NEVER YOURS

Three

"So, how was your day?" Georgia inquires as she scoops potato wedges into her plate.

"Terrible."

Her eyes widen with sheer surprise.

"What happened? You didn't get a job?"

"That too."

"Allison, come on. Tell me what's wrong."

"Everything is wrong." I raise my eyes from the water glass I've been staring at for the last few minutes. "I ran into Kane."

"Kane?"

"I dated him once. In high school."

"The guy that got you pregnant?"

"You know about that?"

"Marcus told me."

"He did?"

"You sound surprised."

"I am. I'm pretty sure our parents wanted the pregnancy and everything surrounding it to be kept a secret."

She chews slowly, her kind eyes on me, and she swallows before she places her fork on her plate.

"Marcus and I told each other a lot of things. I'm sorry, Allison. I'm not trying to be nosy."

"He's changed."

"Marcus?"

"No. Kane. He's different."

"What do you mean? How different?"

I shake my head.

"He's all grown."

"I mean, it's been ten years. I'd be more worried if he still looked like a teenager."

"You don't get it. He's not the Kane I knew back then. He's not the cute teenager that played diligently for the school's basketball team. The man I met today is some successful guy that goes around with a driver s***h security. I've never felt so intimidated before."

"He intimidated you?"

"It wasn't intentional. He just has such presence it makes you want to cower." I look her over, considering my next words. "He was very happy to tell me how good life has been to him."

"Why would he feel the need to do that?"

"There's a lot of things you don't know. One of the reasons my parents whisked me to a different state in the middle of the night and forcefully gave the baby up for adoption was because Kane came from a very humble background. There's no way he or his family could afford raising a child. Kane never knew that I was pregnant by him, but he knew that my parents despised him for being poor. That made him very insecure. I doubt he's over it."

"Allison?"

Her tone makes me look up.

"Yeah?"

"You had the baby?"

I narrow my eyes at her.

"What did Marcus tell you?"

She slightly shakes her head, puzzled.

"Nevermind."

"Hey? Georgia? Tell me. I won't ask him."

"Promise?"

I just nod.

"He told me that you guys moved away because your parents wanted you to have an abortion. They didn't want anyone at your school or your neighbourhood knowing that you were knocked up. He said your family was embarrassed; that's why they moved away from everyone they knew."

I shrug helplessly.

"I wish that was the case. I wouldn't be here right now."

"You wouldn't?"

"There's something Marcus didn't tell you. I'm here because a private investigator found my daughter. I'm here for her."

"Allison-"

I raise my hand, perfectly cutting her off.

"I know that's crazy and impulsive-"

"And stupid, and illegal." She pushes her plate away before she leans over the table to look at me. "You're gonna get yourself jailed."

"I've considered all the consequences."

"And it's worth it?"

"Georgia, my daughter means the world to me. The last decade has been a literal nightmare. All I ever thought about was my Mom telling me that the baby was already gone to be with it's new family the moment I woke up from an emergency caesarean section. I have a scar, Georgia. A scar from giving birth, but I don't have the baby to show for it. I feel empty. I've felt empty for ten years now. The hollow feeling in my heart can only be filled by my daughter. I can't think of a better reason to go to jail."

Georgia is quiet for a long minute. She's fiddling with her hands on the table, her sad eyes on my face. When she talks, her voice is quiet and calm.

"Do you want a hug?"

No one has ever asked me that.

I sniffle and say nothing.

She walks around the table and wraps her arms around my shoulders, locking her hands at my chest. She rests her chin on the top of my head, and I marvel at how good it feels to have someone offer such warmth.

"I don't know what to do to help, but I'm genuinely sorry. I don't think anyone realized how bad you were hurting these last ten years." She whispers.

"You're helping right now. This is more than enough." I whisper back, leaning into her as a silent tear spills over my left cheek.

**

I'm tossing and turning.

It's been two hours since I came to bed and I can't sleep.

My mind is mulling over everything that happened today, and the quiet conversation that I had with Georgia right before I came to bed.

I can't believe that I actually ran into Kane. You'd think ten years were enough to blow us to different ends of the world.

I mean, we've been living on different ends of the world for a long time before I decided to come here, but that's beyond the point.

I replay our short encounter over and over again. Kane has changed so much. He was in a rush to get to a meeting so he didn't have too much time to spare. He just stood there, gazing at me in utter disbelief, and he left after telling me that his driver was waiting and he'd contact me later.

He is here for a conference that ends two days from now.

I didn't say a single word to him. I just stared at him the entire time, wondering why his presence made my heart pound like a piston.

*

Kane never wronged me. We dated for some six months behind our parents backs, and those were the best six months of my life. I was sixteen, and I found my first love to be rather exciting.

We were very into each other.

Then I got pregnant and my Mom found out before anyone else. I had a fever and some bouts of nausea and we all thought I had a stomach bug, so Mom took me to the doctor.

It never crossed my mind that I could be pregnant.

Kane and I had s*x one time. Just one time. I'd have sworn there was no way you'd break your virginity and get pregnant at the same time, but then that was just hopeful thinking.

Of course I know better now.

Naturally, my parents were very disappointed in me. My mom insulted me while my Dad just shook his head in sheer disappointment. My brother, who was about to leave for college at the time, sympathized with me, but there wasn't much he could do. He advised me to do whatever our parents thought was best because they knew better than anyone.

I shouldn't have.

I'd still have my daughter with me and the last ten years would have been more bearable. I'd have gone to a good college, secured a job, and who knows, maybe Kane would still be around today.

Fate is such a b***h.

I frown when my phone pings. It's way past midnight, and to be honest, no one ever texts me apart from Marcus. I don't have friends because I'm a mess, and my Mom and I haven't been in talking terms in a long time.

Rolling over, I pick my phone from the nightstand and I unlock it.

I have a message request on i********:.

I open it, and I blink when I read it.

It's a simple 'hey'.

The big deal is that it's from Kane.

I start to type 'hey' but then I hesitate.

What am I doing?

If anyone will ruin my mission here, it's Kane. He doesn't know that we have a child together and I have no idea how he'd react if he found out.

I doubt him finding out would end nicely and quietly. He's never been one to cause drama, but then we're talking about a ten year old that he knows nothing about.

Logic wins, and I close the message before I place the phone back on the nightstand.

Pulling the covers tighter around me, I close my eyes and try to catch some sleep.

****

I wake up to a room full of light.

It's only seven thirty according to the wall clock, and since I don't have a particular schedule for today, I decide to laze in bed for a few more minutes.

Picking my phone from the nightstand, I start to scroll through my Twitter timeline before I notice the notification seated on the top of my screen.

Kane texted again.

'Hey, please text back. I'm sorry I was in a rush when we met earlier.'

Ugh. Why is this so tempting? Why can't I just block him or ignore him and pretend that we were never crazy about each other?

I'll text him back.

I'll cross my fingers and hope that I'm not being a dumbass.

Kane has always been very persistent so he'll keep texting until I give him some attention. And if I'm being honest, I'm low key flattered that he texted me. I'm sure he's still pissed at me so this is a bit exhilarating.

Again, I kinda owe him one for ghosting him while pregnant with our baby. He's never been the bad guy.

I think for a second before I text back.

'What do you want?'

His reply is almost instant.

'Can I see you? Today?'

'No. I'm busy.'

'Alli, don't make me beg.'

'You don't have to. I don't want to see you. And don't call me that.'

'I've called you that since we met.'

'We were young and cringe when we met. It's been ten years.'

'Longest ten years of my life.'

I swallow before I reply;

'Well, I guess that makes two of us.'

'Why don't you want to see me? Was I a douche when we met yesterday?'

'A little bit.'

No he wasn't.

'Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk. I was just angry with you. I still am.'

'Because of my parents? I'm the wrong recipient of your anger, don't you think?'

'I'm angry because you left me without a word. You just disappeared out of my life. One minute you were there, and the next minute you were gone without a trace. You'd be angry in my shoes, no?'

'I didn't have a choice.'

'You could have texted.'

'They forbade me.'

'Because I was poor?'

'Because we were young. They wanted me to go through high school without a boyfriend. I think that's reasonable.'

'Is it? I loved you. Being in high school didn't stop that.'

'Would you let your sixteen year old daughter date?'

'Don't make this about me.'

'I'll take that as a no. Look, I have to go.'

'Can you promise to text me later?'

'I'll be busy later.'

'Doing what?'

'Stuff.'

'I only have two days here, and it'll suck if I can't see you before I go.'

'I think you'll be just fine.'

'Don't you think I deserve better than just fine? For old time's sake?'

'The old times are over, Kane. Get over it.'

'I was trying until I saw you today. Make time and have dinner with me tonight.'

'You don't know how to take a hint, do you?'

'Have I ever? Call me when you're free.'

I stare at his phone number when he sends it, then I close the app without a second thought.

I pull my self out of bed and I stand before the mirror. I pull my tank top up, and my fingers linger over the old scar on my lower abdomen.

I don't want to screw the chances of meeting my daughter.

That's why I can't have her father in my life.

Even as I walk to the bathroom, I can feel my heart pounding away at the prospect of seeing him again.