Intentions (3)
870 Words
Chapter 13: Intentions (3)
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“When I first enrolled in the financial department, I only heard rumors like: He’s really good at his job but extremely rude. So I wasn’t particularly interested until I found out about your condition. Then I thought…” Kane suddenly stopped talking.
“What did you think? I won’t get upset, so speak freely…” I urged him to continue, I never thought people were too interested in me so of course I wanted to know more.
“When I saw how hard working you were, to what lengths you’d go for your authors I began respecting you. Then after paying more and more attention to you with time, I started having one sided feelings for you.” Kane said as he smiled helplessly to himself, the way he said it, I felt a bit sad for rejecting his advances.
After all what was I supposed to do? A relationship with someone like me won’t make anyone happy… The only thing it would bring is misery… I don’t want to do that to him nor to myself…
“I became more and more attracted to you with time. I guess I just couldn’t help but fall for someone so earnest like you. Even if you didn’t choose this career, you gave it your all… So in a way I felt like I had to work much harder to be able to stand on the same level.” Kane continued as he slowly lifted his head up.
I felt a bit conflicted… Maybe it’s because I’d never had anyone praise me like he did… Maybe I’m just really weak to compliments… Maybe…
Whatever it is, I ended up liking him more and more as we spoke. Getting to know him slowly like this was just the beginning. He didn’t do things I disliked and was patient with me. I felt like he really was a reliable and caring person.
Eventually I stopped feeling jealous towards him…
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Weeks passed and we continued meeting up every single day. So much so that it became our daily routine to spend time together. I was slowly becoming accustomed to being around another person.
I had spent more than twenty years of my life avoiding touching and needlessly interacting with others. But for the first time in my life I felt like I wanted to spend time with someone else and even touch him…
Then one day I couldn’t help but open my stupid mouth and utter something unbelievable…
“You know… Dating me isn’t as fun as you might think… but if you’re still willing then let’s try.” I said in a rather shy tone, something that wasn’t normal for me. I had stepped out of my comfort zone just to ask him out.
The answer I received was: “Yes.” Along with that single word sentence Ken gave me a bright smile, probably the brightest I’ve seen. I guess he was happy that I finally gave into his insistence.
At times like these you’d think… ‘Wow I guess it all worked out for him in the end, huh?’ Or something like that, right? But you’d be wrong…
Afterwards we became closer sure, but Kane started being more insistent with me, touching me more… It was way out of my comfort zone…
“What’s the matter?” Kane asked in a panted voice, we had been kissing for a while now.
“I just…” I was desperately holding onto my hand, trying not to wipe my face from the kiss. My obsessive compulsive disorder of course wasn’t so easily cured… Just because I found someone I kind of liked didn’t mean I’d suddenly become another person.
If it was possible for a person to change so easily, then the world would be a nicer place… but sadly nothing ever happens easily. Especially not such a massive change that was my OCD.
I still repetitively washed my hands, I still showered for long hours, I still disinfected everything in my possession and I still wore my gloves outside…
The only thing that had changed was that I had started doing them less times now… and of course kissing… it was one of the few dirty activities that I permitted.
Because surprisingly… as dirty as it was to me… it felt good… Even though I felt like I was becoming strange each day… Kane pushed me to try new things and I got used to kissing at least…
It’s really strange… Being in a relationship with someone… Relying on someone… Those are things I’d never experienced before…
Things that I’d never imagined I’d ever experience… So the fact that it was happening made me feel like I really was making progress in this life. Like I wasn’t just working each day…
My relationship with Kane really brought happiness into my life. But it wasn’t long until I realized just how fragile that short term happiness was…
- Writer
