Being his halal

Chapter eight.

They say letting go is never easy but it's necessary, that even if you have everything set for you, but still feel its not right, you should let go.

Leaving my parents was the hardest thing I had to do, not that I don't feel safe and secure there but I knew deep down that that wasn't my place forever, that I had to move, change environment, scene, get to know new people and experience new things. But the truth is, that's the journey of life, what has been set for you can never be changed.

I have to learn to stay and endure pain because I don't know where I'll find myself tomorrow, that means I have to learn to live with annur no matter the pain and love him like my husband. Also respect my parents decision and advice.

Leaving the reception was hard, leaving my parents from the embrace covered on me was more hard but I had no choice.

We arrived at annur's house and my jaw dropped. Ya Allah this place is huge. I know i and my family are rich and our house is a mansion but this house, Ya Allah it was twice where I was living before. From the outside view you would know the house was well planed. I couldn't imagine seeing the inside.

"What are you thinking of love". Annur said breaking me from my thoughts as we enter the building.

"Wh..at, I wasn't thinking of anything". I lied turning towards him. And him calling me 'love' what's that about? I have been waiting for annur to throw one of his disrespect towards me, but ever since we got to the nikkah, he has been nothing but nice well also naughty, but nice.

"Okay then"he replies going forward as I followed him. I followed annur to who knows where he was going, but I think it was my room he was taking me to.

"Drop your bags here, the maid will arrange them tomorrow, just take your clothes for the night and follow me". He spoke clearly.

"Okay". I took out my clothes from one of my box and followed him again. God this house is really big, although I didn't get the chance to see clearly but from what I can see, there be at least 10 rooms if not more, it was like an hotel, but more like in a Muslim house manner.

"So this is our room and.." Annur said.

"Our room, you mean me and you?". I cut him off before he was done.

"Of course I mean me and you, God hatina don't behave like a kid we're married now". He replied obviously. I know married couples do stay in the same room but I and annur aren't in love, so what does that mean.

But still we were married, so it didn't matter, he was right we had to stay together. If I wanted a fresh start and to build something new I have to accept it.

"I'm not behaving like a kid, I was just asking". I answered.

"Well now you know". Annur said angrily as he left. Great, now he's mad at me. What did I do? I pushed all the thoughts away from my mind and took my clothes to the bathroom to get changed and came and have a nice rest after all of today's drama.

I came out ready to sleep to find a muscular being in front of me shirtless.

"Inalillahi, I'm sorry I didn't know you were dressing". I say backing away and turning my eyes.

"Seriously hatina, what's wrong with you, you are really acting like a kid, for Gods sake I'm your husband, so what if you see me shirtless, and by the way you were taking forever in there and I had no choice". Annur spat. I really need to get used to this. For God's sake hatina he is your husband now.

"Um.. O..h.oh sorry, my mistake". I apologized sincerely as he dropped the topic. Thank God. I was already tired from all of today and just wanted to sleep so I went to the bed.

"Hatina". I heard annur speak as I climbed the bed.

"Yes. So you need anything? ". I asked lazily. I know, I'm not supposed to go to bed now until Annie is settled and all but Wallahi I am so tired. I would have asked if he wanted anything to eat, but we both ate before coming here.

"Aren't you going to pray". Annur asked shocked at my behavior.

"YA Allah" I jumped out of the bed to go and perform my ablution. Oh God I could I forget such an important task, well I can't blame myself all this stress for the past few Days has really weighed me down, but still I shouldn't have forgotten. You know for someone like annur who is even a playboy I'm shocked he prays, but I guess what they say is true, not everyone is entirely bad.

I came out of the bathroom seeing annur sitting on the bed.

"Aren't you going to pray again". I asked.

"Well I was waiting for you, God how long do you spend in there, anyways let's pray". My mind just became more blown, 'wait for me' . wow just wow, this is good to see, if some one told me the one and famous annur abubakar to be this way I would have bet on my life and say it was a lie.

We prayed all our missing salats and asked God for forgiveness and other things we needed.

I folded the praying mat moving back to my previous position.

"What are you doing here" I asked annur as I saw him coming to the bed.

"What does it look like, sleeping of course". He answers

"I thought you were going to take the couch". I ask raising my brows waiting for an answer but instead he ignores me for a while, shifting off the duvet then climbing in before answering me. Wow just wow.

"Why would I?". He finally says.

"Because.. I, you know what never mind". I said frustrated. This is really tiring but no matter what I'm not going to fight with him. I stood up and brought all the pillows I saw that weren't used and created a wall between us.

"Wait, what are you doing" it was his turn to ask the Question.

"What does it look like, creating a wall" I said sounding like him.

"Seriously?". He asks unbelievably.

"Yes seriously". I replied obviously and continued what I was doing. I was almost done with my mission I saw the the pillows being thrown away by a muscular hand.

"What..". I turned immediately

"If you think I'll touch you then you have nothing to worry about, I won't touch you" his expression hurt as he looked at me in shock. Wait, did I say something wrong? "Now stop all these childlessness and sleep". He ordered even more angrily. Now he is mad, I never said he would touch me but most of all I'm scared of my self. I have a really bad sleeping habit but I won't tell him that.

"Okay then, just so you know I won't be sleeping with anything on my head, I mean I'll open my hair". I say to him avoiding all what he has just said

"Go on do what you want". He shrugged his shoulders as he went back to lye down. He's really mad.

I removed the shayla that was on my head releasing my brown black long hair that reaches the end of my back. Then I went back to lye down.

"Oh God" annur said standing up from the bed.

"What's wrong". I stood up immediately.He didn't reply instead he went out and picked something and came back, something I couldn't see.

"Stand up" he said. I looked at him in disbelief wondering what it was he wanted to throw now.

Can't I just sleep. If he needs anything, can't he just tell me. Must he be dramatic?

"Why". I asked. God my stubbornness, I really need to calm down.

"Just do as I say". He orders.

"But I do..... "

"Hatina, please. I'm not in the mood okay? I really do not want to get mad at you, on just the first day of our marriage. Please just have some respect for that, just let it be peaceful and stand up" he shut his eyes as he spoke. Now I know why he's acting nice. He clearly started it, it just because it's our first night, that's the only reason, and here I thought we were actually going somewhere. To be honest I felt hurt.

"I'm always at fault aren't i" I muttered remembering all that has happened again. At the coffee shop, it was my fault. Him, dumping me at spontaneous is my fault and now this, is my fault.

He was quite for a while, which mad me realize he heard me, but I didn't care. I was ready to talk, to talk about everything, but it seems he wasn't, maybe he never will, that's why he's quiet.

"just stand up please" he finally spoke. I never wished my first night with my husband would be like this. But Allah knows best.

"Okay" I stood up. As Abba said I need to be cool headed unless I'm not going to achieve what I want.

"Come closer" he said. What is wrong with him now. Oh Ya Allah

"Why would I?". I ask scared. To be honest I was sacred, scared that he would do something to me. I don't know what but I was just scared.

"What's wrong with you hatina" he spoke in disbelief. "fine I'll come closer". He agrees before coming closer to me. We were now facing each other and I could feel his gaze on me as I did the same. His gaze never left me but I couldn't hold any longer, I put my head down and felt shy due to his intense stare.

"Turn around" he finally said.

"No I..". Before I could complete my sentence he held my arm as they soon became hotter and the hairs in my body flew up. This is the first time Annie is ever touching me and Ya Allah, it felt good, too good, that I wanted more. He turned me around so I was now backing him. I was really scared now I didn't know what he wanted to do. At the end of the day my curiosity was quenched. Grabbing my hair, his hand touching All parts of my hair and packing it up really high then rolling it.

"Why did you do that". I asked taken aback my heart beating as fast as it could.

What is happening to me.

"Your hair was all over my face". He said calmly, while I turned towards him raising my head up to meet his gaze, all while his eyes never left mine.

" I'm sorry I didn't know".I said touching my hair and bowing my head in stupidity. I was so stupid thinking he was going to harm me.

"Its okay". He spoke.

"I packed it up high so it won't be a problem when you sleep". My mouth internally fell open, did he actually just say he indirectly cares about how I sleep. One minute he's blaming me, the next he's caring again.

Can't he just be straight with me. I'm his wife now.

"Thank you". I told him truly. I didn't know my hair would he a disturbance to him if not, I would have done it myself

"Now go back to sleep I'm really tired". He says passing me and going to sleep.

Just who are you Annur abubakar?