The Bar Stool

It's okay, I deserve it.

*Listen to California King Bed by Rihanna*

My head is spinning once we reach our room. I didn't think I drank that much, but whatever was in those drinks must have been strong.

Also the fact that Tanner some how found out the exact place I was at has my head throbbing as to how the f**k he found out.

The room around me begins to spin and before you know it in puking into a decorative vase outside our room.

Images of Tanner speeding down I-69 to get to me flashes over my mind. Although I wasn't there I can just picture it. His white knuckles clutching the steering wheel. Him getting pissed for the person in front of him for cutting him off.

Ashlyn rubs my back to sooth me as we walk into our room. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and fall down onto the bed. I have to call the front desk and notify them that I just vandalized their vase with my vomit. I'm sure I'll have to pay for it.

My head hit the pill, but before I can close my eyes to catch some sleep. Pounding fist collide with our door and the booming voice of Tanner demanding to open up the door has me on my feet, my head still throbbing as I open the door.

"Keep your voice down, you're in a hotel for f***s sake." I warn him.

"Don't tell me what to do. Get your things we're going back to Groves."

"Uhh, yeah no. I am here with Ashlyn you big meanie. I'm not leaving with you."

"I'll drag you out by that damn dress if I have to Tayzley." He yells. I want to f*****g slap him. And when I do, my hand stings from the contact.

His hand cups his right cheek and he looks lost and even defeated. I didn't think I would actually follow through with slapping him but I did. But I feel guilt rise in me.

"Tanner, i- you just..."

"It's okay, I deserved it. I shouldn't have came here in the first place I should have gave you your space."

I laugh. But its not a happy laugh. It's sarcastic. "You're kidding right? You f*****g i***t! You ignored me for a week. You think I wanted space? You think I was okay with you ignoring me? Hell no. I wanted to see you and give you something in return, but you lost that f*****g chance pal," I push at his chest. When I realize how aggressive I'm getting I step back, people are now peaking their head out of their rooms wondering what all the fuss is about.

"Don't give me the excuse either that you were "busy". Busy doing what Tanner?" I push. His eyes are hooded and fading with color.

Attention is on us. Ashlyn is standing behind me. I don't care. I'm pissed and have every right to be.

"I'm trying to get a house Tayzley..." He lies, his eyes not meeting mine.

"Oh please! Goodbye Tanner. Have a nice night." I'm done listening to it. I'm done.

I don't go back into the room, yet I walk past him down the fancy stairwell heading to the lobby. No shoes. Smelling of alcohol and red in the face.

What could be possibly worse.

"Um, Tayzley right?" I recognize that voice. When I turn around the lighting in the lobby sends a spotlight directly on the person.

Axle. His white long sleeve shirt hangs on his top half perfectly. But the blood covering the white and some still on his chin as my anger boil.

"Yeah, and before you ask me why that guy hit you. I have no clue why. He's crazy."

"No, s**t," he laughs, his neck tilting back slightly. In the light now, I notice the black and red ink swirling on his skin. As much as I love Tanners skin inkless, I like inked skin just as much.

"I am sorry for him though. He has some problems with relationships clearly and I guess dancing and kissing a guy when you're single isn't okay with him."

"So you're not dating him?" His hands tuck in his black pants.

"I can't really answer that honestly because I don't know." I shrug, running my fingers over my hair. Letting my hands rest on my hips.

Tanner rounds the corner of the stair and my irritation is thin so thin you could flick it and it would rip into two.

"Axle, get away from her." My eyes go wide and my head starts to spin once more.

"What the hell, you know him?"

"Hardly, but Avry does, him and Tanner were on the same Base in Iraq."

"What the f**k?" My face twists in confusion. Talk about small f*****g world. "You know what," I hold my hands up at them both, "both of you leave. I came here to have fun with Ashlyn, not to have two idiots fight over who gets to kiss me. I am free to do as I please, free to f*****g kiss who I want. And you," I point to Tanner. "If you don't f*****g like that after you never really elaborated on what we are. You can f*****g kiss my ass and deal with it." I pause taking a breath to calm my nerves. "You have no room, or say in what I do if that's the case."

They both look at eachother then back at me. No one speaks or dares to for that matter.

I'm not up to listening either.

I know Axle didn't do much but give me a good time, but still.

"I'm going to go back up and go to bed. You two sort out your situation here, if you follow me I will f*****g scream so loud so help me."

"Okay." They both say in unison.

"Good." I'm tired and need to sleep, but when my head hits the pillow for the second time tonight I can't help but lie awake thinking of both Tanner and Axle.

***

Morning comes and it smells like coffee. Ashlyn is at the foot of my bed slipping in her boots. Her hair up in a bun and her clothes changed into something more comfy than her dress she wore last night.

"Good morning, um there is coffee in the pot and...Tanner is kind of using the shower."

I sit up, pulling the covers close to me. "What? Why?" My voice groggy from just waking up.

"He was kind of sleeping outside the room when I went down to get breakfast."

"You've got to be f*****g kidding me."

"No, I'm afraid not. I'm meeting Avry down at Starbucks right around the block. I'll be back soon. In the mean time you two need to sort whatever it is between you out." She stands from the bed walks over to me and kisses my forehead. "I love you Tayzley, whatever happens I'm always here for you."

"I love you too. I'll figure it out. Go see Avryyyy." I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she laughs leaving me in the hotel room, while the sound of the running shower floods my ears.

As soon as I hear the click of the bathroom door, I hide under the covers, pretending I’m still asleep. I don’t know what I want to say to him. I do want to ask him how the hell he knew where I was, but I’m not in the mood to talk to him. I’m not in the mood to deal with the anger that will subside in my stomach making me feel sick.

He shuffles around the room. I swear I feel him near the bed, when it shifts and the covers lift up as he climbs in. My body is frozen in place. Maybe if i pretend to stop breathing he’ll leave me alone.

Shut the hell up Tayzley you sound absurd.

The smell of his freshly showered body melts into the sheets, melts around me and consumes my insides. When the covers lift more, his hands swipes across my cheek, my eyes closed as I lie here while he thinks I’m still asleep.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really have an excuse as to why I didn’t text you back. Or avoid you. I don’t know what I want Tayzley,” he whispers and it hurts, it hurts so bad. “Thats the honest truth, fives years and it ended in s**t because I made the biggest mistake a man in commitment can make,” he pauses with a sigh. “Then you came along, your forward-touchy self moved something in me. Your beautiful crazy mind jumped into my life so quickly I tripped and began to feel more than just the concrete below my impact. I began to like you, want you. Hell Tayz-” Before he can even finish what he was saying I turn around in the bed and wrap my body around his.

His attempt at an apology is s**t, I’ll admit. But he has a f*****g way with words.

I kiss him.

I kiss him so hard to where tears break through the lashes of my eyes and mix into it.

His hand is on my cheeks, cupping them softly. I hate him, I despise this man. But at the same f*****g time I don’t.

But i pull away, his face inches from mine. “How did you know where I was?” I sniffle.

“You left your location on, on your phone. It wasn't that hard to find you once I got here. But when I saw you with Axel I lost it…” He holds up his knuckles to look at them. I don’t know what brought me to do it, but I grab his hand and begin to kisses every busted cut upon them.

Kissing them, he watches me. His eyes batting closed as I sooth the the pain with my lips.

Tanner maybe my misery, my daydream, and my never ending nightmare, but lying here so close to him in this bed knowing he's here for me. Makes my stomach and whole entire being do somersaults.

He's scared like me. Scared to fall. Scared to take that dive into something that could end in fire and ashes.