My Shifting Mate

Chapter 5

Jaiden pov

~The Journal~

There was a boy. Of course there was, what kind of story would this be if there wasn’t? Each shifter pack had a leader, a head honcho, like Alpha and Luna but for shifters. Travis was the only son, the next in line. The prince of the bear shifters? The future Alpha? Whatever they call it, that’s what he was. He told me so much more of what happened afterward, but for now, I’m telling this in order, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane.

We were told there was a bear shifters group attacking. Alice was Beta, she should have gone, but she was busy with something else, and honestly, she wasn’t trained any more than I was so it wouldn’t have made a difference. Besides, I was the one he wanted, if I hadn't gone then he would have just kept coming back for me. I took a patrol of six with me. It was standard, warriors. Bear shifters were known to be slow, stupid, docile, easy. We assumed we’d be able to talk to them, see what they wanted to get them to leave. We never saw it coming, I never saw it coming. George went with me, said he had to because he was gonna be the other Gamma soon and had to show everyone he was worth the title. I should have stopped him, I should have said no, but I didn’t, and because of me he died. When we got there it was just Travis. I remember him, the way he looked when I first saw him. I always assumed Bear shifters would be big, mountain-like, covered in hair. He was normal, a normal six-foot-tall man with black hair, muscular build. The only thing that was strange was the way he had his hair long, long down his back and braided, with feathers and shells in it. He was staring at me, this heated dark look in his eyes that felt so familiar to me that it made me weak in the knees. George caught me, confused, and that’s when it all started.

He didn’t like George touching me. His smoldering glare was full of jealousy, fury. He charged at us, threw us off guard. He yanked George away from me by his arm, dragging him into the woods before we could do anything, before I could order anything. I could hear them fighting, and I shook myself into action. Then the roar, the familiar roar of the bears crashed down around us and three bears sprang at us, fully shifted and defending. Defending their future leader, thinking we were the ones who started the fight. Isn’t that silly? Even to this day they still believe whatever Travis says, he’s the leader after all. No one wonders what he was doing in the werewolves' territory to begin with, they just come charging in to defend him, protect him, to kill us. I was always good at running, probably the best thing about me was how fast I was. I wove around the bears and those behind me charged them, distracting them while I chased after Travis and George. I heard the screams behind me, the screams in front of me. I turned to look, seeing three of the six who came with me dead and shaking back and forth in the bears’ mouths while the other three ran off towards the pack, scared. I was determined to save George, even though his screams were sounding sharper, stronger. When I found them, Travis was tearing George’s arm from his body. I ran to him, grabbing Travis’s arm and he pushed me, smacking me across the face so hard I saw stars. I was dizzy, I fell to my knees as Travis ripped off another arm, George’s screams sounding primal. He was shaking, trying to transform but Travis wasn’t having it. Distantly I knew I should transform, my wolf was screaming at me, but I was in shock, and the pain I was feeling through the bond was unexplainable. I felt hands grab me, holding me and lifting me to stand. Travis was giving them orders but I couldn’t hear through the rushing of blood in my ears.

I couldn’t blink, I couldn’t look away, I was shocked, unable to do anything but watch as Travis ripped pieces of George off of his body, his legs came next, he even tore his legs in half, grinning as the blood splattered all over himself like a maniac. He was playing with his toy, even long after his eyes went glassy, his screams stopped, Travis kept ripping at him, tearing away at him, throwing the pieces everywhere. Once he was finished he stared at the men holding me, glaring at them with my dead mate’s blood draped on him. I can still remember the words he said, the horrible horrible words. “This woman is mine. If anyone touches her, they will have the same fate as this.” He spat out at them. They released me instantly. I should have run, but my legs weren’t working, I couldn’t move. Travis lifted me into his arms, carrying me like his lover, gently, smiling down at me as if he didn’t hit me so hard he gave me a concussion. Smiling down at me as if he didn’t just tear my lover to pieces before my eyes, forcing me to touch the blood coated on his body.

After that, I was placed in a cell. I lived in that cell, where Travis would visit me daily. He’d ask me to marry him, rule the bear shifters with him, and every time I refused he’d rape me, over and over again until I couldn’t move. I refused to speak, was unable to since I watched George torn apart in front of me, and for the first time I started to agree with Alice, understanding for her and the time she spent without speaking. Day after day I was raped by this monster, barely fed and beaten. I went through at least five miscarriages that I could remember, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was more. Still, I refused to speak to him, and I refused to marry him. I was locked in that cell for so many years. So many markings on the wall, until I stopped caring. Still, I refused to speak, to the point that I was sure I couldn’t anymore. I’m fairly sure he ended up marrying another, he probably had to in order to rule the bear shifters, but still he came to me, raping me, not caring how dirty and unclean I was from never being able to shower. Then I got pregnant. Of course it wasn’t the first time, but this time it wasn’t a miscarriage. I didn’t notice at first, honestly, I was surprised by it since Travis beat me constantly through the years. I was surprised that this little child inside of me was surviving, growing, living through the physical trauma inflicted on me.

I hated this baby. He doted on it, loving it, petting my stomach, calling it his little miracle. I wanted it to die, I wanted to see the look on his face when all his efforts to keep the baby alive were for naught, and his baby came out of me stillborn, the blood pooling around me. I wanted to see his face as I died from blood loss, knowing I died without agreeing to be his, and no matter what he did he never broke me. But as the months grew, I felt the flutters in my stomach. The flutters I always dreamed of feeling when I was younger, the hope of a young happy girl, dreaming of her happy life and giving birth to her babies. Once Travis realized I was pregnant he moved me to a room, a room with a lock and a guard to watch me day and night, to make sure I was bathing properly and not hurting myself. I laid in my bed for hours staring at my growing stomach, watching it flutter softly, and over the months I watched as it moved, shifted. I fell in love with my child, and I would curl up in a ball crying as I prayed to the moon goddess to forgive me for wanting the child to die. I prayed for her to save me, but there was only so much she could do. I tried my best to take care of my body for my baby, my beautiful baby. The first time I spoke was when I started to sing to it, rubbing my stomach as I sang. I sang a song called “Hotaru Koi”, a Japanese fireflies song that my daddy would sing to me when I was inside my mama, and then my mamaw would sing to me every night before I went to bed. It was a tradition, a tradition I wanted to pass down to my baby.

When I had the baby, I only got to hold him for a moment. Him, a boy. My boy. I got to name him, I named him Jaiden. He was beautiful, perfect. He had my skin color, my beautiful yellow pale skin. He had eyes that curled into crescent moons like mine. He was beautiful, my Jaiden, my heart, my firefly. I never got to see him again. He was ripped from my arms, and I was held down, even in my weakened blood loss state I fought for him, fighting against those that were holding me down as I watched Travis grin evilly at me, carrying my baby from me. Then he told them I wasn’t needed anymore. He was done with me, he had found another woman to marry. He had a son, an heir, he didn’t need me anymore. I won, I never folded, but at what cost? What exactly did I win? I lost everything; my life, my lover, my son. I lost it all, for an evil man’s happiness.

I'm going to be killed today. He arranged it, wanting it to be as soon as possible. My son, my beautiful baby, he’s only a week old. I wish, one last wish, that I can see him one last time, hold him, breathe in his soft scent, if only one last time.

This journal, my life, this is all I could do. I found this book and the guard never paid attention to me at night time, assuming I was asleep as they also drifted off to sleep. Why watch a dying woman? Why pay attention? If she were to die earlier, why would that matter to anyone? I write this, in hopes that someone will see this, that someone will know my story. My name is Sylvia Creed, daughter of Ji-Min and Isabel, granddaughter to Ginger; and mother to Jaiden Creed. I hope if someone finds this, they’ll tell my family what happened to me, and they’ll know just how much of a monster Travis is. Jaiden, if you ever get a hold of this, I hope you know how much I love you, how much I've always loved you. My love, my child, my little firefly.

Ho, ho, Hotaru koi

(Fly, fly, firefly, come)

Atchi-no Mizu-wa nigai-zo

(The water over there tastes bitter)

Kotchi-no Mizu-wa Amai-zo

(The water over here tastes sweeter)

Ho, ho, Hotaru koi

(Fly, fly, firefly, come)

~Jaiden~

I laid there on my bed for a long time, looking at the ceiling. This book, this journal, it was sacred. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I didn’t care. Everything I’ve ever known about my life was a lie. My mother, the way she glared at me all the time, her crude comments. It all made sense. I was a walking reminder of what she wasn’t. I was a reminder that her husband would have chosen another if he could, and that deep down he still loved her more. My mother, my poor mother, was locked in a cage for years. My father...he’s a monster. I knew without a doubt that every word in here was true. I went back to the front of the story, where she described herself. Yellow skin, silky straight black hair, a mole under her right eye. The fact that the only resemblance I had to my father was the black hair, and now I wasn’t even sure if it was from him or my mother. My mother, Syliva. Tears dripped down the curve of my neck, making me shiver. I didn’t blame her one bit for saying at first she hated me. To be forced by a monster for years, raped, again and again, I would have hated me too. But in the end, she loved me, she wanted me, and I couldn’t help but cry for the woman I never knew, the woman I’d never get the chance to know.

A monster. My father was a monster. I gripped my hands tightly, sitting up on my bed. The things he did to her, the way he ripped apart her mate in front of her eyes, traumatizing her. Torturing her, raping her--a monster. I tasted the bile in my mouth and ran to the trash can in time to throw up my breakfast this morning.