The Queen Within

Chapter 13

Alandra

It had been two days since the attack and I have not been allowed to leave the building. Jonathan and Roy said they weren't sure what the rogues were after, but they wouldn't put it past that they got word I was there and were after me. Though it can't be proven, I am still being confined to the building. Not only that, but Ebonie was to keep watch/guard me at all times and I wasn't allowed to dismiss her.

I felt like a child. I know they were just worried and looking out for my safety, but didn't they think this was a bit extreme? A bit much? The whole thing is just overbearing.

I could just order them to let me out. To overrule their restrictions, but, I know that would just cause tension and I don't want that. Plus, what if they are right? What if those rogues were after me? I didn't like it, but I had to accept this. I had to accept being extra cautious for the sake of our child.

Sighing, I got up and closed the book I was reading. I felt Ebonie's eyes follow me as I slid the book back into the shelf. I spent most of the day in the library or with the kids. Today, the kids had escape training so I was alone. Well, technically I wasn't alone, I had the ever-watchful Ebonie.

"My lady, where are you headed to?" She said as soon as I started making my way out of the library.

"I'm going back to my room. I am starting to feel tired."

She only nodded and followed me. Having her around wouldn't be so bad if she would just say something. She was beautiful and gave off a gentle aura whenever she was with me, but she never said anything unless I spoke directly to her. I made my way back to the room and Ebonie stood at attention outside the door. She also never came into the room. 'Out of respect' is what she would always say when I told her she could sit inside.

I felt my body go completely limp the moment I laid down. It didn't occur to me just how tired I was until I actually laid down. I felt my eyes flutter close and the sweet dark promise of sleep overtake me. Or so I thought.

I found myself floating in darkness. My body felt like I was underwater. I could hear a faint voice calling my name in the distance. I wanted to move, to just at least open my eyes, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. The voice got louder as I lay there, fighting to take control of my body.

"Alandra"

My body jolted up. I sat up and looked around me, realizing I was sitting in the ocean. Crystal clear waves overlapped my legs and the sun and moon were both high in the sky. I looked at my hands and my body seemed translucent. Like I was here but I wasn't here. This definitely had to be a dream.

"Alandra."

I jerked my head to the side and saw a woman walking toward me. Her image kept shifting, taking different forms. At first, she was a black woman with a very large beautiful Afro, beads along her waist, wearing what looked like a grey tube top and a skirt that was open on the sides. Then she shifted to a pale lady with hair of silver that went down her back and a silk grey dress that flowed effortlessly down her curves. She changed again and again. Her appearance ranges from the beautiful black woman she first came to me as, to an Asain woman with silk robes.

Each look was geared to a specific race. The only thing that didn't change was her eyes. They stayed the same color of silver. By the time she came to my side, she had shifted back to the black woman. It wasn't until she was close did I notice she seemed to have something in her hands.

She smiled at me and sat down beside me, letting the waves lap at her legs. At first, she didn't say anything. Just played with the thing in her hands, which I could now tell was clay. I assumed she was making something out of it. Oddly enough, it didn't feel awkward. There wasn't a need to fill the silence between us. Something felt so familiar.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was entrancing. It sounded like multiple people were speaking all at once, but it wasn't overbearing. I could still understand her.

"F...For what?"

"For what you are about to endure. But to save my children, to save your people, it's a sacrifice we must make."

"What are you talking about? A sacrifice?"

She went silent and played with the lump of clay some more. I watched as her small hands worked methodically on it. Rubbing and pinching, making the clay take form.

"I can not explain it all right now. For speaking of the future, could condemn the future."

"I don't understand. Who are you? What are talking about?"

The woman smiled at her clay. It took the shape of what looked like a tiny wolf. She handed me the wolf and I took it, examining it in my hands. It was amazingly detailed.

"Alandra, there are things happening, things set in motion that, if not stopped, or dealt with, could mean the end. You, my brave, strong child, will be the difference between life and death. And for that, I am sorry."

After she said this, she gave me a sad smile, with tears in her eyes that looked like the stars. I still wasn't sure who she was, but seeing her cry, made my heartache. She got up and started walking back the way she came. I didn't want her to leave so soon. She came here and was all cryptic like, and now she's leaving? No way.

I got up and ran after her. "Wait! Please, you have to be more specific! I don't understand!"

"In time you will." She said as she turned to smile at me. I stopped in front of her and looked down at my hands that were still holding the clay wolf.

"I don't know if I will. I don't know what all this means or what you want from me. I'm just... me."

I felt her hand touch my chin and gently lift my head up. I looked into her eyes and to me, it looked like they were the moon itself.

"Yes. You are just you. But, YOU are more than enough." She kissed the top of my forehead, the way a mother would before she turned again, walking away to leave. When I realized she left her clay I ran after her again.

"Wait! You forgot your clay!"

"Keep it! Make something!" She had yelled back at me before she vanished from my view. I stood there, dumbfounded. Here I was, standing on the shore, with a little clay wolf in my hands, completely lost. Even though I had no idea what she meant, this heavy feeling suddenly took residence in my chest.

Suddenly, I felt myself get yanked backward as if someone tugged on a rope, forcing my body back. In an instant, I sat up in bed screaming at the top of my lungs, all these emotions overflowing to the surface. I felt angry, scared, depressed, alone, in agony, and so much more. I didn't know how to process anything, nor did I have time. I could hear Onyx howling in my head and that only made the pain worse.

I could vaguely hear Ebonie, could barely see her through my tears. I wanted to tell her I was alright physically, but my sobs racked my body and made talking impossible. I clutched my chest where the pressure felt the hardest and curled into a ball on my side, shaking from wave after wave of sobs. I felt arms lift and embrace me, and form the sparks that traveled through my body, and with the instant calm I felt, I could tell it was Jonathan. I buried my face into his chest and inhaled his scent. Strawberries and lemons.

"Shhh, now my love. I am here. You are safe. You are loved. You are worthy." He repeated the mantra he use to tell me when I woke up from nightmares after Mary had died.

I tried taking in a few deep breaths, only focusing on his voice and his scent. After some time, I finally calmed down enough that the tears finally mostly stopped. Ebonie had handed me a glass of apple juice, muttering something about how she heard pregnant women like it. Though I personally didn't, I still took it and sipped the cold drink slowly.

I know they wanted answers, but answers are what I didn't have. They both looked at me with concern but I didn't know what to say. To be honest, the dream I had, that I'm pretty sure caused this outburst, was becoming fuzzier and fuzzier as time went on. The only thing I was absolutely sure of, was that there was a woman there. I'm not sure who she was and her face became less and less distinguishable. I couldn't even remember the color of her skin.

I'm not sure either... It is like our memory is being suppressed.

'But who could do that?'

The Goddess...

Great. So, the Goddess sent me a message, but I can't know what it was? What was the point in even telling me anything then? Why waste the effort?

She has a plan for us all, whatever her reasons, we must trust them.

I rolled my eyes internally. Trust? I just woke up and had a panic/anxiety attack and a mental breakdown all in one and I'm supposed to trust in whatever process she has us doing? No way. I would give her a piece of my mind. You can't just cause this kind of reaction and not let someone know why. It's not right.

Suddenly Roy came barging into the room.

"Is she alright?! I heard there was a commotion!" He must've come running here at top speed with the way he was breathing heavy.

"I'm not sure... She seems fine physically."

"I swear my Alpha, no one came in her room. The Queen said she wanted to rest. So we came back here and I stayed outside the door. She was fine, then she suddenly started screaming. When I came into the room... She was... unwell."

Well, that was a nice way to put it. I had to hand it to Ebonie, she was acting completely composed about the whole thing even though I'm sure I must've scared her half to death.

"Alandra... What did happen?" Jonathan tried to ask me kindly as he stroked my hair. I sighed. There was no easy way to put this.

"I don't know for sure. But, I think the Goddess came to me. She must've left some kind of message but I don't know."

"You don't know?" Roy c****d an eyebrow at me, then at Jonathan. "Are you sure it was her then?"

I nodded. "Yes. My wolf thinks so too. For whatever reason though, we can't recall what was said."

Jonathan kissed my hand tenderly. "Can you think of anything? A small detail or something she may have left behind? Like a clue?"

I closed my eyes and tried to think really hard about the dream. I tried to will it back to me and remember what happened. No matter how hard I tried though, I couldn't think of anything of significance. The only other thing I could remember was being handed a lump of clay. I'm sure it was shaped into something but I wasn't sure what.

"Clay. I had a lump of clay in my hands."

They all looked at each other as if I was crazy. I rolled my eyes at them. "Well, you asked! I'm sorry but this is all I remember!"

Jonathan wrapped his arms around me once more, holding me tightly. "That's ok my love. I'm sure it will all come back to you in time. Try not to push yourself right now."

Easy for him to say. What was I supposed to do with this sudden feeling of dread?