Alpha's Torn Heart

Deals

MURTAGH

No, no, and no.

 It wasn't possible, it wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

I want to go back to mate, Connor protested, whining with anger and longing.

Stop it, I blurted out. You don't even have to think about her. She's none of our business. She is not ours. Did I, by any f*****g chance, mark her? No! Therefore she does not belong to us.

I want her, he insisted, his voice firm and serious. That game had been going on since I'd left Katherine in my room, and specifically since she'd touched me, blocking my wrist in her soft, gentle grip. When I felt her skin against mine I had almost lost control: it was so soft, warm and delicate ... in that moment Connor had almost managed to take full control over me and complete the mating process, but luckily I was stronger than him and I had been able to block him straight away.

"Hey, man!" Sean screamed. I inferred, from the way he spoke, that he was already heavily drunk: the dinner must have been over for a while, and the wilder and more festive part of the reception must already have begun.

Obviously, I thought. After saying goodbye to Katherine, I had taken an hour to go for a walk, clear my head ... but there was very little I could do. I could not refuse to see that she was my mate, but it didn't mean that I would have given up to the bond that now united us: I would not have disrespected Grace's memory in such a low and disgusting way.

"Jeez, where have you been?" he mumbled throwing his arm around me and taking a long sip from his mug of beer. “It's been two hours since you and that cute bombshell of your mate went into the woods. Well, then? Have you already done it? How tight was it? " he laughed coarsely. I hated dealing with him when he was drunk. He always started talking about s*x: the “small” fact that he was gay never stopped him from trying to peek into my own adventures. "Because she was a virgin, right?"

"Nothing happened," I said through my clenched teeth as I tried to fight the anger. "She just had an allergic reaction to anchovies and so I took her in the pack house, to get some rest. And in any case, remember that you are talking about your future Luna" I hissed.

"Oooh, got it, got it" he chuckled. "She wasn't really in the mood, uh? The two of you didn't make out and so you're a little bit upset. It's normal, you know, totally normal to be pissed when you have your balls full of stuff and your partner won't just suck 'em all off... You, buddy, have a typical case of blue balls"

"Do me a favor and get me a drink" I cut him short. If there was one thing I didn't want to talk about, it was the kind of feelings that girl gave me, and above all the frustrations.

"Okay, okay" he said raising his hands in surrender and walking away to the drink table.

Shaking my head I started walking towards the crowd, which had all gathered under the large gazebos: luckily no one paid me too much attention, except for my parents and Katherine's father, who came towards me with a dazzling smile.

"Murtagh!" Derek exclaimed and, suddenly, I found myself suffocated in a strong hug. “I can't believe the good news! You two, mates! Who would have even imagined that?"

He didn't know, I realized. He did not know that I had basically rejected his daughter: I quickly thought back at the exchange of lines that took place between me and the Elder a few hours earlier, at the wedding. It had been quick, muttered, almost whispered: it was clear that no one, apart from those who were under the gazebo with me and Katherine, like my father, could have noticed it.

Under the extremely eloquent gaze of my parents I forced a smile on my face, nodding, as if not even I could believe it. And in fact it was true: I mean, who would have thought that I would have found myself in such an unpleasant situation?

“I must admit, I am extremely happy I had given my daughter off to you, of all people. She is the light of my eyes, my little star, and knowing she is unhappy would kill me" he went on, and I felt the smile drop from my face. "But fortunately this isn't the case! I know the two of you will be happy together. And being you guys so young, I know what your bond is gonna do … I guess we will soon become grandparents! " he winked at my parents, who replied with embarrassed smiles. They knew what there actually was between Katherine and me: and honestly, the last thing I wanted from that girl was a child who would bound me to her in an even more unbreakable way than the mate bond.

"Sure, why not" I replied quickly trying not to sound too disgusted by the idea. Katherine wasn't the woman who was supposed to carry my pups; she was not the woman who I was supposed to marry, or who was supposed to become my Luna. She was in the wrong place, in Grace's place.

I want to go to her, Connor pointed out. Let me go to mate!

For the last f*****g time: she is not our mate, I blurted out and threw him back in the deepest wells of my consciousness. Katherine and I were absolutely nothing: she didn't want to join the party? Too bad for her. But that was still my own damn wedding party, and I had every intention of getting drunk, having fun and forget everything and anything about that night.

It was three in the morning when, finally, I went back to my room: I had drunk so much that I could hardly stand on my feet anymore, and Sean had had to help me up the stairs. As soon as I closed the door behind me, however, the feeling of drunkenness vanished completely: I could only smell the fresh and sparkling scent of Katherine.

Mate! Connor howled in delight, starting to jump all over my mind. Mate!

I already told you no, I snorted, fighting the urge to look at her. Goddess,  why did the effects of the mating bond had to include hangover healing? I wanted to stay drunk. Alcohol did not make me feel emotions, no pain, nor anger, nor frustration. Was it too much to ask for a few hours without feeling anything?

I took off my shirt in a couple of seconds and went into the bathroom, opening the shower and undressing while the water heated up: but even there, her scent permeated everything, from the towels to the air I breathed. It was like she was everywhere, when in reality I didn't even want her to be there. How the hell was I going to go back to sleep in my bed the following night? At the very least, her scent would have permeated the sheets. I would have had to burn them, because I already knew that a spin in the washing machine would not be enough to get them rid of that perfume.

I want to be with her tonight, Connor went on, furious. I want our mate.

Stop it, I growled, rubbing the shampoo into my hair as if I wanted to pull that stupid wolf out of my head with just the force of the soap. I don't want it! I don't want that girl! Leave me alone!

But we need her, he objected. Being with her will make us stronger. Happier.

We are already strong and happy enough.

You're not happy.

Because I decided not to be, I hissed. And this Katherine girl has no right to come into my life and upset my plans.

But that's what mates do ... and we need her. We need her love. Please, he whispered then. Just a touch, Murtagh. Just one, and I won't ask you anything more. A moment with her will be enough.

Connor ...

One moment. I'm asking you for a f*****g second with our mate! He yelled. She is ours and it's my right to be with her! 

All right, I finally gave in. One touch, and then that's it.

Suddenly, my mind filled with silence and calm: finally, he had stopped protesting.

I didn't feel so enthusiastic about having to touch that girl, but I knew that Connor needed it: despite my feelings, Grace and I were not mates, and therefore Connor had never felt anything for her. It wasn't fair that I forced him to share my pain.

Besides, what could a simple caress do for a moment? I had already made my decision, and Katherine, given her behavior, seemed to have accepted it.

Twenty minutes later I got out of the shower and dried myself with a towel that smelled like her, which obviously sent Connor into raptures.

Come on! He exclaimed, wagging his tail, as I reluctantly put on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and went into the bedroom.

In the darkness, faintly lightened up only by the light of a scented candle (my mother always put them all around the house), Katherine appeared as a small figure curled up under the heavy sheets, in the center of my bed. Her hair was down and spread across the pillow, and she was making strange little movements.

Startled, I got closer to her, sitting next to her to understand what was the origin of those movements: and when I realized it I felt my heart tighten.

She was crying.

She slept soundly, and this was obvious, but big tears ran down her cheeks from behind her closed lids: they wet her face, chin, pillow, made her sob quietly and desperately at the same time.

Inside me, Connor cried in sadness: he couldn't bear to see her that way.

Mate… he whispered.

What the f**k is she crying about?, I blurted out instead, trying to hide the sense of guilt with arrogance. She just had an enormous wedding ceremony, she will become Luna, she will be rich and respected. She just won the lottery, this b***h. Why the hell is she crying? Let's just get it over with.

And as I said this, I reached out to her face, intent on keeping the promise I had made to Connor: one touch, one touch only, and he would never bother me with this mates bullshit again. 

I should have never, never done that.

The second my hand came in contact with her cheek, soft and smooth, the sparks returned, and Connor took complete control.

NO! I yelled, but it was too late.

That asshole had decided to let me feel everything: and a moment later I felt my lips collide on hers.