White Roses, Black Doves

The love you want-3

Toran

“Good girl” he says and then he touches me again.

I’m going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t stop. He's done this before but it has never been like this and I’ve been able to shrug it off. He calls Rey sweets and doll, I mean why can't he be friendly with me too.

He called me love and I know he said that for me to hear but I think he let the “good girl” slip. I might be reading too much into it. I know I am. He is just happy because we have worked so hard on this and it is going exactly how we want it to go. Right?

“Rey, how far out is the team?” he asked her.

“Five minutes and thirteen seconds.” She answers and claps her hands together and sticks a sucker into her mouth.

We all get happy when we have a bust but Rey wears her emotions on her sleeve and we love her for that. Sometimes in this business with the things you see and hear, you need a Rey in your life.

“Tyler, got anything?” he asked. His eyes roaming on the screen and looking at the screenshots that Tyler has taken and has stacked up on one of the other monitors off to the side. Roman uses his controls and flips through the screenshots looking over them to see if they are good enough to stick. He nods his head a few times and adds them to the file that I created.

“Good job man.” He says.

“How much longer is this going to take?” Violet asks, but she was looking annoyed. She walks over to Roman but he isn’t giving her attention so she walks over to my station.

We have never been friends and exchanged maybe a few words, nothing more.

“Oh what does that do?” she asks me and then hits something on my keyboard and the alarms blare.

“No, no, no, no!” I say and start cleaning up what she did, fingers flying across the keyboard. She redlined an alarm and it tripped. My incognito was exposed.

“Vi, get the f**k out!” Roman yells.

“What did I do?” she asked innocently.

“Tor what do you got?” he asked me in a panic “do I need to step in?”

“No! I got it, just give me one second!” I looked frantically at the screens and the codes I was creating to camouflage myself.

It feels like hours have passed but I know it was less than ten seconds “I'm clear!” I shout and then I collapse back into my chair and exhale heavily.

“Guys…we have movement.” Rey says.

“What's going on over there?” Roman asks.

“Looks like we weren’t fast enough, he's deleting and panicking. They are packing and using their plan b route.”

“How far away is swat?”

“one minute and fifteen seconds” Rey calls out.

“f**k, f**k, f**k!” Roman shouts.

“Rommy, I'm sorry, Toran should have told me not to touch that.” She tries to blame me like I am the problem.

“Do not even come close to me right now!” he seethes.

“Rey, movement?” he barks.

“They are about to leave the combine. Swat is ten seconds.” She says in a hurry.

“Hurry up.” I stand from my monitor and watch the men panicking on the screens.

“Toran, baby, pull up the swat cams and the perimeter cams and throw them to the wall” I ignore the pet name, he is panicking. We all are!

Violet heard though. She stomps her feet and scoffs. “What the hell, Roman?” she screeches.

No one gives her attention but Rey looks back at me and winks. I don’t know what that is about but I access the cameras and I throw it to the wall so we can see it.

I mumble hurry over and over under my breath and we watch everything in front of us unfold. It doesn’t matter that they have tried to delete stuff we have it all and more.

As soon as they exit the combine and enter the vehicles swat bust through the combine gate throwing smoke and gas bombs, there is a flash from the flash bang and then they move in, guns drawn.

The goonies exit the vehicle and open fire. It is a constant back and forth of shots fired, get down, reloading, taking heavy fire, one down, two down, three down, four down, shot confirmed.

We watch as they take down the men and go after Manolo, in a sad attempt at trying to flee he gets shot but it isn’t tragic, it is just to immobilize him. There is no way they would kill this man, he is wanted for some of the worst stuff that you can think of, he is going to suffer where he is going.

“Suspect apprehended and in custody, twenty seven confirmed dead.” The swat leader comes over the speaker system I hacked into.

“Purge, thank you for your services. A lot of lives were saved by your team.”

We never speak back to them but we feel their gratitude. we shut off the monitors and all let out a collective breath we had been holding. Everyone starts to stand and go off to do what they are going to do for the night and I drop my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up and see Rey smiling ear to ear.

“Want some cookies and milk as a celebration?” she asks.

“Oh my god, yes!” I get up from my station and head to the kitchen area with her, feeling a lot lighter knowing we turned in a monster.

As we are walking out I look back and see Roman standing at his station in the center with his head bowed down between his shoulders and he looks tense.

“Hey rey hold on one second ok, wait for me in the kitchen.” I tell her and head back to the monitor room.

As I get closer to him I pause second guessing myself on whether or not I should approach because we never talk, hardly ever, and I may be wrong here but I feel like I need to let him know that he did good also.

“Roman?”

He tenses and then stands up straight, taking a deep breath before turning to face me. “Yeah?” he asked in a defeated tone.

“You did good,” I say, taking a step closer “We did good,” I take another step closer holding his gaze, “we got him, one of many but we got a big one and that is important. Don’t forget that.” I lay my hand on his arm “we got a monster.” I tell him with the most sincerity I have in my entire being.

He takes these things on a personal level. Then I realize that he doesn’t like touch and I go to jerk my hand back “I'm so sorry, you don’t like to be touched.” I say fast.

“Put it back.” He almost growls.

I place my hand back on his arm slowly and watch as he takes a deep breath and exhales. Breathing out all of his negative thoughts.

“Thank you, I needed that.” He says and then we are interrupted by Violet clearing her throat. I remove my hand from his arm and I swear I hear a deep guttural growl in his chest but I give him a small smile, nod to Violet and walk off.

“We need to talk.” Violet says to Roman with so much attitude it's like a snake spitting venom.

“Not now Violet, do not come anywhere near me. You could have cost us this f*****g job. You could have cost us months of work. You almost f****d up all this work all cause you want to act like a f*****g airhead and go around clicking shiny buttons you have no business touching. You can barely code, let alone hack.” He shouts at her.

She throws her hands up “so that gives you an excuse to call Toran baby?”

“You might as well get mad that I call Rey Doll too. While you're at it, get mad that I call the guys dude and man and brother. Get mad that I breathe, get mad and fight with me over the stupidest s**t you can come up with all because you didn’t get the attention that you want! I'm done! I'm over it! I can't Keep doing this! You almost cost a lot of innocent people their lives. Children, Violet, they are f*****g children and you could care less!” he shouts and walks away.

“Don’t walk away from me after you tell me you're done!” She follows him as he walks to his room and slams the door.

I have already made it to the kitchen and have accepted my plate of cookies and glass of milk from Rey, as well as Derin and Tyler. We are all just watching the scene unfold. Violet got locked out of Romans room so she came back to the main area to be around us. Violet looks at all of us and I see the second a manipulative thought crosses her mind, she has done this before, we’ve all seen it. We just have to wait and see what it is this time and if Roman is going to clean it up like he always does.

She smiles at Derin and then walks to her room. We all finish our cookies and milk and head to our rooms for bed after bidding everyone a good night and congratulations. It's been a long ass day. This right here, this is our 9-5 and then we come home to family and dinner. Then we get back up the next day and do it all over again. This is what we live for.

Once I make it to my room, I shower and put on my silk cami and shorts sleep set. If there is one thing I spend my money on it is nice bedding and comfy pajamas because I love my sleep and I love to be comfortable. I mean I live in leggings and hoodies. I have other clothes and jeans but I live in comfy clothes. There is no better feeling than to be fresh out of a shower and into silk pajamas and in a clean fluffy bed. That is what my heaven looks like. As I lay down I think of the day we had and my mind decides to focus on the fact that he touches me twice. He called me names I only ever dreamed that he would call me and those are the thoughts running through my head as I fall asleep.

Something startles me awake and I sit up in bed but I don’t hear anything. I listen closely for a few minutes but I don’t hear anything. I lay back down in bed but then I hear it, the noise, it’s a tapping coming from my door but it is soft.

I get up and unlock the door, cracking it open and peaking outside the door I see Roman at my door.

“Roman, are you ok?” I ask and swing the door open.

He doesn’t say anything as his eyes scan down my body and I notice his hand clenching and unclenching. His eyes finally meet mine after he takes his time looking me up and down.

“Do you know where Rey put those cookies?” he asked in a deep low voice.

“Yeah, I do.” I chuckle “give me a second.” I say and reach behind the door for my robe and grab my glasses off the bedside table.

“Come on, let's get you some celebratory cookies.” I say and we head into the kitchen area for the cookies.

I get him a glass out of the cabinet and I find the cookie jar Rey keeps stashed away from all of us. opening it and getting out a few of the cookies for him.

“Here you go.” I hand them to him but he doesn’t say anything. He just takes them from me and sets them on the counter. “Well good night.” I say and turn to leave but he snatches my wrist and pulls me back to him, I stumble losing my footing and falling into his chest.

“Stay” he says in his deep gravelly voice, his eyes finding mine in a crazy haze almost like he is afraid to be alone.

“Alright, I'll stay. Are you ok though?” I ask genuinely concerned for him. I have seen him mad, bored, aggravated, sleepy, excited and happy but I haven’t seen this mood and I don’t know what this is.

“no” is all he says as he looks down at me. I step back from his grip and straighten my robe up. I hop up onto the counter and cross my legs taking a cookie from the jar and looking at him. He steps forward and leans his hip onto the counter crossing his arms and looking down at the floor.

“We can talk about it or we can eat these cookies in silence. Your choice.” I said to him.

He looks at me for a moment with that same wild look, he looks away from me and steps away from the counter but then looks back at me. His eyes dilated and crazed. He steps forward faster than I can register, cups my face in between his hands and drops his forehead to mine breathing heavily. My heartbeat is running rampant in my chest.

“Do you know how perfect you are?” he whispers fiercely and then he kisses me. His lips crashing to mine, his tongue snaking into my mouth and dancing with my own. He is dominant, he is possessive and I return the kiss with as much passion as I feel from him. He steps in between my legs and i can feel the heat coming off of him in a delicious wave and i am soaking it all in.

After a few minutes I push at his chest to break us apart, my mind finally catching up and I hear him groan.

“Wait, just wait a second” i pant “I thought you were mad or even upset with what happened with Violet and the fight you guys had. I don’t want to step on anyone's toes here.” I say.

“I wasn’t mad or even the slightest upset other than the fact that she almost blew this job for us.” He said stepping back in between my legs and crowding my breathing room.

“Then what was that look on your face then? You looked like you were, I don’t know, something was wrong though.”

“It's you!” he exclaims “You are what's wrong with me!” He cups my face again, dropping his forehead to my mine and closing his eyes.

“I'm sorry, what did I do wrong?” I whisper, as I feel tears brimming my eyes.

“You didn’t do anything wrong baby, you are perfect. It's what I didn’t do sooner. The look you saw was anguish” he kisses my forehead “it was longing” he kisses my cheek “it was need” he kisses my lips again.

“You barely have anything to ever say to me. I am so lost right now. Roman, please stop kissing me for one second. I don’t want to be a rebound for you.” I say. As much as I have wanted this man for so long I will not let myself be a rebound. I know my worth and I am more than a one night stand with a man I have been longing for all because he is upset.

“I don’t say anything to you because I can't. I can't talk to you without falling at your feet. I f*****g walk past you and I have to tell my legs to keep walking. I have to tell myself to not turn around and follow you. I can't be around you and not get a whiff of the shampoo you use, the smell of lilies and jasmine oil will always bring an image of you to my mind. f**k, I cant look at the color green and not see your eyes.” He slides his hands over my shoulders and down my back to my ass and gripping me. He slides me to the edge of the cabinet, lifting my legs to wrap around his waist.

“Why haven’t you ever said anything about this? I've felt the same exact way about you for three years.” I say breathless at this close proximity. I lean my head back and bask in the sensations pulsing through my body as his breath is hot on my neck.

“Baby, if I thought I had a chance in hell with you I would have. I had to mentally be prepared. I have so much guilt when it comes to Violet but I'm done. I am more than done and I have been for a long time now. Today was just the icing on the cake.” He says and leans in to kiss my neck.

“You guys always make up though.” I tell him. Kicking my own ass for trying to talk sense into him when this was all I’ve wanted.

“Not this time Tor, this time it's done. She's even in the room now with Derin. I've seen those two dance around each other long enough to know that he is what she wants and a part of the reason she wanted me was because she could flaunt me in front of him.” He says kissing a path down my neck and running his hands all over my body.

“Roman?” I ask him.

“Yes baby.” He looks up at me, he can tell from the way I said his name that I really need to say something.

“Please don’t make a fool of me and break my heart. I'm a good woman and I may want you with everything I am but I know what I’m worth.” I tell him.

“You are worth so much more than you can even think of love. I promise I won't break your heart and you will never look like a fool because of me. You are the one that is going to break my heart. I need you. I need you all of the time. I need to be in your orbit, I need to be able to smell you and touch you just to remind myself that you are really here and not some kind of figment of my mind.” he says as he rests his forehead to mine.

“I'm real,” I whisper to him.

“Say your mine.” He whispers back pulling me into him harder.

“I'm yours, Roman.” I say to him as I slide my hands up his chest.

One of his hands cups my jaw and his other hand goes to the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair and gripping a handful. His lips crash to mine and mine to his. He drops his hands down to my thighs and he grips them in his hands and lifts me off the counter, holding my body to his. I wrap my arms around his neck, never taking my lips from his.

He's walking and then he is kicking open the door. I look up and see that we came to his room.

“Roman I don’t want to be in a place you and Violet have been together. I'm sorry.” I say to him. So embarrassed I am ruining this for us.

“Baby I've never had her on this bed or in this room. I’ve always gone to her room and I've never slept in this bed with her.” He says and he lays me on his bed and hovers over me. “ I said I was done with her a long time ago and it was just guilt making me stay with her, it's been this way for the last three years. I meant it when I said I won't make you look like a fool baby, just be with me” he moves my curls away from my face “I will protect you against anything and everything I mean that even if it's me, I will protect you. I just need you, not for one night baby I need all of you, always.” He says and kisses me again.

“I've never done this before.” I blurt out in a panic.

“never?” he repeats back to me with a smirk on his face.

I shake my head no, now embarrassed again.

“Do you want to?” he asked me gently.

“Yes, god yes but I'm nervous.” I tell him truthfully.

“We can wait.” He says and he kisses my forehead again “stay with me tonight though, let me hold you.” He says.

“I can do that.” And I smile