Chained Desire

Chapter |10|

C A I T L I N ' S P. O. V

It's all the same.

The flashing neon lights that kaleidoscope around the room, the thick scent of perfume and cigarettes that lingers in the air, the never ending string of blaring music.

Even on my break it's inescapable. Men leer at me from either ends of the bar even though I made it quite clear I'm not for sale tonight.

Two dances and I'm done. It's the quickest shift I've ever had, which feels strange in a way. I'm more accustomed to sleeping on the couch in the dressing rooms that my own bed.

Now I'm used to sleeping in Knox's bed.

He takes the couch, of course. Always a gentleman.

It doesn't take away the fact that it smells like him though. Whiskey, scotch and the sweet smell of cherry lollipops that cling to the sheets. I fall asleep to it every night , and dream that he's wrapping me in his arms, my own personal security blanket to protect me from the world.

From this.

I'm not stupid. I know adopting a crush on Knox again will only end up with disastrous consequences but really, can you blame me?

The man is a tall Scottish brooding god whose sole purpose right now it's to protect me from my demons. Also he has a nice ass.

I might have caught a peek of it when he left the bathroom. He's probably forgotten that I live there now since we barely speak two words to each other.

And nights like these are the worst. Inescapable.

I managed to convince him that I can work my shift alone without his hovering presence, but it makes the car ride home incredibly awkward. We just pretend that I don't spend the night stuffing dollar bills into my thong and working the pole. I guess the upside is that I don't have to sleep with anyone, but Geneva believes Knox is using me as his own personal f**k doll.

It makes me sick when I'm forced to smile and nod when Geneva asks me if I'm working his d**k good. All I can think in those moments is two more weeks.

Two weeks and I'll be free with Saph.

"Want another?" I push my glass forward for Leah to fill to the brim. Vodka has always been my staple but for some reason, I opted for Scotch tonight. "All the girls are jealous, you know?"

"Yeah I kind of got that impression when they all blanked me earlier and shoved me on their ways out."

"They're just annoyed that you're the best. It's not your fault you're sexy and know how to put on a good show."

"Funny, before I came here I honestly never thought of myself like that." I was a lanky teenager with pin straight hair and small t**s, who adopted a gothic fashion to her appearance. Being sexy wasn't in my vocabulary.

Boyfriends never saw me like that, I always knew that to them I was just a means to an end. To my brother or money, it didn't matter, and I didn't care. I got what I wanted out of them too, s*x and drugs. It was all that mattered.

"What's his place like?" I stare at her for a moment. "The guy, you know the one putting you up. I don't think anyone has ever spent that much on a stripper in this place's history."

"Oh Knox's place is...cosy." It's a one bedroom bachelor pad that barely has a functional shower. Still better than the apartment me and Saph share.

"Is he treating you alright? I think the girls are jealous because he doesn't look like them." She gestures to the balding old guys that shout and cheer as Madeline strips her bra off.

"Yeah, he's nice. Guess I got lucky,"

"You don't have to sleep with him?"

"He's respectful, doesn't make me do anything I don't want to." Stupidly I wish he wasn't so respectful. Then I could f**k him, get him out of my mind and focus on what's important.

"Huh, normally the guys paying the big bucks are the ones with the weirdest requests. Once I had a client that wanted me to s***k him whilst he made pig noises."

"f**k, I'm sorry."

She shrugs, "It's in the past, the only way to live in this life is to forget the past. Makes it easier. Here, have another on me," She pours vodka this time and I down the shot, before heading back to the dressing room.

It's another stupid rodeo night which means tight denim shorts which are a killer to get off. "There you are, I've been looking for you."

Normally Saph stays back here during the breaks. She finds it harder to push the drunks away and they see her as easy prey. All the girls are protective over her since she's the youngest so at least we agree on that.

"What's up?"

"First of all, everyone is acting like total bitches. I heard Maddy talking smack about you earlier."

For some reason it reminds me of high school all over again, causing me to laugh. "It's fine, I don't care."

"Well I do. They shouldn't be so mean when you do so much for them."

"Saph, it's okay. What did you want to talk about anyway?"

"This," She throws me the phone we share, and my eyes widen a little at all the missed calls. I recognise the number. Rhys. "Who is it? Not Knox right?"

"No. Remember that guy that I was paid to go out with and then we ended up getting a burger and he turned out not to be a complete dickhead."

"Oo, Mr Montrose wants seconds."

I shove her shoulder lightly, "He never got firsts, and I'm not sleeping with him."

"Why not? He's hot and..."

"A friend. You don't f**k your friends, trust me."

"Knox wants to f**k you."

"No he doesn't." I curse as I catch sight of my flushed cheeks in the mirror.

Saph ceases her teasing, and gives in. "We're not finished with you," She pecks my cheek. "I got to work the floor, have a good show."

I splash some cold water on my face, trying to force out all thoughts of Knox Carter. My pink rodeo hat sits on the back of the door, and I sigh as I hear my name being called for the show.

Just two more weeks and then you're done. Yet somehow I think the scars beneath will be harder to forget.

***

It's almost one in the morning when we finally finish the shift. Knox appears outfront in the same black sedan, window half cracked as he does his usual observation. Rolling my eyes, I hop into the back, knowing any bruises on my body won't be enough to jusitfy cracking Geneva's skull in.

"Hey Knox," She passes him a bag full of blue raspberry sweets she loves.

He takes him, trying to fight a smile. "Trying to convert me, Saph?"

"Cherry is so basic, branch out with your sweet flavours." I hate the way I feel all warm inside as he replaces the lollipop with a sucker. It makes Saph's face explode with a happy grin, and she settles back in content.

Leaning over to me, she whispers, "He isn't such a grump." I know he hears but he ignores it, like he does our usual half drunk chit chat to follow a shift.

"He's nice to you because you're impossibly happy and positive all the time."

"Well, maybe if you let Mr Rhys into your pants, you would be sporting a smile too." s**t. I catch Knox's expression in the mirror, turning from composed to confused and then angry.

Great, now I'll have to fend off another one of his little sister speeches.

"You have had one too many cocktails, sweetie." I take the flask filled with Malibu away from her and let her rest her head on my shoulder.

Knox opens his mouth, "Who..."

"Not now," I gesture to Saph who's passed out asleep. Her light snores echo through my ear drum, making the drowsiness hit me too.

Knox carries her up to the apartment whilst I wait in the car. It's silent until a phone starts to ring.

His phone.

Climbing into the front, I grab it from his seat. Aaron.

I can hear the thud of my heart as it grows louder, unsure about what to do. Then my thumb swipes right.

"Hey man, just checking in. How's it going with that girl? Is she still giving you a hard time? Kiara says she f*****g loves her for torturing you like that, but all you've got to do is wear her down a little. Show her that you care. Hello? Knox are you there? Knox-"

I press end and drop the phone back onto the front seat. It starts to light up again with Aaron's number, forcing me to turn it off.

"Holy s**t," I lift up my head to brush the silent tears that fall.

I'm such a goddamn coward. All those times I dreamt up this moment of finally being able to talk to him again, explain myself to him, beg for forgiveness and instead, I can't even muster up a hi.

Fuck, how the hell am I ever going to face him?

The car door opening startles me. My heart races again, drowning out Knox's voice.

"What did you say?"

He's watching me with pure concern, and then glances down at his phone that refuses to come on. "I asked if you were okay."

"I'm fine." I stupidly reply, knowing my eyes are riddled red and my mascara is probably smudged.

"I just wish she could stay with us. I feel like a shitty friend."

Saph loves the apartment. To her it's the f*****g White House, nothing compares to it, and unlike me, she can only feel completely comfortbale to sleep in her own bed.

Knox hesitates, before reaching out a hand to squeeze my own. "You know that Geneva would find out and then he would become suspicious about the truth of our relationship, especially if I was housing you both." He pauses, "Who was the guy Saph was talking about?"

"Oh, uh no-one." He gives me a look, telling me to cut the bullshit. "Fine, he was one of my clients. Only once, but he didn't actually know what he was paying for. He thought I was paid to jsut pretend to be his girlfriend and not f**k him. Then when I told him the truth, he offered me extra cash to help me out and bought me a burger whilst we just talked."

"Talk about what?"

"I don't know, just life I guess. It was nice."

"That's it." I nod. "s**t, you can't see him again."

I frown, "Why the hell not?"

"Because what guy finds out he's on a date with an escort and then simply talks to her. He clearly wants more."

"Is it so unbelievable that we're just friends?"

He laughs deftly, "Yes. Guys aren't friends with girls that look like you."

"Look like what?"

"You know," I shake my head, watching as he sinks further into his uncomfortability. "Beautiful."

Fuck. I was expecting hot, sexy, maybe even pretty but beautiful? I don't think I've ever been called that before.

I realise my hand is still clasping his in a strange desperate manner and yank it back to myself. "Well, I already called him. He wants me to pose as his girlfriend for a work function and then he'll pay me after privately. Geneva has nothing to do with this."

"You don't need to do this. When we get back to New York, you'll have plenty of cash to set you up and Aaron..."

"I've already agreed and besides I'm not doing it for money, I'm doing it for free to help out a friend."

He scoffs, "No you're not."

"Do you think you have any say in what I do? You don't own me Knox."

"Actually, I think I do." He spits out, more spiteful than have ever heard him.

"Wow, I guess you're right. You do own me, you paid for me right. I guess you'll just have to report my act of disobedience to Geneva then. Make sure to include the details of how we actually know each other."

"Caitlin f**k, I didn't mean..." I'm already slamming the door and walking away.

He follows me from behind, attempting to coax me back in but I ignore him, letting the bite of the night dry up the pathetic tears that fall.

The bus pulls around the corner as I reach the stop. He waits until I'm sitting down, seated away from him, but I still see his lights blink on through the window reflection as the bus drives away.

By the time I walk back to his apartment, he's already changed into a plain shirt and boxers. I barely spare him a glance, heading straight for the room.

It was my fault really, for believing he was any different from all the rest of them.

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A/N: Thoughts on Aaron's call?