Siobhán’s Wrath

I am here

“Vawn, naka-line up na ang mga guesting mo. Huwag kang mag-alala, hindi ko naman tinanggap lahat.” Ibinigay ni Mickey sa akin ang listahan ng mga guesting ko for this week.

“Mem, hindi mo nabakante yung Sunday ko?” Tanong ko, dahil may naka-line up dito sa papel na binigay niya.

“Ay, hindi ko pala natanggal. Oo, bakante ang Sunday mo, huwag kang mag-alala.” Napangiti ako.

“Uhm…nasa Charity pala ako non, mem.” I informed him, dahil baka magulat na lang siya kapag may kumalat na mga pictures ko.

“Magdo-donate ka? Saan?” He asked, tiningnan ko siya mula sa repleksyon ng salamin. Nasa dressing room kasi kami, I have a shoot for commercial.

“XXX orphanage, XXX Mental Health Care, and XXX Residence– home for the aged.”

“Oh…sasamahan kita.” Tuluyan akong napalingon sa kanya, na-smudge tuloy ang make-up ko.

“Sorry po,” I apologized to the make-up artist. Ngumiti lang siya at sinabing ayos lang daw.

“B-bakit?” Tanong ko kay Mickey. “I mean, personal ko naman po iyon.”

“I know, but of course I will be there to support you rin ‘no. Magdo-donate na rin ako, hindi na pala ako nakakapag charity.”

“O-okay.”

Social Media is indeed powerful, I think the main reason why I got so many invitations is because of the videos that were captured by my fans. Ang huhusay nilang kumuha at mag-edit. May mga close-up videos ako that somehow really look good. Tapos the way they edited and captured a video while I was singing…parang mga pro!

“SHIYO!”

“Val…” I smiled. Valentina hugged me tightly.

“Omg, I miss you so much! Nasa iisang company lang tayo pero ang bihira natin magkita.” She pouted. Kasama niya ang mga kagrupo niya, tumango lang ako sa kanila. Even to Rein but her expression was just blank.

“I missed you too,” I told her.

“Pasasaan ka?” Nakakapit siya ngayon sa braso ko.

“Sa conference room, may meeting ako kasama si Mickey at ang ilang managers daw.”

“Hatid na kita, mamaya pa naman ang practice namin.” She grinned.

“Dami mong time, ha.” I chuckled.

“Walang gaanong project eh.” She answered. Napahinto ako, oo nga pala…

“Sorry,” I apologized. Only if she didn’t stand up for me.

“Ano ka ba, wala ‘yon. Tsaka, wala ka kayang kasalanan at hindi rin naman nangdahil sa issue kaya hindi kami nagkaka-project. Siguro we are lacking pa talaga, we performed na rin naman in public at nakadalawang music video na kami na labas pero wala e…hindi pa namin time.” She smiled, but I could see sadness and disappointment through her smile.

Unfortunately, hindi nagbu-boom ang mga kantang nailabas na nila. Hindi naman nagkukulang ang company sa pag-promote sa kanila.

I wanna have a talk with Valentina a little bit longer but she has to go and nakaabang na pala sa akin si Mickey.

“Long time no see, Vawn.” Nakipag kamay sa akin si sir Fred– Dwayne’s father. And as usual, nasa kanan niya si Dwayne.

“Good afternoon, sir.” Pagbati ko, tinanguan ko rin si Dwayne. Ngayon ko na lang siya ulit nakita, the last time I saw him was when we were in Batangas.

Katabi ko si Mickey, nasa gitna ng mesa si sir Fred, nasa kanan niya si Dwayne na katapat namin ngayon. May iilang managers din na parte ng operation. Calleb’s manager is here too, Calleb is a singer artist under TalentFuse. Sa MV niya ako unang naagka-public appearance noon.

“I think everyone’s here. Shall we?” si sir Fred. Tumango naman ang lahat. I don’t actually get the point why I am here, ako lang kasi ang artist na nandito ngayon. Nagkamali yata si Mickey ng pagpapapunta sa akin dito.

“Most of you are aware why we are here. Si Vawn lang ang hindi,” panimula ni sir Fred. May kasalanan ba ako? Napatingin ako kay Dwayne, did he spill something?

“Vawn, you really are a great singer. No wonder why my son asked for your help,” so, Dwayne really spilled something?! Bahagya ko siyang tinapunan ng masamang tingin.

“Ah, sir…kagaya po ng sinabi ko sa reporting head ko, gusto ni Vawn na mag-focus sa acting.” si Mickey.

Oh…is this about the offer that I rejected? Right after ng mall show namin, when my videos spread like a wildfire– Mickey told me that the company wanted me to debut as a singer too. But I quickly rejected it.

“Totoo po ‘yon, sir Fred. I really want to focus on acting po.” Mas magiging busy ako kapag sinabay ko pa ang pagkanta. Hindi na nga ako nakakakilos para kay ate e.

“Kailangan kasi ni Calleb ng collab, Vawn. You can also do a collab with BTG para madala mo rin sila.” Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay si Yani yung nasalita, manager ni Calleb.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko, I had my first public appearance on Calleb’s MV and I heard he personally picked me. Ang hirap, it’s like I have to return the favor. But the thing is…ayaw kong pagkakitaan ang pagiging singer, I was trained under LE’s Ent sa Korea. Kung may makikinabang man sa pagiging performer ko sa larangan ng musika ay sila dapat.

Or maybe, I’m just being too guilty for leaving?

“I’m not really into singing…so…”

“Someone else out there is praying for a talent like you have, Vawn. That’s rare, you are not into singing yet you are nailing it, everytime.” Napatingin ako sa nagsalita, hindi ko siya namumukhaan. “Oh, I’m a vocal trainer, by the way. Newly hired.” She shrugged.

Ha, I didn’t have it easy rin naman. Pero syempre, hindi nila alam ‘yon kaya wala akong karapatang mag complain how hard it was for me.

“You don’t have to do it, Vawn. They were just wondering kung mapapayag ka nila.” Mickey reached for my hand.

“I’ll…think about it,” I answered. “And if ever, I will only do one collaboration the entire year. I want to secure a big movie project so I am preparing myself.” Of course, that was just my reasoning.

“Oh, speaking. I secured one for you,” malapad ang ngiti ni sir Fred.

D*mn! I was just lying! Who cares about big projects? Hindi na ako nakakakilos patungo sa goal ko.

“O-oh…” I stuttered.

“The major investor of the movie is a friend of mine. The male lead will be his son, his son is underrated don’t worry. Kaya siya na ang gumagawa ng opportunity para sa anak niya.” Oh…a loving father, huh? I’m wondering if the son asked for it. “How about we make it two, Vawn?” Napatingin ako kay sir Fred.

He’s negotiating…

“I think two is fine,” sagot ko after thinking for a while.

We talked about another project before the meeting was finally adjourned.

“Vawn…pwede ba tayong mag-usap?” I was surprised when Calleb approached me.

“Oh…sure.”

Sa ground floor kami dumiretso, we went to the usual coffee shop na pinupuntahan namin ni Mickey. Dito ko unang nakita noon si Dwayne.

“Sorry, alam kong busy ka. Gusto lang talaga kitang makausap talaga.” Calleb opened up while giving me the drink that he bought for me.

“Alam kong nabigyan mo na kami ng sagot kaya sorry kung mangungulit ulit ako tungkol sa collab.” He sounds nervous. “I…I just really need you. You know…medyo tagilid ang career ko ngayon.”

“Calleb,” I called out his name.

“Hmm?” His eyes looked so sad and he looked like he didn’t get any sleep.

“It’s not like I don’t want to do any collaboration with you. I don’t dislike you.” He then looked relaxed, I think he got the wrong impression when I rejected any collab.

“It’s just that…I don’t want to engage in singing. Yes, sure I can sing sometimes sa guesting but not always.” And I’ve done it twice only. “If I wasn’t an actress and if I debuted as a singer, I would love to have a collaboration with you.”

“Anyway, I had a meeting with the management earlier. I’ll do a collaboration with you, not because you need me but because I just want to. You only need you for you to succeed, Calleb.” I smiled at him. “I’m looking forward to working with you again.”

“R-really!?” Napaawang ang bibig niya. He then smiled widely.

I just nodded.

“Vawn, ako na riyan. Pumasok ka na,” inagaw ni Mickey sa akin ang isang box na hawak ko. Last na ito na bibisitahin ko ngayong araw, ang home for the aged.

“Hello ma’am Siobhán, maraming salamat ho sa mga donasyon niyo!” Masayang bati sa akin ng isang madre.

“Wala ho ‘yon, sister. Kumusta naman po kayo rito?” Sinasabayan ko siya papasok ng residence nila.

“Naku, hija. Ayos naman, salamat at napili mo kami.”

Nagpaalam ako mag-ikot, gusto ko rin makalanghap ng sariwang hangin. Pumunta ako sa bandang patio ng tahanan na ‘to.

“Trina, ikaw ba ‘yan anak?” I was stunned, nilingon ako ng isang lola na naka-upo sa bench.

She touched my face, she looked like she would cry anytime soon.

“Lola Brina,”

Dwayne?

Mukhang gulat din siya nang makita ako. May kasama siyang tagapangalaga ng mga matatanda rito. Inalalayan nung tagapangalaga si lola Brina papasok ng residence. Their patio is located here in their backyard kasi.

Napatingin ako sa kalikasan at umupo sa bench na kanina’y inuupuan ni lola Brina.

“You’re here…how are you? How’s your mom?” Sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

Hindi ko siya sinagot.

“Oh…was that too personal? Sorry,” too personal my ass, eh ang dami na niyang nawitnessed sa akin.

“I’m good.” Naramdaman ko siyang umupo sa tabi ko. Pero hindi siya dumikit sa akin.

“Lola Brina misses her daughter. Madalas niyang tinatawag na anak niya whenever a young girl came up to her.” Kilala niya? Madalas siguro siya rito.

“Maagang nag-asawa ang anak niya at iniwan lang siya. Narescue siya sa bahay niya, nag-iisang anak niya lang ‘yon. She ended up being here because none of her nieces wants her in their household.” How painful.

Bakit kaya gano’n ‘no? Iyong mga magulang na handang gawin ang lahat para sa anak nila ay kaya silang iwan ng basta-basta. Habang iyong iba namang mga anak na mahal na mahal ang mga magulang nila ay hindi sila naa-appreciate.

“I was worried,” nanahimik pa rin ako.

“After that morning, you were just gone. You did not contact me, I was expecting that somehow…somehow you will reach out to me.” Why would he expect that?

“I heard you were on break the following days. Then straight to work after,” I don’t know where this will be going on.

“Did he comfort you when you were so down? I hope he did.” This time, I looked at Dwayne.

But he wasn’t looking at me.

“What do you mean? Him? Who?” I looked at him, confused.

“Yung nginitian mo when you had your mall show. He even did a two thumbs up for you.” He smirked as he glanced at me.

I looked at him in horror.

Dwayne was there? I didn’t see him. Kung nakita niya akong nginitian si Dohyun, ibig sabihin ay malapit lang siya sa akin.

“What did you spill on your father?” Pag-iiba ko ng usapan.

“Nothing,” sagot niya. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

“Well, remember when our issue was going on?” Tumango ako bilang sagot.

“Dad asked me if something was going on between us. So, I told him the truth why we were seen together in that restaurant.” Ang labo naman niyang kausap.

“What truth?” I asked.

“Half truth? I just told him that I needed your help, dahil pakiramdam ko ay magaling kang mangilatis ng talent. I did not tell him about the deal, I promise.” He even raised his right hand.

Cute.

“I see,”

“Nonchalant,”

“What did you say?” Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Pero bahagya lang siyang ngumisi.

“Vawn,” he called out my name after a long silence. I don’t know what he was doing, basta ako ay nakatingin lang sa green scenery na nasa harapan ko.

“Hmm?” Tiningnan ko siya saglit.

“You can come to me,”

“You can come to ate, Shiyo.”

Nag-echo sa isipan ko ang mga katagang binanggit ni ate sa akin noon.

“When everything feels heavy, I’m here.”

“Magtago ka sa kwarto ko kapag natatakot ka. I have a magic shield there.”

Dahan-dahan akong napatingin kay Dwayne. Pinag-aralan ko ang bawat expression ng mukha niya.

“Why?” Kusang bumuka ang bibig ko. I bit my lower lip when I realized what I spilled.

Kitang-kita ko ang pag-angat baba ng adam’s apple niya. He was about to speak but he closed his mouth again.

“Kailangan ba ng rason?” He looked away. “People can be there for you for no reason.”

“We are not friends. So, why?”

“We are,” he insisted.

Napaangat ang isang kilay ko, “Since when?”

“Just now.” He smirked.

“A-ayos ka lang ba, Vawn?” si Eliza. I just met the leading man that sir Fred was talking about. Atlas– the son of his friend who happened to be the major investor of the movie. The thing is, hindi siya movie, it’s a webtoon adaptation– kaya magiging series siya with 12 episodes. The title is The Emperor’s Last Wish, it is very rare in the Philippines na mag-adapt ng ganito. That is why I am hesitant, it was indeed a big project.

“A-ah…yes.” But that meeting was not the main reason why I am shocked. It’s because of the circulating news na patay na si ate Jina. Ang tagal na wala akong balita sa kanya, tapos biglang…biglang patay na siya?! Kinikilabutan ako, ni-hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Hindi ako mapakali. Kaya naman, kahit malalim na ang gabi ay nag-drive ako papunta sa bahay ng parents ni ate Jina. I’m sure, doon siya nakaburol.

“Pasensya na ma’am, hindi ho tumatanggap ng bisita ang pamilya ni ma’am Jina.” This sounds familiar…just like how we refused those visitors before sa burol ni ate Azzura.

“S-sandali!” Pagpigil ko sa guard nang isasara na sana niya ang gate. “T-tell them I’m Azzura’s sister.” Wala na akong ibang paraan kundi ito. I have to risk this truth, tsaka ko na iisipin kung ano ang solusyon para hindi kumalat. I’m wearing a cap and facemask, so the guard won’t recognize me.

Soon enough, pinapasok nga ako ng guard. Pero sa backyard ako pinadiretso ng guard. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa dalawang taong nakatayo roon. Pareho silang nakatalikod sa akin.

“G-good evening po,” pagbati ko. Marahan silang lumingon sa akin at itinuro ang upuan sa na nasa harapan nila.

“K-kapatid mo raw si Azzura…” ate Jina’s mother was hesitant. “P-pero walang kapatid si Azzura, so…sino ka? Ano ang pakay mo?”

I removed my cap and facemask. I could see the shock on their faces.

“S-siobhán Fabroa?”

“I am, ma’am and sir. And I am ate Azzura’s half-sister.” Parehong nakaawang ang mga bibig nila at nakakunot ang mga noo.

“From her father? It is known na wala siyang kapatid, according to her mother.” Ani ng ama ni ate Jina.

“No…from our mother.” Although it pained me that my mother confirmed those herself. Wala akong panahon na i-entertain ang sakit na ‘yon.

“A-ano!? P-pero hin– a-ah…nagmana ka siguro sa tatay mo.” Ate Jina’s mother said.

“I assumed.” I answered. “By the way, I am here to visit ate Jina. A-and i-if possible to know what happened to her.” Para akong humihiling ng himala sa totoo lang.

“She used to visit me in Korea with my sister. She knew me since I was a kid, in fact…I asked her to be my manager but she refused.” Dagdag ko.

“S-she was killed.” Nagsitindigan ang mga balahibo ko pero mas nangibabaw sa akin ang awa sa mga magulang ni ate Jina.

“P-papaano…” at sino?

She was killed!?

I could not focus so I told to ate Eliza to tell Mickey that I would like to postpone everything. I stayed in my condo for who knows how many days.

After isolating myself for how many days, I finally showed up in the company.

“Oh, she’s here.”

“How irresponsible.”

“Malaki na ang ulo dahil lang sumisikat na siya.”

“Ayan ba ang pinagmamalaking role model dito?”

As much as I don’t want to listen to them, pero malalakas ang boses nila. They are an artist too here in TalentFuse. Hindi ko alam kung mga baguhan sila o ano.

I totally shut myself down kaya kahit ang mag social media ay hindi ko nagawa. I have so many questions, at ang alam ko lang na makakasagot sa akin ngayon ay ang social media.

I opened what’s the latest gossip and although I have a hint, nagulat pa rin ako na ako ‘yon. There are rumors spreading that I rudely postponed shoots from brands na naka-schedule na. Wala naman daw akong sakit so I don’t have any reason to cancelled last minute. Nag-umpisa ‘yon dahil sa isang brand na publicly inanunsyo ang pagka disgusto nila sa akin because I cancelled the shoot last minute. Ang unprofessional ko raw. Pati si Mickey ay nadamay pa at tinawag na kunsintidor.

“I’m sorry, mem.” I apologized to Mickey. He must be under a lot of pressure right now.

“Let’s talk some other time. Punta ka muna sa studio, nandon na si Calleb. Tapos may script reading kayo mamaya ni Atlas,” is he angry…?

I don’t want to push my luck so I obeyed what Mickey told me to do.

“Hi, Vawn!” Pagbati ni Calleb sa akin.

I smiled at him, “Hi,”

“Nagcocompose ako, can you write down something? Something like, mga kinakapagod mo sa buhay.”

“May I take a look at what you’ve written already?” Umupo ako sa tabi niya.

“Here,” iniabot niya sa akin ang notebook niya.

[Verse 1]

At night I stay awake

Thinking what could’ve been

Had I been courageous

Maybe the justice has been served

[Pre-chorus]

But seriously I’m tired

I’m tired

I’m tired

And I have tried

Hmm…

“Give me your pen,” binigay naman niya sa akin ang ballpen niya.

I tried to understand what the song was trying to say, then I started writing my thoughts as lyrics. Calleb did not disturb me until I was finished.

“Done,” ibinalik ko sa kanya ang notebook niya.

He carefully read them, “Wow! Y-you finished the song lyrics?”

I did. Nag-uumapaw lang ang mga salita sa isipan ko kaya umabot sa puntong natapos ko siya.

“I guess…s-sorry?” Hindi ko kasi alam kung magsosorry ba ako o ano.

“Anong sorry? You did great and wow, you finished the song lyrics in less than 30 minutes!” He was so loud kaya pati ang iba ay nakitingin na rin sa sinulat ko.

[Chorus]

I’m tired of being alone

I’m tired of being invisible through those eyes

I want to reach someone’s hands

They were near yet so far

[Verse 2]

I looked through the window

The night was calm

The moon was talking to me

Saying, tomorrow might be better my love

[Pre-chorus]

But seriously I’m tired

I’m tired

I’m tired

And I have tried

[Chorus]

I’m tired of being alone

I’m tired of being invisible through those eyes

I want to reach someone’s hands

They were near yet so far

[Bridge]

How long should I be waiting?

I want to be seen

Oh, now their eyes were on me

Oh, God please help me

[Chorus]

I’m tired of being alone

I’m tired of being invisible through those eyes

I want to reach someone’s hands

They were near yet so far

[Outro]

Woah, ohhh, ohhh

The sunset is beautiful, isn’t it?

Ayan ang kabuuan ng kanta. I did the chorus, verse 2, bridge, and outro while Calleb did the verse 1 and pre-chorus.

“Wow, you’re a lyricist too. Uh– no. You are a songwriter once we release this.” Kumento ng music composer ni Calleb.

“Ang talentado mo talaga, Vawn. Paki AirDrop naman sa akin ‘yang ibang talent mo pa riyan!” Biro ni Calleb. I just laughed along.

We had a quick meeting about the collaboration and I also told them that I want fewer lines. They let me pick the lines that I wanted so I did.

“I told you to come to me whenever everything feels heavy,” I was a bit surprised when I bumped into Dwayne. Nagkataon na magkasabay kami sa elevator at siya lang at ako ang sakay. Pareho rin kami na papunta sa basement dahil doon ako hinihintay nina Eliza, Mickey, at ang driver.