The Queen Within

Alandra Three days. It had been three days since I dreamt about my parents and the daunting realization that I could infactly be pregnant. I spent most of my days holed up in our room. I was terrified to step out and someone notice what I hoped was the impossible. It wasn’t that I was avoiding the fact. Well, kind of. I just wasn’t ready to accept it. Not until it was confirmed. Jonathan wanted to go to the pack clinic right away but I just couldn’t. I told him I wanted to wait till I gained more symptoms and then I would confirm. Of course he begged and pleaded with me to go sooner, but we compromised. I agreed to wait for three days to check all the symptoms and he agreed he wouldn’t tell anyone, not even his parents. He was so excited and couldn’t stop talking about the baby and how much he hopes it’s a girl because, “Daddy’s little princess will love him always.” The baby isn’t here yet and I’m already being replaced. I wished I could feel as excited as he was. To feel the overwhelming joy of it all. But how can I? Every circumstance of parents that I had ended in tragedy. Do I even know what it means to be a parent? To be honest, I wasn’t sure. I sighed heavily and sat up slowly. I had to move slow these days due to the never ending nausea. A huge part of me was still hoping it was just a bad stomach bug. I walked over to the window and looked at the perfect scenery. River Moon pack was amazing. The pack grounds itself is nestled right under a mountain and has a river that traces around the outskirts. It’s the perfect place for a pack to be honest. There was only one way in, and one way out that didn’t involve crossing the river. The river is beautifully crystal clear due to it being supplied by a waterfall that comes from the mountain. When night hits, the way the moon reflects on the river itself, it took my breath away when I first saw it. It looked like a perfect copy and that you could touch the moon itself. I have been here for months and the sight still awes me. During the day the light makes the river shimmer and glow. If that wasn’t enough, the whole place is incased by a thick forest. The whole place had that look and feel that it came straight out of a fairy tail. I was so blessed by the Moon Goddess to be here. Even the little town looked like one of those towns you see on those life magazines. I have been lucky that all the pack members have been nice to me as well. I know they will celebrate and cherish me having a child and that an heir would strengthen the pack. I know they will treat the baby just as well, if not better then they treat me. I know a baby would have the perfect life. I just didn’t know if being a mother was for me. After I peeled my eyes off the scenery, I walked over to the giant walk-in closet, deciding to get ready for my appointment. Jonathan would be here any moment to take me to the clinic. Quickly putting on a simple yellow sundress that flowed to the floor and sandals that were easy to kick off in case I needed to run. I gathered my courage and plastered a smile on my face. “My love, where are you?” Speak of the devil and he will appear. I made my way back into the room and smiled at the sight of my mate. Jonathan was wearing black joggers and an army green tank top with his favorite running shoes. He smiled at me and held up a paper bag with a logo of a giant bagel smiling. I squealed in excitement. The bag could only mean one thing, he went to Mama Anne’s bakery. The place was amazing and had the best baked goods I have ever tasted. They also made the best everything bagel in the world. “Extra cream cheese, just like you like it.” Jonathan said and then kissed me softly on the lips before bending down and kissing my belly. “You know there’s a possibility that there is no baby?” Jonathan rolled his eyes as he watched me devour the bagel. “And you do know that you’re in denial right?” I scuffed at him turned away. I felt the sparks where his hands brushed against my arms and a shiver went down my spine. There will never be anything more wonderous then the feeling of Jonathan. “What ever the doctor says today, it will be ok. What ever it is, we will make it through. So pregnant, not pregnant, either one, it’s ok as long as we have each other.” He nuzzled his face into my neck where his mark was. I took a few deep breaths calming myself. Jonathan was right of course. As long as we were together, nothing else mattered. Jonathan and I just needed to be together for everything to be ok. I turned around and gave him a small smile. He fingered one of my braids, a hairstyle that I adopted when I moved in with Jonathan. It was easier to manage and I have to admit, it made me match Jonathan slightly. We decided to start making our way to the town where the clinic was. I talked about these amazing fries I dreamt about the night before. They were fresh out the fryer, perfectly salted, it was amazing. Jonathan talked about some of the reports that have been coming in from different packs. Apparently there has been an increase in rogue attacks. Not significantly, but enough that the packs are concerned. They keep requesting for Jonathan to send more and more of our pack members to aide them, but he is hesitant. With an unknown increase in attacks, whose to say we wont be next? Yes River Moon is naturally built like a fortress, but that doesn’t mean we were impervious to attacks. If we spread our forces out to thin we could be in big trouble. “I want to help them, but is it the right choice for our people?” He said as we got into the car. It sounded more like he was talking to himself then anything. Jonathan gripped the steering wheel and just stared out the windshield. There were kids playing around in front of the pack house. People walking around going about their daily lives. The question seemed to weigh on him heavy and I didn’t know what to do. It made me feel useless. “Let’s tackle one thing at a time ok? First let’s get through this dreaded appointment. Then, we can gather the intel that we have and go from there. Ok?” Jonathan smiled at me and nodded. I smiled at him and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I knew he was worried but for now I felt the threat wasn’t big enough. Just something to keep our eyes on. Jonathan started up the car and we began our short car ride to the clinic. The clinic was right next to a small pharmacy and a toy store. The town itself was apparently something that Jonathan’s dad built in hopes to keep the economic growth within River Moon pack. With the work the pack does, the money is then put into the town that is run by various members. There’s even schools and colleges, and not to mention an actual Starbucks. The pack prides itself on having “other worldly” items. It’s a true sanctuary for wolf shifters. From what Jonathan told me, this is a rarity. That not all packs have the privilege of making their lands vast or the ability to create an oasis for their pack. I’ve been to a few and they were large but still mingled with humans. Which I guess is fine. I mean I mingled with humans my whole life. Well I guess I wasn’t the best thing to compare to I suppose. I sighed at that train of thought and tried to distract myself before it got to dark. I didn’t want to go down that road. A few people waved at us as we drove into town. It was nice seeing everyone happy, and the sun was shinning. It seemed like a great day to be out. To bad I felt like I was making my way to a prison sentence. I wish I could be at the ice cream shop getting me a double scoop of cookies and cream with sprinkles on top. Jonathan pulled into a parking spot in front of the clinic and my heart started to race a little. I stared at the front door of the clinic as Jonathan made his way to my door and opened it. “Are you ready my love?” The way he said it made me believe I was. I nodded to him and took his hand, allowing him to lead me into the clinic. Inside was the usual white on white and smell of disinfectant. My heart started to pick up more speed as I remember the last time I was in a clinic and it was the first moment my life flipped upside down. A young lady with big round glasses greeted Jonathan and I. “Hello Alpha, Queen Luna. What can we do for you today?” “The Luna has an appointment today with Dr.Zale.” The receptionist lady looked at her screen and after a moment, motioned us to follow her. She led us into one of the rooms and told us the doctor would be in shortly. We thanked her and I got up on the elevated stretcher bed. Jonathan looked at the posters that were there advertising for different medicines. Not regular human medicine of course. I’m talking about hormone intake. Heat suppressant. Wolfesbane counteractant. Things of those nature. A few moments go by and and older rounded lady comes through the door. She took slow small steps into the room and a smile spread across her face. She had grey hair that was in a braid over her left shoulder. She must’ve had a happy life with the smile wrinkles surrounding her eyes. Her skin was tanned and it reminded me of the color of a tree bark. She made her way to the little swivel chair and slowly lowered herself in it. “Hello Alpha, Queen Luna. I am Dr. Ramona Zale. It says that you are here to confirm a pregnancy yes?” She said in such a tiny voice. I felt the slow creep of a full on panic attack and I tried to swallow it down. Jonathan grabbed my hand and I felt myself start to calm down slightly. ”Yes, we suspect so, but, the Luna wants to be sure before announcing it.” He said a little to cheery. The doctor lady nodded and scooted closer to me. I watched as she gave me a warm smile and reached out for my hand. I looked to Jonathan who nodded in encouragement. Sighing, I placed my hand on the old woman’s and she pressed two fingers on my wrist. She closed her eyes and focused for what seemed like a silent eternity. “There you are.” She whispered quietly. “Please, Queen Luna, if you would lay back.” I nodded and did as instructed. The doctor wheeled over a piece of machinery that I recognized as an ultra sound from tv. She lifted my dress gently and up over my stomach. I shivered when she placed the cold gel on my tummy. She fiddled with the machine a little bit then placed the scanner looking part on my belly. I flinched and held onto Jonathan’s hand tighter. The room was completely silent. Then, there it was. The sound of a tiny fluttering heart beat. “There it is. If you look right there, I’d say you’re about five weeks.” Dr.Zale said as she pointed to this tiny little blip on the screen. It couldn’t have looked bigger then a small peanut. My Peanut. I was still scared about all of this and compeletly unsure, but looking at my little peanut, maybe I can do this. Jonathan erupted into a roar and kissed my face over and over again as the doctor wiped the gel from my belly. When I was finally free from his embrace, she handed us a little photo of our peanut. “Congratulations Alpha, Queen Luna.” We thanked the doctor and set up for the next appointment. Now, we had another task at hand, telling everyone else.