear."

"I don't like reminders that the guy tried to f**k you."

"Are you jealous?" I tease. His hand slips away from mine and lands on my thigh instead. I styled Knox's shirt - yes the only one he had - with a belt around the middle, turning it into a shirt dress. He's still wearing Rhys' clothes but I wanted to make good on my promise to never wear another man's clothes again, and secretly I love Knox's clothes.

They all carry his woodsy scent, reminding me of the great outdoors.

"Sweetheart, I don't need to be jealous anymore. You're mine, right?"There's something in his voice, fear laced beneath his gruffness.

"Right." As the car comes to a rolling stop, I unbuckle my belt and reach across to kiss him. Some part of me wishes I could trap this moment in time, only to replay it over and over, seeking solace in memories of us whenever I feel lost.

Pulling back, I rest my hand against the scruff on his jaw. "Are you ready?"

Deep breath Caitlin.

I nod, and he kicks the car back into drive, rolling down his window. We reach a gate manned by a security guard I don't recognise. "Knox, you're back."

"Hey Jake, let me in?"

Jake peers into the car, resting on his elbow on the window. "Who's the chick?"

"A friend." Ouch. That f*****g stings. I know he couldn't say my girlfriend or my girl but friend almost makes all my worries cement in place. What the hell are we?

"Cool, I'll let the big house know you're here." Jake winks at me, "You're kind of hot. Hit me up when you get bored of the big guy."

I offer him a half smile, not used to guys chatting me up without it feeling like a job. Knox reaches for his seat belt buckle, jaw clenched tightly. I grip his bicep, trying to force him back into his seat. "Thanks Jake." Through gritted teeth I murmur, "Knox drive."

His foot slams on the gas pedal as soon as the gate opens. "Seriously?" I say once Jake is in the wind.

"He was flirting with you right in front of me."

"Oh my god, you big baby. You called me your friend, not your girlfriend, in his eyes he can flirt with me."

"Are you angry that I called you my friend? It's just if he reports back to the house that I'm arriving with my girlfriend then..."

"No, I get it. It's fine." He's still staring at me, regret flickering inhis eyes. "Really, I'm fine. Knox, I just want to get this. Let's just get through this and then we can sort out whatever...this is."

He nods, not entirely happy. I wait until the car is in park to turn to him. "Just promise me we'll face this together. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it alone."

"Sweetheart-" His lips press against my cheek, fingers drifting against my arm. "I'm not going anywhere. We just have to play this carefully. Do you want me to lead or-"

"I'll lead." Though this is most likely the most nerve wracking thing I have ever done, I know this is the way it has to be. I have to be the one to face it first.

Climbing out the car, I feel my knees shaking slightly as I make my way up towards the familiar house. Everything is still the same, including the family of gnomes spotted around the grass which I painted with Kiara and Stasia years ago.

Knox slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close. "You'll be okay sweetheart, just be strong." As we reach the door, he lets go of me, putting a sizable distance between us.

His absence is strongly felt, replaced by the cold bite of the wind. I knock twice, taking a small step back as a hurry of footsteps races towards us.

I don't know who I'm expecting, but certainly not a small girl that barely reaches my knees. She c***s her head to the side before flashing me a toothy grin. "Who is this?" Knox steps forward, and she lunges herself at him. "Uncle Knoxy!"

I watch him spin her around, her laughter lifting my spirits slightly. "I missed you monkey," He peppers her face with kisses.

"Ew!" She cries, attempting to wipe them off. "You smell!"

"Really, well I guess you'll be the smelly one now."

"Isla! Isla, what have I said about opening the door? Isla! Oh it's Knox and-"

My words feel caught in my throat as Kiara steps forward into the light. Unlike me, she hasn't changed a bit. Her hair is a little shorter I suppose but apart from that...it's like looking in the past.

"You probably don't recognise me. I know I look very different but I-"

"No. I know who you are, I know...who you are." Tears glisten in her eyes which spring them in mine. She stumbles forward, gripping my face between her hands. "Caitlin? How is it...how did you...you're home. You're finally home."

I feel her sobbing against my shoulder. They racket her body violently, pulling me to do the same. "I'm sorry," I mumble. The words I've longed to tell her for so long. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay Caity, you're home now. I just can't believe it." Pulling back, she turns to Knox, who has Isla hanging down from his neck. "How did you find her? Where? Come inside, uh Aaron is just training with Stasia in the gym. I'll go get him."

Kiara hurries, grabbing Isla and telling her to go play in the den with Calista and Demetri. I feel like a ghost wandering back in. I don't know what I was expecting, but everything just feels the same. Almost as if I never left.

She turns to Knox, mascara smeared beneath her eyes. "Don't leave her side." Then she's gone.

I drift around the living room aimlessly. The pictures on the mantelpiece have changed slightly. A few more of the kids, Stasia winning an award for martial arts...the same picture of me and Aaron when I was six. I remember that day so vividly. We went to the park on my birthday. I didn't have many friends, so Aaron and Tristan took me to the park and we spent the day playing stupid board games and having a picnic. It was one of my favourite birthdays.

"How are you feeling?" I turn back around, blinking away fresh tears.

"It feels like nothing has changed. I don't know what I was expecting but it just all looks the same. Feels the same. Even Kiara..."

Knox crosses the room to me. He rests his arm against the fireplace, fondly looking at the pictures too. I can tell he wants to reach out, comfort me with physical touch because it's the way he shows affection but he can't right now. Instead, he wraps me with his gaze, offering solace in his green flecked eyes.

"It may all look the same, but trust me it's different. People change, you have and things adjust to that by themselves, soon it'll all feel like normalcy I promise."

I think back to the cute little girl. How she ran straight past me without a second glance. "That was Isla, wasn't it?" He nods. "She must have been barely six months when I left. She's gotten so big now, and I missed it. I missed her first birthday, the first time she walked, I missed hearing her say my name. I missed Anastasia's prom, her transition to high school, first date..."

"Actually you haven't missed that one. Aaron won't let it happen yet, apparently 15 is too young."

I laugh softly, my gaze drifting to the staircase that I remember leads downstairs to the gym. "What do you think is taking so long?"

He shrugs, "Maybe Stasia wanted to finish her set? Maybe Kiara is explaining it? To be truthful though I predict they're both trying to convince Stasia to go to the den too. She probably wants to come up here, see what's going on."

"She's nearly 16, doesn't that mean..."

"Yes, and she's struggling with it. You could help her with that."

I snort, "I never went to that boarding school. I was firmly against it if you don't remember, but she'll love it. Anyways, if she wants to become the head then..."

"Oh trust me, she does. There's nothing she wants more." Facing Anastasia is terrifying, maybe even more so than facing Aaron. We had such a strong bond, it became fractured by my drinking and then later addiction but even through the most difficult periods of my life, she was the one almost always able to break through.

Then I left, without even saying goodbye. Tore our relationship apart, I guess through Saph I was attempting to recreate that bond again. And again, I lost it.

"Kiara I don't understand why you want me up there? You can deal with it. It's your business deal and anyways...Knox, when the hell did you get back?" On instinct, I shuffle closer to him, almost hiding myself behind his back.

Knox's hand reaches back for a moment, squeezing mine in reassurance as if to say you got this. "I don't understand." Aaron's familiar voice says, "Princess, what's going on?"

"Aaron-" She can't finish it. Only I can explain it all, reveal the truth.

I step out from behind Knox. Aaron looks different. I don't know how to explain it but he does.

He looks at me, and for a moment I don't think he recognises me. I think I'm about to burst into tears and he'll have no idea why some strange weird person is crying in his living room.

"Caity?" I bite my lip, stifling a sob, and nod.

"Almost thought you didn't recognise there for a minute." That makes him laugh quietly, eyes brimming red.

"Of course I recognise you. The hair is...different, but it's still you. Still the Caity that was my little sister four years ago."

"No!" I take a step forward, faltering, as he moves back. "I just mean I'm not the same person I was. I'm clean now, sober." Ignoring the small mishaps at the club, but I blame Geneva for that. I blame the job too. "I know that leaving probably hurt you both a lot,"

"You think?" He barks out. I almost flinch, but hold my ground. Knox steps forward behind me, his large frame casting a warmth that stretches over me.

Kiara grips Aaron's arm, "Listen to her." He nods, but his steel gaze fixes on Knox.

"He found you?"

"Yes. He saved me, actually. There's a lot of s**t that happened in these past four years. I know it'll probably hurt you more but I don't want to give half truths. I just need you to hear me out, hear us out, before you make any decisions."

"Why don't I like where this is headed? And why does it feel like my best friend has been lying to me these past few weeks?"

"Aaron, please man just hear her out first."

Oh s**t. Pushing past me, Aaron heads straight for Know, fist bawled at his side. He grips Knox by the collar, shoving him against the fireplace hard enough that it strains against the weight. "You found my sister, and didn't tell me about it. Last I heard, that club Deviance was burnt to the ground a week ago and then you went off the grid."

"We had to. Police caught us on camera."

"We?" Aaron lets go of his collar, almost stumbling back in shock. His eyes got to me, "When did he find you?" I feel my throat swell up. "Well? Someone f*****g answer me!"

"A month." Knox admits, defeat hanging in his tone. "I'm sorry."

Aaron shakes his head, reverting back into his anger as his fist slams into Knox's cheek.

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A/N: The moment everyone has been waiting for!!

How will Knox explain himself?