Sue (18)
2610 Words
Sue (18)
I thanked the kitchen staff and watched as one of the ladies started clearing the trolly, my mind still seething at what I realised Raine had been hiding. I picked up a packet of crips and walked out just as Anna walked towards me
“Hey” Anna said with a smile “You left abruptly. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing” I replied
I walked upstairs and Anna followed, her steps a little cautious
“Are you ok?” I asked Anna
She blushed, looking at her feet moving slowly
“I’m just so tired with all these steps” Anna blushed harder “And I need the bathroom so badly all of a sudden and im scared if I go too fast, and my thighs open too wide, I will pee myself”
I burst out laughing before smothering it with my hand
“The joys of pregnancy” Anna said as we reached the landing “I swear the baby deliberately presses on my bladder as soon as I have some food”
I chuckled as we both started making our way towards the family livingroom
“So” Anna started “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”
“What was what about?” I replied
I felt Anna's side gaze on me and I walked faster, trying to keep my breathing even and my heartbeat steady. When we rounded the corner, we saw the babysitter who was carrying a bag and her smile increased when she saw us
“My lady” She bowed her head slightly
“I told you before Jen” Anna sighed “Just call me Anna”
“I know my lady” Jen said, shaking her head “But I couldn’t - unless I call you my alpha?”
“You know that I am more witch than alpha” Anna sighed
“Where are you going?” I chuckled, breaking up an old argument
“The children are outside with one of the warriors and the other babysitter. We are going on an adventure and then having a picnic. I just came here to pick up some clothes for them as we are going to also play in the river. It’s pretty warm today” Jen said with excitement
“Oh, I thought the kids would be playing inside with it being so warm” Anna said
“They were” Jen nodded “But then master Kai arrived and want's to treat Aria so he suggested spending time outside”
“Kai is here?” I asked in surprise
“Yes beta” Jen nodded
“Oh” Anna said, dancing herself “Just make sure they-”
“Master Kai already has them wear sunscreen for protection, my lady” Jen said
“Of course he has” Anna said, chuckling “alright. I know I don’t have to worry when Kai is here”
“That boy thinks of everything” I said
“Go on Jen. Have fun” Anna said “But please make sure they are home for dinner. I’d like to see them for a bit”
“Yes my lady” Jen said with a bow before walking away
“Honestly” Anna said with a huff, she smiled as we both walked towards the living room
Opening the door, we both sigh in contentment when we feel the air con in the room. Anna walks over to one of the large couches and sits down with a sigh again. I close the door and sit not to far from her as she picks up the remote and puts on netflix, putting on a murder mystery document
“So” Anna said after a few seconds of silence “You want to try again?”
“Anna” I say, closing my eyes
“I know you two have your own bond. I get that and no doubt, the secrecy and loyalty that goes with that” Anna said “But something is eating away at you. I can tell”
Opening my eyes, I looked at her with a sad smile
“She…there’s so much she’s trying to achieve. To fix and doesn’t realise some things are broken for a reason” I said “That happen for a reason”
“Like what?” Anna asked with a tilt to her head
I close my mouth and look away
“Ok, so you can’t or won't tell me” Anna replied “But I hope you know that you can speak to me and I won’t say anything”
I bite my bottom lip, knowing that if she knew the truth, she most certainly not just say anything, but would try to stop it
Almost like how I feel like stopping it
“I just need to figure some stuff out in my head” I tell her
“If you need an ear, I’m here” Anna said gently
“Do you ever wish” I asked “For a simpler life? Where we weren’t expected to be the all knowing….to help fix the world”
“Sometimes” Anna smiled “But then I wouldn’t have Jas, or Ray, Raine. You or the kids”
“I wish life could have been easier” I admitted
“Life is never easy” Anna laughed “And if it was….that’s a red flag!”
I stayed silent, looking at the tv mindlessly. My head hurt from all the ‘what if’s’ it was going through
“Is Raine going to be in danger?” Anna asked
“From?” I replied
“Whatever she is doing?” Anna asked me
I shook my head, my body appreciating the cool room as it slowly sank deeper into the couch
“Will it put us in danger?” She asked again
“No” I replied
If Raine really was successful in her plan, then no one would be in danger ever again, not in the way Anna was thinking. But no one will be the same either. Nothing will.
“Ok, well” Anna continued “then maybe this means we let her do her thing. And help her heal from the pain”
“Pain?” I asked, surprised
“Pain” Anna nodded. “I can see it even as she tries to hide it. I know she still has a barrier up. I get it and unlike her brother’s, i don’t expect her to let her guard time anytime soon”
I nodded, impressed with her observation
“But holding everything in like she is” Anna said “Is not healthy. She’s going to explode and that could be dangerous”
I nodded in understanding, putting my hands between my legs as I tried to heat the sudden coolness. After a few minutes of silence, She turned to me and her next words shocked me
“I’m sorry” Anna whispered
“Sorry?” I asked, surprised “For what?”
She slowly caressed her small stomach and looked at me with pain in her eyes. When I saw her sadness, I felt the tears pool in my eyes as my breath hitched
“I..i” I couldn’t speak
“It will happen, Sue” Anna said, her voice quivering “You haven’t been mated that long. It will happen at the right time”
“When is the right time?” I asked, my voice faltering
“I don’t know” Anna whispered “But when it’s right for you and Ray, it will happen”
I shook my head, knowing she didn’t know the sacrifice….the pain that I had gone through and what had now resulted in my shame, my curse.
“It will” Anna whispered
She reached over and squeezed my hand
“It’s awful when the one thing you want most in the world” Anna said “Is the same thing others seem to get easily”
“I don’t begrudge you the baby Anna” I confirmed, squeezing her hand back
“I know” Anna smiled with tears now leaking “But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you”
“Ho..how did you know?” I asked
“Something Aria picked up on” Anna admitted “My scatterbrain honestly didn’t even think about it. Then I started noticing what she meant”
“I…I” I stumbled, unsure what to say
“I know” Anna whispered “Do you know how many cases there are of people who become pregnant as soon as they adopt or stop thinking about it? Because their body relaxes and they stop putting pressure on themselves. Some people, despit trying - won’t get pregnant until years after”
“I know” I whispered
“You do know but it doesn’t help because you still can’t help but worrying and stressing about it” Anna nodded “Why didn’t you say anything, i mean before?”
“I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t happy for you” I admitted “Because I am, honestly”
“I know you are you silly goose” Anna chuckled, whipping her eyes “I wouldn’t have thought differently if you had said anything”
I nodded, wiping my own eyes
“Sue” Anna said “there are herbs and positions that can help. I could make you something that will help your body eb more receptive”
“You can?” I whispered, shocked
“It’s not magick, but herbs with planned diet along with exercise” Anna said
Oh. My heart sank but I still smiled, not wanting her to suspect my inner turmoil. I nooded as she went on to speak about certain herbs, my heart breaking more as I realised she spoke about the human procedures and doctors
What’s wrong my mate I heard Ray speak
Nothing i sighed inside, wincing at my lack of security
Had I kept my walls up, Ray wouldn’t have been able to get through and feel the pain I was feeling
I’m on my way Ray whispered
No I quickly shouted out
I’m coming Sue Ray replied Doesn't m-
I’m sad because Anna and I are talking I quickly lied
Anna? Why, what’s wrong? Ray asked, worry lacing his voice
Nothing I lied We are speaking about the miscarriage
Oh Ray said, his own sadness now filtering through
I’m sorry I whispered I didn’t mean to worry or make you upset
No, no Ray sighed it’s ok. Im glad she has you to talk this through with. Jas said he worried Anna wasn’t taking it well. That she was bottling stuff up.
She is I confirmed But she’s slowly speaking about things too
Good Ray said with conviction She needs to let it out. Nothing will happen to this baby! It’s not like last time
I know I said I told her that too Shes worried about the timing
I saw Anna look at me and I told her Ray was worried I was upset. I then told Ray of our conversation when we were with Raine, leaving out the part about my inability and worry about not conceiving.
Ray’s worry for his sister-in-law was sweet and I closed my eyes, counting my blessings for such a loving mate. And I expressed my sorrows to the universe for what I was about to do.
I looked at Anna who was watching me closely and I smiled, pretending I was ok
“Ray is worried about you too” I said
“Does he know?” Anna asked, “About your worry?”
Shaking my head I looked at my hands, finding them fascinating and I knew Anna could understand my feelings
“Our mates get a little protective and crazy don’t they?” Anna chuckled lightly
“Tell me about it” I roll my eyes
“The only thing good out of Jason’s worry was the aircon he put in here and our bedroom” Anna laughed “All i said was the heat was draining and two day’s later this was installed”
“This was one of the better outcomes” I said, laughing along “Unlike when I said I had a headache and was going to lie down, only to wake up to a pack doctor and the healing witch sitting beside me”
“Oh yea” Anna said, her eyes wide and round “That was last week wasn’t it? We thought you had been unconscious for hours”
“SEE! Overprotective to the max. Ray just took it too far even though I am a co-alpha wife. I am never going to live that down” I said shaking my head
Anna laughed, sighing as she lay back against the sofa
“It will happen Sue” Anna whispered softly “He may be overprotective but he can’t help it. I can guarantee he can feel your sadness through the bond but is trying to give you space to talk to him. Unlike Jason who would just bombard and hound me till I caved”
“I want to wait” I said quietly
“Why?” Anna asked
“I…want to see if it happens naturally and with the help of your herbs and plan. Then I guess I can speak to him about it” I lied
Blood Moon wasn’t far and I knew I had to speak to Raine! I had to see if I could change the design. To change what was to come.
“Don’t leave it too late Sue” Anna said “And don’t hide from the truth. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Not being able to have a child….to give birth, doesn’t make you any less of a women”
My breath hitched as Anna hit the nail on the head, my fear being vocalised scary and sounding worse when spoken aloud
“I…don’t” I whispered
“You. Even now, I can see how you are looking at it. The shame in your eyes” Anna got up slowly and sat right beside me
Pulling me into a hug she gripped me hard
“Oh hunny, you have NOTHING to be ashamed about” Anna whispered “Nothing to be sorry for”
I gripped her tight as my breathing because choppy. She didn’t know. She didn’t know what I did. How IT IS my fault.
“You are not to blame” Anna whispered “You are not any less of a woman”
I was. It was all my fault
“You are not being punished for anything. It will happen and no matter when it happens, you are still a wonderful person who has been dealt a harsh hand and nothing else. You are amazing Sue and you are NOT to blame. You are NOT any less of a woman and you do NOT deserve this, ok?” Anna said vehemently
I felt the tears break free as I hugged my friend to me, my heart breaking as she spoke of my fears and how I felt. I couldn’t lose this. Anna, this pack…this coven and the kids were worth keep. This future was worth fighting for but so was my desire to have a child.
As I held Anna tighter, my tears falling fast; I knew I had to do something. I knew I had to speak to Raine and convince her to change our original plan
- Writer
