Forced into a wolf (#4 of the Grey pack)

my pet

Indi’s P.O.V.

“My pet.”

My eyes opened widely the second I heard his voice call out to me.

The voice of the Alpha of the Black Blood pack. Alpha Dimitri.

The voice of the monster in my life.

And also… the voice of my very own mate. The man whose claiming mark I had resting on my neck.

I must have dozed off for a little bit. And yet, when he only spoke two words to me, the words that I absolutely hated because they made me feel like an animal and not a person, I was wide awake in a matter of a second. My peaceful sleep, already long forgotten. Because only in my dreams, I felt as if I was truly free.

Fear

Anger

Despair

Loneliness

tormented

haunted

and hunted…

Those were only a couple of words I could use to describe the millions of feelings that were soaring through my mind and body, the second my own ears heard his voice. And none of them were positive. Because what I heard was the voice of the man that had ruined my life forever. The voice of the man who had ruined the woman I was growing into. The voice of the man who just took without asking questions or asking for permission. The voice of the man who had marked me and claimed me as his mate, while I wasn’t even his one true mate to begin with. Because yes, I had been marked and claimed by Alpha Dimitri, Alpha of the Black Blood pack. A pack of wolves, werewolves even. While I wasn’t even a wolf myself to begin with. I was a witch. The day that he had come for me and he had taken me from my home, I hadn’t even seen a wolf with my own eyes ever before. I knew of their existence in the world, I knew how much magical creatures despised them. And now, I only understood why. Because every vile thing they said about werewolves, was absolutely true.

One day, which now seemed like a lifetime ago, I had been outside of my own coven, searching for herbs for my teacher who had made me a list of things that I needed to get him. My teacher, the one who was supposed to teach me how to use my own magical powers as a witch and help me to grow into the best possible version of myself as a magical creature. My teacher, who was supposed to guide me and protect me, had told me that that particular day of all days, that I had been old enough to go out on my own for the very first time. So it had only been ‘bad luck’ on my part, or a set-up between my teacher and the Alpha, since I had been all alone when the monster had come for me. There had been nobody to protect me back there who was more powerful than me. Nobody had fought for me, while I had done nothing but scream and kick and bite and fight. But I had been too young, too frail, and too weak to win the battle against the beast. And that same night, I had ended up in the Alpha’s bed. Where he had simply taken everything from me. My virginity, my freedom, my will to live, and my free choice into falling in love with a man of my own choice. He had also taken away my dreams, my future, and my hope along with everything else, leaving me now as nothing more but an empty vessel of the person I once used to be. Maybe my hope wasn’t completely scattered during that first night when he had marked and claimed me as he would call it. I had still some fighting left in me. But maybe it was after a couple of weeks after I had tried to escape from the Black Blood pack on multiple times, and I had been caught every single time that I had lost my will to fight. Maybe it was after those weeks of his horrible punishments of getting beaten and kicked and being forced to spend every night in his bed, that somewhere along the line I had also lost my hope to one day escape from the monster himself. Maybe it was somewhere during those long, dark hours, that I had shut myself out and I had just gone into survival mode? Doing what I needed to do in order to stay alive, or find the right time to kill myself and get it over with. Because no, I knew for a fact that staying here and doing this for the rest of my life, was not even worth being called a life at all. And it sure as hell wasn’t something I would keep on doing either.

So yes, just like the tales my coven had told me while growing up from a child into a woman. These wolves were nothing but monsters to me. Because here I was, being held captive in a pack of monsters, the biggest monster of them all keeping me locked up in his stupid tent, with nothing but a blanket to hide myself behind whenever he did not want to see me, which happened to be most of the time anyway. I was only needed when he needed me in his bed or whenever he needed my magical powers from me. Which lately seemed to be getting worse and worse by the day as well. It seemed as if along with my hope, my magic was also starting to fade away. So right now, it felt as if I was counting down the days until Alpha Dimitri would snap and he would just kill me, so he could get the next woman to fill his bed with at night. Which made me feel both sad and happy and the same time. Happy, because only then, my pain would end and I would finally be free again. Sad, because I knew I would get killed by the man who I was forced to love.

Yes.

Love.

Despite the hate in my head and every awful thing he had ever done to me himself, a piece of my heart actually loved this man. A piece of me honestly wanted to please him. A piece of me wanted him to hold me at night. It felt as if my personality had been split and cut right in half. There was ‘the real me’ that hated him and wanted to run away from him, and the other piece of me, the piece that the monster had placed inside of me. The first days, I had cried so badly after he had marked me. I had been in pain over the bitemarks in my neck that did not seem to want to heal, and also feeling confused about the way my own emotions were all over the place. The Alpha had told me back then, that the part that was feeling something for him, was the ‘new’ part of me, ‘the wolf’ part of me that was slowly starting to grow after I had been marked by a wolf. And yet, he told me he would never let me have my real wolf for myself. Because in order for me to be able to turn into a wolf myself, I would have to mix my blood with his. And he had vowed to me, that that would never happen. Why didn’t he want to mix our blood? I honestly didn’t know, nor asked. I didn’t even want to be a wolf, and the thought of getting my blood mixed with that of the devil himself was not something I felt passionate about. I wanted him to leave me alone and just let me be. Whenever he was away, I felt like myself. My old self, my real self. Whenever he was near, whenever I could hear his voice or see his face, my own body betrayed me. My heart would fight my brain. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Which was even more horrible for me, because despite of this so-called mate bond, that man had made me do things that I would never even have wanted to do myself. He had made me use my powers for bad things instead of good. He had made me use my powers to hurt other people who didn’t do things he had wanted them to do. I had been forced to use my powers in order to catch other wizards and witches and lock them up so they wouldn’t be able to escape. He had made me use my magical powers in order to wipe other people’s minds so that he could later sell them on the black market as slaves or sell their organs because that was the type of monster that I had been marked by. And worst of all, was that somewhere along the line, he had turned me into his accomplice. He had made me just as evil as he was himself. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew the real Indi was hidden. I just didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to see her, ever again. By now, I honestly didn’t even know if I would recognize my real self if she would be staring at me in the mirror.

“Yes. Alpha?” I asked him, knowing he hated it when I would not answer his call and a punishment would usually follow in the shape of a slap to the face of him grabbing my arm until it would be all shapes of blue and black.

“We have another attack planned. This time I want you with me.” He spoke, his dark eyes looking directly into mine. I swallowed and nodded, knowing I could never refuse any order he gave me. We had just left another pack that these monsters had attacked. Leaving the place like a dump. All the highly-ranked wolves were murdered. Other wolves were given the choice to either die or to fight for the Black Blood pack. The wolves who chose to fight for Alpha Dimitri, would be brought to me, so I could wipe their memories completely. After that, they either became fighters or in case they were too old or fragile to fight a war, they got placed in a cell and later on sold on the black market. Either way, the men didn’t stand a chance. They would have been better off if they would have just died on their own pack lands. Hell, how many times had I wished by now that he would have just killed me that day that he had taken me from my pack?

“Are you feeling well enough to use your powers?” Dimitri asked me, a shimmer in his dark eyes that told me his wolf was talking to him as well. And I couldn’t help but wonder what he would tell Dimitri, the monster. Would the wolf inside of him have feelings for me? Forced feelings, like I had for the man standing at the edge of the bed that I was lying in because I had fallen asleep after wiping memories all night long without getting any breaks.

“Yes, Alpha.” I spoke, sitting up straight on the edge of the bed and hoping he would not get any crazy ideas into his head whenever he saw me laying down on it. I swallowed and looked down at my hands on my lap, hoping he would just turn around and leave me be.

“You have one hour. Be ready.” He spoke, a growl woven into the words to make it sound like a threat. A threat telling me to better be ready or I would get punished if I wouldn’t be. And I nodded in return like I would always do. Not fighting him in any way because there was no more fighting left in me. Instead, the sting in my neck as I nodded, was only a reminder of who I now had turned into and what I was forced to do every single day for the rest of my life. I was needed to please the monster, to obey his every command, and hope that somewhere down the line, I would find a way to leave this place. Either in an escape or either in death.

But how in God’s name could I still hold up hope, when there wasn’t any hope left in me?