The Tapestry of Love

Chapter 11

Joshua woke up with a heavy mood his head was throbbing due to drink last night, every event was blur in his mind lost in haze of alcohol, rubbing his temples he tried to shake off the fog of confusion. He looked around, the room was empty he pushed the sheets away and went towards the bathroom with unsteady movements. He took a cold shower to clear his mind but the same question lingered, what happened last night? He slightly remembered the scenes but they are not clear so he didn’t understand what happened.

He dressed up and came downstairs, the house was unsteadily quiet. Nowadays August waited for him for breakfast even if it’s nothing to talk about they do breakfast together but today there is no sign of him in the house.

“Maybe he didn’t come home last night, maybe something urgent came over” he thought.

He went to the kitchen made himself a cup of coffee, as he came to the living room his eyes fell upon the paper on the table, he took the paper and what was written on it made Joshua’s eyes open wide his expressions worried.

Dear Joshua,

I’m writing this letter with a heavy heart, filled with regret and sorrow. I know words can’t get you precious time back, the things that you lost because of me; it’s not easy to forgive but I hope you once trust my words. Last night, I know how much I have hurt you, I thought you have forgiven me and I can make a place in your heart now. Thanks to fate that I knew how you actually felt otherwise I will become the scar that never healed. I never wanted to hurt you, and I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused. I didn’t realize how much my actions were hurting you. It felt like I had become a jinx in your life, like everything I touch turns to ash. You deserve all the happiness in the world, but I was like a dark cloud, blocking the sun from shining on you. I have loved you since the day I met you, with every passing day my feelings have grown stronger. I never wanted to hurt you, I wanted to take care of you but I don’t know how my own insecurities and jealousy got in the way, and I ended up hurting you instead. Every word I said to you was true. When I told you I loved you, I meant it with all my heart. I want you to be mine, but I understand if that can never happen now.

I’m truly sorry, Joshua. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday. All I want is for you to be happy, even if it means I can’t be a part of your life. May you live your life fully and find someone that can bring happiness to your heart.

With all my love and regret,

August.

Joshua’s heart sank after reading these words he felt his body numb by thoughts of what he had done last night? Now he understood that what he thought was a dream actually was a true it was actually August he yelled at and pushed. He didn’t understand what to do he punched the arm of the couch. He took his phone and called August but no answer from the other line. He felt his breath heavy he was aware of Augusts’ behavior nobody knew what he would do this thought made him scared. He doesn’t know whom he talks about in this situation he took the keys and went towards the garage, Augusts’ car was also there it made Joshua more worried he drove to Mark’s house, he rang the bell twice but no answer came he became anxious and knocked the door with more power Mark opened the door he seems sleepy but his eyes wide open looking at Joshua.

“What happened?” he asked looking at Joshua’s situation

Joshua tried to talk but his heart beat was so fast and it was difficult for him to talk. Mark took him inside to the living room and gave him some water

“Calm down, take a sip”, he handed him a glass of water Joshua took a sip and returned it to Mark

“Now tell me what happened, do you again have a fight with August” Mark asked sitting beside him

“No, but I hurt him I was drunk last night and didn’t remember what I said to him he left this note for me” Mark took the paper and read it he looked worried towards Joshua.

“Firstly relax yourself, we can do something about it, did you call him”

Joshua nodded “but he didn’t reply I am so much worried about him you know him, I don’t know what he will do. If he did something stupid how I will face our families what will I answer them”. His voice cracked

“Maybe he wants some time alone he is a mature person and he’ll handle it”. Mark tried to console him

“And also that’s what you wanted” he added

“Things changed Mark I never wanted that” Joshua looked towards Mark there was something different in his eyes

“He always was a stupid, he thought by doing this he would make me feel better, without knowing, it will make me much more burdened, he never will grow up”

“Please cool down first then we’ll see what to do next”. Mark tapped his shoulder gently

“What if I became late, I never grasped at anything I ever wanted “, the emotions that were suppressed for all the time erupt and tears fall down.

Mark took him in a tight hug when Joshua was surprised by a knowing voice

“What happened Mark, who was knocking so loudly, is everything okay?” Alexander asked entering the living room but was shocked by looking at the person in front of him; He could sense the environment by looking at them.

He went towards them “What happened, Joshua, did you two again have a fight”. Joshua didn’t reply

Mark looked towards Alexander and handed him the letter by August.

“Did you know where he is?” Joshua questioned with hope.

“Actually we had no conversation for about two days I was busy. What exactly happened between you two why don’t you just talk things out and solve your issues” he left a sigh

“Let me call him” he called him but the line was not available he looked at Joshua who is worried sick and dialed another number the latter picked up

“Hello, its Alexander, is August in office?”

“No Sir, he told me that he is going to leave for some time.” the assistant replied

Alexander put his phone in the table hardly

“What …..” Mark inquired

“He told them that he is taking leave from work they didn’t know where he was gone.

“We can ask his parents if they know where he is”.

“Are you stupid Mark, what will we tell them why he is gone, Aunt have heart issues we can’t tell them”.

“Joshua do you know any place where he can go Mark asked

“I didn’t, he never shared anything with me” Joshua replied

“ Do you even know anything about him, you never knew what he wanted, you never tried to understand him that’s why he behaved like that I know he was not right too but you never tried to understand each other”. Alexander said in anger

“He never talked to me, he was always like that a brat that always makes troubles”, Joshua replied

“Have you ever listened to him, have you ever given him the chance to explain”. Alexander said sarcastically

“If he is a brat you are not better than him”

Joshua looked down, the truth stabbed him sharply It’s true he never tried to talk to him he always argued and he ignored him first because of his childish behavior then because he became so spoiled, he never tried to know the reason behind his changed behavior.

“Alexander” Mark tried to stop Alexander for further talk but he didn’t listen

From the very beginning when you met him he started to like you he was there for you at every moment you felt sad or alone, you were lost at that time so he wanted to be your safe place, your peaceful point. The quiet and genius kid got suspended from school for the first time, because he fought for you Joshua, those boys talk bad about you that’s why he did that but you blamed him.

Every time he did something, you blame him without knowing anything, you slapped him because he talked bad about your friend, and you also don’t know why he did that because he became jealous at that time he had got feelings for you. When you got to high school you started avoiding him you never give him time usually you went to meet your friends even if August told you to spend time with him. He thought you liked Lily so he got jealous and she always provoked him because she knew that August liked you”

Joshua keep listening silently to Alexander’s words

“You don’t know August even a bit,

He always talks about you wanting to do everything for you. Did you know that August doesn’t like roses every time he picked a rose he got rashes all over but he always picked it himself for you because you like it. Do you remember the scar on his palm” Alexander asked him but he was only looking at him

“I’ll tell you what happened, because you like roses he tried to take it for you but he cut his palm due to this and you thought he was being naughty. Did you ever ask him what he wanted it for?”

“I’m sorry”. I only those words came from Joshua’s mouth

“I didn’t told you this to make you feel sorry but I want you to understand,

“I agree that it was my mistake that I misbehaved at that time but he ruined everything I lost my chance to live my dream.”

Alexander laughed at his words “Are you really stupid or don’t want to accept your incompetency to understand the situation. When you slapped him, his doubts confirmed that you also like Lily you also give so much importance to his brother over August, so he became mad in anger he had no friend to talk to other than you, you know that he waited for you at the sight you watched stars every night. He waited for you the whole night but you went to console Lily so he felt that he failed, you will never love him. He didn’t want you to leave him; more of that he didn’t want you to leave with Lily. He had no choice left so he ruined it you left the city but he always regretted it.

“Do don’t even know that he was going to psychiatrist for counseling to change himself, when you left he became depressed he lost himself in studies to get distracted and prove his parents that he can be a good son. Mr. Black got upset with him and told him that he is embarrassed by his behavior. He tried to talk to you but your father stop him by telling that it should be between you and August, you both have to solve it yourselves he had known that August loved you that’s why he agreed to that marriage”.

Joshua clasped his hands and turn his head tears streaming down continuously

“Help me to find him, I never wanted to make him leave, help me Alexander”.

“Calm down he will be alright, let’s have some rest you look devastated Mark took his hand and make him follow upstairs,

“Now take some rest we’ll look for him, maybe he’ll take our call”. Mark went out and closed the door behind him leaving Joshua alone with his thoughts.