The Queen Within

Chapter 17

Alandra

Hollow. That was the feeling that accompanied me through every moment of every day. It's been about a week since the news of... Well since one of the worst days of my life happened. After Jonathan brought me back, I just couldn't bring myself to move. I just couldn't bring myself to talk, or barely eat. I just laid in bed, curled up while facing the window. Jonathan was by my side a lot, but he is Alpha and he has to take care of the pack.

Honestly, I don't mind. Between him and Ebonie, I rarely get a moment to myself. I just wanted to be alone. To grieve and process on my own. I didn't have the energy to deal with anyone else. Their never-ending questions or looks of concern made me feel worse. I'm supposed to be their Queen, yet here I am, basically a potato.

It also didn't help that every time someone came within a few feet of me, they would burst into tears. Something about me being Queen and Luna they can feel what I am feeling. The higher the rank, the better control they have of it, but any of the omegas who come to bring me food were bursting into tears and near collapsing. It got to the point where Jonathan ordered that all lower-ranked wolves stayed away for their own health and well-being.

Jonathans' mom happily stepped in and is taking over the majority of my Luna rolls. She said she wanted me to recover in my own time and focus on the baby. After three days of me being an unmoving pile of sadness, the pack doctor came to examine me. She told Jonathan with everything that was going on, it seemed I had prenatal depression. She told him it was actually common among pregnancies and that the best he could do was to support me in any way that I need and to make sure I stay hydrated and ate.

Of course, I heard all this. Of course, I was worried about the effect this was having on Jonathan. Of course, I was more worried about the effect this was having on the baby. I knew all of this. Knew it and worried. I just... I just couldn't get myself to move. I felt stuck. As if the weight of the world was on me. Any time I even tried to get up, I would just slump back down and whimper at the aching hole in my chest.

The only person who I didn't mind coming, was Natalie. She was the only one who knew what I was feeling, and understood my pain, without being swayed or affected by me. She would come to my room and, without uttering a single word, she would climb into bed with me and we would both just lay there in silence. Sometimes I could hear her quiet sobs. She had lost her family too. The Adairs were her family. Now there was only me. A person she just met not even a year ago. I just happened to share the name of those most precious to her.

I continued to try fighting off this massive weight that I felt. It was another sunny day and it felt like it should be illegal. It felt wrong. Every day since has been sunny and bright and it has irritated my soul. Why does the outside get to look so pretty and perfect? Why does the world get to move on? I wanted to scream. To shout at the heavens for being so cruel. I wanted to, but I couldn't even muster up enough energy to get up.

The knock at the door barely stirred me. From the position of the sun, I guessed it was already lunchtime.

"Excuse me, your highness, lunch is here." Ebonie practically whispered as she rolled in a tray of food. I could hear the clinking of the silverware and the plates. I could smell spices and chicken. Chicken tacos it was today. I loved chicken tacos. But even my love of them didn't give me the power to turn around.

Ebonie sighed and I heard her start to lay things out. "I will return in an hour to collect the tray... Please... Eat something."

I heard her footsteps recede and the door open and close. I wanted to be able to promise her that I will eat every single bite. That I will get up and that today will be the day, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to lie. It was bad enough that I was now this. I didn't want to be a liar too.

Right on schedule, I felt Jonathan's gentle touch in my mind. He always checked on me during lunch and he wouldn't stop unless I answered. With a sigh, I touched his mind back and I felt his relief. I knew that if I didn't at least drink something, he would worry more. It was bad enough I was suffering. Jonathan didn't need to suffer too.

With tremendous difficulty, I rolled over and looked at the tray. There was a plate with three chicken tacos, a bowl of fruit, and a Texas toast with some apple jelly, milk, orange juice, and apple juice. I reached for the orange juice and took slow sips of it. The cold was good for my burning throat. I could feel my little peanut start to stir inside me. My little ray of sunshine. My hope. The part of me that was still functioning, and it wasn't a big part, nagged at me to eat to keep our peanut healthy.

I slowly picked at the fruit, taking small bites. When I was finally going to make my way to the toast, Ebonie, Jonathan, and Roy barged into the room. I was surprised to see Roy here, I didn't even know he was in the area. They all had determined looks on their faces, except for Roy who had a huge smile. This annoyed me. Why was he smiling in my presence?

"Oh good, you're eating." Jonathan said softly with a smile spreading across his lips. I nodded slowly and picked up the toast. My lack of communication was taking a toll on him. You could see it in his eyes every time I couldn't speak up. The guilt was eating away at me. I didn't deserve a man like him. I didn't deserve him.

Jonathan came and sat right next to me, holding my free hand. He started rubbing my fingers as he watched me eat my toast and jam slowly. Ebonie had a faint smile on her lips, and Roy was bouncing with anticipation. His eagerness was obviously about something other than me eating. I looked at Jonathan and gestured toward Roy with my eyes.

"I had asked him for a favor a while ago. He just came back today to report... We... We have some news."

I c****d an eyebrow at him. A favor? What news could they have that they would think I would be interested in? I looked between them both and set down the remainder of my toast, thankful I didn't have to keep forcing myself to eat. I gave them my undivided attention as best I could.

"When... when we received the news, I had asked Roy to investigate the matter. He wanted to discuss his findings with the both of us present."

I felt my chest tighten. He had Roy investigate? Could there really be answers? Could my family get the justice they so rightfully deserved?

I nodded to Roy, urging him to tell us.

"It's good to see you, your majesty. Yes, Jonathan did send me to investigate." He said while pulling up a chair to sit right in front of us. "First, I want to say... I want..." Roy scratched the back of his head and bowed slightly to me, "I want to share with you my deepest condolences... I have no idea what you are going through, or what you might be feeling, but I swear I will do everything to right this wrong."

I bit back tears that were threatening to spill over. I didn't have it in me to outwardly reply, so I just patted his knee in thanks. He gave me a small smile and nodded.

"Now, we went back to the castle and the surrounding area. It... Was a mess. We dug through what we could, but there weren't a lot of traces left. What was left was already starting to fade but we followed the scents anyways. It led us to a cabin a few miles out from the castle. It looked like it was a maintenance cabin. There, we found this."

Roy reached into his pocket and handed me and Jonathan a piece of paper. Jonathan unfolded his, and it was a map of our pack. Well, not just our pack. It was a map of all the packs in the U.S. The ones that we know of that have already fallen to rogue attacks, a giant 'X' was placed on them. I unfolded my paper and it seemed to be a letter.

A magician has pulled a bunny out of the hat. Four moon cycles and tickets for the show will be sold.

A magician? What show? What does any of this mean?

I looked up at Roy, confused.

"It's code. We aren't entirely sure what it means, but four moon cycles mean four months. So something is happening within the four months. But, this isn't all we found." Roy took out another piece of paper and showed it to us. "What's on this paper must be kept between us."

I nodded as I examined it. It looked to be a list of names. Something about this list seemed familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. Jonathan took the paper from Roy, and his eyebrows knit together.

"Steven Smith? Isn't that the Elder that gave us trouble at the last gathering?"

Steven smith... Then it clicked. The old guy who had a problem with me being Queen. I took the list from Jonathan and scanned the names again. I knew it! I pointed to a name we both knew.

"Heather Rochester? Isn't she one of the maids we had at the councils' castle? And here, Keith Dobonsky. Isn't he part of the human council?"

Roy nodded. "I suspect these are the names of the people who are working with or for whoever is behind this. That means the council has been infiltrated."

I shook my head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening again. The last time this happened my family was nearly massacred. But then... That means that this time...

Furry. An unfathomable rage overtook me. My hands were shaking from it. Ebonie knelt down, gritting her teeth and exposing her neck. Roy tried to fight it but he ended up kneeling too. Jonathan was the only one who wasn't kneeling, but you could tell he was fighting it with everything he had.

I could hear others in the packhouse whimpering or howling, my aura forcing them to submit. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to affect anyone. I didn't want people kneeling to me. But I couldn't stop it. I couldn't reel it in. I was furious. I was hurt. I felt betrayed.

Once again the council has failed my family. Once again they have been infiltrated and they are the reason I am the last Adair. They are the reason I have no family. All because they couldn't control their members. I was being targeted again. I was being hunted. I had lost almost everything. I lost my parents, my best friend, Mary. What would I be forced to lose next? Jonathan? Our baby?!

NO! We will not lose anything anymore!

I shivered at Onyx's voice. She hasn't spoken since everything went down. She was now trying to push her way to the surface and take full control. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't let her. We couldn't just go headfirst without a plan.

'We need to think this through. We need a plan Onyx. We will get our revenge. So let's be smart about this.'

Onyx growled in my head but nodded in agreement. I tried to reel in my anger. To reel in my aura. I have affected everyone for long enough. It's time I stepped up. It's time I got out of this room and be the Queen and Luna my parents would've wanted me to be. It's time my family got justice. Whoever was behind this, I was going to rip their throats out.

Once everyone was able to compose themselves, I stood up and looked Roy and Jonathan in the eye.

"I have a plan."