Siobhán’s Wrath

Glimpse of her

I stomped off from the conference room.

Dire-diretso ako papunta sa elevator. I am too angry to even look at anyone right now. Good thing I have my car today dahil pinag-day off ko ang driver at PA ko.

“Get out,” I was holding my anger right at this moment.

“No,” matigas na sagot ni Dwayne. I did not notice how he got in my car. Was my anger occupying me that much?

Inis ko siyang tiningnan, bakit ba napaka pakialamero niya?

“With all due respect, sir. Get the fvck out of my sight.” Hinihingal ako dahil sa inis.

Then it hit me, he knows now. Napahampas ako sa manibela sa inis, kasalanan ito ng magaling kong ama-amahan eh!

“Even if you’ll curse me a hundred times, I won’t.” D*mn him.

Sa sobrang inis ko ay pinahahurot ko ang sasakyan ko. Fvck him, fvck them, fvck you all!

“Shibal Saekkiya!” I screamed from the top of my lungs. Huminto ako sa isang field along the way to Batangas just to let out my frustration.

The cold breeze hugged me but I’m too overwhelmed to even care. Napaupo ako sa damuhan habang dinadama ang bawat hangin na humahampas sa aking katawan. Alam kong sinabi ko kanina na wala na akong pake kahit ano pang marinig ni Dwayne pero ngayon ay binabawi ko na.

I should’ve let him leave in that d*mn room, I should have– argh! Hindi ko maiwasang sabunutan ang sarili ko while thinking about the things that I gave up just to be here.

“Malamig,” I didn't even notice na may jacket pala siyang suot kanina. Dwayne put the jacket on my shoulder.

Hindi ko siya kinibo. Umupo na rin siya sa tabi ko.

“I don’t know how hurt you are right now b–”

“Good that you knew,” Inis kong sabi. Pagkatapos ay naghari na ang katahimikan sa amin, hindi na rin siya sumubok na magsalita mula nang hindi ko siya pinatapos kanina.

“Call someone to pick you up here,” I told him when I calmed myself down.

“No, sabay tayong lumabas ng Maynila kaya sabay rin tayong babalik, Vawn.” His voice was calm yet authoritative.

“This is my personal life, sir. Pl–” He did not let me finish this time.

“Dwayne, I’m Dwayne now, not sir.” Tiningnan ko siya sa gilid ko, nakatukod ang dalawang kamay niya sa likuran niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Na akala mo ay tatakas ako.

“Fine, Dwayne…” nabitin ang salita mula sa bibig ko.

“Take me wherever you wanna go, I don’t mind.”

Tinant’ya ko ang mga mata niya.

“But I do. You now know so much about me, and that makes me uncomfortable.” It’s true, I do feel a foreign feeling within me right now and I cannot pinpoint where it was coming from but I knew that it was because of Dwayne.

“I want to know more, more than what I knew. It was just a glimpse of you, Vawn. And if it makes you feel uncomfortable that I know something about your private life then I’ll share mine either so we are even. Sounds good?” Hindi ako sumagot, I just simply looked away.

“Fiona…she’s my ex-girlfriend. Rein, yung kagrupo ni Valentina ay kapatid niya. She was my girlfriend, 4 years din kami. She broke up with me because she wants to pursue her dreams abroad. At that time I was ready to settle down with her. She doesn’t have to work, I’ll do that for her. She was obsessed with achieving something for her parents, and I couldn’t understand why.”

“You were ready to settle with her, aren’t you guys too young for that?” I asked, full of curiosity.

“We were 22 years old when I first asked her to settle with me. She rejected me, the last time I asked her was when we were 23. Again, she rejected me but then the day after she told me that she will be going abroad to pursue her dreams. I made her choose between me and her dreams, a–”

I cut him off, “that was very selfish of you.” I told him.

“I know, but she was everything for me. Why can’t she do the same? I was young and in love, of course I was expecting everything that I felt should be reciprocated. And I was afraid, I was afraid she'd find someone else there. Kaya gusto ko na magpakasal na lang kami at dito na lang siya tutal kaya ko namang suportahan siya.” May halong iritasyon sa boses niya.

“Bakit hindi mo na lang siya sinamahan abroad?” Nag-iisip ba siya?

“My family is here, I have a responsibility here. I can’t.”

“Same goes to her, her dreams were there that was why she cannot stay here with you. Where was your logic?” Gusto ko siyang batukan.

“I know, I have come to realize while she was away that was why I accepted our faith. Siya ang unang girlfriend ko at nakaka-overwhelm ang nararamdaman ko noon sa kanya kaya hindi ko alam paano ihandle. That day– sa resto. Papayag naman ako na mag-usap kaming dalawa so I can properly apologize to her din because I was immature back then. Hindi ko lang siya nabigyan kaagad ng sagot dahil naging abala ako.” Malalim ang buntong hininga niya.

“Now we are even.” Ngumisi siya sa akin. I stared blankly at him.

“Hindi pa rin,” inirapan ko siya bago ako tumayo. Ibinalik ko sa kanya ang jacket niya, nagmadali naman siyang pumasok sa kotse.

“Do you really think I can leave you here all alone?” Inirapan ko siya ulit, kung makapag madali sa pagpasok ay akala mo’y iiwanan ko siya. Hindi naman ako ganon ka-walang puso.

“I supposed,” he shrugged.

All throughout our entire ride on our way to my sister’s grave he was quiet. He didn’t ask me nor forced me to talk. It was a calm ride.

Alas otso na nang makarating kami sa isang private cemetery rito sa Batangas. Kumuha ako sa likuran ng kotse ko ng black facemask at black plain cap for Dwayne and I. I may look weird for having this disguise in my car but this is my emergency precaution, lalo na at sumusulpot bigla si Dohyun.

“Bakit kailangan pa nito?” Tanong ni Dwayne.

“Pwede bang suutin mo na lang? Daming tanong!” Inis kong sabi.

“Ang init ng ulo mo,”

“Pinapainit mo eh!” Nauna akong lumabas ng kotse, sumunod din naman kaagad siya. Tamo, susuutin din naman pala.

Itinawag ko kay auntie kanina ang pag dalaw namin. Kakilala niya kasi ang guard, ibinigay ko lang ang plate number ng sasakyan ko kay auntie.

Nang makarating kami sa puntod ni ate ay umupo ako sa hindi kalayuan mula sa lapida niya.

“I’m sorry, ate. I don’t have any flowers with me.” I uttered. Tiningnan ko ang kabuuan ng sementerto, hindi na ako nagulat na walang katao-tao dahil sino ba namang hibang na dadalaw dis oras ng gabi hindi ba? Syempre ako lang ‘yon, maybe Dwayne too since he is with me right now.

“Hello, ate. Sinamahan ko lang po ang kapatid niyo.” Umupo si Dwayne sa tabi ko.

“Mas matanda ka kaya kaysa sa kanya,” puna ko. Twenty-four lang kasi si ate, kaya mas matanda si Dwayne ng isang taon.

“Respeto lang, bakit? Tsk.”

“Azzura Serbio…” Dwayne read what was on the tombstone. “Kinikilabutan ako,”

“Why? Hindi ka naman mumultuhin ng kapatid ko kung hindi niya nasesense na hindi ka masamang tao,” I tried to joke but I think I was bad at joking since he got all serious.

“That’s not it. I thought your father might be referring to a different Azzura.” Oh…so if I didn’t bring him here, he might be thinking something else?

Nasapo ko ang noo ko, I’m so stupid. Bakit pinangunahan ako masyado ng utak ko? Bakit hindi nga naman ako umisip ng posibleng palusot? Argh!

“Oh,” that’s all I could say because I was dumbfounded.

“I miss you so much,” hinimas ko ang lapida ni ate Azzura. “I met papa again, I told you before that I would never ever want to meet him again. But guess what? Ako pa ang tumakbo papunta sa kanya, because I badly want him to know how bad of a father he was. But I just cannot fully blame him…because…because…hindi naman pala niya ako tunay na anak ate eh.” Huminto ako saglit para palipasin ang nakabara sa aking lalamunan. Kung wala lang si Dwayne ay iiyak ako, kaso nandito siya, at ayaw kong makita niya akong umiyak– unless it was a scene from my movie.

I sighed, “Did you know already? Mama must’ve told you, I think. I j-just found out about it a few months ago…papa told me himself. He said he thought I already know, how cruel ‘di ba? Hindi man lang ako dinahan-dahan.”

Hindi ko kayang ikwento ng diretso kay Dwayne kagaya nang ginawa niya kanina– kaya dinaan ko na lang sa ganitong paraan.

“And guess what? He even thinks I purposely plotted something to hurt myself so I could blame it on someone else. Yes, I want to avenge you– I want every single person who hurt you to pay for what they did. Pero hinding-hindi ko magagawa ang pinaparatang niya, kahibangan.” I greeted my teeth.

“I know you must just want me to live life, to be happy– but I couldn’t be happy when people are still holding a feast and still putting dirt on your name even when you’re gone. I’m sorry, I cannot do that. I promise to live a happy life once I have cleared your name, no matter how hard it is to be here, ate…”

Dadalawin ko pa sana si mama sa gabing ‘yon pero hindi ko na itinuloy dahil kasama ko si Dwayne. Hindi ko kayang isiwalat sa kanya ang katotohanan tungkol sa nanay ko. Alam kong alam na niya ngayon na buhay pa pala ang nanay ko dahil alam na niya na kapatid ko si ate Azzura, from his reaction that night– kilala niya talaga si ate. Palaging kasama ni ate si mama kaya tiyak ay kilala niya rin si mama.

“Cut!” Sigaw ni Direk.

Medyo nagulat pa ako nang tuluyan na akong niyakap ni Dwayne.

“Good job, congrats to us.” Sabi niya sa mababang boses.

I smiled as I patted his back, “congratulations to us, finally…” the shooting is over!

“Nice work, everyone! Huwag mawawala mamaya sa dinner natin ha!” Sigaw ulit ni Direk Benjoe.

“May I have a word with you, Vawn?” Si Direk Caishen.

“I think you want to have a word with me Direk?” Singit ni Mickey.

“Oh– right. My bad,” hilaw na napatawa si Direk Caishen.

“BGC tayo mamaya after dinner, guys?” Aya ni Kirby, and second male lead sa movie na shinu-shoot namin.

“Uy, game!” Si Shivaughn, bilang Carmella na kapatid ko sa movie. “G ka rin, Tukayo?” She was referring to me as her Tukayo because almost similar ang nickname namin, Vaughn kasi ang nickname niya. Actually pati pronunciation is almost the same.

“I’ll pass, magpapahinga ako,” sagot ko.

“Come on, minsan lang ‘to! Ikaw ba Damon?” Tanong nila kay Damon. Umiling naman si Damin bilang tugon.

“Awit naman kayo, sige na nga. Next time na lang,” umiling pareho si Kirby at Shivaughn.

“t****k tayo mamaya, Tukayo ah!”

“Ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong ni Damon nang makaalis na ang dalawa.

“Yep, why wouldn’t I be?” Umupo ako sa upuan na para sa akin.

“Wala naman, natanong ko lang. Punta ka sa birthday ko ah.” Umupo siya sa monoblock chair na katabi ng upuan ko.

“When?” Tanong ko habang inaayos ang make-up kit ko.

“Ako na n’yan, Vawn,” agaw ni Eliza.

“It’s okay, ate. Ako na,” I insisted.

“Saturday, next week. Aasahan kita ha.”

“My schedule next week is tangled with yours, so I guess I’ll be there.” I shrugged. May iilang brands na alam ang upcoming movie namin ni Damon kaya kinukuha kami.

“Oh, really?” He seemed shocked.

“You don’t know your sched?” Bahagya akong napailing.

Umiling siya, “Mga 2 days before bago ko malaman, napi-pressure ako kapag alam ko na malayo pa lang e,” nagkibit balikat siya.

“At least not the typical Filipino who does– due tomorrow, do tomorrow,” we both chuckled.

My schedule messed up to the point I did not notice how fast the days passed. Events here, events there, events everywhere. Buhay pa ang karakter ko sa teleserye na pinagbibidahan ni Heather at Steven kaya naman ay nakakaeksena ko sila pareho. Kahit maayos ang pakikitungo nila sa akin ay lumalalim pa rin ang galit ko sa kanila. They were also sweet kahit off cam, b*stards.

“Vawn, make sure you get enough sleep and rest before the movie premier.” Pagpapaalala ulit sa akin ni Mickey.

“Yes, mem.”

“Pagkatapos ng movie premier ay meron kayong guesting ni Damon sa evening show,” tumango ulit ako.

Pagkatapos namin mag-usap ni Mickey ay dumiretso ako sa auditorium, may evaluation kasi ngayon ang PPOP group na binubuo ng TalentFuse and I have a deal with Dwayne so I must be there kahit na gusto ko nang magpahinga ora mismo.

“Shiyo! Omg, nandito ka rin!” Si Valentina.

Napatingin ako sa kahelera niya sa upuan, kumpleto ang grupo niya at sa pinakadulo ng upuan ay si Dwayne, kasunod si Rein. Pumwesto na lang ako sa unahang helera ng kinauupuan nila dahil puno na ang helera ng upuan nila.

“Yep,” sagot ko nang makaupo na ako. Ayaw magpa-awat ni Valentina, tumabi talaga siya sa akin.

“May chika ako mamaya,” bulong niya sa akin.

“Bakit hindi pa ngayon?” I asked. Pabitin pa eh.

“Baka makasampal ka kapag ngayon ko mismo iku-kwento,”