The Queen Within

Chapter 6

Alandra

Denise and I snuck upstairs to Jonathan's office. She didn't ask what I was doing or why, she just wanted to go for the ride. I felt my heart racing as I opened the door. Jonathan's office was mostly a deep Forrest green with black furniture. He had a huge mahogany desk with an executive chair behind it. Two leather guest chairs in front of the desk, and two love seats that sat in the middle of his office on either side of a marble coffee table.

I was taken aback by how much the room screamed money. No matter how long I live here, I just can't get used to the extravagance of it all.

I know what I was doing was wrong. Sneaking into his office to look at his reports. I know I should just talk it out with him, but I know he is hiding things from me. I know he means well, but I can't be kept in the dark. This is my pack too. My community. Not knowing what's going on just feels wrong.

Denise said she would keep watch in case anyone came by. I nodded my thanks to her and made my way to the desk. There were papers scattered everywhere on it and a small frame that had our picture in it. It was of us at my Luna ceremony. I was wearing a white lace dress and Jonathan had on a white tux and his warms were around me as we smiled widely for the camera. The picture made me feel even more guilty.

Brushing off the guilt as best I could, I went on to go through the papers that were already scattered here. It was different reports of the pack's finances, member catalogs, housing plans, pack housework schedule. Nothing of rogues. Pulling out the drawers, I made a mental note to have a talk with Jonathan about keeping his workspace clean. There were random loose papers, candy wrappers, pens, and staples everywhere.

After the coming up empty on the first two drawers, when I opened the third one, there was a file labeled urgent. This looked promising. I took it out and sat on the giant executive chair. Opening the file, there were dozens of reports that had 'rogue issue' at the top.

I carefully read through the files. Each one followed the same pattern. The pack would notice one or two rogues circling the perimeter of the pack, then a week later, the number triples, and the rogues would weave in and out of the boundaries. A week after that, the number would triple again and they would get more daring.

The more I read the more it sounded like a game of cat and mouse. Like they were testing for something but what? Why were they doing this? The reports went on to ask Jonathan for aid stating the growing number of rogues was a clear threat and the packs wanted to prepare for an attack.

Putting the papers back in the file, and back in the drawer, I sat there for a few moments letting it all sink in. The rogues were obviously planning something but what? From my knowledge, rogues didn't plan for much of anything. They weren't organized and weren't even capable of forming packs. Rogues tend to be lone wolves who were more animal than people.

It was clear someone was behind all of this but who. Who could control and make this many rogues work together? Maybe there is something that we are missing. I know Jonathan was concerned about sending out our warriors but what if our warriors could be the one thing standing between safety, and destruction for these packs? If that was the case though, wouldn't it truly be dangerous for our warriors to leave the pack grounds?

I sighed heavily as my head began to hurt. Denise came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yeah... But I don't know if it makes me feel better, or worse."

"Sometimes, the things that make us feel worse, are the things that we needed, or need to do."

I smiled slightly at her. She was right of course. There was something we needed to do and I had just the plan. Now if only I could get Jonathan to talk to me about this then we can get through this together. Denise and I made our way back to the party as quickly as we could. We had already been gone too long and I know Jonathan and Charlie will have questions.

When we opened the double doors, it seemed like the party was in full swing still. How much longer did I have to be around people? Looking through the crowd, I saw Jonathan and Charlie toward the center, speaking to what looked like a rustic-looking man. They were completely immersed in their conversation that Jonathan didn’t even notice me come up to him. The rustic-looking guy had noticed me first.

“My Queen,” He said as he bowed “Congratulations and I swear loyalty to you and the baby.”

I gave him a tight-lipped smile. Why does everyone want to plead loyalty to an unborn baby?

“My love! This is Roy. He is Alpha of the Eclipse pack. He’s a good friend and ally.”

Jonathan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into an embrace. I sighed quietly, feeling better already. There’s nothing like being in the arms of the one you love. All the anxiety that had been building up inside me was starting to dissipate. I hurried my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. Strawberries and lemons.

I wanted to stay this way forever, but I had a party to be a part of. Reluctantly, I pulled away from Jonathan’s chest and smiled at Roy. We continued with small talk and of him telling me more about his pack. Apparently, the Eclipse pack breeds warriors. After a kid turns twelve, they do basic training. When they come of age and gain their wolf, they are all subjected to warrior training. Every pack member is a certified weapon basically.

That led me to an idea.

“Roy, I would be very interested to see your training regimen. Maybe we could learn something and even share what knowledge we have.”

Roy’s eyes lit up. He had a strange eye color that had green and looked like flecks of gold. But maybe it was just hazel. He towered over Jonathan slightly and his skin was the color of copper and his hair was tight coils that he kept close-cropped. I don’t know if it was just me, but I could’ve sworn he had slight fangs that poked out of his plumped lips.

“I would be honored to have you come to my pack. Maybe a warrior would interest you as a bodyguard.”

I chuckled at that and was about to decline that offer but Jonathan beat me to it.

"That’s a great idea, Roy! To have a warrior of your pack guarding my mate would put me at ease since she refuses to have one of our own do it.”

I pouted but I know there was no use in trying to argue it. Jonathan keeps pushing the issue but I don’t want to burden any of our members with ‘protecting’ me. I felt like I could protect myself. I had Onyx. Though she had been quiet lately. I made a mental note to try to figure out what that was about later.

For now, I would just deal with it.

“That does sound great Roy,” I said with sarcasm seeping through. Maybe I could talk him out of the whole guard thing later. “We will have to coordinate when we will be able to go.”

“Of course, your highness. I’ll be staying here for another day, so maybe we can discuss this tomorrow.”

I nodded in agreement. If I could go there and observe the training habits, then I could bring that skill here. Not to mention it would give me a chance to look at our fighting ability and if it will be enough to fight off these rogues. If there was a chance the rogues were forming an army, then we needed to form one too. Seeing how other packs train and fight will help decide how we train everyone.

Feeling a bit more confident and determined, the rest of the party went by smoothly. I was able to chat and mingle with everyone and of course, accept oaths of loyalty. It was nice, but I was ecstatic when everyone started leaving. Some of the Alpha’s and Luna’s stayed in guest rooms in the packhouse, others started traveling back to their packs.

I was happy to have the quiet, or relative quiet of my own pack. Jonathan and I made our way back to our room after biding his parents good night. I was feeling a little anxious about the whole situation. This was my chance to talk to Jonathan. But how do I bring it up? I don’t want to lie… But I also don’t want him to find out I was sneaking around. I know that makes me a shitty person at the moment. Sighing heavily, I knew what I had to do. I love Jonathan, with all my heart. I want to be a good partner.

When we made it to the room, I set my crown down on our dresser as I prepared myself for what I was about to do. Jonathan wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my mark. I bit my lip holding back a moan. I had to stay focused.

“Love… I have to tell you something.” I said to him as I turned around to see his face. He c****d an eyebrow at me but remained quiet. I held his hands in mine and pulled him closer to the bed. Sitting us both down, I chewed on my bottom lip as I tried to think about how to bring this up. I honestly wasn’t sure how he would take it.

“Is there something wrong with the baby? Did something happen?”

The worry on his face made me feel even more guilty than I already did. I shook my head and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Whatever it is love, we can work it out. Just talk to me.”

Taking one last deep breath, I looked into his eyes knowing I couldn’t hide from this.

“I did something that I shouldn’t have… I went into your office and went through your reports during the party…” I figured it was best to rip it off like a bandaid. Jonathan stood quiet for some time searching for something in my face.

“Ok. I appreciate you being honest with me… Can I ask why so I can determine my reaction to this?” Goddess, I love this man. I nodded, eager to fix this.

“I know you were keeping things from me about the rogue problem. What that Elder said… It got into my head. I felt like if I asked you about it, you would’ve dodged the question or not been fully honest with me. I wanted to get a clear picture of what was going on. I wanted to help.”

Jonathan nodded and looked down at our hands intertwined. His thumbs were rubbing my palms as the quietness grew. It felt like years were passing as he didn’t say a word. After what felt like centuries, Jonathan looked up at me, a tinge of hurt in his eyes. My heart plummeted.

“Thank you for telling me… I’m… Conflicted about how I feel right now. I’m hurt and angry you did something behind my back instead of just coming to me about it. You did something sneaky when you should be able to trust me to talk about these issues. On the other hand, I feel saddened and ashamed of myself. You’re my mate, but I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. That you couldn’t trust me to be honest with you. Not to mention, I truly don’t know if I would’ve been completely honest.”

I didn’t deserve this man. I did something wrong and here he is, blaming himself. I didn’t want this. I wanted him to yell at me. To be angry at me for doing something wrong. I wanted him to storm off and tell me what a horrible mate I was being. His kindness, hurt more than yelling would’ve. Apart of me wanted to lash out at him, to make him react that way, but I knew it wasn’t healthy.

“I’m sorry Jonathan. I just… Wanted to know.”

“I know love. I just… Wish you would’ve come to me, trusted in me enough where we could’ve talked about it. I still don’t know how I would’ve responded, but I wish you would’ve given me that chance… I forgive you for what you did. I understand your reasoning. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me.”

I couldn’t take this anymore. Tears started streaming down my face. “No please, please Jonathan don’t blame yourself. It was me, I was in the wrong. I should’ve come to you. I’m so, so sorry.”

I was starting to sob and Jonathan pulled me into his arms and laid us back. He rubbed my back and whispered reassurance into my ear. “It’s ok love.” “Don’t cry, I understand.” “It’s ok, we are ok.” Even with my little experience with relationships, I have never experienced something like this. I have never felt so safe and secure as I do with Jonathan. Even now, where I was clearly in the wrong, he was talking to me about it. He was understanding and caring.

The Goddess blessed me with the best mate possible.