Cursed by Desire

Chapter 10: A Partial Lie of Omission

Ash’s POV:

Last night was weird. And by weird, I don’t mean your normal run-of-the-mill weirdness that happens to anyone. Or even normal paranormal weirdness. No, this weirdness was like something I’d never seen before. And it puzzled me as much as scared me. But I wasn’t scared for myself.

I was scared for her. The girl.

See, she’d come to me in another dream last night, but it was worse than before. It was like we had some sort of connection that I couldn’t explain but couldn’t deny either. We seemed to be inextricably linked to each other by some force I can’t rationalize or explain. Though what happened to her this time did more than scare me. This time it terrified me.

The vision came out of nowhere. One minute I was just lying on my bed thinking of nothing in particular and the next I blinked and was somehow transported mentally to where she was. She looks better, Storm thinks to me, his voice still tight with worry, mate looks better.

MATE? I ask, possibly louder than necessary since my wolf cowers away for a second. Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, Storm. I wait to see if he’ll respond but find that he’s slunk off to comfort a limping chestnut-brown wolf who’s glancing out into the darkness with a pained expression in a pair of sky-blue eyes that eerily mirror the girls. Hoping my wolf knows what he’s doing, I turn my attention back to the girl in the room and my heart stops.

She’s cowering in a corner and seems to be trying to protect herself from someone or something else that’s in the room with her. Holding her hands over her face, I can see long, thin, fine scratches covering most of her exposed skin. Angry red lines that have broken the skin enough to leave a mark but, thankfully, aren’t deep enough to draw blood. But she looks terrified. Like she’ll die of fear. And I can feel it. Her fear. It snakes around me like a constricting rope and makes it almost impossible to breathe. What was happening to her?

The question sits in my mind for a few seconds before the vision-dream changes and I get to see why. Why is she so afraid? More shadowy figures come into the image and I see her cower back further, her lips moving to form words like ‘please’, ‘stop’, and, incredulously, ‘sorry’ - for what? Why? She cowers into the corner and draws her knees into her chest, head resting on top of them, and it’s then that I realise that someone has torn out huge clumps of her hair, the raw wounds bleeding. Focusing on it, I feel a phantom prickling sensation over my own head and see when her hair starts to grow back - thankfully due to her Moonblood status. But then the real torture begins. And I’m forced to watch it all.

The beating. The attacks. Even the silver and wolfsbane used on her, which has her screaming. “NO! STOP! PLEASE!” Her wolf howls once, the sound full of so much anguish that I can almost see it as a tangible presence. “HELP!” She calls out once before clamping her hands over her mouth. Almost as if she’s done something she knows she shouldn’t have done. Someone with her says something but no matter how hard I try to find what it is, I just hear indistinct words. That and I can still feel her fear. “STOP! PLEASE!” She keeps yelling as I feel her bones snap, the silver cut into her and the deadly, seductive, caress of the wolfsbane on her skin.

The girl screams again, and I can feel the pain rising, having to force back a scream of my own. But the torture keeps on going. Beaten, bruised and bloody, she’s got several broken bones, and yet they still hold her down. Continue to attack her until she can’t even stay awake enough to fight back. Though I feel one of her pains - sharp and immediate - and it’s enough to rouse her that she starts screaming. High, shrill and blood-curdling screams that have me clamping my hands around my head to try and dislodge the psychic echoes it leaves behind. Although that scream is cut off when someone shoves a large bunch of wolfsbane down her throat, and she coughs, her eyes going wide.

Sorry, she keeps thinking, but I can feel that none of her assailants even care, they’re getting their kicks out of torturing her enough that when they pull her up she can’t even f*****g stand. But that’s still not the end. No, despite the silver, wolfsbane, beating and everything else they’ve done, I can tell her pain isn’t over. Not yet. They’re not done. Not done abusing her. They pull her up and lean her against something that I think is a disused table, the darkness being too much for me to make out details, and she slumps, her eyes closed. The feeling of the silver continues and I curl my hands into fists, breathing slowly to keep the black spots at the edge of my vision from consuming me. But then I see something that has Storm howling in indignation and horror.

Claws. Claws and fangs.

Each one shifts enough that those trademarks show, but I’m not prepared for the girl's reaction to it. She doesn’t scream with her mouth but with her mind. STOP! PLEASE! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I’m SORRY! She keeps yelling the words at them, but I can hear the resignation in her pleas. Almost as if she knows it’s no use trying. And it isn’t. Her captors continue to attack her, slashing her skin with their claws until she bleeds red all over, her pain-filled blue eyes being the one spot of alternative color by the time they’re done. But that’s not all they do. No. Not even close.

She eventually slumps against something I can’t see, but they keep going, their claws tearing into her skin with so much ferocity that I can feel a mirror pain when they s***h across muscles. But she doesn’t call out. Not once. But then the voices of the wolves attacking her become clear. You deserve this. You're the reason they’re all dead. You should have died with them. You deserve this. The voices continue, each word crueler than the last, and it hurts me to hear them. Though not as much as hearing her reaction.

I deserve this. I sense no conviction in her tone to believe anything other than that - almost as if she’s been conditioned to give the response. Again, the feeling of blacking out hits me, but somehow it doesn’t come. Not that it would have changed anything. She knows that much, and it saddens me immensely that she does. That this is her life. She admits to herself that there’s been no placation in the minds of the wolves attacking her and that she may die.. just as her wolf, Luna, predicted.

But that knowledge fills me with immense dread. A feeling so constricting that I can’t even think, let alone breathe, the phantom feeling of being half-alive suddenly swallowing me whole. Desperate to provide her with a tie to the living, I reach out to her, hoping that she’ll be able to hear me. No, you don’t. And I won’t let you die. I know it’s kinda selfish to tie her to a world that treats her this way, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s important - not just to me, to others as well. Please try and hold on.

I see her mentally gasp, recognising my voice from the river vision we’d shared the other day, and she uses it to detach from the situation happening to her. Who...who are you? She asks tentatively, her voice unsure. I give a low, strained, chuckle and see her recognise me as the same person from the river. It’s you! She seems so excited that I don’t respond for a few seconds until I find myself chuckling slightly, though I notice that it sounds a little happier than the tone I’d used before to get her attention. Who are you? She asks again, and I have to suppress a sigh. Wanting to tell her, yet scared at the same time.

Seeing that she’s waiting for me to respond, I chuckle again, the similarities between her and Rosa startling. Can’t tell you that yet, I whisper to her mind, seeing her frown at me before whining once, though I think that’s more in response to her pain than me denying her my identity. I sigh once, a slow sound. Soon, I promise her, seeing how she looks at me with a hopeful expression. Soon, I promise I’ll tell you who I am.

I see her about to ask me something before the two of us are pulled back to the horrific situation of barbaric torture happening to her. Someone yanks her, and she flops against them almost bonelessly from the prolonged torture. A sharp pain explodes in my left shoulder before Storm whines. Mate being hurt by old mate. Huh? Talk about confusion. I’m about to ask Storm what the f**k he means when he gives a wolfy sigh and explains in as level a tone as possible. We’re her True Mate. The one there will hurt and abuse mate, but he isn’t her true one destined by Lunae. We are. Well, that clarifies things. Somewhat.

Does he hurt her, Storm? I ask my wolf, but before he can respond, I feel the strange warmth spread through her, hearing her wolf shout ‘mate’ at her but in fear - so I guess that answers my question then. But then the voices start.

“f*****g hell, we need to get rid of that.” I don’t know who says it, since I’m not in the room and I can’t figure out who’s there. But the voice seemed nervous, panicked. “Help me get rid of it. It needs to go, no way am I mating that f****d up piece of s**t. She’s not even worth f*****g out of desperation.” More cruel words are swapped, but I know she can’t hear them, she’s too numb. Like she can’t hear the words. Or maybe she just doesn't want to. But I can hear them. I hear every word.

It’s not a formal rejection. Her wolf, Luna, attempts to console both her and me, but I know she’s as convinced as her human counterpart is as to what the outcome will be when they find out their first mate’s identity. Perhaps Lunae will be merciful and give you a Second Chance or True Mate. Again, Luna attempts to console her, but I get the sense that she can’t even hear her. The words from before have numbed the girl to all sensation. To all feelings both inside and out. But then the most horrific and inhumane torture comes. And it shocks me more than anything I’ve seen in my three-plus centuries of existence.

They each bit her, leaving their venoms in her system to wreak havoc on her healing, but that’s before a larger hand grabs her and yanks her away from the others, pulling her hair again. She moans once but wriggles with renewed vigor when she notices the hot branding iron. They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t. She keeps thinking, to reassure her wolf as much as herself, but I know she’s wrong. They will.

And they do.

Minutes after the mark heats up from the presence of none other than her mate, the hidden figure presses the smoldering branding iron down on her Mate Mark and she screams. Pain, as she’s never felt before, explodes through her and, thanks to our link, floods through me until I’m also screaming, the sounds being involuntarily torn out of me until I feel like I’ll go mad. Mad listening to her screams echoing in my mind. She claws at thin air as I feel a phantom sting that confirms that the iron’s gone deep enough to graze over her bones before they drop her and disappear along with the vision when someone shakes me.

“Ash?” Waking from the bad dream, I bolt upright, seeing Rosa, Mara, Chalice and Hunter all watching me with bemused expressions. “Ash?” It’s Mara who speaks to me, watching me from where she’s standing with Chalice. Near her, my brother and his girlfriend watch me with similar expressions, though I can’t get out of my mind the last words that passed between me and the mystery girl.

“Please. Just let me d-die.” The words loop around in my mind like a broken record, each replay cutting deeper than the last until Storm howls in anguish and retreats out of my head as much as he can just to avoid it.

But I don’t say that. I don’t say what happened to me, or what had happened before. “Bad dream” is all I reply, the lie of omission leaving a foul taste in my mouth. But the only other alternative would be to tell them the truth and I can’t do that. Not yet. Not until I’m sure.

Leila’s POV:

In the dream, I’m back in the forest clearing. The wolf from before stands in front of me and I can see the intelligence shining in its golden eyes. Eyes trap me effortlessly with the feeling that I’m trapped by a force stronger than mine. Like that of a butterfly pinned in a glass cage. But it doesn’t seem malicious - not like when the Pack corner me to torture me.

Not at all. This presence makes me feel safe. Loved. Like I could be worth something despite being reduced, mentally, to feeling like I don’t even matter more than a windblown leaf or scudding cloud dissipating across a blue sky. No, this person - wolf or whatever - their presence makes me feel like I could be worth something again when before I’d become convinced that I’d been worth nothing. Actually, less than that. I wasn’t even worth nothing. I was worth less than that if that’s even possible.

Leila. The voice slips into my mind and I follow it instantly, locating that it came from the majestic black and gold wolf standing in front of me. In my head, Luna’s fangirl yipping sounds again, and she races around in circles yelling MATE at the top of her lungs. Damned wolf. Leila, is that you?

Who are you? I shoot back, instantly distrustful of the voice in my head. A voice that laughs at me when they reach that thought. What’s so funny? I snap at them, hearing the laughter sound again like music to my ears. Captivating and bewitching me instantly.

You not trusting me when you rightly shouldn’t. The voice sounds sad, but I don’t believe it. I can’t believe them. You should Leila, I’m not good. I’m not good for you and knowing who I am will only put you in danger. The voice sounds pleading - almost like they need convincing as much as I do.

But who– the dream crashes down on me. Breaking like a mirror, so the shards settle around me and my unanswered, unfinished question.

“LELIA!” I’m awoken the next morning by the muted sounds of someone’s voice and being shaken. My music is still playing through my earbuds, the haunting lyrics echoing inside my mind as much as someone’s screams. “LEILA! WAKE UP!” There’s the voice again, it sounds worried. “LEILA, PLEASE!” They shake me again, this time hard enough to wake me.

“Ouch,” I mumble, feeling the incessant shaking stop when I speak. Pausing Teflon mid-song, I pull out my earbuds and look up at the figure shaking me. Ascelin. “Hey Lin, what’s wrong?” I start to stand, wincing when the pain registers with me - though it’s been lessened thanks to Lunae’s intervention. “What’s wrong?” I repeat when my elder brother remains silent - something uncharacteristic of him. “Lin?”

“What happened last night?” That is all he says, and I frown, not quite understanding what he’s asking. Ascelin sighs. “You said you wanted to see either me or Corbi, then you didn’t show up and we heard screams. Lei, what happened? Did someone hurt you?” He tried to reach for my arms, but I hid them behind my back, not wanting to anger him more. “Lei? Did someone hurt you? Is that why you won’t…”

“Not exactly,” I venture, deciding on a partial lie of omission over the truth. Ascelin frowns at me and I busy myself wrapping my earbuds around my phone before answering him. “I had been finishing up my chores from the last few days when I tripped and banged into someone in the hall. They pushed me away since I was in the way and I tripped down about 10 flights of stairs into the basement.” I hate lying, especially to my brother, but I can’t have him know the truth. Not since I know what he’d do if he knew the full extent of my torture and abuse. Seeing that he doesn’t believe me, I sigh again. “The scream was only once, and it was because I thought I’d seen something in the dark that scared me, the way the dark can do since…” I don’t finish, knowing that my brother’s both knew of my partial phobia of the dark and shadows since that night. Ascelin smiles slightly though his eyes don’t lose the concerned look. “That’s all I promise,” I lie, the words tasting rotten in my mouth, but I won’t tell the truth, not yet. Not until I can be sure he won’t do something crazy in the name of protecting me which would actually make it worse.

“If you’re sure Lei,” He pulls me into a gentle hug and I return it as carefully as possible, wondering why my subconscious, and Luna, had urged me not to speak of my encounter with Lunae, the vision of the somehow familiar stranger, and the fact that I’d had a mate mark and unmark me in the cruelest way possible all in the space of one night - or maybe I should say day since it looks to be… “Yeah, it’s past midnight, Lei. Corbi and Lux said they hadn’t seen you, so I said I’d go look to see where you’d fallen.” I sigh, and he ruffles my hair affectionately the way he used to do when I was younger. “Be careful with yourself Lei, you're special. To so many people,”

But apparently, not enough, Luna whispers to me and I smile sadly at her in my mind, seeing her return it like looking in a mirror. It will get better Lei, Luna confides in me, reminding me of what Lunae had let us witness the day before. It won’t be this bad forever. I smile at my wolf again before realising that my brother had been talking to me whilst we’d walked from Lunae knows where after I’d passed out, towards.. I'm actually not sure where we’re going.

“Where are we going?” I ask slowly, not recognising where I am even in the packhouse that, thanks to nearly seven years of being its slave, I know like the back of my hand. Ascelin smiles at me but doesn’t answer, instead leading me deeper into the packhouse using disused corridors until I seem to remember something about where we’re going. “Are we..”

I don’t get a chance to finish before my brother sweeps me into his arms and jumps. Nauseating vertigo enfolds me and I close my eyes, squeezing them shut as we descend into darkness. Absolute, total, darkness that obscures all light. But I find I’m not afraid. I can’t be afraid since I know Ascelin will protect me. No matter what. The fall seems to take forever yet be over in an instant. Something that makes me smile when we find solid ground, and he releases me, and we keep walking. Where was he taking me? Was it back to somewhere I’d believed had been ruined or lost years ago? Or somewhere else?

“You’ll see Lei-Lei,” Ascelin’s voice drifts back to me, a sigh registering when he uses Griffin’s old nickname for me when we’d been kids before he’d died. “It’s ok, no one knows we’re down here, you’re safe.” He reaches a hand back to me and I feel a small smile pull up one side of my mouth. But like with most smiles I’ve given these past six years, it feels forced. Like I’m pretending and not actually feeling it. “It’ll get better Leia,” Ascelin stops walking and waits, so I can catch up. But I just give another not really there smile that hurts me to maintain, his words echoing Luna’s from earlier. Luna’s and Lunae’s. “You’ll see, it’ll get better for you, this isn’t forever,”

We know that! Luna laughs mischievously, her blue eyes twinkling with laughter like a naughty imp. I’m a wolf, no faery. She complains using the standard wolf reference to Faeries. Faeries or Faerys; the word applies to the same creature - just depends on where you’re from and what you are. He doesn’t know, does he? Luna cackles and I find myself smiling at her with genuine warmth - something I can still do to my wolf, just not a human being (or supernatural creature either). Should we tell him? Or leave it as a surprise?

You tell me, I reply to her, still laughing behind my hand. Luna looks at me with a puzzled frown and I giggle again. You’re the one who made me lie by omission earlier and not mention the visions or Lunae’s visit. I laugh and Luna rolls her eyes at me. Why did you do that, by the way?

My wolf shrugs. It was a lie of omission and a partial one at that, so don’t be so annoying about this. And I don’t know why I did that - made you - just that something inside told me to keep it to ourselves and not mention it. To anyone. Ever. My wolf then fixes me with a scrutinizing gaze and I smile at her tentatively. You wouldn't tell, would you?

No. never. This isn’t a lie. I don’t know what prompted me and Luna to keep quiet about what happened to us that day - or the vision of the same stranger in the river - but I can’t deny the strong punch in the gut that accompanies the thought that I shouldn’t talk about it. At all. I won’t tell a soul, Luna, I know why you did what you did and I understand. I forgive you for being angry and misunderstanding. My wolf sighs and relents. Satisfied at my admission of guilt.

Keeping on following Ascelin, I smell my twin’s scent of evergreen trees and bay leaves before I see him standing in the darkness. Being half a foot taller, my head rests on his chest rather than his shoulder, but I accept the comforting embrace all the same. “s**t Lei, what happened to you?” I mumble a noncommittal response and see Lux standing in a doorway, watching us. “Ascelin, where did you find her?”

My brother frowns, watching me closely again until I feel like shivering under the alpha power he’s unintentionally using on me. “She says she bumped into someone who pushed her away and that she fell down ten flights of stairs, but I’m not sure that I believe her.” He sounds like he doesn’t, and I don’t like that since I don’t want to be forced to lie again.

“I don’t believe her either,” Corbin mutters, looking down at me with twin sky blue eyes that somehow look brighter than the muted, dulled, color of mine that I now can’t stand the sight of. “She looks like someone beat her, and badly as well.”

“Quit talking about me like I’m not here,” I mumble angrily, irked that they can’t talk to me themselves. But inside my head Luna’s whining softly, a sound that makes me wonder if speaking up was the right thing to do.