Loving and Loathing Thy Mate

Chapter 5 Penny's POV

The door creaked open and snapped me out of the film roll that rolled through my head of that day. How many days have I been here now? I was counting five. But it felt like a lifetime already. After he had ripped me from the shower, where I had stood in my clothes letting the water drain the dried blood off of my skin as well as the mess of the food. I wasn't stripping down and letting him see me naked. That was what I had thought anyway. He had snarled when he saw me just standing there. Making no attempt to actually clean myself. The water was warm, and I had stood and let the tears fall. At least the water washed them away and hid me from being weak.

But they had long run dry for the amount of time he had left me in there, by the time he returned I had just stood numb. Not thinking, not feeling. He had come at me and practically torn my clothes off of me. I should have cleaned myself. Because he had grabbed the bar of soap that was nearby, and he had then proceeded to try and clean me. But my numb state had disappeared the moment his hands had landed on me.

I had fought him, thrashed against him and tried to move away from him. But I was locked in the room with him. With nowhere to go. As I ran from him, he would grip more of my dirty soiled clothes and rip them from my body, until scraps of cloth littered the floor of the stale dank room. His grip on my arm was strong and bruising, but I satisfied myself with getting a hit in. I managed, when he was concentrating, to get my trousers off of me. I managed to slog him straight on the cheek. A deep gruttal growl sounded in his chest, he had looked up at me, his eyes flashing and teeth bared.

" You're testing my patience "he had sneered at me, but I just spat on his face in response. He was strong and fast, and he had gripped my throat, put a leg behind my leg and pushed me over, so I landed flat on my back. The hard floor connected harshly with my back winding me. He had pinned me there while his other hand had torn the remaining clothes away from my body. I wasn't as strong as I usually am , the wolfsbain was making me weak. If I had my full strength I would have been able to fight him off.

" You can make this easy for yourself, Penny. All I asked was that you clean yourself. Was that not me being nice ? Allowing you to wash ? " He asked. I glared up at him, my hands on his arm trying to pull him off of my neck. " Being kind would be killing me. You are not kind, you are enjoying this, you are a sadistic-twisted man. I don't understand why you are prolonging this. It is not like you are not a cold heartless monster. You killed my pack for no reason. You killed my family, just because the fates are twisted does not mean you have to keep me alive. Kill me and take another " I gasped at him.

His eyes had narrowed , his lips peeled back. "Believe me, it was not without reason" he had hissed. But when I questioned what he meant, he ignored me and started a different kind of torture. He had taken the soap in his spare hand, and he had run his hand all over my body, soaping me up. My body had lit up on fire and my scent of arousal had filled the room. I knew he had smelt it, he had started breathing heavily and his nose flared. He had looked up at me with disgust and I looked back with just as much. " Don't get any ideas, it is just my traitor body. I would rather poke my eyes out with a blunt knife than have you touch me that way "I had panted out.

" Likewise mutt "he had hissed, it seemed touching me became all too much for him too. He had avoided looking at what his hand was doing, I noticed. And he kept his hand far away from my private parts.

He hasn't been back here since, not even to bring me food. I knew it was him behind me now, my body trembled at his closeness.

" I need your last name so we can reject each other "he said in a rush, void of emotion. And even though I was joyous, this might mean he was done with this game. But I still felt this pang of hurt shoot through me. Stupid connection , it had only rown the more time he spent around me. My body sang when he was near, his scent was etched into my brain , and there was this tugging in my mind constantly. My wolf, I know if she was not dormant right now thanks to the wolfsbain would be howling to get near him. That was what it was like, so I was told. By my mum , my mum. I sighed. She had told me a mates bond was amazing , wonderful and the person would know me inside and out. They would complete me and be my other half. How wrong had she been? I think I must have done something wrong to deserve such a curse.

I finally rolled to look at him. He stood, fists clenched on his sides.

" Are you finally here to kill me ? " I asked him , and he curled the right side of his top lip up.

" So quickly you wish to throw away your life" he stated.

" My family is dead, my pack is dead, and he is dead". I anguished, I couldn't even say his name. " What do I have to live for, I wasn't my spirit to go back to the moon goddess, so I can be reborn ", I told him and he sneered.

" Him ? You mean the man whose scent was all over you ? " His teeth flashed, and I looked at him. That look of jealousy was back, and I could tell it disgusted him to feel that way.

I eyed him and, stupid of me, I know, I thought it amusing. That it angered him. That something got to him. I would do anything to cause him discomfort. " Yes, him. We had just been having s*x when you bloodsuckers attacked our pack ". His eyes flashed red and he moved toward me. His hand gripped my hair at the back and pulled me to my feet.

" Last name ? " he snarled. His face was so close to mine.

I hissed, anger swamped me. " Carell" I spat at him.

"My name is Xanda Klaneski, reject me and I will see you end up with the rest of your pack " he snapped.

I gasped and closed my eyes as pain swamped me again. This was it , this was what I had been asking for. And he was saying he would give this to me,

" I " I stutterd, my breath shook, and my body rebelled at the idea of uttering the words.

" I penny " I tried again, but it felt like a golf ball had taken root in my throat. I huffed and opened my eyes to look at him. I hated him, loathed him. All I had to do was say the words, just say them and be done with it.

I thought back to the whip reining down on my back , the blood and the cold. The faces of my loved ones. I stared at the man responsible for all of that and I grit my teeth. I would say it I would get the words out and end this.

" I Penny Carell " his nostrils flared and his grip on me tightened , his breathing got harsher.

" I reject you " I spat. I never thought I would be doing this. Never did I think I would be rejecting my mate. Tears started streaming down my face at the pure devastation of the cruelty the fates had bestowed on me. " I reject you Xanda Klaneski " I hissed out , not willing my voice to break with the devastation. His eyes changed, and he looked a little shocked that I had actually said it, pain flashed in his face for a split second, and for one short moment. It was like the hatred ebbed away for both of us, this was obviously devastating for us both. His eyes started flickering, he was reading me, trying to pry. And that was what snapped me out of it. I didn't want him to be seen as nice. He wasn't and one split shared moment of weakness and loss on both our parts would not change all that he had done.

" You have to say it too, "I demanded.

But he didn't. He kept looking at me, his hand on my hair slackened a little. And then he stepped back like I had burned him. " This is not a trick, this is real. Why would they do this ? " He snapped. I was confused. Have we not already established there were no tricks here ? " Reject me " I said, stepping forward.

His eyes narrowed and he moved back his hands now grabbed my arms and I almost moaned.

" I Xanda " he started , his lips pursed and he visciously stared at me.

" I Prince Xanda " he hissed, his eyes flickering red.

" I PRINCE XANDA " he roared, anger laced his words. He looked murderous, and I shrank back a little in fear as his eyes stayed red and his fangs dropped.

He shook me " How could you say it , I despise you. Looking at you makes me feel feral and yet the words won't come out. You're a mutt, I can not have you as my mate " he spat.

" Then reject me , please just reject me, then kill me " I asked of him, and he shook his head. He let me go and stepped back. I could see the internal war he had going on with himself.

" I can not " he seethed between gritted teeth. Then he span and moved from the room quicker than my eyes could adjust to seeing. The door slamming loudly and echoing around the room was my main clue that he had gone. I fell to my knees. What sort of monster is he ? He hates me , but he won't let me go and be at peace.