The Alpha's Runaway Queen

Chapter 19 - Frustration and despair

Reagan POV

It had been nine years since Jasmine left the Royal Pack, almost a decade that had felt like a lifetime. As I sat in my office, the weight of those years pressed down on me, filling the room with a thick, suffocating silence. The once vibrant, hopeful atmosphere had long since been replaced by frustration and despair. My desk, cluttered with maps, notes, and leads that had all come to dead ends, bore silent witness to the relentless search that had consumed my life.

“Reagan, you need to take a break,” Dad’s voice broke through the haze. “You can’t keep running yourself into the ground like this.”

I looked up from the latest report. “I can’t rest, Dad. Jasmine’s out there somewhere.”

Mom stepped into the room, her face etched with worry. “We know, son. We all want her back, but you’re destroying yourself. You’ve changed so much, and not for the better.”

I knew what they meant. Over the years, I had become hot-headed, my temper flaring at the slightest provocation. The constant stress and frustration had turned me into someone I hardly recognized. I had lost the easy-going, understanding side of myself, replaced by a relentless drive that left little room for anything else.

Just the other day, one of the younger pack members had asked a simple question about patrol duties, and I had snapped at him, my anger boiling over in a way that left him visibly shaken. I had apologized afterward, but the damage was done. I could see the fear and confusion in their eyes, and it killed me a little more each time.

“I know I’ve changed,” I admitted. “But I can’t give up. As long as I feel the bond, I know Jasmine’s alive.”

My parents exchanged a look. They had supported me every step of the way, understanding the depth of my connection with Jasmine. When I first told the ranking officials that Jasmine was my mate, they were shocked, both happy and sad, but quickly rallied to support the search, understanding the importance of the bond between mates. I was supposed to take over the kingdom when I reached twenty-one, but I opposed it. It was my lifetime goal to make Jasmine come home. I couldn’t focus on it if I had responsibilities on my shoulders. Mom could have passed the crown to Kaia, but she didn’t want it. Kaia still had not met her mate. While waiting for her mate, she had been busy helping our parents with royal duties and responsibilities. Some of them were mine. Our family almost argued on the issue, but then Mom said she would still take charge until I was thirty. After that, I had to leave the search to the trackers and step up as the new king. I couldn’t do anything but agree to it. However, thirty was waving. There was only over a year left. I was already running out of time.

“Uncle Brandon and Aunt Audrey are counting on me,” I continued speaking. “I promised them I would bring her back. I can’t let them down.”

“They know you’re doing everything you can,” Dad said gently. “But you need to take care of yourself too. Jasmine wouldn’t want you to destroy yourself like this.”

I clenched my fists, the anger and frustration surging up again. “Every day I don’t find her feels like a failure. I can’t just sit back and do nothing.”

My mother placed a hand on my shoulder. “We’re not asking you to give up, Reagan. Just to take a step back, reassess your approach. Sometimes, taking a break can give you a new perspective.”

I knew they were right, but the thought of stopping, even for a moment, felt like a betrayal. Still, the exhaustion was catching up on me, and I couldn’t deny that I was running on fumes.

“I’ll think about it,” I said finally. “But I can’t promise anything.”

They nodded, understanding that was the best they could hope for. As they left the room, I turned back to my desk, the maps and notes blurring together as my mind raced. I had to find a way to keep going, to keep searching for Jasmine. The bond between us was the only thing keeping me grounded, the only proof that she was still out there somewhere.

Late that night, I found myself standing outside on my balcony, looking out over the darkened landscape. The moon hung high in the sky, casting a pale glow over the trees. I closed my eyes, reaching out with my senses, trying to feel the bond that connected me to Jasmine. It was faint, but it was there, a thin thread of hope that kept me going.

“I miss you, Jas-mine,” I whispered into the night. “I’ll find you. I promise.”

There were times I hated her. I couldn’t believe she could be so selfish, that she could only think of herself. But then, I would understand her. Being a werewolf meant giving your life to the pack, but she wanted more out of her life, more time to experience the world. If she had waited for me, I would gladly give her everything she wanted.

Looking up to the sky, the full moon hung there silently, brightening up the sky. I said a silent prayer. I poured my heart out telling the Moon Goddess that I was about to lose hope and perhaps she could guide me to wherever Jasmine was.

.

.

.

The days turned into weeks, each one filled with the same exhausting routine of searching and coming up empty. My frustration grew, the anger simmering just below the surface, ready to explode at any moment. It was during one particularly fruitless day that I lost my temper again, this time at one of the trackers who had brought back yet another dead end.

“This is useless!” I shouted, slamming my fist down on the table. “We’re not getting anywhere!”

The tracker flinched, looking down at his feet. “We’re doing our best, alpha.”

“Your best isn’t good enough!” I snapped, immediately regretting my harsh words. “The tracker didn’t deserve my anger; he was just as committed to finding Jasmine as I was. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know you’re trying. It’s just…it’s been so long.”

He nodded. “We’ll keep looking, alpha. We won’t give up.”

Alpha. They had started calling me that even when I didn’t deserve it.

As he left, I sank into a chair, burying my face in my hands. I couldn’t keep going like this, lashing out at the people who were trying to help. I needed to find a way to regain control, to channel my anger and frustration into something productive.

The tension in my muscles was unbearable. After the meeting with the tracker, I knew I needed to release the pent-up anger and frustration. I decided to go for a run in the forest, hoping the physical exertion would help clear my mind. I left my office quickly, eager to lose myself in the trees and the night air.

Just as I got out of the palace, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see one of the female pack members, Lala or perhaps Lisa, approaching me. She was known for her flirtatious nature, and I could see that gleam in her eyes.

“Hey, Reagan,” she said. “I noticed you seem tense. Maybe I can help you relax?”

I clenched my jaw, my anger flaring up again. “Not now, Lala,” I said curtly.

“Oh, come on,” she purred, stepping closer and placing a hand on my arm. “You’ve been working so hard. You deserve a little break, don’t you think? And it’s Leila not Lala.”

The audacity of her suggestion sent a wave of fury through me. I yanked my arm away from her grasp, my eyes blazing. “I said not now!” I growled. “Do you think I have time for this? I’m trying to find my mate, the love of my life who’s been missing for nine years. Do you honestly think I’d be interested in a fling?”

She took a step back, clearly startled by the intensity of my reaction. “I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to–”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I snapped, cutting her off. “Just leave me alone.”

Without another word, I turned and ran to the clearing, shifted in the forest and started running again, pushing myself harder and faster than I had in a long time.