Chained Desire

Chapter |15|

K N O X ' S P. O. V

It's killing me. Just to sit here, trying to act oblivious to the obvious pain and grief that she's suffering through.

Her body is still shuddering with sobs, and the saltiness of her tears is so thick in the air that I can almost taste it. Even though I barely knew Saph, she made a strong impression on me too. I feel her absence, grieve it and standing over her dead body dredges up regret of not spending more time with her.

Clearly she helped Caitlin through it all, kept her sane, reminding her of what happiness felt like and offered hope. Now it's gone.

Death is tricky, I understand that more than most. Hell, I've taken lives with my own bare hands and not felt a thing but this...the death of a young girl makes me question my own existence.

What's really the point in it all? Life?

It's just a prolonged experience of intense suffering and pain with sparse moments of joy that make it seem worth living. I think Caitlin is just recognising this now, that joy she found with Sapphire through their friendship made her want to live. Without it, I don't know how to bring her back from her own demons.

"You want me to put the radio on?" It was a cheap attempt to draw out conversation that fails miserably. I attempt to anyways, trying to figure out how the shitty stereo system works in this crap car.

Darnell also had s**t taste in music. All that plays is some crappy 90's pop on loop. At least he was stupid enough to leave a bag full of cash in the back seat, specifically a down payment for my death.

I roll the window down, resting my elbow on the edge. Glancing to my right, I notice the sweat that beads down Caitlin's back and roll hers down too. She barely registers the rush of wind that hits her face, blowing back her blonde hair. In the side mirror, I can see mascara that has stained her cheeks and the raw redness in her eyes that are barely peeled open.

Her entirety appears numb and void. I don't know how to change that.

Steadying the wheel with one hand, I reach into my duffel bag onto the backseat. Thank f**k I brought this before I left the apartment, all my other s**t is long gone. There's no way we can risk circling back but as long as I've got my jacket, my lollipops and my AK's I'm good.

The police scanner is a crappy old thing that barely works. I have to slam it against the dashboard until the skewed transmissions crackle aloud.

"Deviance...arson...multiple casualties...blonde haired woman early twenties...man earlier thirties last seen...fugitives..."

"Shit." It silences at that. "f**k," I slam it into the dashboard and then chuck it out of the window.

"What does that mean?" I almost think that I'm imagining it, until I turn to my right and there she is, staring at me expectedly. "Are the police chasing us? What do they mean fugitives?" Her voice is so soft but broken. "Knox?"

"f**k yeah, I mean s**t I don't know. When the blast went off, I was knocked down but I managed to kill two of the guys. The other two I tied up outside of the building, told them to tell the police about the p**********n or they'd be first on the mafia's hit list. Seemed to scare them all right when I mentioned Romano. I broke the camera's on the entrances, one inside would have been destroyed by the fire so-"

"What about the takeaway? Geneva has a fake chinese takeaway posted opposite the club, it acts as storage for drugs so it's littered in surveillance cameras to face the car park."

Fuck. I sigh into my hand, tugging at my hair. "What do we do now?"

She turns the music down, her eyes flitting to mine. "Can't you call Aaron?"

"We need more information, if they have us on camera there then they can't prove anything but right now we're suspects and if they identify us...it's too much risk calling Aaron. They could track us that way, tie something back to him, to the family, the business. It only takes one criminal activity to use Rico against the mafia. You and me are always going to be tied to that."

"So, we're going to drive to New York in a shitty beemer with cops chasing after us?"

"No, but if we're gonna need to drive as far away from Nevada first. Find somewhere to hide out for a maybe a week until it dies down and then call Kiara and Aaron for help but f**k, I know it's not gonna go down well me showing up with you out of the blue."

I hate this feeling of betrayal that's eating me up from the inside out. Aaron won't hesitate to cut me from his life after knowing I lied to him and then if he finds out I also finger f****d his sister in an alley...I'm a dead man. Stupidly, I know I'd rather it be him than anyone else.

Caitlin reaches out and squeezes my hand, "We'll get through it together. We'll figure it out." The warmth of her touch blossoms through me, sating the fear of the journey ahead of us.

"I thought you'd be angry at me."

Her brows furrow into a cute frown. "Why?"

"I took you away from Saph, you were screaming and I-" God, I've never heard something so completely heart wrenching before. It destroyed me, knowing I was inflicting this pain on her, adding to her suffering when all she wanted was to lay her friend at rest.

"It wasn't your fault, none of it was, you were protecting me. God knows why, I'm a complete mess, so much work and thank you. For coming back. It would have been easier to just leave me there."

"I would never have done that."

"For Aaron." Say yes. Make it simple for the both of you and just say yes.

Every part of me knows that would be lying though, and gazing into those rich blue eyes, I know I could never utter a word that wasn't true to her. "For me. I don't know what this is, or what I want it to become but I know that my life won't be anything unless you're in it Caitlin. As a friend or..."

"Or, sounds better." Her lips lift upwards, a soft laugh breaking past them. I smile, raising her hand to my lips, and then focus on the stretch of road ahead of us, no idea of how we're going to survive this part.

***

"You sure?" I lean further back, craning my neck to keep an eye on Caitlin. She's staring out at the vast stretch of desert, cross legged on the hood of the car.

We managed to find a payphone down some quiet slip road off the highway. She said she had some apparent friend that could help us lay low. The problem is this requires trust, and as far as I know the only person Caitlin ever fully trusted was Sapphire.

"Positive." Bleaker spits down the phone. "No-one found Geneva's body and the guys you had tied out front were just shot to death through the police car window. Snipers."

"Hired?"

"Looks like it. Geneva is the obvious suspect for that but I thought he was burnt up when you found him."

"He was! Prick had half his face burnt raw and mangled. He was begging me to kill him, no way he just upped and walked out of there."

"Then someone must be helping him out. I'll dig further, but you're right to stay low. Evidence they have against you places you at the crime scene but that's it, no gasoline or anything in your hands. Romano's can get that easily dismissed, just get back to New York. If they get a hold of you, they'll bring in the FBI with your history and the girl will be charged with p**********n and maybe drug charges."

"On what account?"

"She's got a lot of priors, Lilliana Ramnsey. Drug dealing suspect, using charges - spent a month in county for that." What the hell? I knew Caitlin had a drug addiction in the past but dealing? Jail?

"s**t, okay thanks Bleaker." I slam the phone back down, and sigh, walking back to the car.

I shrug off my jacket as the sun beats down on us, and throw it to her. "I thought you liked me in a lace bra and thong." She offers me her hand and a smile as I haul myself up onto the hood with her.

Grabbing the jacket, I drape it across her reddening shoulders, "Never denied that sweetheart, but I don't want you burning to a crisp."

Her fingers twirl a piece of thread coming off my jacket. "So, who was that?"

"We got a guy in most precincts around the country. Bleaker is our Nevada guy, told me what would happen if we get caught." Sighing, I look to her. "Why didn't you tell me that you went to jail?"

She chokes out a laugh, but it dies away into the vast open. "Your detective guy told you that huh?" I nod, offering her up one of three sweets left. "Yeah, it was before Geneva. A couple months after I left home, I finally reached Nevada. I officially changed my identity so suddenly the guilt I felt before was gone. I wasn't Caitlin Black anymore, I didn't have the weight of expectations or reputation to uphold. It made everything easier, getting drugs was just a flash of my t**s away... it was easy. Too easy. I caused a lot of disturbances, went to prison and started racking up debt and then I would sell what I got on loan to pay it off but it became too messy. That's how Geneva found me. It was strip, p**********n or die. Thought I chose the best option. Weirdly I think it was easier at the start, then I met Saph and she reminded me so much of Stasia that feelings like shame and guilt started to creep in. We made a pact to get clean together, get rid of our debt, and leave all of it behind."

I watch how the sun acts as her own personal halo, causing her pale skin to adopt a soft golden hue. She's a survivor, stronger than most of us, and yet the way she perceives herself as weak breaks my heart.

"The s**t you went through, f**k I never would have gotten through all that. You're powerful sweetheart, I hope you see that now."

That damn smile causes something weird to flutter inside my stomach. It's strange and foreign, but the lightest thing I've ever felt. I notice the darkening of her lips from the sweet, her tongue peeking out to taste the cherry that clings to them.

"What?"

I startle out of my daze. "Nothing."

"You were staring, Knox. You tend to do that a lot around me, but not at my t**s or ass like most guys." Her hand outstretches touch my hair. "When did you decide to let it grow out? If I remember correctly, you used to have a buzz cut."

A laugh snorts out of me, "Yeah, I did. It became too hard to maintain so I let it grow and grow and then the kids started calling me ape man because well, Kiara did, and it became a game with them so I didn't want it cut to confuse them. Now though I kind of like it, nothing longer though, this is enough for me."

"Do you live at the mansion?"

"Nah, I have my own place, but most nights it's just easier to sleep over. Work and all." She nods, but I think the weight of reality is hitting us both. The future that rests entirely in Aaron's hands.

In the distance, I notice a spiralling of dust that trails behind a blue car. "Is that your friend?"

She squints, shading the sun from her eyes. "Should be. Said he would pick me up in half an hour."

"I don't like the should part." I feel her hand squeeze mine and then the strange look in her eyes that sets me on edge.

"Don't be mad. Don't get angry, okay. Just trust me on this."

I tense up, a knowing feeling creeping up on me. "Why would I be mad?"

Sighing, she hops off the car and begins waving her hand at the incoming car. It begins to slow down, but the first thing I notice is the brand. A f*****g tesla.

The ignition switches off, the car door opens and leather loathers hit the sandy ground. "Caitlin," She rushes to hug him, a clear message of a thank you, but all I can hear is him telling her how much he wants her.

His eyes meet mine, a dangerous curiosity inside of them. Then he begins to walk towards me with his hand outstretched, "Hey man, I'm Rhys Mon-"

My fist slams into his cheek, and then again on the other side. It's only Caitlin's audible gasp that forces me to pull back and reign in the jealousy that feeds into rage.

Shit. I think I've already f****d things up

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A/N: How do you think Knox will deal with Rhys?