Clinging To Secrets

7

"We are going to sleep over at mine tonight are you sure you don't want to come?" Cassie asks for about the millionth time as I sip on my drink "I'm sure" I say rolling my eyes. For basically the whole week all of the girls have been saying I shouldn't go on this 'date', if you could even call it that. It's that guy from the cafe his name is Brennan, and he has invited to a party with him so I guess I am going as his date? I don't know. But anyway, all of my friends have been telling me not to go.

I have no idea why because they don't even know him but they seem to think he isn't right for me. I'm not even going for love or anything like that, I don't even like him, I mean he's funny and seems nice but I don't have a crush on him and I am certain I never will. I just want to have a fun time, party, drink, dance just let my hair down and relax. I hate to admit it but Jason's absence has gotten to me, I hate how him being gone affects me, I hate how everyone always asks me about him, I hate how his face is constantly popping up in my head and I hate how his voice echoes in my mind somehow. And I can't do anything to stop it, whatever it is. God! Why is life so annoying?

"We are going to watch Magic Mike XXL" Riley says "And my sister said Joe Manganiello is even hotter in this one" Piper teases me "We are going to have pizza," Gabi says "And Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream" Mia says. "I think I'll pass" I say nonchalantly, even though that is my idea of a perfect night.

Watching my dream boyfriend, actually husband, Joe Manganiello be a stripper on Magic Mike, whilst eating pizza and ice cream. "Why? Do you even like this guy?" Cassie asks "Yeah what's his name anyway." Riley asks I open my mouth to answer but Piper butts in "Isn't it like Bre-Bri-Brianne? I'm pretty sure that's a girl's name" she says "Yeah it is" Mia says "You don't think he's secretly a girl?" Gabi says gasping as the other girls nod and look at me.

They keep on talking like this not letting me get a word in edge ways, I try to say something but each time someone has a remark to say about him. Finally, my annoyance gets too a point where I can't take it, so I hit the table with my hand making them all look at me and a few people from around the cafeteria stare at me like I'm a weirdo. "What?" I snap staring down each stranger who is glaring at me making them quickly turn around, I bring my attention back to the girls on the table.

"His name is Brennan, he is a male and I am going to go whether you like it or not" I say "Why?" Cassie asks sounding angry "Because I like him" I lie "You like him?" Riley asks "Yes, I do he's hot and funny what's not to like? And besides it is up to me who I go out with not you guys, so can you please just stop. If I want to go out I will, can you guys actually act like my friends and support me, I don't care if you don't like him just respect my decisions." I say instantly feeling a wave of relief come over me as I finally tell them how I feel.

They all seem pretty stunned with my speech and for a couple minutes nobody says anything "We didn't mean to upset you Sophie" Mia says "We are just trying to protect you from getting hurt by total assholes like Brennan" Piper says making me roll my eyes again "What she meant to say is from assholes in general," Gabi says "Please don't be angry with us we are so, so sorry" Riley says looking at me with her baby blue eyes which are filling with water as she is about to cry, I hate seeing her cry she is just so damn adorable you can't help but give in because her sad little face just breaks anyone's heart.

"I forgive you, now can we talk about anything but tonight?" I say "Jason will probably be back soon" Cassie says staring at me as if to see my reaction "I bet you're parents are relieved." I say, literally every time I see Mr and Mrs Fontaine they ask me about Jason and if I have seen him and my answer is always the same; No or ask Zac. "Aren't you excited to see Jason?" Riley asks as soon as she says that Piper hits her arm and gives her a look as if she wants to kill her, Riley rubs her arm and looks at me waiting for an answer "I guess, so then everyone will stop asking me about him" was what I wanted to say but instead I shrugged my shoulders "Not really" I say.

-- That Night--

I let out a breath as I get out of my car deciding to leave my purse under the seat and take my jacket off, I'm parked across the street from the house where the party is being held. I thought I might get the wrong house because this is the town next to the place where I live and I have never been here, but anyone could tell a party was happening here, the music could be heard for miles and loads of cars were parked and drunk teenagers heading in and out. I smiled knowing that that is going to be me later probably throwing up because I am determined to drink all my worries away tonight and just have fun.

I get in and go straight to the drinks table downing a few shots and taking a cup full of some kind of vodka cocktail, I weave my way through the crowd of sweaty, dancing teens who are grinding against each other, as I try to find Brennan which is a lot harder when you're only 5"3. After tapping on many shoulders of guys who are tall with blonde shaggy hair I finally find Brennan.

"Hey Sophie you made it" he says wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my forehead as he turns me around to a group of guys "These are my friends Danny, Ben, Ty and Ryder this is Sophie" Brennan introduces us "Hi" I say glancing at each of them "You were right bro, she's f*****g hot" one of them says "If he's his usual d**k self and you get tired of him, I'm sure I can make you forget all about him" another says winking, I take a big gulp of my drink knowing full well that I am going to have to be absolutely smashed to get through tonight which I'm kinda glad about.

I turn around again trying to avoid kissing Brennan as he leans in for about the hundredth time, it just feels wrong I shouldn't be this close to a guy, I don't want to be this close to any guy except from him, from Jason. I try to push his annoyingly attractive face out of my mind as I dance with Brennan, he's gripping onto my hips so my ass is grinding on his crotch and his lips are on my neck.

My mind flashes back to the times when Jason did this to me how his lips felt on my skin, like magic and tingles would ignite throughout my whole body just from one touch, I could only dream of what it would be like to kiss him. But not with any other guy, no matter how much I wanted to feel something with any guy but Jason my mind and body wasn't allowing it.

Frustrated with myself I down the rest of my drink and throw the cup on the floor before turning around wrapping my hands around Brennan's neck and pulling him down so our lips connect. His lips feel wrong against mine, although the kiss is alright there's nothing wrong with it, it's just me, there are no sparks, no fireworks, there's nothing. I deepen the kiss biting his lip and shooting my tongue into his mouth, my hands tangle in his hair as his grip onto my waist and ass. I try anything to feel something, anything but there is nothing. All I can think about is how much I want this to happen with Jason not Brennan, I want Jason to kiss me, I want his hands on me not Brennan's not anyone's but Jason.

I finally pull away from Brennan, it's been about 5 or 6 hours and we have kissed many times, I have tried basically everything to get Jason Fontaine out of my mind. And it's kinda worked. Drinking is helping a lot, with each sip I seem to be more careless and relaxed, not to mention the smell of drugs which is all over the house is invading all of my senses, intoxicating me further.

I get away from Brennan and go over to the drinks, taking a bottle of whatever's there and drinking it, someone passes by me with the smell of weed all over him, he turns to me and smirks. His hand lifts and he gives me a joint I hesitantly take it in my hands "Go on baby, I promise it will make you feel great" he slurs, that's when my mind snaps and I realise what I'm surrounded by and what I'm about to do. I give it back to him "No thanks" I say I put the bottle back and stumble outside my mind spinning as I'm suddenly reintroduced to fresh air instead of drugs and alcohol. I find my way over to the car and search around for my keys and purse, I pull out my phone the bright light making me squint in annoyance.

2:37am

10 missed calls

23 texts

Guilt washes over me as I see how many calls and texts I've missed from my family and friends, my finger lingers over my contact list contemplating whether or not I should call someone. I throw it on the passenger seat deciding not to, as I don't want to cause anyone any trouble or let my parents see me in this drunk and slightly high state. I find my keys and shove it into the car and speed off wanting to just get home and sleep.

I turn onto the highway as the party was held about an hours drive from where I live. I speed up my car, not caring if I'm going over the limit. As I drive down the long road I begin to feel sick, I quickly pull over to the side of the road which is next to a forest and stumble out. I bend over puking what looks like everything I have ever eaten or drunk. As I finish I wipe my mouth and sit down, not able to stand anymore as the full effect of drunkenness overcomes me, I put my head in my hands trying to get the sick feeling out of me.

"Sophie?" I hear a voice say

I look out into the forest where the voice came from and look around, my eyes slightly hazy but, despite that I recognise who it is, green eyes, dark hair, perfect face, perfect body it's Jason. Even though for the whole night, some part of me wanted Jason. The other part of me, the sane part, remembers my last encounter with him and fear once again enters me. "Leave me alone" I say bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself trying to get this scared feeling out of me "What's the matter?" he asks, ignoring my comment and running over, I scoot back "No, stay away from me" I say holding out my trembling hand. He stops and bends down, he looks at me and I see concern etched on his face, he runs a hand through his hair sighing. "Why are you drunk?" he asks "I'm not" I lie "Yes you are, you stink of alcohol don't lie to me" he says sounding irritated.

We stay in silence for a while and then I rub my arms with my hands as the chilly air feels as if it is freezing me, Jason makes a move to come closer but I instantly move back and shiver even more with fear. "Don't come near me" I say shakily "I'm not going to hurt you" he says, but I don't trust him.

He sighs again "I need to call someone" he says giving up on me, he gets up and walks a bit further leaning against a tree, as he gets his phone and places it by his ear. In seconds he is done and he comes back and sits in front of me, and to my relief he sits about two metres away, I keep my gaze on anything but him as I feel his eyes staring at me. "I'm leaving" I say, getting up and walking in any direction that leads away from Jason as I can't remember where my car is "No you're f*****g not" he says growling slightly, I snap my head in his direction as fear escapes my body and only anger and irritation is left.

"It's not up to you" I spit back walking away, I hear a low growl and I am suddenly pinned to a tree. My body is pushed up as Jason's chest is against mine our eyes locked, his colossal hands are gripping onto my wrists holding them on either side of me "Do not speak to me like that" he snarls, his eyes going the familiar jet black and all my anger and confidence melts away leaving me a trembling scared mess, in front of Jason's intimidating death stare.

"Please let me go, I want to go home" I whimper, looking down, as I can't bear to see his scary expression. "You are not going anywhere" he says still sounding agitated, I swallow nervously "Why?" I ask. "Because I am not letting you drive home when you're f*****g hammered, you could get into a car accident and hurt yourself or even-" he says taking in a sharp breath, I look up seeing only raw emotion in his captivating emerald eyes. "You could get- killed" he says staring back at me "And I wouldn't be able to live or f*****g survive without you" he says sounding so vulnerable that I ask myself how can I be afraid of him when he's so sweet.

"Jason-" I start "No, don't beg me to let you go. Because I'm not letting you," he says firmly. "Jason please let me go I'm feel-" "No" he cuts me off "You don't understand please-" "No" he says again. I am left to the last resort and I bring my knee up to his crotch making his grip loosen so I take my chance and get out of his hold just in time so I can throw my guts up.

I wipe my mouth and only then do I realise what I just did, I turn around to face Jason who looks pissed as well as worried "Never do that to me" he growls "Would you rather me throw up on you?" I ask "Yes" he says, I'm about to say something when I see shadows in the distance, coming closer.

I squint my eyes so I can see what it is and then when my eyes adjust I see a group of what looks like wolves coming towards us. Fear shoots through me and I think Jason sees my terrified expression as he turns around to see what I saw, and whilst he does that I sprint off in the other direction, scared for my life.

I have no idea where I'm going and I can't see straight as my mind is invaded with horrible flashbacks of that night, even though it happened years ago my fear is just as strong. I feel tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision even more. As I wipe my eyes with my hand as I carry on running, I turn my head and see two headlights speeding towards me. Before I can react arms wrap around my waist as tingles shoot through me, and I collide with a familiar rock hard chest. "What the f**k are you doing!" Jason says trying to sound angry but I can hear the worry and strain in his voice. I can't reply as I just stare at him, he sighs and I feel his hand rub circles on my back as I start sobbing. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shirt unable to control my emotions.

"Please stop crying" he says as his voice cracks, I try to calm down as his touch starts relaxing me. I pull back so I can see him as he stares back at me, his hand cups my cheek wiping my tears with the pad of his thumb. I jump up, wrapping my legs around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder. He soothes me by rubbing my hair and back, whilst whispering sweet nothings in my ear, assuring me everything is fine.

As I relax, my eyes feel droopy and I give into the darkness, feeling safe in Jason's embrace.