Because I Want To

Chapter 5

The warm bubbling waters of the Jacuzzi soothed my aching arms and legs. I hadn't realized how much of a workout just spinning around a freaking pole was going to be. I laid my head against the back of the tub and allowed the jets to do their glorious work. Even though I had been pole-dancing for a few days now, the sore muscles and aches hadn't relaxed yet.

“That was awesome!" Bethany cheered as she bounced into the room.

“I hate you, Satan," I told her weakly.

“I know. But you had fun, didn't you?" she asked as she slid in next to me.

I grunted but didn't say anything. There was no way in hell I was going to tell her that I had loved it. The dancing and the spinning and… everything. When I was dancing, I felt sexy, seductive, and oh so naughty. It was a combination of everything I wasn't in everyday life. When that music was blaring, I could finally tune out my mother's stern voice that would tell me to be a good girl not a w***e like the woman my father left us for.

Speaking of which, I needed to call my mother I have not talked to her in… I began to count the days in my head.

“What day is it?" I asked.

“It's um… Friday."

“Crap!" I spat and thumped my head back down on the tile.

“What's up?"

“Tomorrow I have to go to Trev's," I told her morosely.

“Lizzie's brother?" she asked.

Something about her tone had me glancing over. Her eyes were dark with emotion, and I knew she was still feeling guilt over what had happened to Lizzie.

“Yes," I said watching her reaction.

“Has he mentioned how she's doing?"

She was trying to sound so nonchalant about it, she even played with the little bubbles that had popped up on the surface. Trying to act as if the answer to her question didn't really matter to her.

But I knew better.

She had beaten herself up over this time and time again. I just wished there was some way to get it through her thick skull that it was not her fault. Yes, that crazy woman had tricked her into giving out Lizzie's address. But how was she to know the woman hadn't really been Jack's sister; or that the conniving b***h had plans to go kill Lizzie so she could have her Masters? The insane woman was hell-bent on getting Jack and Jordan back and in her twisted mind, she thought Lizzie had cast a spell on them.

In the end, however, it had all worked out. Lizzie had lived and the crazy woman had been put back in the institution where she belonged.

But no matter how many times everyone had told Bethany that, she was still wracked with guilt.

I put my hand on top of hers and waited until she looked at me.

“Bethany, it's okay to be worried about her. She doesn't blame you at all for what happened, no one does. That woman was insane and tricky. Anyone else would have made the same mistake. Stop beating yourself up over this and go see her," I urged her.

She stayed quiet and just nodded but did not say anything else. I heard the door to the locker room open and I knew my moment of relaxation had ended. I squeezed her hand and got out, leaving her to her own thoughts since I knew the only person who could convince her that we were right, was her. Maybe Lizzie was right, maybe Bethany needed a good punishment to make up for it. I was not one for punishment especially since I rarely had stepped out of line enough to need it at the club. But at this point, I didn't know what else to do.

The numbers on the page kept becoming jumbled and unreadable. I could not push aside the fact that I would be seeing Trev again tomorrow. The kiss last weekend had tilted my whole world on its axis. Even now whenever the memory came to mind, which was often, my lips would tingle and my stomach would clench in arousal. I did not want to pretend like it had not happened. But it was either that or pretend that I didn't care or that I didn't want it to happen again, often.

I sighed and pushed the paperwork unable to concentrate on them anyway. Sitting back in the office chair I stared blankly up at the ceiling and let my mind wander back to the way it felt to have his lips on mine. I touch them trying to hold the feeling on them enjoying the first real kiss that had sent my blood boiling in my veins. It was depressing that it would not be happening again no matter what. Hopping into bed with a man like Trev was an unbelievably bad idea and I would be stupid to think of it any other way.

The chiming of my cell phone had me jumping then scrambling to find it on the desk.

“Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

“Vie?"

Speak of the devil. “Y-yes. Hi."

“Am I interrupting anything?" Trev asked slowly.

“What? No," I said confused.

“You just sound a bit… like you've been running or something," he commented.

Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and mentally slapped myself out of fantasy land.

“I'm sorry. The phone just startled me that is all. How are you? Is everything okay?" I finally responded, congratulating myself on how calm I sounded.

“I'm fine. I was just calling to let you know you don't have to come over tomorrow. I got a job so I should be good to go now. But I did wanna thank you for all of your help. You have been invaluable."

A sharp pain bloomed in my chest, and I reached my hand up to rub it trying desperately to ease it.

“So, you can handle it from here?" I asked softly.

It was startling to me how badly I wanted him to say no and that he needed me to come back. Smacking the whinny voice. I told myself that if I did not have to go see him, I would not have to worry about how awkward it'd be after the 'incident'.

“Yes, I can handle it from here. Not to mention if I need your help, I've got your number," Trev said teasingly.

“Right," I replied not knowing what else to say.

Thankfully, Bethany burst in at that moment, and a sense of relief wash over me as soon as I saw her.

“Ok, well I've gotta go. Good luck, Trev," I said quickly and hung up before he could say anything else.

“Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you," she said.

“It's okay. He was just letting me know he's got a job."

The intense searching look she gave me caused me to wiggle in my chair a bit. I grasped the papers I had pushed aside and stacked them back in front of me.

“Did you need something?" I finally asked unable to take any more of her scrutiny.

“Yeah, I need to go out for a bit. Just got a call from one of our suppliers and they need me to come by. I'll be back in a few hours, ok?" she said.

“Wait, which ones?" I said shuffling through the papers to find the list of suppliers I had started putting together.

When there was no answer back, I finally looked up and saw she was gone.

“Ugh!!!" I cried in frustration.

I raced out to the front area, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Damn it, Bethany!"

When Bethany came back, she looked victorious as if she had landed a big discount with whatever supplier she had gone to see.

“So, which one was it?" I asked.

Bethany shrugged nonchalantly. “It doesn't matter because I told them they weren't taking any more of my money for their shitty business."

I just shook my head and left it alone.