Changing Places with Yourself

Chapter 9

“No, this is actually my car. I used some of the insurance money that my aunt tried to steal to splurge a little bit. But there's no way that I'm driving this to school and having it keyed by someone who has a grudge against me.” I let them know.

They tell me they understand that completely and both give me another hug.  Then they asked me about what time I'll be at the funeral home.  I let them know that on Saturday, the viewing is from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., on Sunday is from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m., on Monday the viewing starts at 12 p.m. to 4 p.m. with the service following at 4:45 and then straight to the cemetery for the graveside prayer before they are buried.  “So I won't be at school on Monday,” I tell them.  I handed them a card from the funeral home with the address on it and we hugged once more before saying goodnight.  I texted Judy, through my car’s Bluetooth, as I was on the way back to her home and it was about 11:30 p.m.  She actually came out to help me bring my bags and hang my new clothes up once I arrived.  I went over the weekend in my mind as I tried to go to sleep.  Since the holiday party, it was so close, I had stopped having Chef Annie over on Sundays to give her time to get everything ready and prepped, which was one less call I had to make.  Now on Sundays, I would have one of the two sous chefs from the Italian restaurant downstairs come up and help me make my meals for the week.  I would have to call Fernando and tell him I won't be home until Tuesday just to have them make the meals in the kitchen there and I would pick them up after school.  I was told that grandpa had set up for me to be driven to and from the funeral home so it wouldn’t have to worry about driving while I would be so upset.  Judy said the director had a few final details to go over with me about the viewing sand service so she was taking me into his office at 3:30 p.m. to go over it all with her there.  I got up and dressed cutting my long hair in a simple braid and then ran down and grabbed a banana for breakfast.  I ate only about half because I still didn't have any appetite and although their cook offered to make me anything that I wanted I declined her politely.  I knew she'll be telling one or more of the older Novells how little I ate since at lunch they all tried everything to get me something in my stomach that would be substantial and get me through the rest of the day, but again I just move the food around on my plate making it look like I was eating it when really I wasn't.  Even Evan was watching me closely without hate in his eyes.  I guess he may have a heart in there somewhere but danged if he doesn’t keep it hidden so well.

“Come on, honey.  Please eat some more.” Judy begged me

“We don't want you to pass out at the viewing,” Grandpa added.

“I'm sure I'll be fine. Like Evan is always telling me I could stand to skip a meal or two.  I really don’t have an appetite for anything and I need to go get ready if we have to leave by 3 to finalize everything.  I added before excusing myself as I leave the dining room I can hear him chastising Evan for saying that to me which I ignored when he said it at lunchtime like a week ago.  Knowing that we needed to leave in like 2 hours, I took a quick shower, blew my hair dry and into a simple side French braid.  I put on very light makeup just blush and lip gloss nothing under my eyes because I would look like a raccoon with all the crying.  And then stepped into my outfit for the day and looked at the time which was now 2:50 p.m., so I headed downstairs to wait for Judy.  Evan was hiding in the game/movie room, but the others even their employees gathered to give me hugs before Judy and I left.  The funeral home director met us at the door and escorted us to the office for a meeting.  He asked if I wanted to add anything to the service after he should be the program.  I asked if they would let me sing “In The Garden” as it was my mom's favorite song.  We agreed that I would sing it acapella because a piano would just drown out my voice if I started to falter.   After we finish talking, he led me to the room so I could see my parents in their casket before everyone else arrives for the viewing.  He, Judy and his staff give me some privacy so I can say my goodbyes alone.  15 minutes before the visitation starts they laid me to a room to freshen up and tell me that there are already at least 20 people outside waiting to come in.  I washed my face quickly and headed back to my spot by the caskets as the line of employees who have come to pay their respects were let in.  At about 6:30 p.m. Jimmy and Grandpa came in with something for me to eat, but I refused as there were too many people present for me to leave.  The next day it’s the same, while I was at the funeral home I just drank fruit juices or water before going because I couldn't eat.  Judy had the Chef make my favorite meal for Sunday night dinner, but I apologize for my absence and stayed in my room claiming I was just too tired.  Monday morning I had waited until Grandpa, Jimmy and Evan had left for school or work at 9 a.m. before heading down to the kitchen.  Their Chef set me down at the island and told me I wasn’t going to be allowed to leave until I ate more than three bites of something.  She even had one of the security guards sit down next to me to show me that she means business.  I grabbed a biscuit, broke it in half like a bun, put a sausage patty and some scrambled eggs on it before adding a slice of cheese and closing it back up before sticking it in the microwave to melt the cheese on it just a little.  When it beeped I took it out and cut it in half and asked her if it would be okay if I just ate half since a whole one would be too much.   Since it was more than I had had since I had arrived combined she agreed and I offered the other half to the guard so it wouldn't go to waste, which he ate as he watched me eat my half that I had prepared. When the Chef cooks, she makes enough food not only for the Novell family, but for the staff and the guards at each daytime meal per Judy’s instructions.  Once I was done they let me go upstairs and I had to get ready by 11:15 a.m. I was climbing into the car being driven today by the guard from that morning, Darrell I think his name was, to the funeral home.  He handed me a sandwich, chips, and soda before telling me to try to eat some of it before the 12 p.m. viewing starts.  I sat down just outside the chapel where they had moved the caskets to the back viewing room, which made it easier to move them to the front and the service could begin promptly at 4:45 p.m.  The director's assistant watches me as I sat staring at the Ziploc bag containing the sandwich and she knew I wasn’t going to eat it.  She offered to put my lunch in the office fridge in case I wanted to eat it during the break between 4 p.m. and 4:25 p.m. when they were moving the caskets, flowers, etc.… to get the chapel ready.  Then they would open the doors so that the mourners could come in and take their seats for the 4:45 for the service. I thanked her and handed the bag of chips the sandwich and the soda for her to take with her.  Several corporate employees on their lunch break entered they swung by in groups to pay their respects.  We had already gone through one book for mourners to sign into and to help speed things along with the assistant placed out a third book so that there wasn't a long line to sign into the second one.  I guess she knew their time was limited and two lines go faster than one.  They came and hugged me in the backroom, most had known my family since before my birth.  Because there were so many showing up time went by so fast and soon it was 4 p.m. they closed the doors to get the caskets and the flowers and everything up to the front and ready for the service.  The director put me in a private room and gave me the lunch that I was sent within encouraged me to eat.  I got partway through the sandwich and I had asked him to trade the soda for water.  I gave them the chips because I preferred not to eat junk food and start the vicious cycle backup that caused me to gain all my weight in the first place.  I redid my light makeup and smooth my hair and dressed before heading to see if they were ready in the chapel the way that I wanted them to be.  I had to move a couple of flowers here in there and then the clock struck 4:25 p.m. the lobby was full of people that had already arrived.  They let them come in to get seated, but what surprised me was seeing the cheerleaders, most of the football team, their coaches, some of my teachers, some fellow students and even my principal walk-in.  They had opened the doors at the front which let people pass the caskets on their way to find a seat and I stood beside them.  Everyone that passed either gave me a hug, handshake or placed a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.   Gwen told me that other students might still be coming since Principal Hansen made an announcement over the PA.   He said they would have buses bringing anyone over that wanted to come or they could drive themselves before reading the address off to the student body.  They actually had six buses full of players, squad members, coaches, teachers, and regular students even Superintendent Specks showed up.  Jimmy, Judy, and Grandpa came forward to stand by me, only Evan wasn't there, but I wasn't surprised the kid was a narcissist.  The Novells had asked their pastor to do the service and some company employees wanted to step up to say a few words about my parents.  Then it was time for me to do my part I was handed a microphone and I stood between the caskets.  Taking a deep breath I started singing,

“I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses.

And the voice I hear whispered in my ear the Son of God discloses.

And he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me I am his own.

And the joy we share as we tarry there none of the other has ever known.

And the joy we share as we tarry there none of the other has ever known.”

I knew there was no way I was going to get through all three verses so I just did what I could and Judy wrapped me in her arms as soon as I sat back down.  Grandpa handed me one of his hankies and told me it sounded beautiful.  Jimmy was holding my other hand to help steady me.  The director asked for volunteers to be pallbearers and several employees came forward, as well as Troy, Principal Hanson and one of the football coaches.  They carried the caskets to the hearses after everyone who was not going to the graveyard said their final goodbyes.  Those not going to the gravesite headed on home or back to buses to go back to school.   They were supposed to be having football and cheerleading practices tonight.  Once the caskets were in the hearse all of the students, coaches and the principal headed back to the buses.  As I looked before getting in the limo that would take me to the burial site I saw Evan sitting in the back of the bus.  So, he was there he just didn't come inside.  “What a chicken shit.” I thought.  As if he could feel my eyes on him, he looked up and flipped me off.   Seriously?? I was going to kick that boy in the nuts, he was lucky I was standing behind the door to the limo and it was blocking me from running over there.  Also, he couldn't see what I look like in my outfit with the door in the way.  Grandpa saw his little hand gesture and told Jimmy that Evan was an ass as he continued helping me into the car.

After the graveside prayers were done the limos dropped us back at the house.  I ran up to my room to change clothes and then I went to get a snack since it was too late to eat a full meal.  I think Judy for their kindness and said I needed to get home so I could get to school tomorrow.