Crashing into Love

Chapter Eleven

I woke up with a splitting headache. I found myself lying on the cold floor. I was a tad nauseous but I think I can manage. Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko at triny alalahanin ang mga nangyari kagabi.

Then the string of events that happened last night appeared in my head. Hinatid ako dito ni Raven. After he left, I took a bath and changed into cofortable silk jammies. Papunta na sana ako sa kwarto ko pero hindi ako umabot. Bigla akong nahilo at nagcollapse nalang sa sahig.

Nanghihinang tumayo ako at umupo sa kama ko. It was already seven am in the morning. Ganon katagal ako walang malay?

Instead of thinking about it too much, I decided to just fix myself up. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Biglang may kumatok sa pinto. Hindi na ako nagtataka kung sino ito. Isang tao lang naman ang nambubulahaw sakin eh.

I smiled as I opened the door. Raven was standing outside. His hair was strewn in every direction. Mukhang kakagising niya lang. Nakasoot din siya ng pajama at isang maluwag na tshirt na may butas pa sa may bandang kili kili.

I don't know why he still looks handsome to me. He blinked. "Hi."

I smiled before opening the door wider so that he could enter. "Hey." I answered. Pumasok siya sa bahay at dumeretso agad sa kusina. I can't help but stare at his jammies. It was blue and has marvel character designs printed on it.

"Nagbreakfast ka na ba?" Tanong niya habang kinakalkal ang laman ng fridge ko. Sumandal ako sa counter. "Hindi pa. Coffee nalang sakin."

He stopped rummaging inside my refrigerator and went to the cupboard. Inabot niya yung lalagyan ng coffee. Pinapanood ko lang siya habang sinasalinan niya ng mainit na tubig galing sa thermos ang dalawang cup.

"Creamer. Gusto ko yung may creamer." I hinted and he just nodded. "Balik ka na sa sala. Ako na bahala dito. Dadalhin ko nalang dun." Sabi niya habang nagtitimpla. Sumunod naman ako. Nag-indian sit ako sa couch ko bago binuksan ang tv.

Hindi nagtagal ay inabot niya na sakin ang cup ng kape. I mouthed my thanks before blowing it. Ang init kasi. Binuksan niya yung aircon kaya cozy dito. Tinabihan niya ako after niyang humigop sa kape niya. Pagkaraan ay binaba niya ito sa living room table. Umusog siya palapit sakin at niyakap ako.

His hugs are just so addictive. "Lazy mornings are the best." Mahinang sambit niya. His words sent tremors down my spine.

"Kwento mo sa butas ng shirt mo." I tried to joke and he just smiled. "Favorite shirt ko to! Wag mong ganyanin. Six years na to sakin no. Paborito ko itong isoot kapag matutulog kasi komportable."

"Eh yung pajama mong cartoonized paborito mo din ba?" Natatawang pang-aasar ko pa. He chuckled. "Got a problem with my jammies, huh Claire Faith?"

"Wala naman." I stuck my tongue out. "Nood na nga lang tayo ng movie." He suggested and I obliged. He reached for the remote and opened the television. Wala kaming makitang magandang movie kaya naglipat lipat kami ng channel. Ng mapunta kami sa Cartoon Network ay napangisi ako.

So to cut the long story short, we spent the morning by watching Barbie movies. It was great. I've never felt this happy before. Evening came and he still has no plans to go home.

"Balak mo na bang tumira dito?" I joked. Lumabi siya bago sumiksik na naman sa tabi ko. He suddenly grinned as he snuggled me closer. "Pucha, nagiging linta na yata ako. Hindi ko mapigilang dumikit ng dumikit sayo."

Thump thump

Lumabi nalang din ako. I patted his arm to tell him to loosen his hug on me and he did. Tumayo ako at pumunta sa porch. I sat on the bench. I heard the door creak. Nilingon ko si Raven na ngayon ay nakasandal sa hamba ng pinto ko.

"You're well aware that we haven't taken a bath yet, right?" He said with amusement in his tone. It was already 6 pm but we're still in our jammies. I just shrugged it off. Mamaya nalang ako maliligo, pag umuwi na siya. Para hindi naman awkward.

I stared at Raven intently and my heart raced. Damn. I think I'm already starting to contradict my own principles. I once believed in what the philosopher Epicurus once said. That to achieve happiness, one must learn how to avoid pain. I believed that pain is not inevitable. I believed that it just takes strong willpower to avoid getting hurt.

But now, I can feel pain hurtling towards the two of us in unbelievable speed. Now, I'm not afraid of getting hurt anymore. Because now, what frightens me is the fact that I will hurt him. So bad.

"You're having deep thoughts about life again, aren't you?" Raven gave me a smile which made crinkles appear on the side of his eyes. I walked towards him and touched his face. I forced myself to be bold enough to try to feel the magic concealed in his features, in his personality.

He reached for my face too and cupped it with both hands. Pinagdikit niya ang noo naming dalawa bago pumikit. Ang bigat ng mga hininga niya at pinalalakas nito ang t***k ng puso ko. Who knew this weak heart could beat this fast?

"Raven?"

"Hmm?" His voice was sweet and sleepy and it sounded harmonious to my ears.

Inilayo ko na ang sarili ko sa kanya. Inakbayan niya ako at isinandal ko nalang ang ulo ko sa balikat niya dahil sa pagkirot nito. Not now, please not now. Not yet.

"What is the panacea for pain?" Seryoso kong tanong. I wanna know, maybe there is something I can do to lessen if not fully take away the pain that I'll soon make him feel.

He breathed hard. He scratched his chin for a while before smiling. "Love."

Napamaang ako sa sinabi niya. Hinapit niya ako palapit sa kanya at kinulong ako sa mga bisig niya.

"Love cures all pain, Claire Faith. Love stabs but it also heals. It is the remedy for all illness."

—

Nakaauwi na si Raven pero ako nasa malalim na pag-iisip parin. Kanina habang naliligo ako ay iniisip ko ang mga sinabi niya. About love being the cure for everything. Totoo ba yun? If so, paano? Hindi naman kaya ng pagmamahal na pahabain ang buhay ng isang tao diba? Hindi rin kaya ng pagmamahal na mag-alis ng karamdaman.

Lumabas uli ako at umupo sa front steps ng porch ko. I saw a figure walking alone in the sand. I squinted and noticed that it was Cesca. I was able to quickly identify her because her face was illuminated by the light from a nearby lamp post. I jogged towards her and she quickly turned when she felt another person's presence. Pasuray suray ang lakad niya at halatang lasing na lasing siya.

"H-hi." Nahihiya kong sabi. Kinunutan niya ako ng noo. Akmang aalis na sana siya ng muli akong magsalita. "Do you need help? Baka kasi mapano ka. Ako si Claire. We've met. Ako yung—"

"Ikaw yung umagaw kay Drei kay Cassidy. I know." I bit my lip when she said that. I was trying to be friendly because I just wanted to help her.

"Hindi ko naman siya inagaw. Ng magkakilala kami ay wala na sila. He looked so hurt that time so I approached him." I explained. Tinarayan lang ako nung Cesca.

"Talaga lang ha? So ikaw pala ang unang nagapproach? Anong kakatihan yan ha?" She crossed her arms and faced me. I inhaled and exhaled. I don't want to lose my patience on her. Hindi naman ako madaling magalit. Kalmado lang ako madalas. And she was drunk.

"I just wanted to help him." I replied, my voice getting tinier each attempt to explain myself.

She laughed sarcastically. "Alam mo maganda ka. Mas maganda si Cassidy sayo pero maganda ka rin naman. Cassidy is a nice person, ilang taon kaming magkakilala. And Drei has been a childhood friend of mine kaya sobrang close kami. I want the best for him and clearly you are not the best."

Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya pero pilit kong itinaas ang noo ko. Hindi ang mga sinasabi niya ang dapat makasakit sa damdamin ko. I've heard worse.

"Hindi ko naman intensyong higitan si Cassidy. I don't even know her. I haven't even met her before."

"Hindi ko nga alam kung anong nakita sayo ni Drei at sinasabi niyang ikawn na ang mahalaga sa kanya ngayon eh. I asked him if was kidding and he said no. Could you believe that? Nabubulagan si Drei ngayon!" Inis niyang pahayag. Raven said that? Tanong ng isang part ng utak ko. My heart pounded loud and fast.

Yun yata yung time na nag-usap sila ng french ni Cesca. The part I didn't understand.

Lalo siyang nagtaas ng kilay ng makita ang reaksyon ko. "Consider yourself lucky na hindi mo pa nakikita si Cassidy, baka pag nakita mo siya maawa ka sa sarili mo. She's a walking description of the word perfection, you know?"

I sighed, magsasalita sana ako pero hindi niya ako hinayaan. She spoke again. "Alam mo, malamang pagsubok ka lang sa relasyon nilang dalawa eh."

Kahit na ayaw ko, naramdaman ko ang pagkirot ng puso ko sa sinabi niya. Pagsubok sa relasyon ni Raven at Cassidy? Siguro nga yun lang ako. Hanggang dun lang ako. It hurts to think about that.

Napangiti nalang ako ng mapait kay Cesca. I just wanted to help her pero ganito pa ang nangyari.

"Oh ano, naisip mo rin na may punto ako diba? Iiwan ka rin ni Drei para bumalik kay Cassidy. Hindi tatagal ang pagsasama niyong dalawa." Panunuya pa niya. Funny how someone wants to break us apart even when the two of us aren't even together.

I gave her a tough smile that hides all the fear inside.

"Wag kang mag-alala, hindi rin naman magtatagal ang papel ko sa buhay ni Raven. I'm dying, Cesca. I'm d-dying."